Do You Have a Problem?

[Sara Moon]

Sara leant back against the wall of the entrance hall. She was reading. The book was good, it was called Rebel Angels. Set in the Victorian era, it suited her mood completely. Her dress was suitably scandalous, which made her smile. So much for a good little girl, for Daddy's little Princess. She'd show them that she could be anything. Still, she felt slighty exposed, hence the tights. They distracted from the shortness of the dress. She let her hair fall in front of her eyes. She shouldn't be doing this. What if Ryan saw her? What would her brother think of his sister. The sister who'd told him not to hide, to be himself. she wasn't taing her own advice. Or was she? Was this who she'd been all along, and she'd been trying so hard to match her parent's, her family's ideals that she'd never known? It was so hard to understand.

Things had been going so well, and then she'd messed things up. She'd become so involved in thinking about family, friends. The pink in her hair-she liked. She'd used a colour-changing charm, and she thought it was cool. No doubt her parents wouldn't approve, but it didn't matter. She'd messed up anyway. She'd never make it up to them. All that studying, all that work, and she got an A in Herbology. A friggen A! She couldn't keep it on for NEWTs and now she'd never be an auror.

The thought of Ryan sobered her though. She'd go back to her dormitory. Jake wouldn't exactly like to see her like this either, though she hadn't seen him. Were they even a couple anymore? She didn't know, and she just needed to figure out her own life at the moment. Stefan. What if he saw her like this? Would her best friend want nothing to do with her? D@mn why did she care? they had their own lives didn't they? Why did she always have to think of them, of their feelings. Slamming the book shut, she lay her head back against the wall and covered her eyes with her hands, not sure how to feel.

 

[Kate Archer]

Kate was in the Great Hall, she was reading through the new accio yearbook. It was very good, she loved reading them at the end of the year. In the superlatives this year she had gotten first to get married which she didn't mind. That she could deal with. Not surprisingly RHI had gotten most likely to take over the world and most dramatic figure. She read through the rest of the yearbook, she had all the others also. She liked to keep little momento's of her time in Hogwarts. After all it would be all she had left as well as the memories once she left the school.She closed the yearbook and finished her cup of tea. The Hall was emptying out, she had gotten up late today, she had been up late last night reading a book. Recently she had started reading a lot more. The book she had just finished last night was Throne of Glass. It was now on Kate's long list of favorite books.She loved reading , it was when she came into second year she started reading, because she stayed inside all the time she had asked her parents to send over books, having nothing better to be doing . Over the past number of years she had been too distracted to read. Mostly in third, fifth and sixth. Now though she read a lot of the time.

Kate wasn't too bothered about her NEWTs this year. She didn't want a magical profession. Music was where her heart lay and it was what she wanted to do in life. Her results for these tests wouldn't play a huge factor in her future, of course she would go to class and study and try her best but in the end the marks would really have no affect in her life. It made this year a bit less stressful because she didn't have to worry about these results may affect her future. It had taken her a long time to come to the conclusion that music was what she wanted to do. She wasn't sure if she wanted to become a music teacher or not, she wasn't sure if this was possible due to her not completely any major exam in muggle secondary school. She didn't think she would make a good teacher anyways. She would probably become a singing or violin teacher or maybe be a professional singer. Kate wasn't sure, she still had time to think about that. It was after all only the beginning of seventh year. Lots of things could happen this year that might help her choose what she wants to do in life.

Kate put down her empty cup and walked outside the hall. The sun was shinning into the Entrance Hall, it may still be winter but spring was coming and the air was getting warmer and the days longer. She was walking towards the courtyard when the slam of something made her look. She saw her sister in her new clothes, she looked lost with her hands over her face laying against the wall. Kate sighed, what was she going to do with her older sister. She wasn't sure what had caused this change and if it was permanent. She wasn't sure what to think of it all. "Whats wrong?"She asked standing in front of her sister not sure whether to sit down or stay standing.

