Closed Deep Talks

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper had no idea what had prompted him to do this. But he'd spent months on this, taking lessons, making dozens and dozens of rings before he'd finally made one that was perfect. It was sitting in the velvet lined ring box he'd made as well, wooden and stained in a gorgeous pattern. He ran a hand over his hair, trying to straighten it out. He'd dressed smartly for this, even though he was only coming over for lunch. He knew that technically he didn't have to ask this, didn't have to talk to Briar. But he wanted a second opinion, one that would be more biased towards Linden than towards himself, and Briar seemed like the best option. After all, she was Lindens mother, not his. He took a trembling breath as he reached her home, and raised a shaky fist to knock on the door, biting his lip and jumping back a little bit as soon as he did.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar was slightly surprised when cas asked if they could catch up for lunch. They had organised a date and a time when wasn’t working. She wasn’t quite sure what to do for lunch. She had a salad, some fresh bread, and butter cheeses, cold meats and some fruit. Not sure what she was meant to do. She was just feeding the dogs when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it and greeted Casper with a smile. He looked different. Smarter dressed. But there was something more than that a shadow of the Casper she had first met somewhere on his face. hello cas. Come in she said opening the door to let him on.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper smiled shyly, his heart pounding in his chest as Briar opened the door. "Hello, Mrs. Rowan-Cullen," He offered, stepping in. "Thank you for having me over," He continued, putting his hands in her pockets and walking further into the house. "I hope I'm not keeping you from anything."

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar smiled at casper as he greeted him, he sounded very much like the fourteen year old boy who had stayed with them one summer. "Casper, please, call me briar" she said a conversation that they had had many times over the years though recently he had been getting better "Come on through. you are welcome any time you dont need to ask" she said. "Can i get you anyhting?" she added as they reached the kitchen cross dining room.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper laughed lightly, though it sounded strained even on his own ears. "Something strong to drink," He offered, only half sarcastically. He needed a shot of something, but he hadn't brought any whiskey with him. He didn't want to look like an alchoholic. He moved into the kitchen, taking a seat. His leg was already bouncing, his shoulders tight with nerves. What if this didn't go well? He took a deep breath, dragging a hand through his hair. This couldn't be too bad... could it?

