My Hand is Heavy

Orwell Brocken

Eco-Anarchist & Activist
 
Messages
793
OOC First Name
Emzies
Blood Status
Mixed Blood
Relationship Status
Interested in Somebody
Sexual Orientation
Destroying Capitalism
Wand
Knotted 14" Sturdy Pear Wand with Unicorn Hair Core
Age
12/2024 (37)
There were some things in the young Ravenclaw's life that had always seemed like certainties. One of those certainties was living in the community, another was being out of education really by about fourteen years old and the last was an unwavering ability to be brave in the face of new and unknown things. However, those three certainties had vanished for little Orwell Kitchen Brocken. Orwell had applied to go to Hogwarts and much to his surprise he had then been accepted, although it was a good thing, it did tear him away from all that he had ever been certain of, from all of his life's certainties. It had been the most incredible and glorious day, waking up to find an owl perched beside him with that little letter with the words he'd been wishing for, you have been accepted. He had been overjoyed at it, Orwell had been absolutely ecstatic. He'd told everyone: his parents, his friends, the people he was learning under, the animals, hell, he'd even told the plants. The boy had been absolutely, completely unable to stop himself. Following being accepted he'd also promptly sent a letter to Archie telling him as much, his friend was the one who'd really persuaded him to even think about applying. Orwell was looking forward to seeing his as-of-right-now only friend at Hogwarts. Now, here he currently was at Hogwarts getting ready for his first ever day of real, honest to goodness structured professor led classes. Receiving a timetable and realising that he had no choice but to be up at an early time for classes was an unpleasant shock to his system.

Under the guidance of others in his community, school had started whenever, featured a lot of self teaching and didn't really have a real curriculum. He learnt a lot, they had had some of the prescribed school books, but it had been left up to him to learn the coursework which Orwell had thoroughly enjoyed and thrived with. This Hogwarts system he knew differed from that extensively. The people who taught the children in his community were excellent guides, they encouraged students to learn at their own pace but he'd never sat an exam in his still short life. Packing for Hogwarts had been hard it was more than just a process of throwing in all he owned and that being it done. Aside from a pair of shoes, one jumper and his wand he didn't technically own anything. As a community they had given Kitchen enough to get him by clothes wise, a whole mound of mostly political books and of course an eco-anarchist flag to take with him so he wouldn't forget them or their values as he ventured out. The flag was currently draped over his duvet at the foot of his four-poster bed and besides keeping the foot of his bed warm he had also taken to using it very much how a person would use a blanket, wrapping it around himself in the earliness of morning. That very morning the boy opened his eyes startled awake by a strange and unfamiliar noise he'd never heard before and realising fairly quickly that the noise was coming from his alarm clock. God, he hated it already, it was such a horrible and unnecessarily shrill noise, it took all his might to not smash it. The white of his eyes were red from a lack of sleep, dark shadows underneath his eyes, he'd just been so nervous so afraid that sleep had taken forever to come to him. Now, in the soft light of morning his mind could only curse colourfully at the ungodly early time and the horribly soul-destroying noise of his brand new alarm. Orwell loved mornings normally but that was when he woke up naturally at that time, not when an alarm cloak forced him and his body awake. However, incredibly sluggishly the boy began getting ready since he didn't have the time to sleep any longer unlike back home he had places he needed to be.

After fighting briefly with his ravenclaw tie Orwell had decided after a bout of swear words that he just couldn't tie it and so just wore the tie around his neck rather than properly.The rest of Orwell's Ravenclaw uniform was quickly thrown on and worn in an equally lazily fashion, though no more fighting had occurred with the rest of the uniform. The teen didn't particularly see the point of wearing a uniform at all, it just seemed to him to just be a really pointless and unnecessary way of just making everyone look the same. He liked being an individual, he liked expressing himself that was made pretty obvious by the fact his hair was at that moment in time a light greenish-blue colour. The teen grabbed his old second-hand backpack and began placing the different things that he would supposedly need into it. The teen easily swung his bag onto his back when finally he was ready to leave tightening the straps. The weight of it on his shoulders and back felt very strange and incredibly unwelcome, he wasn't used to any of this and he definitely was not a fan of it, not of the weight or the early mornings. Perhaps he may need the books he was carrying while in class that was why he was carrying them but surely the professors would have the books in class rather than making students lug them around all day every day. Undue stress on students and their backs. His mind couldn't help but think about the welfare of the smaller or possibly less able students, did they also have to carry the same weight he was carrying? He figured that the head of Ravenclaw house would be the one to talk about to about these concerns he had, in his mind it would be really unfair of the school to ask that of all the students regardless of the student's capabilities.

