Closed Little Colds

Jamie shrugged, as if a stomach ache wouldn’t really matter at all. But at the very least they were getting themselves quickly together and then were at the store. He let Onyx take control, grabbing the different items that he needed for his recipe while Jamie got general items, fresh bread, some cheeses, fresh soya milk. He’d get wine once they got there and maybe some dessert of some kind. He would appreciate a hand made one of course but it would be way easier to have one premade. He had some ground coffee in hand when he returned to where he’d left Onyx, who appeared to be struggling to reach some spices. Jamie smiled softly and glanced around, there were any people and no cameras there. With a quick flick of his hand he wandlessly got the seasoning to lift up and then go into Onyx’s reach. ”Why don’t you use magic?” Jamie asked, there just seemed to be a lot of muggle elements to Onyx’s life and things that would be resolved if he used the magic that he had. ​
 
Onyx was startled when the spice came to his hand and he took it, falling back again and looking over. He smiled happily, starting to say thank you, but then Jamie asked a question. It was an innocent one, but Onyxs smile quickly dropped and his gut twisted a bit. He glanced away, shrinking down a little. He tried to explain, knowing he probably looked dejected and trying to hide it. "I... I'm sorry," he spoke quietly, fidgeting a little with the spice in his hands.

"I... I don't know a lot of magic, I... Uncle James hired a tutor, but I... I'm not really good at it. A-and um..." He sighed, putting the spices in the basket he was carrying. "I... I like working with my hands, I know it takes longer but... But focusing on tasks just... Helps keep my mind busy," he felt horrid, and brushed quietly past Jamie to look for more groceries.

He had what he needed but he needed the distraction, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. He ducked around a corner at the end of the aisle, swiping at his eyes and trying to push back the depression and humiliation that had swirled up in his gut. He was a pathetic excuse of a wizard, he couldn't do anything properly. He shook his head, trying to breathe and force back the negative emotions with the fake thoughts like his therapist had told him. You're still learning, Nyx, and making things by hand just means you know they taste better.
 
Jamie wasn’t sure he expected to see Onyx’s expression fall from the question. He could understand that perhaps some of it was due to the memory loss, but magic was always present, present in everything in his life, he always said he could feel it and so, casting spells, especially now wandless was just second nature to him. He was sure if he lost his memory he wouldn’t last long before he starting casting spells. But he didn’t think that there was anything wrong with not knowing magic as well, of not using it, but there were just elements that would make things easier. He watch Onyx’s expression and his words and his motions and realised this was in fact a sore subject for him. Jamie followed him and noted that Onyx was very visibly upset, ”Aw, baby, no, it’s okay,” he said to him, he approached him and opened his arms to give a hug, ”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he told him, ”Magic is just all of my life, I use it constantly that I forget it isn't for others,” he said apologetically and truly it was that. He lived in a mostly muggle area, but his home was protected, had a lot of magic, he played quidditch, went to magical areas, purely had magical friends. It was just in every part of his life. ”I can do enough magic for the two of us,” ​
 
Onyx tensed up when he heard Jamie speak. He bit his lip, glancing up at the other man through his hair. When he saw Jamie going for a hug, he hesitated for a moment before turning and carefully stepping into it. He sighed softly, bringing up a single hand to grasp gently at the edge of Jamie's shirt. Onyx shut his eyes, letting himself relax into the warmth. "I'm sorry," he apologized again softly, sighing sadly. "It's not... You didn't..." He struggled to explain it, sighing and burying his face in Jamie's chest a moment.

"I just... I'm so clumsy when I try, I... I'm useless," he kept hold of the groceries with one hand, letting his other arm sneak up to press against Jamie's back lightly. "And it just... I just... Everything hurts. A lot. And I'm... I'm by myself more and more and if I don't keep my hands busy, I... End up drunk trying to keep the pain away," he admitted softly.

He took a shaky breath, swallowing hard and stepping away. He tried to force a smile, not quite meeting Jamie's eyes, reaching and trying to carefully take Jamie's hand. "Come on, I'm hungry," he whined softly, feeling miserable and trying to distract himself. "Do you want anything else while we're out?"
 
