Lost in thought...

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie thought about staying late after practice to get in a bit of extra time, but standing on the ground, broom in her hand, it didn't seem worth it. Despite all her practice over the holidays, she still hadn't managed to hit a single bludger when it counted. It was frustrating and disheartening, and nothing she did seemed to help. If she wasn't tense and worried about quidditch, she was tense and worried about everything that had happened over the holidays, and she hadn't been able to get any time with any of her friends to talk through her problems.

Dragging her broom behind her, she slumped over towards the changing rooms but paused at the benches, flopping into a seat and beginning to unbuckle her shinpads and bracers. Lizzie could feel her frustration and unsettledness showing in the clumsy way she fumbled with the buckles, scowling angrily at her quidditch gear. Nothing this year was working right anymore, everything she had looked forward to was falling apart. Lizzie couldn't help but blame that stupid boy at the cabin in winter. It was like he had cursed everything. Her whole year, ruined by an ugly boy she couldn't stop thinking about.

 

[Archie Renner]

The Gryffindor practice had gone well in Archie's mind, and he was optimistic the team would all play better during their next game. From what he saw from his place at the north hoops, everyone was participating equally and were motivated to become better individual players as well as an overall more co-ordinated team, and that was all the captain could have asked for. The only thing that didn't leave Archie in complete high spirits was the way one of the new beaters had greeted him before practice started. Lizzie Taylor was new to the team, and Archie was yet to know her as more than a beater, but from what he did know, she was usually an enthusiastic kid with a spring to her step. Her demeanor was very different that morning and it worried him because it was a practice and she was as enthusiastic as he usually was when playing quidditch in any form. This was the reason Archie sought out to find the girl after he returned the quidditch equipment to the shed and went to the changing rooms to remove some of his protective keeper gear, leaving him in his quidditch jersey and shorts.

He was lucky to have found her sitting on one of the benches near the changing rooms. It meant he didn't need to look too far nor ask anyone where she was and run the risk of drawing attention to how different she was acting. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival before sitting next to Lizzie on the bench. "You played great today." He said, leaning back against the wall behind him. Archie was somewhat at a loss of how to mention the way Lizzie was acting and his likewise concerns as he had never needed to deal with a situation like this before. But he knew he needed to speak to her and potentially figure out what was wrong as even he, a seventh year who knew nothing of Lizzie besides her name, house, quidditch position and her obvious bubbliness could tell there was something amiss by the way she was clumsily removing her gear, seemingly feeling frustrated.
​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie was so distracted struggling one-handed with her bracer buckles that she didn't realise the captain was close until he spoke. She jumped slightly, startled by his voice, and looked up quickly. It took her a moment to actually process what he had said, and a few more to try and figure out what he meant. Was it an admonishment, was he making fun of her? Lizzie didn't know the captain very well, but that didn't seem like him. "I... I'm sorry." She said eventually, looking down. "I know I keep overshooting... I've been practicing faster stops, but I guess it wasn't enough..." She sighed, fidgeting with the buckle more. "It's always been my weak spot, but I've never had so much trouble before. I think I'm just... distracted, but I'll keep working on it, I promise."

 

[Archie Renner]

Archie's eyebrows knitted with concern as Lizzie began to apologize. This reaction was not what he expected considering his words were genuine. He knew better than to waste his breath telling a fellow player that they weren't up to his definition of scratch. Especially when they were both new to the team, and clearly affected by something unrelated to quidditch. It would be counter productive as a captain to say anything that wasn't encouragement and even then, he had nothing bad to say about Lizzie. She was acting differently, but she was playing well considering how new she was to the team and she was always eager to improve. That translated to playing well in his mind.

Archie shook his head as she continued to speak, moving his gaze down to his hands that were resting on his knees. He chewed on his lip ring as he wondered how he should respond, opting to first console her about her playing. "The point of having practices is to improve, and I think you're working very hard to better yourself. So I do think you played great today Lizzie, even if you might not believe it." Archie then leant forward on the bench, resting his elbows on his knees and intertwining his hands together in front of him. "But, I also think that something might be bothering you. You were acting less like your usual energetic self today, and it's worrying me." He paused to clear his throat before continuing, hoping that he was doing the right thing. He then looked towards Lizzie and smiled as he said, "I'd like to let you know that you're always welcome to talk to me about anything, and whatever might be causing you to be 'distracted', alright?" ​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie hesitated, listening to Archie uncertainly. "But I didn't hit the bludger at all! I usually can, I promise, I've done loads of sports and dad and I play quidditch sometimes, I just suck all of a sudden..." She trailed off, looking away. "It's... I don't know... I'm sorry. I really want us to win... I'll try harder." Lizzie sighed, twisting the strap of her bracer between her fingers. She was terrified that her performance this year would be so terrible that she'd just wind up kicked off the team altogether, but she didn't want to bring it up, or seem like she was whining, or looking for praise she didn't deserve.