With that on his mind his stomach decided to change the direction of his morning and rumbled loudly, reminding him that he should grab something to eat before heading to class. Kitchen's mood perked up upon that thought, food. He felt far less concerned about the unnatural weight on his back with the thought of delicious food on his mind, and with that thought bounded out the dorm and towards the Great Hall. He was frustrated mostly due to tiredness that Ravenclaw tower was just so far from the Great Hall, he was a perfectly healthy and able boy but all of those steps at this time of the morning did not appeal to him in the slightest. Though even now, when he had places to be at certain and specific times Brock still did not see the point of running or rushing, he would reach the hall only slightly sooner and way more tired. Eventually the teen made it to the Great Hall, it was a room far larger than any Orwell had ever seen in the entirety of his existence. Though, as it turned out most of the rooms in the castle were larger than Orwell had ever seen before, Orwell had a fairly low bar for what constituted as larger. His home was made of wood and magic. It was small, simply decorated and was really only used for the purposes of quiet reading or sleeping. The rooms for his old school were open air and small, the kitchen and eating area by far the largest areas with buildings in his community and yet none of that stood up to this. Orwell glanced at the four largely full tables he knew that his house, Ravenclaw, had a table that Ravenclaw's were supposed to sit at, but the teen wasn't going to sit there. Orwell thought it was silly being told he was supposed to only sit at the table with others in his house and even more to that to have to sit with people that because he was a new transfer that he didn't know, there was only one person he was interested in sitting with that very morning, and that person was unfortunately not a Ravenclaw.

Spotting his friend easily, Orwell made his way over ignorant of the slight glances thrown his way. Over his shirt and tie, instead of wearing the school supplied jumper he wore the jumper that Archie had given him. A possession he treasured a lot. Without even so much as asking if he may sit down, Orwell just sat down next to his friend with a heavy and elongated sigh. Shrugging the bag off his back until it fell onto the floor with a resounding thud. "Its way too early, Archie. How do you manage this every morning? I feel horrible. Stupid education system forcing me out of bed so stupidly early" he whined slightly, he was incredibly tired and was really not enjoying being forced awake this early or the thought of having class. He sighed slightly and then leaned his head on Archie's shoulder. "Too early" he muttered, his voice rough a clear indication of the tiredness he currently felt.

I did not mean to make it so long dude, like I got carried away. Like wtf. I don't get it. I got distracted and suddenly booom huge in length. The next ones, I swear will be shorter.
 
Archie half awoke for another school morning and rolled out of bed, dazed and dreary as he threw on his uniform and stumbled tiredly towards the great hall so he could rely on breakfast to fully rouse him from his slumber instead of relying on his body to wake by itself. The previous night he had been captured by the idea of exploring the forbidden forest and as a consequence made the decision to go to bed late, which was something he definitely regretted when he realized he had yet to fully gain control of his limbs and almost caused a scene by tripping over one of the benches legs as he sat to the Gryffindor table. Luckily everyone else in the hall seemed too caught up in their own half-asleep state caused by the early morning to notice. The atmosphere of the great hall on a school morning was quiet for the most part as the majority of teenagers hated mornings and on this particular day, Archie was thankful nobody had paid attention to him or rather his clumsy moment he knew would be forgotten about. He cuddled up in his robes in an attempt to keep warm before lifting a plate from the table and covering it in as much food as it would hold while alternately picking up a knife and fork so he could begin his mission of eating all the food in one sitting. He stuffed his face with one forkful after the other and by the time he felt a familiar presence by his side the plate was nearly empty and his stomach felt full to the brim. Though he still had yet to fully wake up and it was this fact that bothered him though knowing Orwell was next to him in a mutual state of tiredness caused him to forget his bother entirely or at least made it seem like it wasn't so bad.