 

[Sara Moon]

Sara just couldn't understand why things were so complicated. When she was younger, nothing worried her, but now...everything worried her. Her parents worried her; How were they coping with all their children gone? Did her behaviour worry them? She hoped not. She was fine. They just didn't seem to understand that. She liked the feel of the cool, stone wall behind her. She just couldn't figure out what she was going to do with her life, and that was really getting to her. She'd always known what she wanted to do, and now her life was all over the place. She couldn't cope with that, and she knew others couldn't understand. It was so irritating, not being able to explain herself. She knew the response; "You're able to keep on everything else. You can make a career with all the other stuff." She didn't want another career. For the past six years she'd dreamt of being an auror.

She was glad Stefan was back. One less thing to worry about. Kate would look after him, and he would look after Kate. That was settled. There was still Ryan to think about. She couldn't protect them all. Sighing, she opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling through her fingers. She slowly counted the stones, and the wooden beams, wishing she could see a way out of this. She needed to get away. Not just from them, but from herself, from the pressure of trying to maintain the façade. This was her solution. This was her escape.

Kate's voice brought her back to reality, and she lowered her hands, seeing her sister in front of her, her spirit's immediately drooped. She was probably in for a sermon, but she didn't let it show. "Hi Kate." she smiled, her sister was the last person she wanted to see. Kate didn't get why she was changing. Sara was sick of trying to show them. "Nothing, I'm just tired. I stayed up late last night, reading this. It's a brilliant book." she replied, gesturing to the book in her hand. It had a red-haired girl on the front, you were very close to her face, and she was looking at the right hand side of the book. "How's life?" she asked, folding her arms in front of her. The sooner she could turn this conversation to Kate. The better.

 

[Kate Archer]

Kate had never even thought of her future. She had never had a dream job, husband, house or anything like that. She had just lived life as each day passed. As a little girl she had never dreamed of a big white wedding or had any crushes on any male celebrities. She had never understood why girls would fawn over celebrities so much. It's not like they had any chance or anything and they should like singers because of their music not their looks.Music a lot of the time had all been bass and thump thump thump. Kate had still liked the songs, should would learn the notes of the song before the lyrics. She would probably be able to perfectly hum the song the whole way before knowing any of the lyrics. Even as a kid she had never thought of music having anything to do with her life. She had never thought beyond next week up till the age of eleven. That's when things changed, she still had never had any dreams as such. It wasn't until she met Stefan and she started to mature that she realized she should start planning ahead. It had still taken her years to figure out what she wanted from life. Now she was almost sure of what she wanted though how to get to what she wanted was still a problem.

Kate looked at Sara. She couldn't figure out why this was happening now. To be honest Kate didn't mind the new Sara, it wasn't Kate's place to tell that she was wrong, that this wasn't the real Sara.. Kate couldn't know, only her sister could know who she truley was and if this was her way of trying to find out so be it but Kate didn't want her sister ruining her chances. She just hoped she continued studying and going to classes. Kate knew she was upset about getting an A in herbology she just couldn't grasp how much. Since Kate had never wanted something so much she didn't understand what it was like knowing you couldn't fulfill that dream. Kate looked at the book curiously "Hm, looks good"She said smiling. She would look in to it and hopefully she would enjoy it as much as Sara had. Kate knew what Sara was doing, getting the attention away from her. "Good, now how about you"She asked folding her arms. The only reason Kate was doing this was for her family, Ryan especially. He was confused by Sara's new behavior. She worried that it would send him back to the dark place he had been for the past few years. If he did that because of Sara, Kate would personally kill her sister. Even after all the hard work Sara had put into trying to help Ryan and now here she was, acting the way she was. "You know this isn't good for Ryan"She said quietly. Maybe if Sara just told her why she was doing this, Kate could explain it to Ryan and her parents and they would understand in turn. Kate seriously doubted Sara was doing this on purpose, she probably hated the fact it was confusing Ryan but then why was she doing it in the first place?

