Closed I’m Sorry Doesn’t Cut It

[Lars van Houten]

Lars felt dread pooling in his stomach as he stood in front of Lily's door. He wanted to be there for her, but he also wasn't sure if he could actually be of any help. He had brought a basket full of things she liked, snacks and a few books, but he knew it wouldn't do anything to help. He couldn't imagine losing any of his sisters and couldn't imagine what Lily was going through. But he was her friend and he wanted to support her. So even though he had no idea what to do or say, here he was. He rang the doorbell, then tried to peek inside. "Lily? It's me." He called.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Apparently Lily's idea of coping was just to bake. Though it was all kind of pointless- she had shut the shop down for a little while to try and deal with her grief. She didn't have anyone else to help her run it, after all. But maybe she should open it sooner than she wanted to- her kitchen was full to bursting with the treats she'd been making, spilling over every available surface she had. She was stirring a new batch of batter in her arms now, having nowhere left to even put the bowl. She'd have to start stacking treats soon- but maybe she could buy more room and more time by building gift baskets. No sooner had the idea crossed her mind than she heard a knock on the door.

Lily moved woodenly to open it, not caring how much of a mess she was- her hair held in a messy bun with a wooden spoon, flour on her face, bags under her eyes from where she hadn't been sleeping, her stomach growling with all the sweet smells in protest of having not eaten in... however long. She opened the door, mixing bowl still in one arm, looking out a little blankly at her friend. "Lars?" She asked softly, not really registering his presence. She stepped back automatically, letting him inside. "Have some treats," She murmured absently, walking back into the kitchen, pouring the batter into the baking pans that were waiting, ready, on the open oven door.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars wasn't sure what state he would find Lily in and he braced himself as the door opened. But she wasn't crying as he had expected. She looked... numb. He stared at her for a moment, then shook his head and followed her inside, the door closing behind him. "Hey, Lily. Put that down, please." He said, trying to move in front of her so they could be face to face., watching in alarm as she poured batter in baking pans like some sort of baking robot. "Hold on for a moment." He said, gently putting his hand on her arm. "Put down the batter, Lily." He said a little more firmly.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily stopped as Lars intervened, looking up to him. She stilled- not moving away, though also not continuing. "But... I should work?" She offered, voice soft. If she was working, she was doing something, and that was a good thing. Her eyes misted over and she reached up to rub her hand over them. "I should... open the bakery?" She tried instead, even as she made no effort to attempt to do so. Instead, she just reached to the mountains of baked goods nearly overflowing her kitchen, plucking one and bringing it back to hold out in offering. "It's your favorite," She managed. Baking was perhaps the only thing she was good at, and she was clinging to it fiercely.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars shook his head as Lily said she should work and open the bakery, he looked over at the baked goods that were on every surface. He took the one she offered him, but didn't eat it. "Lily, you need to stop." He told her gently. "You're making too much food— you need to sit down and rest. Have you eaten anything recently? Have you slept?" He asked as he looked at her, his voice oozing concern.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily hesitated, and after a moment of silence she put the empty mixing bowl in the sink. She put the new batch of muffins into the oven and set the timer- she had already started them and thought she should at least finish them. "Does licking the batter spoon count?" She offered with a weak smile, straightening and turning to face Lars. She took a deep breath, a single tear slipping out. "I feel better when I'm baking," She offered in way of an explanation, feeling helpless. "He's away for a game- you already know that," Lily bit her lip. "He doesn't know. Don't tell him." She finally looked up, a tiny bit of life back in her eyes. It was far easier to worry about AJ than it was herself. "I don't want to interrupt anything."

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars shook his head, sighing. "I'd offer to make you some food, but you made enough for a small army. Just... please eat something, Lily," he said gently. He nodded as she said she felt better when she was baking, it was something he understood. Whenever he felt down, he'd spend hours painting. But he also knew that it wasn't healthy. He'd often snap out of his focused state realizing he hadn't eaten or drank anything for hours and feeling worse than he had before. If Lily couldn't focus on her own needs, he'd have to do it for her. He grimaced as she mentioned AJ and how she didn't want to tell him. He did know, Blake was on the same team after all. But he also knew that AJ would probably want to know. He decided not to argue it, she had to deal with this in her own way. "Alright, but I'm staying with you until he's back," he said quietly. "And you're going to sit down on the couch with some food and rest for a while."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily took a few breaths- she didn't want to argue- she'd never been one for arguing if she could avoid it. So instead she just reached out and took one of the muffins- not really seeing which one it was, and moved to the living room. She didn't say anything as she sat down. Instead she just shrunk, curled in on herself, holding the muffin in both hands and not moving. "Thank you, Lars," She whispered softly. It was a small change, having someone in her home with her, but it was a very welcome one. Part of her still longed for AJ, still wanted to send a message and bring him back home, but the other parts of her didn't want him to see her this way and didn't want to be a burden to him. Instead she looked to one of her best friends in all the world, finding his presence just as soothing as Elliots would have been. "You don't have to..." She tried to protest a little.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars sighed in relief as Lily grabbed some food, making a mental note to get some fruit or vegetables in the mix later. Lily couldn't survive on muffins alone. He grabbed a blanket and put it around her, mostly because he wanted to do something useful. He sat down next to her, pulling her close to his side. "I don't mind. Truly. Blake's back at the same time AJ is. We can hang out together until then," he said gently.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily curled into Lars, her shaking subsiding as she buried her face in his neck. Letting the familiarity of Lars comfort her. "I would like that," She whispered, knowing a few stubborn tears had slipped out. But gods, she was too tired to cry again. She still hadn't touched the muffin, just holding it between her hands like it was an anchor. "We should probably get these muffins into baskets soon," She murmured. "Then maybe- um- we could make some dinner? What would you like?" She asked, her mind shifting to focus on Lars instead of herself. She could feed him- that would be good. He would need dinner.