Closed Maybe Not So Different

[Jingyi Huang]

Placeholder for Xinyi

 

[Xinyi Huang]

Xinyi knew he’d put this off a little bit, nervous to write to his brother. But he didn’t want to put it off forever. He missed Jingyi, terribly, and somehow he just knew his brother wouldn’t write first. So, after a few scrapped attempts, Xinyi finally managed to get something he was sure was mostly okay. He let out a soft sigh as he watched the owl fly away. He just hoped Jingyi would write him back.

Jingyi,


I’ve been placed in Gryffindor again. It’s… weird, not having you close. I know we didn’t exactly spend much time together anyway, but I always knew you were nearby. This Hogwarts is… basically the same, just with different ghosts, and everyone sounds weird.


How are you? How are classes? We still have the same books, so I’ve sent this weeks notes too- I know you struggle to pay attention sometimes. How is Xiuying? I’m not sure I like it here. It’s like… some weird mirror dimension where it all looks the same but its just different enough to be disconcerting. I want to go home over the break. Will you come home, too? It would be nice to see you.


Sincerely,

Xinyi

 

[Jingyi Huang]

Jingyi had been incredibly surprised when a letter from his brother landed in front of him during breakfast. He really hadn't thought that Xinyi would even want to write to him. What surprised him more was that even though they were miles apart and at different schools, Xinyi had still written notes for him. Jingyi had read over the letter what felt like 100 times before he finally tried to write out a response, but even then he didn't really know what to say.

Xinyi,

I'm surprised you were even sorted again. Wouldn't they have just put you in Gryffindor before you were a Gryffindor here as well? But I'm missing you a lot as well. It's strange not seeing you around the place or sitting next to you in classes. And I'm not the only person who missed you here as well. I met Rosie and she misses you, too.

I'm okay though, I guess. Classes are the same and pretty boring. But I told you that you don't need o to send me any notes, you should be worrying about your own lessons instead of worrying about me. I'll be fine. But how are you? Have you made friends? Is anyone picking on you? Please tell me, I want to know. I'm worried about you. And don't lie. Please. If you want to know how Xiuying is, shouldn't you write to her as well? She's fine, though. Busy with prefect stuff, probably. But yeah, I was probably going to go home for the break. I don't like the idea of staying at the castle by myself.

Jingyi

 

[Xinyi Huang]

Xinyi had already written out notes for his brother when the next letter arrived, so he decided to send them along anyway. He looked over Jingyi's letter, smiling softly to himself. Xinyi was almost hesitant, but in the end he sat down and wrote out a letter in return, attaching a drawing he'd done the day before of his brother, a black and white sketch of Jingyi staring out the window on a rainy day.

Jingyi,

You would think so, but I guess not. Maybe the hats are trying to prove each other wrong? They have to be bored, sitting around for most of the year. You... met Rosie? I- erm... that's good, she's... nice, she'll definitely be a good friend. Are you guys seeing each other more?

And I'm sending notes this time too. I am your big brother, after all, it's my job to look out for you. I worry about you, too. I know how you can be during lectures. I'm fine, Jingyi. I haven't made any friends but no one is bullying me either. Mostly kids just tend to leave me alone. I can't say I really mind, though I guess it is a little lonely. I'm still not sure why I was put in Gryffindor, I don't fit in with my roommates here any more than I did there. I've been sending her notes, she just seemed busy. I'll see you at home, then. Are your classes going okay?

Xinyi

 

[Jingyi Huang]

Jingyi was not so surprised to receive the second letter from his brother, but he was a little surprised by the drawing that came with it. It was... good. Surprisingly good, actually. He had no idea his brother was so good at drawing. It was better than anything Jingyi could have pulled off, anyway. He was not a very artistic person. The drawing ended up on his bedside table in the dorm room so he could occasionally look over at it.

Xinyi,

Do you think the hats even know each other? They live miles apart unless there is some kind of magical hat convention every year or something. We see each other a bit. She mostly just approached me because she missed you, I reckon. Guess I'm just a replacement until you get back or something.

I don't need your notes. Stop wasting time trying to help me and just focus on your own studies. You were always the smart one, you don't need me holding you back. Have you actually tried getting to know any of them? You won't make friends if you just spend all your time by yourself and don't try and reach out. I know that from experience. But I told you going to a new school was going to be a bad idea. You're going to come back here next year, right? Classes are fine, same as usual really. I'll see you at home during the break.

Jingyi
(PS: Thank you for the drawing. It's really good.)

 

[Xinyi Huang]

Xinyi was still feeling fairly raw after reading and replying to Rosie's letter, so he'd held on to his brothers letter for a few days before he sat down again to write a reply. It was hard for him, but he did his best, rewriting the letter several times before finally sending it out, uneasy.

Jingyi,

I miss her, too. She's important to me. And maybe the same people charmed them. How long does a charm last? Stop complaining, would you? I don't... It makes me feel useful to write out your notes. I don't need notes, I don't really care for any of my classes enough. But I care that you do well. I know classes bore you. And you don't hold me back, Jingyi. I always thought it was the other way around.

I know you think the transfer was a bad idea. But we needed some time apart. I've hated myself for years, Jingyi. I locked away my sketchbooks, tried to be someone... better, I guess. I spent a long time just trying to be worth being your brother. I've seen the way you would look at me, growing up, how angry with me you always were. I know you hated me growing up, hated that I was your brother. I've tried to be different, to be better for you. Things changed when we went to the school. You weren't so angry, but it- I still felt like you never saw me. Like I never mattered.

You are the most important person in all the world to me, Jingyi. Your opinion, your approval, it's everything to me. I just... I needed time on my own, to find myself. How could I expect you to know me if I don't even know myself? I'm not here to make friends... I'm only here to figure out who I am. Maybe... maybe if I can just figure out where I stand without you, I won't hurt so much. I just couldn't take it anymore, Jingyi, and I couldn't expect you to fix me. I need to do this.

I'll see you over break. I really miss you. Though part of me worries that being honest like this... will just make you hate me more. Even if Rosie says that honest communication is supposed to help.

Xinyi