Closed Headfirst

[Blake van Houten]

Studying wasn't especially high on the list of things Blake needed to do for the career he hoped to have, but the NEWTs were coming one way or the other, and he didn't want to completely flunk. The notes he had taken in classes over the years were sparse and all over the place, and they didn't make any more sense to Blake than they had when he had been preparing for the OWLs. He had to do better this year though, had to do something right so he had something to fall back on if he didn't get into any of the Quidditch teams he was planning to try out for. So Blake had settled in to a corner of the lounge, and was working on turning the loose scattering of notes into an actual study plan so he could brush up on the knowledge he had failed to take down in those notes.

Sort of. He was sitting in the lounge, definitely, and he had his notes with him, and he had copied some of them down into a study list, but that was as far as he had gotten. It had just been an offhanded distraction at first, balling up an old piece of parchment with nothing but a doodle of a snitch and tossing it for the nearest rubbish bin, but the missed shot had immediately taken up all of Blake's attention. He had since balled up most of the notes that weren't likely to lead to anything productive and piled them up high, tossing them one after another at the bin and summoning the failed attempts back to try again. It almost counted as practice, casting the summoning charm so many times. He wasn't paying much attention to the people around him until one of his missed shots went far enough off target to hit a person, cringing as he looked up and realised he had managed to hit the Head Boy. Blake knew all too well that Lars' friends had plenty of reason to hate him, but Elliot had far more reason than most. He gave a sheepish smile, quickly summoning the ball of parchment back. "Sorry, man. Aiming for the bin." He said a little too lightly, hoping Elliot wouldn't think he had been hit on purpose.

 

[Elliot Briar]

Elliot liked to think he'd gotten pretty good at tuning out distractions over the years, a skill he hadn't expected to pick up but that was indispensable when living in a boarding school. It was, unfortunately, not something that apparently extended to Blake Irons however. Elliot didn't know if it was just some quality that Blake seemed to possess, maybe the same one that made him so effortlessly good at Quidditch or make everyone else forgive him so easily, or if it was a hold over from when they were kids and Elliot and Lars were always keeping an eye open for Blake and Tyler, but Elliot had been absently aware of Blake in the room since he'd arrived.

He'd been doing his best to tune out Blake and whatever it was he was messing around with, but Blake could never make things easy. Elliot hung his head forward when something light hit him, dropping his shoulders with an agitated sigh. "You know, exams are coming up, you should be more respectful of people studying," he said, turning and giving Blake an disapproving look, grateful he could leverage his Head Boy badge over Blake just a bit to tell him off.

 

[Blake van Houten]

After so many years as rivals, it was hard not to take on an adversarial tone when talking to Elliot, and Blake could hear it creeping into his voice as he shrugged in response. "Yeah, it was an accident." He said defensively, picking up one of the books on his own table. "What do you think I'm doing?" He added, in response to the comment about studying. He knew he should be biting his tongue, should just... turn his head away and ignore Elliot, but that was much easier said than done. Sighing heavily, Blake did his best to get a control on his temper, thinking of what Lars would think seeing him like this. "Look, I seriously just missed the bin. Sorry. Not out to get you or anything."

 

[Elliot Briar]

Elliot didn't believe Blake for a second, but he just simply shook his head, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't want to be openly combative with Blake, if only for Lars sake, but he still didn't have to like him. And he certainly didn't trust him. Everyone kept insisting Blake had changed, but every time Elliot looked he only ever saw the same pompous kid who'd pushed Lars and him around when they were kids.

He couldn't help the snort when Blake implied he'd been studying though, looking from Blake to the pile of crumpled paper he'd been tossing at the bin and back, hoping he didn't need to voice his own incredulity. "Maybe you'd have better luck reading your notes rather than throwing them," he said, half under his breath, turning back to his own work with his shoulders raised defensively. Maybe he could get lucky and manage to go back to ignoring Blake.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Self-control had never been Blake's strongest suit. He tried, he really did, but Blake Irons would always be first in line to poke a sleeping bear given even the smallest opportunity. His eyes narrowed slightly as Elliot muttered, hearing enough to get a vague gist. "Look, I get it." He snapped, then paused, taking a moment to soften his tone. "I get it." He repeated more gently. "You don't have to like me. I wouldn't like me either after all the crap I pulled when we were kids. And... for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I was a d*ck to you." Blake paused, sighing and running a hand slowly through his hair, collecting his thoughts. "Just... I'm not out to get you anymore. I don't wanna be that person. You don't need to like me, but... you don't need to... I dunno... I guess I'm trying to say, like... I'm not gonna... retaliate. Or... lash out. Or any of that. I don't wanna... fight. I was really just chucking out old notes."