Jamie wrapped his arms around Onyx lightly and gave a little smile. He just shook his head, ”Hey it’s fine, you don’t need to explain it, we’ll find you more to do, and I’ll help you use your magic like I do, slowly but surely,” he told him. He knew he was saying he wasn’t good at it, but Jamie refused to believe that with time, and calmness, where it wasn’t a big pressure and out of school that elements of it could just get easier. ”But, even if you never bother, again, I can do enough magic for the two of us,” he told him. Jamie was pleased when he pulled away, noting the smile which didn’t quite seem real but he just took his hand and nodded. ”No, I’ve got everything, let’s pay and then head on back,” Jamie said with a wide smile. ​
 
-godmods approved-

Onyx sighed softly, lacing his fingers with Jamie's and holding his hand tightly. He took a few deep breaths before looking up again, his smile softer but more genuine. He gently pulled Jamie along, noting what Jamie had grabbed and stopping to pick up a decent wine before they left. Onyx had learned his wines rather quickly; it was hard not to when his uncles were both so enamored with it. He hummed softly, arguing briefly with Jamie over who would pay before making their way back to the flat.

On the way back, they were chatting idly when Onyx was interrupted by a phone call. He hesitated, giving Jamie an apologetic smile before answering. The conversation with his uncle was brief. Yes, Onyx felt better, yes, Jamie was alright, yes, Onyx would be home eventually. Onyx quickly ended the call when his uncle insisted on trying to tease him about staying over with Jamie, blushing furiously and trying to hide how flustered he was.

It wasn't long before they were back at Jamie's flat, unpacking groceries. Onyx quickly set up for dinner, making the noodles. It took a few hours before they were ready, and he spent a good bit of it sitting on the counter and chatting with Jamie about everything in general.

It was while they were waiting that Onyx heard it; a soft piano piece drifting in lightly through the open windows. His voice faded out mid-story, forgetting what he had been saying about trick or treating with Jordan. A distant look in his eye, he stared blankly at nothing for several long moments, memories slowly fading in. Unthinkingly, his fingers tapped a soft rhythm against his legs.

It was several long moments before he came back to himself, blushing and blinking rapidly. He brought a hand up, rubbing his eyes and whining under his breath at the slight ache. "I'm sorry," He murmured, shifting to run his hand through his hair. "I... I guess I... was taking piano lessons, after the break up with Chrys, I... I remember I was starting to move on a little and I didn't want to play guitar, it's always overrated and... and watching sunshine- Ava, little Ava, hearing her play always soothed me and after a bit of pouting with my head in her lap she offered to teach me. I... I think? it was going well, I- there are just pieces right now," he stammered on a bit, struggling to piece things together. He sighed, slumping a little in defeat and burying his face in his hands, letting out another muffled apology. Couldn't he just have one nice, not sick, not dramatic afternoon where he wasn't overly emotional and a mess? Much more of this and he was sure Jamie would never want to see him again.
 
Jamie enjoy the rest of the trip to the store, to the cooking at home. He was somewhat in awe of Onyx’s phone for a little moment, he had seen both Onyx and the man’s uncle with one, but he hadn’t seem them much before. They were pretty cool. If he didn’t know one wouldn’t work in his electricity-less apartment he might’ve thought about getting one, but the only person he’d contact would be Onyx probably. They were in the kitchens cooking away, with the windows open to let in the warm air, to allow some of the fresh air into the apartment, get rid of the sickness and just let the place feel less sunny. He wasn’t too surprised when around the same time that it always did, the soft playing of a piano drifted into the apartment, he’d long grown used to it, enjoyed the pieces, hearing how much the person had improved. He glanced at Onyx and noted that his mood seemed to have changed upon hearing the music. He knew from what Onyx had said that he’d played music before. He gave a little smile, feeling saddened at what loss it must’ve been for Onyx. ”Do you want to play again?” he asked, not sure what else to say but willing to just try and talk lightly about it. ”And baby, don’t force yourself to remember, or beat yourself up over it. It’ll come with time,”​
 
Onyx peeked up through his hair, taking a few moments to breath. "I... I think so," he offered a little shyly, "I'm still... A little hesitant, I... Always get really emotional when I play, its... I don't know, it just... Leaves me really vulnerable and I don't... Like being alone after I've been trying to play, but... My uncle is already worried and I hate him seeing me like that, its like... Hes a mix of worried and pity, and I hate it." He sighed, shaking his head. "I like playing, I just... Haven't found a safe place to play yet." He shrugged.