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

If briar was to have guessed the next words to come out of caspers mouth. "something strong to drink" would not have been in her top options. she wasn't sure if he was being serious or not. "umm." she said a little supprised "i'm afraid not", while she and dederick did drink they generally didnt keep much alcohol in the house especialy spirits, just home brew, which they were running low on, or buying for specific events. Either way, it implied that something was wrong. there was something going on that cas wasn't happy with. " Casper. is everything okay?" she asked. nothing about this was normal. from cas asking if he could come for lunch alone, and his figetiness and now wanting something strong to drink. "are you alright? has something happened to Lin?" she asked sitting down too hoping that her boy wasnt hurt again.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper winced a little when she said she didn't have anything to drink. Well, that was just his luck, he supposed. He wasn't much of a drinker anyway. He was drawn from his thoughts- a distraction really, from what was really on his mind- and his eyes widened slightly at the womans questions. "What? Yes- I mean, no- I-" He cursed, tangling a hand in his hair. "Linden is fine," He managed, his face twisting a bit. "I- it's just-" He couldn't figure out how to speak, and just let out a frustrated sigh. He reached into his pocket, taking out the little box and placing it onto the table with a bit more force than he needed to. He couldn't meet her eyes, his ears burning. He hung his head, drawing in on himself and burying both hands in his hair.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar watched casper fitdget so mih she was starting to feel jumpy herself. she reached a hand out and rested it on his shoulder "Casper. whatever's going on it's okay" she said. giving his shoulder a slight squeeze and trying to catch his eye to give him a smile and nod. "take your time have some water" she said charming one of the glasses to fill up from the jug and land in front of the young man. at the same time as casper out a box on the table. "Okay. that is such a snall box to cause so much upset." she said. she wished lin was around he was good at knowing that cas needed when he was feeling like this. but she was just her. and in well over her head. 'if whatever is in the box is upsetting you this much is it worth it?" she asked.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper took a drink, trying to breath. He couldn't make his blush fade, or his heart settle. He let out a strained laugh. "That- that depends on if you think it is," He offered slowly, peeking at her through his hair, reaching out to push the box a little closer to her. "I-it- I-" He groaned, running a hand through his hair. He couldn't bring himself to look up at her, his nerves tearing him up. "He might say no," He offered softly, biting his lip.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar was starting to put together what cas was trying to ask her. but she didn't want to assume that is what he was trying to say. "I can't tell you what is right for you?" she said. trying to remember back to when she was twenty. she was on the line between a quidditch and ministry career. when an unexpected pregnancy had decided for her. at home she had bought the farm with her quidditch money, but she dederick had been closer to packing it in for good than getting married. a very different situation to cas and lin.
Casper pushed the box over to her. there was almost no way she could ignore the fact that casper wanted her to open it. she opened it slowly and was not supprosed to see a ring sitting in there. "It is beautiful Casper" she said looking at it and the pattern on the band. she looked at it and then back to him. "he might say no. but he might say yes, it depends on the question. you dont have to ask anyhting if you dont feel ready." she said. "but if you did ask, which do you think he will be more likely to say?" she said. she was sure she know what lin would say if he was asked. but it iwasn't her place to say to ask or answer for her sons, or her place to push them to making decisions. it was for them to work it out.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper was trying to calm himself down, but he couldn't get over the nerves. He pushed himself up, pacing and wringing his hands. He was shaking. "I want this," He managed with an almost strangled laugh, a few tears slipping out. "He- but-" He swallowed hard, his hands moving to tangle and tug at his hair. "What do I even have to offer him?" He was shaking, starting to panic a bit. "I'm not- I can't- he deserves-" He whimpered, drawing in a ragged breath. What was he even doing? "I can't do this," He whispered, a desperate plan popping into his mind. Go home, throw together a suitcase, run. Far, far, far away, then die of a broken heart. He didn't deserve Linden or his love- and a man like that, a man like Linden, he could have anyone, anything, he could have so, so, so much more, so much better than a scrawny artist that could barely remember to feed himself when he was lost in his work.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

The lunch with cas was not going the way briar had expected. If she had thought that she would have a man in tears in her kitchen she would maybe have done things differently. Maybe suggesting that they go out or at least outside instead. As she was dealing disasterly poorly equipped. casper she offered gently. Trying to think of what to say. What she used to say when dederick had his moods. What she had seen lin doing. it isn’t about what you can offer someone or what they deserve. she said if it was you have a lot to offer. And you also deserve happiness and you two make each other happy” she said. She rolled her eyes as cas said that he couldn’t do it. do or don’t it doesn’t matter. Be brave and ask or be patient and wait for lin to ask, or stay as you are. You don’t need a ring and a piece of paper to be happy together. she said she had never wanted to or expected to get married. But she had done almost ten years ago. But what difference did it make to the previous twenty years? Not much.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper made himself move back to his seat, dropping down and running his hands through his hair. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. Did it really not matter? Had he blown all of this out of proportion. He summoned the box back, shoving it in his pocket and looking away. "He does make me happy," He offered gently, anxiety still twisting his gut. "Were you ever anxious about your relationship?" He asked, curious, peeking over at her with a bit of a forlorn look in his eyes.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar let go of the box as it sent flying back towards cas. she was not good at this. how was her son abe to keep cas calm. she reached out and out her hand on his shoulder. "I know. and he always seems happier with you around" she said. she remembered the other week when they were over for dinner and willow had pointed out that lin smiled every time he saw cas in the room.
she was not expecting cas to ask about her relationship. "we are all different. I have always been more like Tara. I know what i want and i go for it. there were times when we both wanted to give up. we did break up for a while. and almost did again. a lot of people told me that Dee wasn't good for me. that he was a monster. that i could do better, that it wouldn't work. but guess who turned out to be the biger badder wolf who could put them in their place?" she said a lupine grin across her face at the last part.
by now cas was as much a part of the family to know that dee was also a werewolf. something that was not particularly common knowledge. but like all of their children did not know that he had been the one to bite her.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas was a little surprised at her words, his heart fluttering. "What?" He breathed, knowing he had flushed. Linden was... happier? With him? He bit his lip, lowering his eyes. He was always so critical in the way he thought of himself... Linden was always having to drag him away from his work, bring him food, hold him when he got overwhelmed. He forced himself to focus, looking back to her as she told him about her own relationship.