 

[Elliot Briar]

Elliot sighed when Blake spoke up again, closing his eyes for a moment to will himself not just flee rather than have a conversation with Blake. It was a tempting option. He turned around again to face Blake, trying not to let his expression become too dubious, though Elliot doubted he was successful. It was odd to hear Blake apologizing, and while Elliot wasn't about to accuse Blake of some masterplan here, he still didn't trust him.

"I don't-" he started, shaking his head and frowning as he tried to organize his words. "I don't think you're out to get me. I do think you're careless enough to hurt... People. Without realizing," Elliot said, trying to keep his voice steady and hoped Blake would understand his meaning without him having to say. Elliot already felt like he had no place in policing Lars' relationships after how he'd hurt him when they'd dated, but he still couldn't shake the lingering concern anytime he saw him with Blake. "I don't know if you've noticed but you tend to have.. collateral," Elliot said, motioning to the bin and the screwed up paper, but he was fairly certain they both knew that wasn't what he was talking about.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake didn't know how he had expected Elliot to respond, but as the Head Boy spoke, Blake quietly thought it would have been less painful if he had just... shouted. Because he was right. All of Blake's biggest fears about his relationship with Lars spilled from Elliot's mouth, as if Elliot had plucked them straight from his own head. Part of Blake wondered how Lars could really justify taking a chance on him, if his flaws were this easy to read. Did Lars just... feel sorry for him? "I know." Blake said slowly, all the bluster and confidence drained from his voice, shoulders sagging as he leaned over the table, staring at his fidgeting hands. "I... I'm trying. Like, I know I was a crap person. To... him, and to you, and Alice, and like... everybody pretty much. I was just... I had a lot of crap going on with my family, and I know that's not, like, an excuse or whatever. It's just... where I was at. I... I'm trying so hard to be better. I want so badly to be... to be someone who deserves to be with Lars. Like... he's..." Blake trailed off for a moment, trying to find the words. "I never thought I would be... allowed to love someone like him. Not even... being loved in return. It's... I don't take that for granted. I know I've gotta... gotta step up." Blake trailed off, staring deeply at his hands for a long moment. He had almost forgotten who he was talking to, caught up in the stream of consciousness that had escaped him, and his gaze was a bit sheepish as he glanced up at Elliot after a moment. "Sorry..."

 

[Elliot Briar]

Blake's response threw Elliot and for a moment he almost felt bad for him. It was a strange feeling, considering how things had always been between them and Elliot had to spend a moment processing it so he could get back on better equilibrium. "Uh. Good. Then we're clear," he said, giving Blake a stilted nod. "You keep trying and if you mess up, or you're careless or - Or you regress... I'll let you know." It was tempting to smile, to lighten the mood somewhat after everything Blake had just laid at his feet, but Elliot couldn't bring himself to. He felt like was finally seeing eye to eye on something with Blake and he actually meant every word he was saying with a surprising amount of severity. Even if he knew it would mean hell to pay if Lars found out he was saying it. "As someone who's already hurt Lars... I guess I'm a bit of an expert on what to look out for now," he added after a moment, glancing away for the first time since Blake had started speaking.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake wasn't sure what to expect from Elliot, and it was hard to keep looking at him. The two had never spoken outside of fights, and he didn't know how Elliot dealt with other people's feelings. Especially when they came from someone like him. It was a relief when Elliot didn't try to push back, and he nodded slightly in response. Blake actually cracked a small smile when Elliot said he would let Blake know if he messed up. "Hey, I'll hold you to that." He said, sincerity clear. "If I mess up I wanna know about it." He was surprised when Elliot brought up hurting Lars - Blake didn't know all that much about the specifics of their relationship, but he understood it had been a painful time. He shrugged slightly, not quite sure how to handle the admission. "Well... uh... if it's any consolation I think you're pretty much still one of his best friends, so..." Blake shrugged slightly. "You're important to him, so that's... important to me, I guess."