He almost turned to Jamie, looking to cuddle, but the timer he set off for the noodles went off and interrupted him. He pouted a little, moving over to continue working on dinner. "Hey, Jamie, could you wash and dice the carrots and celery?" He asked, setting the noodles to cook and getting out the chicken to start dicing it.
 
Jamie gave him a little smile and listened as he explained a little about it. He looked around his apartment as he spoke, he would have space for a piano but that was mad wasn’t. Getting a piano would be mad when he wasn’t really going out together. He was waiting for him a good moment to ask him out and there hadn’t been one yet. He couldn’t therefore just get a piano for his place. Well, would it maybe a reason to learn, or to pick something up. But he had the space in this place, he could definitely get one. He wasn’t really spending money on something. He looked towards Onyx and nodded, ”Course baby,” he took his wand out and with a little flick the vegetables started moving washing themselves in the water and a knife began dicing them better than Jamie could ever do himself. ”Now I can keep speaking to you while I do what you set me,” ​
 
Onyx laughed lightly when Jamie just flicked his wrist and used his magic. "Showoff," he teased lightly. He wasn't great at magic, but he did know enough to stop the knife. "No magic when I'm cooking," he gave Jamie a grin, turning and dicing the vegetables himself. "I'm not sure if it's a coping mechanism or if I'm just picky but I prefer doing it by hand." He quickly finished, adding the diced vegetables to the pot so they could start to boil and soften. He moved back to the chicken, washing his hands before he began to dice that as well. "It's more satisfying to do it myself, you know? I mean, magic is convenient but it's like... I don't know, it just seems like there's so little I have control of, so little I'm good at. My sister is taking off, you know? She's going to jump into her work, start a career. My uncle is going back to his, Jordie is off to school."

Onyx sighed. "My cousin and her boyfriend are going to travel for a year before going back to college. Doctor and astronomer. Ember has her music, Jasper is taking over Grandmothers company, Amethyst is a writer looking to get published." He finished dicing the chicken and washed his hands before dumping it in a skillet and seasoning the meat. While it cooked he moved to add the noodles to the pot and start cleaning up his mess.

"It's just hard, you know? I'm from this successful family, everyone knows what they want and they're doing it. I mean, even before the attack, I didn't have a solid plan, just something with music. Now I don't even have that, I just feel like a joke." He laughed a little at himself. "I mean, maybe it's my luck. I meet a guy out of nowhere, I'm not looking for anything but he just... Crashes into my life and god, he's perfect, he's sweet and gentle and everything I want, if I wasn't such a coward I would-"

Onyx hardly noticed he was rambling, lost in cooking and not paying attention to what he was saying, shaking his head a little and laughing at himself. "But I can't, he's this- strong guy with a great career and a handle on his life and I'm just... Some loser with no job, no future, stuck at his uncle's place, I'm dramatic and clingy and I joke around and say I'm cute with my eyeliner and my big blue eyes, but I'm just some shaggy troll while him, he's just- frigging gorgeous, he's absolutely out of my league, there's no way I'm going to have any chance with a pretty French sports star, especially one with such a nice- ow!"

In his rambling, Onyx had finished his cleaning and had moved to dice some chives, meaning to add them to the soup when it was closer to done, and had sliced his thumb open in the process. Cursing, he moved over to the sink, turning on the water and running it over his wound. Brought back to himself, he shifted on his feet, blushing and feeling awkward. "I... I was rambling again, wasn't I?" He asked softly, biting his lip and letting his hair fall to cover his eyes.
 
