Closed Consequences

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe had never felt the kind of fugue she was trapped in before. The world felt entirely unreal, like clouds she could simply wave a hand through to dissipate at any moment. She knew Edmund had seen how unsettled she had been when she arrived at the twins' flat, but thankfully he had seemed too uncomfortable to ask questions, simply letting her into Theodore's room and escaping to go to work, leaving behind only a shouted promise that his brother would be home soon. The quiet and stillness of Theodore's dark room should have been comforting, but the screams bubbling under Zoe's skin longed to be matched by their surroundings, and it only added to her sense of displacement.

It wasn't like she hadn't known this was a possibility, of course. She was a smart woman, and even if she weren't, her older sister had made more than enough of a fuss over the years to drill all of the sensible measures into her mind for the rest of her life. Zoe had done everything right, and yet... her hands shuddered violently at the thought, scrambling for a moment before she clasped them in her lap, doing her best to just keep her breathing steady. It would help to cry, maybe, but something about that felt wrong, not... not yet. If she cried, this would all be real, and as desperately as she wanted to escape this feeling, once it all became real that switch could never be unflipped. These silently screaming moments of denial were all that she had, and she savoured them in silent panic until a crack of light split her vision, looking up in fear as Theodore entered the room.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore had no idea what to expect when he went into his room. Edmund had warned him quietly that Zoe had arrived at their apartment and that something seemed to be wrong. It seemed like he hadn't really spoken to Zoe much, but that didn't surprise Theodore. He didn't think Edmund had any idea what to make of Theodore's girlfriend, and he himself preferred it if they stayed apart. Though right now it would have been helpful if he'd had a bit more information. He walked into the room, feeling nervous. Was Zoe here to break up with him? Had she fallen in love with someone else? He had always sort of expected in the back of his mind that she wouldn't stay with him forever, but he still felt hurt and confused at the thought. Theodore looked at Zoe, sitting quietly on his bed, and any hope that this would be good news evaporated. He'd never seen her look that small. Theodore hesitated, then sat down next to her. "Is something wrong?" He asked her quietly.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe felt like she sat in the dark staring at her own knees for hours, lost in the fugue of fear she had found herself in. In reality it couldn't have been much more than a few minutes before the door opened, her head snapping up quickly to see Theodore standing there, bringing with him a fresh wave of both relief and terror. At last, at least Zoe wasn't alone anymore. But Ted being here meant she actually had to say the words out loud, meant that this was all about to become painfully, terrifyingly real. She nodded wordlessly when he asked if something was wrong, reaching over and gripping Ted's hand tightly. Zoe hadn't cried yet, but she could feel tears beginning to well in her eyes as she numbly started to recount the day, still too shaken to just say the words out right. "I'm.. I've been sick..." She croaked, clinging tightly to Ted's hand, her life-raft in the ocean of uncertainty. "I just... I thought it was... some stomach thing, but..." The tears finally spilled from her eyes, carving rivers down her cheeks as a sob escaped her. "I, um... then I-I was late, so... so I took a test to be safe..." She trailed off, finally allowing herself to sob freely as she clung to Ted's hand for dear life. "I don't know what to do..."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore was now expecting something bad, something terrible. But the only terrible thing he had been able to think of was Zoe dumping him. So when she gripped his hand, he was preparing himself for that, feeling panic surge inside him at the thought. But that panic turned into simple read when Zoe said she had been sick, and Theodore immediately felt dizzy. "What?" He croaked. "You're sick? Is it lethal?" He asked her, his eyes wide as she started to sob. "Zoe, are you... dying?" He whispered, clutching her hand tightly.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

If someone had asked her moments earlier, Zoe would have said she was far too distressed to be distracted from her worries. Theodore's concern caught her by surprise though, and she couldn't help giggling, an ugly, sputtering laugh in the middle of her sobs as she realised what he thought. "No!" She said quickly, squeezing his hands. "No, I'm not dying, I'm fine!" She said quickly, though her smile faded as she realised she had to actually say the words. "I'm... pregnant."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore watched in horror as Zoe started to laugh and cry at the same time. He was watching her in confusion, blinking slowly. "What?" He breathed, slowly realizing she was not dying. He squeezed her hands back, clinging to her in confusion. When she finally did say what was happening, the words almost made no sense. Theodore blinked and frowned at her, shaking his head slowly. "What? No." He said, somehow feeling like it was impossible.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe hadn't expected a good reaction - her own response to the discovery certainly hadn't been joy-filled - but something about Theodore saying "no" still stung. "It's... I didn't want to believe it either." She stammered, trying to collect her thoughts. "But I.... the tests don't lie..." She clung to Theodore's hand tightly, the grip keeping her grounded enough to push on with the conversation. "I don't know what to do..."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore frowned and shook his head. "I mean, we're… young." He told her. "Too young, right?" He said, his voice rising in panic. "You had tests?" He added, his voice going even higher. Then he cursed loudly, closing his eyes. Until he realized Zoe was clutching his hand tightly, and how she was probably more scared than him. He opened his eyes again and looked at her. "What do you want to do?" He asked her quietly. "I'm going to support you no matter what."

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe winced and nodded, clinging to Ted's hand tightly. The panic in his voice only made her own heart-rate rise, and for a brief, insane moment, Zoe wondered if telling him had been a mistake. The moment passed though, Zoe realising how hard she had been biting her lip only when Ted asked what she wanted to do. She looked down at their joined hands, thoughts returning to the whirlwind of options she had been considering since finding out. "I don't... know." Zoe admitted hoarsely, barely recognising the timidness in her own voice. "This is... huge. I do... want this, but... I never... never imagined it this early." She said quietly, eyes tracing the lines on their hands, skin folded against skin. A team. "How... do you feel about kids? In general, I mean?" This was... probably a conversation they should have had sooner, Zoe realised, but who was thinking about children already when they were at school?

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore wished Zoe had said anything but 'I don't know', if she didn't know, how was he supposed to know? Some part of him knew it was unfair to expect her to make the decision on her own, but it would definitely be a lot easier than having to actually think about this, as a reality. He still clung to Zoe's hands, his mind racing. "I..." He said, faltering a little. "I... like the idea, in... in theory." He said, then winced. "I mean, I always pictured it. I did. Just... later." He hadn't ever thought of it consciously, but he realized it was how he had always pictured his future. Just... when he was much older, someone established, someone with a career and a house and after having been with Zoe for years and years. The idea of starting it all now was daunting. What did he know about babies? Next to nothing, and he suspected Zoe knew about as much as he did. His mouth went dry, this really was a daunting prospect.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe had half expected Theodore to turn her down outright, to say that he had never wanted kids. On the surface, he definitely seemed like the kind of person who would hate the idea. Zoe knew him much deeper than that though, knew how devastated he had been to lose Victor, knew how deeply he cared about the people close to him, and how proud he was of his younger cousin. Theodore's nurturing side was hidden, certainly, but Zoe had seen more than enough of it not to be entirely surprised when he said he had always wanted kids. "Me too." She said quietly. "I thought we'd... be like... I dunno. Thirty and married, or something." She sighed, staring down at their linked hands. "Maybe this is... a sign though. That... it's time? I don't know." She sighed heavily, eyes distant as she thought about it. "You've got... a good job. I can... leave the Menagerie and stay home for a while.... it's... possible."