 

[Sara Moon]

Sara blew her hair out off her face where it had fallen. She'd been considering cutting her hair, but it was too curly for a pixie cut, so she figured she'd leave it. She'd always been a bit quirky in her sense of style, but she knew now that she was pushing it. She used to hate seeing girls dressed like her, wishing they'd get some class, but she was sick of class. Class had gotten her nowhere. She looked at her sister. Still the same girl she'd been six years ago, more matured perhaps, a little. Kate had never yearned for something the way Sara had yearned to be an auror. She didn't understand. The only thing she'd ever really wanted was Stefan, and now she had him, and so, she was happy. She wished it could be that simple with her. She'd always wanted to be an auror. She'd be tempted to apply anyway, but without Herbology-she wouldn't get in. The thought itself brought tears to her eyes. Tears that she refused to shed. Tear that were invisible under the make-up. That was one of the reasons she wore it. blinking rapidly, she looked up at her younger sister. It shouldn't be Kate trying to look out for her. That had never been the way things worked. Sara was the minder, the one who tried to sort out the others, but then again.. Didn't everyone deserve a break.

Sara smiled, as Kate mentioned the book; "Yes, it's the second in the Gemma Doyle Trilogy. Very good. The first is called "A Great and Terrible Beauty." she replied, stroking the spine of the book. She sighed as Kate asked her about herself. Evidently, her attempts at evasion were not working. "Kate, I'm fine. I know all of you think I'm not, but I am. I will get over it." she answered,looking her sister in the eye, but not believing a word that came out of her own mouth. "I know it's hard to get used to, but everything's okay." she finished, hoping that would be the end of the subject. She'd move on eventually. She'd have to, but the only future she could see now was one that was full of broken dreams and broken promises. She was staring at the ground, she really liked her shoes. That was one good thing that had come out of this. She was far more comfortable in much higher heels than she'd worn before. Her head snapped up into a snarl as Kate mention Ryan. "Do not try to guilt trip me Kate." she growled, angry that Kate would turn this on her. "I am not doing any of this, for any of you. I am doing this, because I need to." She couldn't even explain it. "Both you and Ryan have gone through stuff, and I know it was different for you, you were ill, you weren't eating. It was dangerous for your health, but what I'm doing doesn't hurt anyone." She didn't think Kate had ever realised how much she'd hurt them all when she'd stopped eating. "I love that boy, and I tried so hard to help him. Who was the one who found out what was wrong with him? Me. I have spent so much time worrying about all of you, am I not allowed a break Kate? Is that too much to ask? A break from being responsible, and always doing the right, and respectable thing. Especially now, when everything I've ever wanted is suddenly impossible?" All of this came out in a rush, all the things she'd been holding in for so long.

 

[Kate Archer]

Kate sighed and looked down at her sister. What a mess their family was. They were disfunctional in many ways. She felt sorry for her parents. Everything had just gone so wrong, she was surprised they hadn't taken them out of Hogwarts years ago. It seemed coming to this school was the source of the problem. Ever since Kate had got better she had been trying to fix things. She wasn't doing a very good job and she was trying to change that. She loved her family and she felt guilty for all this mess. She blamed herself, if she hadn't gone off into her own world in Second year a lot of this probably wouldn't have happened.If she had just thought about her family and her friends first a lot of heart ache could have been spared. She probably wouldn't be the weight she was, things might ever be normal at home. Some things wouldn't have changed, she and Sara were going to fall out eventually. Some things just weren't meant to be. Obviously Star and Ryan were. The two were repairing their broken friendship and their laughter sometimes echoed throughout the house. Kate was so happy the two had worked things odd. They needed each other, they would help each other get over the past three years heart ache.