Jamie pouted but was pleased when he didn’t actually have to do it. He listened vaguely as he spoke about it, Jamie didn’t find more or less satisfaction with how he achieved things, whether by hand or not. He just always thought it was easier to use magic. He could imagine after such an incident and the loss of memory why control would be so desired. He just didn’t think it mattered. He just let the man ramble, listening and absorbing all the names he could and what they did for when he met them all. He wanted to make a good impression. He gave a little smile when he came into it, and he felt his expression both soften and want to be more forceful, but he didn’t interrupt him. Only when the man cut himself. He flicked his wand and a bowl and essence of dittany came out of one of the cupboards.

”This will help it better,” he held it out to Onyx. The essence wouldn’t heal it completely but it would make the injury was a few days old. ”Now baby, listen to me,” Jamie said, his voice leaning on the soft melodic nature of his accent, ”You are young, we’re both young, we have time to decide, change our minds and re-decide our careers. You went through something horrible and traumatic so it’s no wonder you haven’t figured it out yet and better there's no time limit on when you have to figure it out." he hoped Onyx got that, Jamie didn't think there was a great need to have things figured out immediately. "I think you have cute blue eyes, I don’t find you clingy, if only because I know I’m clingy too. I think you’re brave, to get up every day and just keep going, baby it’s brave. But you know you’re also sweet and caring, you’re smart and I love hearing you laugh” he reached forwards closing their small distance and placing his hands lightly on the man’s face. ”I want you, I’m gonna ask you out when we’re not just getting over the flu, and baby, please believe me when I say your worth is not dependent on how much you bring to the table or how successful you are, all you need to bring is you,” ​
 
Onyx felt really embarrassed. He took the bowl Jamie offered, recognizing it but not knowing the name. He was quiet a moment, just listening as he took care of the wound. He was stupid to have cut himself in the first place. He peeked up at Jamie through his hair, idly flipping his lip ring as the man spoke, trying to ignore just how much Jamie's voice drew him in, especially when the accent was coming through like this. He understood everything Jamie was trying to say, he did, and he knew it made sense, he just... couldn't help but feel pathetic when he was the only person in his entire family without a plan. He hesitated, however, his blush deepening and his heart skipping a little as Jamie went on to tell him his eyes were cute and he was brave. He swallowed nervously, heart fluttering a little when Jamie said he loved Onyx's laugh.

He didn't have time to really process any of it before Jamie had taken hold of his face. His breath caught and without a thought he leaned into the touch, looking up to Jamie with wide blue eyes. He listened as Jamie spoke, unable to look away. I am in... so much trouble, his heart was thundering in his chest, his cheeks were red, he felt scared and giddy all at once and he knew exactly what was happening, already knowing a little in the back of his mind that it was written on his face. Merlin, I love you so much, Onyx bit his lip, too afraid to say it, knowing he was jumping way too far ahead, knowing this was most likely just in his head again, knowing it was only a matter of time before he woke up from this crazy, wonderful dream.

Still, he couldn't help himself. "Jamie," he breathed, hesitating for a brief second before moving his hands to Jamie's shoulders. Onyx couldn't help it, he was caught in Jamie's eyes, in the soft warmth of his hands on Onyx's face, of the soothing sound of Jamie's voice. Onyx stepped in, one hand moving up, resting gently on Jamie's neck. He pushed up on tiptoe, moving slowly, giving Jamie time to back away, to reject him. Onyx paused, his nose brushing Jamie's, holding his breath and really hoping he wasn't wrong, he hadn't misread this, hoping Jamie would lean in the rest of the way and kiss him.
 