When the captain asked what was bothering her, Lizzie looked up at him for a moment, weighing her options. She didn't really know the older boy, but he must be pretty wise to be a captain and prefect, and... she'd heard some things about him that made her think he might actually be able to help with her problems. Lizzie didn't really know if she was ready to voice her worries yet, but she decided to take a chance. "It's um..." Lizzie faltered, trying to think of a way to ask the question she wanted to, eventually settling on just blurting it out. "Do you... um... you like... boys, right...?" She asked nervously, hoping he wasn't offended. "I mean, I just... I heard a rumour." She added quickly.

 

[Archie Renner]

Lizzie continued to assure him that her playing was not good enough despite his efforts to assure her that she was playing just fine. It caused Archie to chew on his lip ring again, uncertain if speaking to her was helping as it seemed to be more counter productive than productive. In the few issues he had faced that affected his playing during the years, his insecurities earlier on and the issues with his father more recently, he had ventured to speak to Professor Kingsley because it was much easier for him to open up to someone less involved in his life than Orwell or any of his other friends. He began to worry that this was not the case with Lizzie and that he was making her uncomfortable so he stayed silent, choosing instead to listen rather than reassure her that everything would be alright.

This tactic seemed to work as eventually Lizzie changed the subject from quidditch, to Archie's sexuality. The air around them and the nature of their conversation suddenly became all the more serious as he considered the reasoning behind such a question and if this was why Lizzie was acting so different during practices. Archie looked away momentarily, then returned his gaze to the younger Gryffindor. "I love boys, and I don't hide it. I'm totally gay. That rumor is a fact, so don't worry about it." He said. "Is this why you're distracted? Are you considering that you don't like boys?" The question held an amount of heaviness to it that Archie was not sure would go down well, but he needed to ask it for the sake of figuring out if this was a problem Lizzie was currently facing and for the sake of figuring out how to help her, if he was able to.​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

After asking Archie her question, Lizzie was left reeling slightly. Asking out loud about what was on her mind, even indirectly like this, meant she was really thinking about this, admitting to herself that it was on her mind. She was hoping Archie would be perplexed by the question, maybe even hoping he would be offended, because it felt easier than facing the subject, and the potential conversation that could follow. But the older boy did more than just answer her question, he guessed what was on Lizzie's mind immediately. Lizzie stopped all fidgeting at once, freezing completely, eyes locked on her hands. The thudding of her heartbeat rushed through Lizzie's whole body, hands feeling numb with nerves as she nodded.

Once Lizzie had allowed herself to respond it was like the floodgates finally opened, everything she had been worrying about since the holidays bubbling to the surface all at once, accompanied by a couple of nervous tears pricking at her eyes. "I... it, my... my family runs a... like, a holiday lodge thing, and in the holidays there was this boy staying there who I was... teaching to snowboard, and he, um... he kissed me, just... a little kiss, and I... all I could think about was that it was just... bad, and I hated it, but I couldn't stop thinking about it ever since, and I realised it wasn't... because of who he was or where we were, or any of that, I just... never liked boys, I never liked stories where people fall in love with boys, I always wanted the girls to... to r-run away and... and have adventures with their best friends, and I... I think I want that too, and I thought about when he kissed me, and it... I think it would have been fine if it was a girl, but now I ju-just don't know what to do, I never thought about any of this stuff before, I don't know what to think, and what... what if I'm just being silly and I'm just... not old enough yet and I'll... like boys one day, I don't... know what to think..." Lizzie trailed off with a hiccup, wiping her eyes weakly. "I never said any of that out loud before..." She added quietly, staring down at her knees.

 

[Archie Renner]

Archie could do nothing but listen and avert his gaze to the ground as Lizzie answered his question, eventually bringing a hand to rub his chin as he took in her words. There was not a time where he thought he deserved to be named a prefect. He was a trouble maker at best simply due to his loyalty to Orwell, and he certainly wasn't an academic which made him almost the opposite of prefect material. Though in that moment he began to realize he was in a position to help younger students like Lizzie, and considered this being the reason Kinglsey thought he deserved the badge pinned to his uniform. He was the only openly gay boy in the school after all, at least to his knowledge, and he always helped organize the annual pride events.

He frowned before looking towards Lizzie so he could formulate a response, pausing for a moment when he realized she was tearing up, but then speaking anyway at a loss of what else he could do. Hugging Lizzie or even reaching to touch her shoulder to comfort her didn't seem appropriate given the situation. "Well, Lizzie. First of all, thank you for trusting me with all of this. Second of all, I can promise you that what you're feeling is normal. It's also normal not to like boys or to question whether or not you like them. You're still young, and it's part of figuring out who you are. Truthfully, I did not like anyone, at all, until I was about thirteen and then after that I just knew that I loved boys." Archie moved his hand from his chin to scratch the back of his head, unsure if this was helping Lizzie but hoping that it wouldn't do any harm to tell her everything she felt was normal, because that's exactly what it was. "Everyone figures out who they like in different ways and at different points in their life. It might sound stupid for me to offer you any advice because I was never confused in figuring out who I liked, but I think you should trust your gut feelings and do what you think is right for you, regardless of what other people might think." He then sighed and leant back against the wall again, feeling some sort of weight lifted from his shoulders. He couldn't understand how Orwell could give advice to people so easily. Sure the boy was smart but Archie was far from smart and entirely out on a limb in comparison. "Oh, and there are a few girls I know around the school that like other girls, so you're definitely not alone in this. If that helps." He added, hoping he wasn't messing this up entirely.​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie listened quietly to Archie, eyes downcast as she took in what he was saying. Relief flooded through her as he talked, nodding silently every so often. It was relieving beyond words just to hear that what she was feeling was normal. Although she knew people like them existed, her family had never talked about any of this, and she always worried it was some kind of abnormality or taboo. Maybe part of her had already been self-aware enough to be too scared to ask her parents. Everything Archie was saying about trusting gut instincts was making Lizzie more and more sure that she was right about this and she relaxed, feeling a huge weight leave her shoulders.