"Hmm?" Archie responded as he rested his head on Orwell's while continuing to eat like the warmth by his side hadn't already brightened his day. Orwell being at the same school and wasting the same amount of time in classes as he did was a thought he had yet to wrap his head around however he was ecstatic knowing they could now be true partners in crime that weren't limited to sending letters over a great distance. For the next four years it would be the two of them against the world which would have seemed like a bad thing to anyone else, but to Archie it was all he could have wished for after missing his friend every second of every day when they weren't by each others sides. Already the morning chill and tiredness he had tried to rid his mind of was gone knowing Orwell was here and it was on this note that Archie finally turned from his plate and to his newly transferred Ravenclaw friend. "I don't manage it. Mornings are the worst and I wish they didn't exist. But you'll get used to it, I Promise." He mused before noticing Orwell's tie that instead of being tied and following the uniform rules was lazily draped around his neck and stood out like a sore thumb. Without as much as a warning he reached for the tie and tugged it closer so he could begin to knot it properly. "Come here. Let me fix your tie." The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to get in trouble on the first day, especially for something as trivial as a tie. He had a feeling Orwell didn't care about the concept of a uniform in the first place and would rather protest against them in a fight for individuality though it was a bit ambitious for the first day of the year and Archie believed that playing along with the rules was customary, or at least it was in the beginning. "There you go." Archie tucked the now neat looking tie into Orwell's sweater that he remembered from the first time they met which caused him to smile as he turned back to his nearly empty plate. The sweater was also against the rules but Archie didn't have the heart and the sweater itself held too much sentimental value for him so ask his friend change out of the item of clothing since it had brought them together in the first place.

"Eat something, silly." He changed the subject and leaned over his plate to grab an apple from one of the fruit bowls and place it on the table in front of Orwell. "That's vegetarian, right?" With a laugh he turned away from his friend and tucked into his third piece of toast to try and continue eating the remainders of food on his plate like nothing had happened but it was impossible for Archie to wipe the smile that appeared from seeing Orwell's sweater from his face.
 
The assault on his nose of the morning breakfast food which was all around him was making the teen feel ever so slightly nauseous, he could feel his stomach actively revolting in a way that he had never experienced before in the teen's still short life. Orwell's body felt heavy and he just felt horrible, the smell was just making things worse. It was a horrible feeling within him and the smell of the food was doing nothing to help him or his current mood, he wanted to crawl back into his bed and wait till he was ready to get up, till he was ready to face the day. He wanted to sit outside in the fresh morning air and let any breeze help him rest remind him of the comfort of home. Being inside so much made him feel abnormal, it just wasn't fun in any way for him currently perhaps this school thing had been a mistake. His body didn't like how he currently felt and nor did the boy himself. It was a strange thing, he wondered if everyone else in the hall felt as bad as he did and if so why they kept doing it. If he had learned anything from the people in his community it was that if something didn't feel good then it would be time to reevaluate and reconsider it. If he and others felt bad surely it was time to stop such things from happening, to considering having classes start a fraction of the time later. He sighed heavily with his head rested on Archie's shoulder, he wanted to just linger like that until they had to move, feeling like this closeness with his friend was safety and comfort in his new and un-comforting environment. Orwell would likely not have applied to the school had Archie not been there, as much as the teen had desired to go to a real, honest to god school, without knowing someone he wouldn't have been as interested. Orwell did not think of himself as brave as he knew his Gryffindor friend was. He sat up slightly, staring tiredly at Archie, rubbing his eyes slightly and stifling a yawn trying to keep his attention on his friend. Tears sprung into his eyes from both the tiredness and the yawn, he brushed them away with the sleeve of his jumper, "I don't want to get used to it, I want to sleep. I want to not be woken up by an alarm where the noise resembles a screaming banshee," he had been about to place his head back on Archie's shoulder but was interrupted as Archie appeared to reach out for his tie. Too tired to bother to stop him, Orwell just let him fix the tie.