Jamie wasn’t sure the reaction that his words would get. He figured he’d need to say them all a couple of times before they really hit home, but at least it seemed that Onyx was listening to him, paying attention to his words. He smiled as Onyx said his name, letting the man seemed to go for what he wanted. Jamie’s hands didn’t move from Onyx’s face but he could begin to tell where this was going. Truly he hadn’t expected their first kiss to happen like this, in the here and now. He also didn’t really mind that it was. He liked Onyx, he wanted this, and at least knew that with it this way, Onyx definitely wanted it. He closed the gap between them, leaning down and kissing him. Letting his grip on Onyx’s face firm up for a second lightly, as their lips met and then loosen. Onyx’s lips were soft and nice just like he had imagined they would be and though there was a whole kitchen of food waiting to be prepared around them, Jamie was just lost in this kiss. ​
 
Onyx didn't know your breath could catch when you were holding it. But his breath still caught as Jamie kissed him. He whimpered softly, melting against Jamie as they kissed. His heart was pounding, electricity shot up his spine. Onyx had kissed before; Ben, Chrysander. He could never say he hadn't enjoyed it before. But merlin, it had never felt like this. He had thought he would panic, be overwhelmed with emotions. But he had never felt so... safe.

Onyx slid his arms slowly over Jamie's shoulders, falling into the French man in a way he never had before. After what both felt like forever and no time at all, Onyx broke the kiss. He sighed softly, unable to keep from smiling as he cuddled into Jamie's neck. Onyx was honestly a little surprised at how calm he felt, how quiet his head was. He knew he should probably be cooking, but really, he was too content where he was to move yet. He was idly running his fingers through the hair at the nape of Jamie's neck. "Can I keep you?" he asked softly.

He realized what he said almost as soon as he said it. He laughed a little nervously, pulling away and clearing his throat. He smiled shyly, slipping by to finish cooking dinner. He focused on his task, paying close attention to the food, wanting it to be the best soup he'd ever made. Once he had finished it, had it all mixed, he took a spoon of the soup and blew on it to cool it, looking over to smile shyly at Jamie again. "Do you want a taste?" He asked softly.
 
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Jamie leaned in easily for the kiss, keeping it light and soft against his. Not wanting to be too demanding in this first kiss and letting himself truly enjoy it. He leaned away and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. ”I’m keeping you, this is my apartment,” he spoke light, softly and smiling at this man. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him again but it seemed instead Onyx broke the tender moment and got him a spoonful of broth. ”Yeah, but if I take a taste, then you have to agree to formally go on a date with me. A proper date.” he really had planned to wait till they were both not just getting over colds, but after that kiss, Jamie didn’t want to waste any more time. He like oNyx a great deal and to not opt to ask him out now, after that kiss, he really didn’t want to mess around any more. ​
 
Onyx was surprised when Jamie countered, his cheeks darkening. "I'm not trading a spoon of broth for a date," he countered, eating it himself. It tasted good. He set the spoon down, turning to lean against the counter. "I only barter in cuddling and kisses." Onyx tried to sound more confident than he felt, trying to hold on to that sense of calmness he got when he was close to Jamie. "The soup needs to cool anyway. For a date, I'll take... More kisses." He smiled, albeit a bit shyly, and held open his arms. "Deal?"
 
Jamie laughed lightly at his comment, ”Fair, that’s fair,” he spoke softly, and watched him eat the spoonful himself. And he then smiled at the statement, he gave a little smile. He leaned in, taking Onyx gently into his arms and leaning in to press a little short kiss to his lips. ”Deal” he said as he leaned away, before leaning in for another kiss, ”So, a date?” he said with a little smile. He knew he could maybe jump the gun and probably bring up them being boyfriends, but he didn’t want to rush anything and he thought that Onyx Deserved to be taken on a date and made to feel special. ​
 
-godmods approved-

Onyx wasn't sure he had expected Jamie to agree to his deal, but when Jamie took him in his arms Onyx practically melted against the man. He hummed softly, pouting a little at the short kisses. "Hmm... no," he teased, pressing up on tiptoe and kissing Jamie a bit more properly; longer, more certain, just a little bit eager. Onyx couldn't help but giggle as he broke away. He nuzzled into Jamie's neck. "Just tell me when, Mon chiot," he murmured softly, pressing a soft kiss to Jamie's neck before stepping away. "Come on, I'm hungry," He smiled warmly, hand trailing over Jamie's as he moved to get dinner.