Now that Sara mentioned the first book, Kate had a feeling she had seen it before, even read it. "It sounds very familiar"Kate said thinking allowed.. She has read so many books over the years it was hard to keep track of all the names. If Sara told her the plot an the characters it would probably all come back to her. She was almost sure she had read it before. "Whats it about?"She asked curiously. It was annoying her trying to figure out if she had read it or not. "Are you sure, Sara because it's not looking that way"Kate said, her gaze softening. She doubted this was something Sara could just get over, this sort of thing just didn't happen out of the blue. She was worried that with her sister's current lifestyle she might do something she would regret later. She didn't want her to ruin her chances at life by doing something stupid. Kate just watched as Sara ranted. Finally Kate knew why Sara was acting this way. Kate was still finding it hard to understand, people who don't have a care in the world aren't always destructive as Sara was being. She didn't have to act this way to not worry she simply had to ignore the family, or just take a break. Forget she has a family for whatever time she needed. It would certainly help her parents rest knowing at least she was safe and not living the way she currently was. "But Sara you are hurting people. Do you know how much Mam and Dad are worrying. They've had enough trouble and pain without you acting like this. Poor Ryan, you're confusing the hell out of him. That's my point, you have helped him so much and now you do this. It's perfectly alright to want to take a break from being responsible but by doing it like this. It isn't right."Kate said, clenching her fists. She was so frustrated that Sara was doing tis now of all times. It was irrational to think that Sara would time when she would go off the wall like this but all Kate had in mind was her family and how messed up this was making. "You don't want this behavior to send Ryan back to wherever he was for the past few years or send our parents over the edge. I feel terrible for all the pain and suffering I've caused ye all. It's horrible knowing how much pain you've caused the ones you love and I don't want you feeling the same way."Kate said her voice raising, her inner thoughts coming out. She had never told anyone how she blamed herself for her family's problems and how guilty and terrible she felt for all the pain caused "You don't always have to do the right respectable thing. You don't have to always worry. You think I do that. We're seventeen for God sake , we shouldn't always be doing the right thing. You've put so much pressure on yourself for the past few years, you never had to do that and you don't have to do that now"Kate said pleading with her sister to see from her side of view "Sara, you aren't the only person in the world to not get their dream. I know how much you wanted this and there are tonnes of people who probably had a dream like you and didn't get it but you have to get up and bounce back. Find a new dream because you may not think it now but there is one. Stop wallowing in self-pity and get your act together. "Kate said. She hated seeing her sister like this. She had to get up and find a new dream. It probably seemed impossible to her now but she had to or she would never move on in life.

 

[Sara Moon]

Sara had always been very private about how she felt. If someone treated her badly, she kept quite about it, but if someone hurt her family, or friends she would explode. She wasn't good at letting people know how she felt, unless she was angry. And now she was angry. She sometimes loathed her sister. Sara had tried o hard to help her, and Kate hadn't wanted hr hep, and now when Sara wanted some space, she wouldn't allow it. "It's set in Victorian Times, it' about a girl who has powers to access a place called the realms. there used to be an order who trained people to enter it, but a woman known as Circe destroyed it, and Gemma-the girl is trying to fix things." she explained, she didn't know if Kate had read it or not, this was her second time. She hadn't read the third book yet, but she'd ordered it.
She rolled her eyes at her sister's question; "Kate a change in make-up and style doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It means I'm trying something new. Is that really such a big problem?" she laughed, making light of the situation. Kate didn't get it. None of them got it.

She leaned back against the wall, looking over Kate's head as her sister started talking. She knew she'd get a lecture, which was so not what she needed right now. "What exactly am I doing Kate? I'm dressing differently, I'm going out and having fun. Since when has what I do been your problem? If it's hurting Mam and Dad, I'm sorry, but they have nothing to be worrying about! I'm going to classes aren't I? I'm doing everything they wanted me to do-except now I can't do the one thing I wanted to do!" she replied, her mouth curved into a snarl. "I'm seventeen years old Kate. I'm legally an adult in the wizarding world. Ryan wasn't doing the same thing as me. He shut himself off, because something bad happened to him." She'd promised Ryan not to tell the family about his being bullied, she didn't know if Kate knew, but she wasn't going to betray his trust. "I am doing this because I have to, I've done the other extreme, I've been the perfect little girl, the child without problems, so now I'm doing the other extreme, because somewhere in the middle is there person I'm supposed to be." She finished.

She frowned as Kate spoke about dreams. "You don't get it Kate, you'll never get it. Being an auror is all I know how to do. I'm perfect for it, and what pisses me off is that it was one grade down. If I'd gotten that E, I'd be on my way right now, and I worked at Herbology, but I didn't work hard enough. I was so bloody caught up in Ryan, and your sh!t that I didn't think, I assumed that I'd do well, because I've always done well, but I messed up. I wish I could go back and focus, but I can't. I messed everything up Kate, and if I'd been thinking like this back then, I wouldn't have." she was crying now, and she hadn't even realised it. "You don't get it, you want to go into music, and that's great, but that's not what I want, and there are requirements for what I want Kate, requirements that I haven't met." her make-up was running now, but she didn't care. She was angry.