"I tried, couldn't figure out how to make it look like yours does. Thought just having it on would serve the same purpose as tying it," he muttered quietly watching his friend do a complicated thing his mind hadn't yet figured out. His eyes focused tiredly on trying to remember the movements that he was making so that Orwell wouldn't need Archie to tie his tie every morning. The uniform in Orwell's mind was a pointless thing, why did they need it, other than to perhaps be able to spot Hogwarts kids from non-hogwarts kids which would be difficult considering this was a boarding school, or to be able to hide inequalities between students and their wealth. After all, even though Orwell was a new student it was clear his uniform was second hand and that he didn't come from a well off family. The shirt he wore had been repaired countless times by magic and on occasion by hand. Which was why he thought the uniforms were pretty pointless and in his mind it was just a way of making people blend in with each other. Not that Orwell could really do that with the current colour of his hair. His eyes glanced up as Archie tucked in the tie back into the sweater, a thankful smile graced Orwell's tired face, "Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he does good not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it," Orwell quoted with ease as his way of say thank you for Archie's small act of kindness towards him, since his friend could've just as easily left him without having done the tie. Though he was clearly tired somethings he remembered with ease even through the exhaustion. His attention was then turned back towards the food currently at the Gryffindor table, his stomach was desperate for food but the smell of it was still making Orwell feel pretty queasy, "But I don't feel good," he whined slightly at Archie's statement. Orwell fully knew he had to eat, but he didn't feel like he could. As an apple was placed in the plate in front of him he just smiled slightly at both it and his friend, "Apples are vegetarian," he nodded before taking a small tentative bite of it letting the juice of it fill his mouth as he slowly ate; eating slowly to be sure that his stomach wouldn't bring it back up, "Toast is also vegetarian," he told his friend motioning towards what he was eating, he couldn't help but look at the other food items on the table and noticed a box of something he did not recognise, he took it in his hands and looked at it with a curious expression. He noticed that it was calling itself cereal, Orwell's experience of cereal consisted of porridge with water, which Orwell really enjoyed, this to him wasn't cereal,

"Archie, what is this?" Orwell opened the box slightly and looked inside, his nose assaulted with a sweet smell that caused him to wrinkled his nose at, "Why does it smell like this?" He all but thrust the box at Archie while taking another, far larger bit of his apple feeling like his stomach would be able to handle it especially if his mind was distracted.
 
The bloated feeling in Archie's stomach and the dulled, somewhat tired haze over his eyes told him that he was full. He could feel his body telling him to stop eating as he popped part of the toast into his mouth, so he reluctantly obeyed its wishes and placed his knife and fork down on his almost empty plate. Each day was another opportunity for excitement, to discover new areas of the school grounds or another of the many hidden passageways in the castle whose passwords Archie had yet to figure out and still barely scratched the surface of. Energy was something he needed, so filling his body up with as much food as it would allow no matter the time of day was a necessity he couldn't easily forget about. Though he tried to put that thought to the back of his mind as he half turned with the same unfaltered, wide smile on his face to focus on his best friend. Who seemed less than pleased or rather disgusted by the early morning in spite of Archie's attempt at encouraging him into being happy about waking up early. Archie had sympathy for his friend, because he was tired too. He was just sick of waiting for his best friend to be at his side, having done it all of last year. He waited patiently for a chance to interact with Brock, be it with each holiday or every owl, and now that Brock was here, the Gryffindor was yearning to get up to mischief and kill every hour of time he had to spare with each little idea he and his Ravenclaw friend could conjure. He refused to allow a small hurdle such as an early morning that started with an alarm akin to a screaming banshee to get in his way. He loved his green haired friend too much to let him waste their precious time at school together by falling asleep or complaining about anything apart from not having more time to spend with each other. Archie knew without a doubt, that with Orwell by his side, the next four years they shared in the castle's walls would be the best of his life. He just needed to provide his friend with a helping hand to crawl out of the rut that the early morning had put him in so they could finally begin their time as the terrible two.

Archie was about to open his mouth and provide his friend with more words of encouragement to help him out of the early morning furrow, though he only managed to chuckle instead when his friend winced at the smell of the cereal box. He didn't know if Brock had ever eaten cereal before but he wasn't about to ask after taking in his friend's reaction. "Calm down, Brock." He said as he grasped his hands around the box as it was shoved in his direction. "It's just cereal." He chuckled a second time and glanced into the box, his full stomach convincing him the cereal was gross, before he shook his head and returned the box to its place on the table. On any other day he would have tucked into the sweet smelling cereal though now that his stomach was actively refusing more food he had no choice but to put it back. Archie was growing impatient and slightly irritated by the feeling in his gut, so he moved one leg to the other side of the bench while placing his now free hands in front of him to face Orwell completely and give his friend the full amount of attention he deserved. "Can I help?" He asked though didn't expect an answer because if the tables were turned and Archie was the one complaining about being tired, he would be as clueless of how Brock could help as he was about any of the classes he was taking this year. There really wasn't a way for Archie to help that sprung into his mind or lingered of the tip of his tongue so he gave himself a moment to think while reaching to one side to grasp a hand around the fruit bowl, dragging it closer to Brock as a demand rather than an invitation to eat more food.