Dinner was good, he sat closer to Jamie than he probably needed to, but the soup was exactly what Onyx had needed after being sick all week and he quickly finished his bowl. He almost went back for more, but he wanted to leave enough that Jamie could have more the following day if he wanted. The conversation over dinner was light and comfortable, and after the kitchen had been cleaned and the leftovers moved to the fridge, the two of them had moved out to the balcony.

There were a few lounge chairs and Onyx supposed he could have settled down comfortably in any of them. But then again, settling down in Jamie's lap was much more satisfying. Onyx was hungry for attention, pretty much constantly, but now it was focusing again, now he was hungry for Jamie's attention, and hell, after sleeping in the same bed all week Onyx was feeling brave enough to curl up in Jamie's lap.

He smiled, completely content to stay where he was as they watched the darkening sky, then the stars, running his fingers unthinkingly in light patterns on Jamie's legs. They stayed there for who knew how long, content in enjoying each other's company. Eventually, though, Onyx yawned and turned his head, nuzzling his nose into Jamie's neck and sighing softly. He just felt so tired. "Do I have to go?" he asked softly, smiling warmly as Jamie let him stay. "Let's go to bed, love," he murmured unthinkingly, stretching a little before moving back inside.

Not wanting to wear dirty pajamas, Onyx snagged one of Jamie's shirts and crawled into bed with just that and his shorts, snuggling into Jamie and passing out quickly. He woke up once in the night, his dreams unpleasant, but scooting back into Jamie's arms settled him down again and he fell back asleep. It wasn't until the sun was up that he began to stir.

Onyx yawned widely, finding he was very warm and comfortable nestled in Jamie's arms. He woke slowly, stretching out a little before settling again. He didn't want to move. He already knew he had to go home when they got up and going for the day, and he didn't feel ready to say bye to Jamie. Granted, he wasn't ever going to be, but that was beside the point. Right now he was warm and comfortable and he could wait.
 
Jamie had to admit it was a nice evening, it was nice to spend the time with Onyx, kiss him lightly, eat dinner and sit outside in the comfortable evening warmth of Marseille. He thought it was so nice to just talk about the stars with him, and then of course tell Onyx he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to. He wouldn’t force him either way but he was of course glad when Onyx decided he would stay. He hadn’t had many days or nights like this. He had truly never met anyone like Onyx, and going to bed that night was the nicest feeling. The weight of Onyx in his side, his warmth, the slow lulling of his breathing. He fell asleep near instantly, and slept right through the night, barely moving and just comforted by the presence at his side. When he woke up, the light was streaming back into the room, the sun rising slowly. He still had his arm around Onyx and smiled. He pressed a kiss to the top of Onyx’s head and then pulled slowly away. He should get out of bed, go make them breakfast but he couldn’t be bothered, he knew that he had to return to normal life, that Onyx would probably head home but he didn’t want to shatter that moment just yet. Instead Jamie just held Onyx close and let himself, just enjoy the peace of this morning. ​
 
-approved-

Onyx yawned, his body slowly waking up. He would have to get up soon, he knew he couldn't put it off for long. But he was going to put it off anyway. He sat up after a little bit, stretching and rubbing his eyes. He considered getting out of bed for a moment, but he turned a little to look at Jamie and couldn't help the warm, sleepy smile that came over his face. Onyx leaned back down, pressing a kiss to Jamie's cheek before nuzzling back in his neck.

Eventually, though, Onyx had to get out of bed. He shut himself in the bathroom, but only to change and brush his teeth. Jamie was already up when he came out, and Onyx padded into the kitchen. Onyx's hair was still messy, and he was still in Jamie's shirt, though he had slipped on a pair of sweats and his shoes.

He found Jamie in the kitchen. Onyx smiled warmly, padding over and cuddling into Jamie's side. "Hey, I... Gotta get going," he spoke softly, trying not to pout too obviously. He smiled shyly, pressing up on tiptoe and giving Jamie a shy kiss. "Let me know about that date, Mon chiot," he murmured, nuzzling into Jamie's neck, unwilling to go. He had to pull back after a little bit, smiling at the quidditch player shyly before apparating home.
 
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