He laughed lightly as she finished speaking, a little bit of the tension relaxing from his shoulders. "You're definitely the biggest, baddest wolf around," He teased her. He sighed then, sitting back. "You really love him?" He asked softly, considering things. He chewed his lip, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling.

"I want to get married," He whispered, feeling so very vulnerable as he admitted it. "But I've never... I've never really believed I could," He sighed. "Even with Linden... I don't know... I love him, so much it hurts sometimes... but I don't know if I've ever in my life felt like more than just the last choice, the last option," He felt his eyes well up with tears and he scrubbed his hands over his face.

"I was adopted, and kicked out. I couldn't even keep the family that chose me. I feel like an afterthought to the Becketts on the best days. I just- I don't know, sometimes I would stay up, dream of a life where I was the first choice, where I was important," He took a deep breath, trying to pull it together. "I want this, so much, but-" He wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't think I deserve it." He looked over to her.

"Sebastian talked a big game but he couldn't be bothered. Lysander straight up told me he didn't want to miss out on anything. And Lin..." He bit his lip, his heart aching. "Sometimes... I just... I can't help but feel like I was his second choice. I'm not good, I'm not... I'm not Lucas," He admitted gently. "I tried to win Linden over once... but the goofy little artist wasn't enough... if Lucas hadn't ended it, hadn't broken his heart..." He shook his head, hugging himself a little tighter. "I'm scared I'm nothing more than the consolation prize,"

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar shouldnt have been supprised at how confused Casper seemed. not that it wasn't obvious but she knew how highly he thought of linden and how little he thought of himself. "yes, he does. he always manages to talk about you. he always manages to bring up and funny things you say, or what painting you are working on" she said.
she chuckled as cas said she was the biggest baddest wolf of them all before she softened slightly and nodded when he asked if she really loved dee "yes. I really love him. it hasn't always been smooth sailing. but I i love him and couldn't imagine life without him." she said. She generally wasn't overly emotional or good at putting her emotions into words. but they had a way of understanding and balancing each other that didn't need words. she nodded slightly as cas said he wanted to get married. "If that is what you want you should go for it" she said.
she listened as cas spoke about his worries. she moved over to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Casper, dear. don't ever think that you are the last option, or that people shouldn't want you. or that you don't deserve it. she said giving his shoulder a little squeeze. "If I was to be selfish, I would say glad Sebastian and lysander didn't end up with you, i don't know much about sebastian. but from what I heard about Lysander, you are better off without him" she said. "not only d you make my linden smile every time he sees you, but you have been a son to me for a long time and while it is entirely yours and Lins choice, and you don't have to be married to be family, but i would be so proud to have you as a son in law." she said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper shut his eyes, leaning into Briar and listening intently to her words. He sighed, feeling a little reassured. Did Linden really fawn over him to his family? Maybe he had a chance. It could work.... He was blushing, and he wasn't sure if it was from Briar's praise or from the thought of Linden. "You're too kind," He murmured, but didn't try to pull away. "I know it's silly... I just... I don't know, I can't help but want it," He sighed, his hand moving into his pocket to trace over the ring box.