Closed New Spaces

[Charlie Madison]

It wasn't like Charlie had ever expected life to go smoothly, but somehow it had always felt like after school things would just... get easier. There had always been a goal ahead, a purpose for everything. Hogwarts had been a chore at best and a painful struggle at worst, but it had all been for a reason. After graduation, Charlie was going to become an Auror. After working their entire life towards that goal, Charlie had somehow just expected it to happen. And then the application had started talking about training, and every breakdown Charlie had had struggling with what felt like an impossible amount of classwork at Hogwarts came rushing back at once.

At first, it had been a couple of months off. Some time with a therapist, unpacking the feelings of failure and inadequacy they had dealt with at Hogwarts. Then it had turned into a gap year, and Charlie had started picking up odd jobs to make ends meet. Then they had found a stable job doing carpentry, and the years had begun rolling into a routine. Now... after years of unpicking a lot of messy, painful feelings, Charlie finally felt ready for change. Ready to get life back on track, ready to start fresh and start taking steps.

But the first life step they were going to take had a lot more to do with an informational flyer that had sat crunched in the bottom of a pile of old textbooks for the past three years, pulled out to peruse far more times than Charlie would ever admit to. While at first they hadn't wanted to admit what was causing this strange fixation, it quickly became impossible to ignore. So, after slipping away to a few support groups and doing some more research in the muggle world away from anyone familiar, Charlie finally had a name for feelings that had sat deep in their heart for as long as they could remember. And the first step in taking control of their life back had to be acting on those feelings.

They had planned this carefully, picked a Saturday evening where neither of the pair of them was tired from work. They'd made an easy stew for dinner, eaten snuggled up on the sofa with Phoebe, the pair of them tucked warmly under a blanket. Charlie rested their shoulder on Phoebe's shoulder, trying not to let the nervous thudding of their heart stifle their voice. "Hey, I've been thinking about something important I wanna talk about with you." They said, voice soft, a small nervous waver making its way into the tone.

 

[Phoebe Holland]

Phoebe’s stew was getting cold because she was thinking, which distracted her from eating. It was nice to sit close with Charlie, and Phoebe felt relaxed sitting together like this, but her brain was occupied with her work. The Department of Mysteries never ceased to give her new challenges to work out, new things to try and new ways to use magic. She loved her work, though one downside was how she couldn’t share her achievements with anyone but her coworkers. A person she worked with often was Edmund Westwick, who never seemed suitably impressed. Though it was still fun to bother him with her ideas, especially when they were better than his. Phoebe had a small notebook next to her which she occasionally grabbed to scribble down ideas. She had done so three times already during dinner, which was the reason her stew was getting cold. It took her a moment to realize Charlie was speaking to her, and she had to force herself to put her notebook down to listen. Something in Charlie’s voice caught her attention before she really realized it. “What is it?” She asked after a moment, putting the notebook down and turning her attention on Charlie.

 

[Charlie Madison]

It was a relief when Phoebe set her notebook down and Charlie leaned more into her side slightly in response, tucking their head down gently against her. They knew Phoebe well enough to know the woman was perfectly capable of listening and planning at the same time, but for such an important conversation they were glad to have her full attention. Still, that meant talking, something Charlie had never been good at at the best of times, and they took a slow breath, trying to sort their feelings into words before speaking. "Okay, so I've, um... I've been thinking about this for a long time, and it's... I've never felt... like, um. Like, "girl" and "woman" have never felt... right. It's never felt like... me. And I've been doing some research, and I think I'm... I don't think I'm either. I think... no, I am. I'm nonbinary." Talking about feelings had never come easily to Charlie at the best of times, but if there was anyone they knew they could talk openly with, it was Phoebe. Still, this was easier with their head tucked firmly onto her shoulder, eyes nowhere near Phoebe's face while they processed what was coming out of their mouth. "And I think I wanna... start using different pronouns. They and them." They finished, only stumbling over the words slightly. "Is that... how is that?" They asked, still not quite able to bring themself to look at Phoebe. As much as they loved Phoebe, knew she would be supportive, this was still more open than Charlie had ever been with anyone before. It was a terrifying vulnerability, and all they could do was press close and try not to think about it.

 

[Phoebe Holland]

Phoebe knew that talking wasn't easy for Charlie, so she waited patiently and listened closely as they began. The moment she understood what Charlie was talking about, Phoebe grabbed their hand and made sure to focus only on them. This was clearly an important conversation, one they had been wanting to have for a while. "I see." Phoebe said, processing it for a moment. She understood why Charlie wasn't looking at her, though she wished they were. "Charlie, can you look at me please?" She asked after a moment. "Of course that's fine. There's nothing else to really say. If that's who you are and that's what you want... then that's what will happen." She said, shrugging slightly. "I might slip up once or twice while I get used to it, but of course it's okay." She nudged Charlie, hoping to get them to look up. "C'mon, did you expect me to say anything else?"

 

[Charlie Madison]

Openness had never come easily to Charlie, and they knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the most open they had ever been with anyone. It was terrifying, and when Phoebe asked them to look at her, their first instinct was instead to bolt. To just... run away, and never stop running. But this was Phoebe, and if there was anyone Charlie trusted, it was her. So they raised their head, feeling even as they did that their usual stoic mask wasn't working, the fear clear on their face. It was all they could do to stay still and listen as Phoebe spoke, relief only really washing over them as she made a joke. Charlie let out a short laugh before cupping Phoebe's cheeks in their hands, overwhelmed by the need to kiss her. And they did, pressing their lips to Phoebe's in an exuberant rush of relief. "Thank you." They mumbled as they moved back, unable to stop smiling. "I... you know what I'm like." They added with a small laugh. "This was... really hard. But... thank you. I love you..."

 

[Phoebe Holland]

Phoebe reached up to stroke Charlie's hair back as they kissed her. It was clearly a relief for them to say it out loud, and Phoebe felt proud of them for opening up. "I do know you." She said softly. "But you know me too, right?" She asked, nudging Charlie slightly. It was cute to see them smile so much, and she laughed. "I love you too." She said softly. "If anyone else gives you sh*t about this, though, tell me. I've been dying to try out a few new hexes." She said, grinning.

 

[Charlie Madison]

Charlie's smile softened as Phoebe pointed out that they knew her as well. Of course they did. Phoebe was a gift, such a special, perfect person, and Charlie felt all at once fit to burst with love and gratitude that she was in their life. It was all too much emotion to express out loud and so they simply kissed her again, trying to express all the love and gratitude in the world in one kiss. They pulled back after a while, laughing slightly at Phoebe's threat. "I'll keep you posted." They smiled, cuddling close.