Lizzie looked up at Archie in shock at the last thing he said. "There are others? Who are they?!" She asked, awestruck. "I mean, I'm not trying to date them." Lizzie added quickly, blushing. "I think I'm still too young to date. I just... wanna know, so..." She trailed off, not sure exactly why she wanted to know. So she wouldn't be alone felt like the strongest reason, but it already sounded sad in her head, without even having tried to say it out loud.

 

[Archie Renner]

Archie was relieved to notice that Lizzie was taking his words in, and wasn't obviously made more uncomfortable as he continued to talk. It confirmed to him that was he was doing was right and that he was helping her in some way despite how much he was winging it. He had always talked to people who were sure of their sexualities, and had never to his knowledge been faced with someone who was confused and even questioning who they were. He had also never experienced such an amount of confusion himself, but he was glad that he hadn't made Lizzie's situation one hundred times worse. He couldn't wait to tell both Orwell and Jean that he had sort of helped someone, even if his conversation with Lizzie was far from over in that moment.

When she asked who else in the school liked girls, Archie smiled. "Well, a lot of it is just rumors. But I do know for a fact that the head girl, Pia, likes girls. She's very open about it and always helps with the wild patch club's pride events." He said, eyes widening when he realized that he could tell Lizzie all about the pride events and even invite her to help. "Oh!" He exclaimed, leaning forward in a sudden bout of enthusiasm. "The wild patch holds these pride events for people who are LGBT, so like, gay people and stuff. It's to show support and make everyone feel welcome in the school. You should totally go to the event this year! You could help out too if you wanted!" Archie was shocked he did not mention this before, but was glad that the idea had popped into his mind because he felt like attending a pride event could help Lizzie more than his advice ever could.​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie nodded intently as she listened to Archie, eyes widening in shock as he mentioned the head girl. Lizzie had noticed her around a few school events, she couldn't help noticing how pretty the older girl was every time she saw her. "Wow..." She said quietly, considering things. Archie's next words pulled Lizzie out of her thoughts though, and she gasped slightly, imagining what that celebration must be like. She smiled at first, but nerves quickly crept into her expression. "I... I dunno about going to a... whole thing..." She said nervously. "What if... I'm too weird, or people don't want me there? I only just started thinking about this, lots of people sounds like... a lot... I feel like I'm not... um... gay enough?" She trailed off to a small voice, glancing up at Archie. Lizzie didn't know what these kinds of celebrations were like, but telling so many people how she felt, including the cute head girl, all sounded a bit overwhelming at once.

 

[Archie Renner]

The pride event was meant to show solidarity and support for students on the lgbt+ spectrum, not to be a show and cause for judgement. This fact was obvious to Archie but he could understand how intimidating such an event would be to someone who was much younger and more undecided than he had ever been. Though he was adamant that Lizzie should attend the event, even if it was for only a few minutes. She at least owed it to herself to see how many people did support each other in the school and to see how many other girls were in her situation.

He moved to run his hand through his hair, then shrugged as he responded to her concerns. He was unsure of what he could do to convince her besides reassure her that her worries were simply just worries and that if anyone did judge her for showing pride, they would need to answer to him, Orwell and many, if not all of the professors. "There's no such thing as being too gay, or not gay enough. Everyone's different and I understand that, I'm sure everyone else at the event would." He explained. "And if they don't, tell them to talk to me about it. Hey, you can even leech onto me for the whole day if it will make you more comfortable. I'm usually the photographer and it would be great to have a helping hand!" He clapped his hands together excitedly and smiled wider at that idea. Lizzie didn't need to agree to follow him around but he did want to at least give her that option.​

 

[Lizzie Parker-Taylor]

Lizzie listened to Archie nervously, shifting a little in her seat. It still sounded like a lot, going to a whole event, surrounded by so many people. But maybe, if she wasn't alone, it wouldn't be too bad. After a few moments of thought, Lizzie nodded shyly. "If... it wouldn't be weird if I hang around with you..." She said nervously, glancing up at Archie. "I can help with photos and stuff, tourists ask us to take pictures all the time, but if it'd be weird having like... a weird kid follow you around then don't worry..." She said awkwardly, feeling less confident than she ever had in her life.