Closed No Excuses, Just Regrets

[Eloise Aster]

Eloise had never made many friends during her first few years at Hogwarts which meant there probably weren't many tears shed when she didn't step off the train back at school last year. She was confident anyone hardly batted an eye. Maybe they hadn't even noticed she had been gone. There had only been two people she had felt guilty towards after she had disappeared and made no attempt to contact them. June had been one of them, but judging from their reunion on the train she hadn't been particularly heartbroken by Eloise's year of absence. Or maybe that was just June. Maybe she had actually missed her but couldn't quite show it. Either way, that reunion had gone smoothly which meant she at least still had one friend here at school. And then there was Santiago. Eloise had seen him across the room during the sorting ceremony but hadn't gotten a chance to actually talk to him yet so she had decided to take action and send him a note asking him to meet her. She had picked a spot they had hung out at before in the hopes that it would make things a little easier and yet she couldn't help the nervous feeling that this wasn't going to be as easy as it had been with June. If he even decided to come. There was always a chance he wouldn't. She'd just have to wait and see. Sitting down on one of the chairs Eloise let out a deep breath, staring at the door while the knot in her stomach grew tighter and tighter.

 

[Santiago Torres]

Santiago didn't have a lot of friends and he was fine with that. But it did mean losing a friend was felt heavily. It wasn't like him and Eloise were best friends but they were...friends, and when she suddenly disappeared he didn't know what to think. Did he blame himself or was it something that had nothing to do with him? So when he thought he saw her at the start of year feast he thought his mind was playing tricks on him. Then he got the note and his confusion only grew. He thought for a moment that this might be some kind of joke. But there was no one who would know that this would get to him. He doubted June looked away from her own reflection enough to notice that they had been friends.

He considered ignoring the note. Santiago wasn't sure how to feel about the whole thing. He was angry at her for leaving but he had missed her too. Not that he would admit that. She had been someone he had tried to open up to, and look what good that did him. Still, he found himself walking down the stairs hands deep in his pockets. He stood in front of the door to the abandoned classroom for a while. Trying to barely breath in case she could hear him. Eventually he took a deep breath and walked in. He stayed by the doorway and leaned against the wall. "So I'm assuming you're not a ghost." he said simply when he saw her waiting for him. "I don't they can write notes."

 

[Eloise Aster]

Eloise was starting to wonder whether this was a good idea. Part of had wanted to walk straight over to over towards the Gryffindor table during the feast but at that moment it had felt like a bad idea. She hadn't spoken to Santiago in over a year after all. Hadn't made any mention of where she was or that she'd be coming back. Surprising him in front of so many people could've easily gone sideways. Seeing him one on one might still end up going downhill, but at least there wouldn't be anyone around to witness it. Right now she wasn't even sure if he would come. She could hardly blame him if he didn't, unsure of what she would've done should the roles have been reversed. Eloise was abruptly woken up from her thoughts when a voice rang out, shifting her gaze back towards the doorway. She wasn't sure whether she was feeling relief, guilt or straight up nerves when she noticed Santiago there but whatever it was made her uncomfortable. Perhaps she deserved that though. "Last I checked I was still very much alive." She responded with a forced chuckle, certain her lousy attempt at being casual about this wasn't enough to cut the tension that she could feel in the air. "I can understand why you might've thought that though.."

 

[Santiago Torres]

Santiago had tried to be witty with his greeting. It was easier than bringing up any of the other things he wanted to talk about. But hearing her laugh, even forced, made him frown. He didn't feel funny right now. He felt like the walls he had so carefully build around himself had suddenly turned to sand and now he was racing against the clock as huge tidal waves came at him unrelentingly. He took a deep breath to steady himself. "You can understand." he repeated back to her dryly. "Well I'm glad you understand." he shook his head. What a stupid word. Well he didn't understand. His chest hurt. He hated this feeling and he couldn't shake it. He had worked so hard to always let things roll off of him. So he couldn't really be hurt if nothing stuck. But now it was like he had rolled on a cactus and he couldn't get it off. "Why did you even come back?" he asked, his voice sharp.

 

[Eloise Aster]

Eloise knew trying to be casual about her response had been a foolish thing to do and she grimaced when she noticed Santiago frown. With the way her parents had raised her nothing had ever felt casual and she should've known better than to try being like that now. Especially when there was so much at stake and she had now made herself feel like she was ruining it already. She looked at him as he spoke, suddenly feeling incredibly small at the sharpness of his voice. As if she had shrunk down to the size of something he could easily crush with his foot. Or more specifically: his words. "Because leaving was never my decision." She responded softly, trying her best to keep looking at him rather than look away and let her guilt take over. "If it was I would've never left without telling you." She added, before adding to it with the tiniest hint of determination. "No. I would've never left, period."

 

[Santiago Torres]

Santiago wasn't sure what kind of reaction he wanted from Eloise. Maybe he just wanted her to hurt like he did, and that thought alone made him feel even worse. On top of it all, he noticed the way she shrank away from him. He wanted to rewind time. Back to before he walked inside. Maybe even farther. Could he go back all the way and prevent himself from having to come to this dumb school in the first place? He kept his eyes on the ground as she spoke. When she said she never would have left without telling him, he felt something shift inside him. If she was telling the truth and she hadn't had a choice, they had more in common than not. It wasn't like he had a choice either. He chewed on the inside of his lip and the silence hang heavily between them. "I'm sorry." he said softly, with his head still down. "What I good friend I turned out to be." he added sarcastically.

 

[Eloise Aster]

Eloise still felt extremely small as she waites for some sort of response from Santiago. She wasn't sure if him knowing that leaving hadn't been her choice was going to make any sort of difference. For all she knew he could still hate her for leaving. Her face faltered when he suddenly apologised though. That wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't need to apologise. She was there to apologise. "What?" She questioned while she got up, her feet suddenly having a mind of their own as they brought her over to where he was leaning against the wall. "You don't have to apologise." Eloise offered gently. "You were a good friend, pretty much my only friend, and I disappeared on you for a year. I'm sorry. For whichever way that made you feel."

 

[Santiago Torres]

Santiago blinked and looked up when she seemed confused by his apology. What did he have to apologize for? He had come in here acting like a huge jerk, wanting to hurt her feelings when none of this had even been her fault. He should have known. He knew exactly what it was like to have to do things you didn't want to. But there was no way he could have known, and it was all so messy and he hated it. He was surprised when she came over to him and he shook his head. "I wasn't that good of a friend." he said reluctantly. "I didn't even care how you must have felt." he added softly. "I was just made and wanted to get back at you." he admitted and now looked up at the ceiling. It was hard to look at her directly. There was too much going on inside his head for him to focus. "Are you ok?"