It was after Archie had a moment to think, that a light bulb went off in his head. His lips faded from a smile and into a grim, serious line which he tried to hold, however he couldn't stop his mouth from curving up at the edges. "Bro." He said in a voice barely above a whisper to capture Orwell's attention. "Hey bro." He repeated, shuffling an inch closer to his friend as he continued his attempts to stifle his smile and keep the serious expression on his face. His eyes met with Brock's in a moment of silence before he continued speaking like he was in the process of revealing a secret. Which was far from what he planned to do but he rolled with that vibe because it would give the same effect. "Your hand looks heavy." His gaze shot to Orwell's free hand before he reached forward with his own to intertwine his fingers with those of his friend. It was an attempt to comfort Brock, and bring him back to being his normal self so they could begin their day. "Let me hold it for you bro."

this is so lame. i am so lame. you get the picture!
 
Brock huffed slightly when Archie told him to calm down, the boy knew Archie was right but huffed nonetheless, because it was after all just cereal, Brock just held the box to his nose once more and sniffed it slightly, just to try to understand it better. He held it away from his nose the instant he'd caught another whiff of it and just huffed again, it was bad enough having to be up so early, but what these people called breakfast food was just beyond him. He had obviously heard of cereal before but he had never seen it in such a box, nor had he ever smelled food like that, "It smells bad, Archie, food shouldn't smell like that," he told his friend as if trying to advise him to not eat it, a tone of whining clear within his words. He put the box down, clearly realising that just staring at it and the ingredients list would do nothing to help him in calming down, he knew if anything it would just make him a whole load more angry. Angrier than he needed to be at this time of the day, in this hall, on his very first day of school. But, really Orwell was just nervous, his nervousness was blatant in the way he was holding himself, in the way he'd gotten annoyed at something so trivial which wouldn't have likely bothered him on any other day. Just today, he just had a sick feeling in his stomach and he didn't know what to expect from this day, he'd never been to school before. The boy rubbed his eyes and tried to wipe the sleep from them, he was trying to pay attention to Archie who had turned to face him slightly more but his tiredness and nervousness were winning this battle. Brock had no idea how to put into words the feelings he was currently going through. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to stop any of this, it was just all so new to him. All he could think was that how much he would enjoy being here with Archie, spending the day with him. Orwell still had the apple in his hand and when Archie dragged the fruit bowl towards him, Brock got the idea and began to slowly eat the apple, listening to his friend would be best. He let the apple's taste fill his mouth and allowed his body to at least attempt to calm. The food would help, it always helped, when he was feeling bad at home, he was given a little extra food, so maybe that principle had to be applied here too. He kept eating the apple, keeping his eyes down and just hoping that soon they'd be able to go to class and the feeling within the pit of his stomach would be gone.

Brock looked up at his friend when he began speaking, the boy wasn't sure why he was trying to get his attention, he just looked up as if expecting Archie to say what he wanted to say, to then utter whatever words he believed would help him here. Orwell was hoping for it to help him, he then heard the tiny whisper again and noticed that Archie was slightly closer to him, Brock thought nothing of it, but still was waiting for Archie to tell him or explain why he was grabbing his attention. The Ravenclaw's eyes met with Archie's blue ones as a moment of silence engulfed them both. Brock barely moved, he just sat staring at his friend, wondering why the silence was lasting as long as it was. He was curious to know what Archie wanted to tell him, and by the way he was being looked at Brock assumed it was serious. So, he was glad when Archie started speaking, saying that his hand looked heavy, Orwell just glanced down at his free hand a small frown appearing on his face. His hand didn't look particularly heavy really or so Brock thought and Brock would've said as much had his friend stayed silent, instead as he laced his hand with Orwell's and continued speaking, a grateful smile graced Brock's tired face, he didn't need any further invitation but squeezed the hand lightly, the most grateful of expressions lingering on his face. He felt his nerves diminish slowly, he felt the butterflies lessen. The boy knew that with his best friend by his side he would be fine in this huge and strange school. "Thanks Archie," he looked back up at his friend, clearly more settled, "I'm so nervous, what if no one likes me?" he asked him, Brock's voice barely above a whisper he was looking down at his hand as he said it, knowing that such trivial things back home would be met with a quote from Bakunin, or Kropotkin, something that would remind him that he didn't need to be liked to help the cause, "I know it's stupid, but, I can't stop this feeling," The boy was still whispering as he said this, he wanted Archie to just say it would alright and that he would be fine. He was tired, nervous and overwhelmed and for once in his life Orwell just needed a little reassurance.

I lost my line of thought somewhere within this, sorry bro.
 

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