Confrontation

[Cecily Rambolt]

Cold wind leaked through the cracks around the thick paned window Cecily Rambolt passed on her way to the Library. She trailed her fingers along the divets in the stone wall, coming to a slow stop to look through the glass. A storm was building, bringing with it a fierce electrical charge. Her mouth lifted at the corners. She wondered if her grandfather was getting along well back home. Her eyes clouded. Once Hogwarts had felt like home to her. She'd been foolish, falling again, dreaming things that weren't written in the runes for her.

She shook her hands at the familiar pain that tingled in them whenever she thought of Nicolas. She balled them into fists then braced them open palmed on the sill, letting the cool air that whistled through numb them. It was her fault. She knew it yet could not help her anger at him for ending something she had thought.... She didn't let herself go down that path again. To think like that was dangerous.

Would he be angry at her for her rash words when last they'd seen one another? She didn't know what had made her say what she had. She stood there lost in thought, her trip to the library forgotten.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas had gone directly from the Professor's meeting to Gryffindor Tower. The Professor's meeting which he had almost entirely conducted until Cecily had decided to spring it both upon him and the group that she was in charge, that Alicia would have left the school in her care and that they were all to report to her. That had certainly made him happy. He had quickly left the Professor's meeting and decided eh would not attend the Prefect's meeting when it came. If she was to run things she could damn well do it herself, he had decided.

After the meeting in Gryffindor Tower Nicolas had lingered a few extra moments to ensure that all his pupils were well and not frightened by the present situation, he admitted that they had every right to be frightened, Hogwarts was likely not as safe as they had all once thought but nevertheless he requested that his pupils, Gryffindors, show the utmost bravery in the face of this fear and lead the school by example.

He found himself walking mindlessly down a staircase which abruptly ended in the fourth floor, two floors away from his obvious. He sighed lightly, deciding that this might be the castle's way of ensuring he cooled down a little bit before he retired for the evening and so he started to walk down the stone corridor. A draft was present as he walked down it in fair haste, his footsteps echoing through the hall. Nicolas stopped abruptly five or so metres from a familiar figure, leaning against a window ledge. His mind raced suddenly, a thousand thoughts coming to it all at once and most of them being filled with rage. How could she have done something like that to him in the Professor's meeting? Even if she now hated his guts how could she embarrass him like that in front of their colleagues? He didn't think he would ever do something like that to her, he would never spring it on her, at least. He would give her some forewarning, or so he told himself. One could never be entirely sure of such things until they were put in a situation to test them.

Nicolas cleared his throat slightly, "Well, that was quite the stunt you pulled back there." He started, not drawing any nearer to the woman as he spoke, "Though I applaud you. I didn't see that one coming at all. How did Shakespeare put it, exactly?..." Nicolas pondered, recollecting some of his Muggle Studies courses in school, "Ah yes, 'Look like the innocent flower..But be the serpent under it.' Well, I'm sure he'd be quite proud of you on that one. I didn't know that you were such a thespian."

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

Cecily stiffened and let his words wash over her. Oh yes, she knew he was in the right. She had betrayed him, the man she had loved -still loved- and through her rash words broken the last thread of anything that might have held them together. What had possessed her in those moments? She had felt a buzzing in her ears, swear in her palms and a frightful need to strike out and make someone feel as wounded as she herself was.

His words, spoken so eloquently, stung her.

"I'm surprised you're lowering yourself to speak to me," she said in a calm voice, not taking her eyes off the darkening clouds gathering outside. Her eyes darted about to watch their progress. It was like a mirror of her insides.

She opened her mouth to say more but to her horror tears pooled in her eyes. She tilted her head, let her unbound hair fall to cloak her face, and blinked them rapidly away. She cleared her throat but even then had no idea what to say to him that would not be said in anger.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas observed Cecily as her body visibly stiffened. He shook his head solemnly, why had he even stopped to speak? What good had he figured could possibly come of it. He had wanted her to know how upset he was. But did he really think she was that dense? He frowned even more visibly as these thoughts passed through his mind and Cecily still didn't look at him. He took a pace nearer to her, preparing a hand to lay on her back and calm her, though he froze and stopped where he was, still easily four metres from her figure in the window. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't bear her. There was too much emotion, too much hurt, too much abandonment and betrayal that he still felt and though he'd loved her more than anybody else in the world, she was his tie to this world, he couldn't handle it at all. He couldn't bear not being near her. Her not being able to spare a moment for him with her Grandfather taking over her life.

"I never claimed to be above you, Cecily." Nicolas finally managed to say, still back from where the woman stood. "I never ever said I was better than you. If anybody even suggested such a thing it would have been you." He stated firmly, his voice unrelenting but his mind quivering with the rush of emotion and thought that had come over him. "I know you blame me for this... us." He began, taking another small step toward the woman at the sill. "But why would you do that to me back there? I thought we were co-deputy headmasters. Apparently not. I guess we never were. If anything tonight proves that you were always thought to be the higher of us."

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

Abruptly, she slapped her palms against the flat stone sill, welcoming the painful sting. She whirled to face him. "I do blame you!" She felt as though this bubble had welled inside her, weighing her down as she wept night after night on the lonely steps of her grandfather's porch, until it popped violently with every step Nicolas took toward her, every word he spoke.

Her voice, husky with emotion, lowered as she stated fiercely, "I blame you for ending it, I blame you for not trying to work things out," she cut a hand through the air sharply, "I blame you for walking away from me and not giving me time."

The sight of him standing there, so close yet so far away from her, tore at her already fragile heart. She felt the anger leave just as quickly as it came and she lifted her hands toward him, beseechingly, before reason took hold. She lowered them and her head, her hair falling around her shoulders and face. Her hands fell uselessly by her sides.

"It just hurts so damn much," she shook her head bewilderingly. "I-,"she raised her eyes to his, seeing him through a sheen of wetness, "I don't think I'm above you." Her eyes darted away from his. It wasn't what she had been about to say. But she knew it would do nothing, help nothing, if she had told him she had wanted, for a split second, to hurt him too. It was vile, it was petty. She was ashamed of herself.

It wasn't a feeling she was unused to. She'd felt it many times during her relationship, if one could call it that, with Bearse. Except this time she knew the feeling was well earned.

 

[Nicolas King]

"I did try to work things out, Cecily." Nicolas began nearly immediately in his own defence, "I also tried to give you all the space you needed to reunite with family. You forgot about me. You abandoned me. You cared more about reuniting with your Grandfather who nearly killed you one night than about the man who hunted you down to save you." Professor King said this quiet fiercely and quickly.

Nicolas didn't know what else to say at all. He wasn't sure there was anything else to say. He knew they were both hurt. He had said all he had wanted to about the meeting that evening, or anything he cared to say at least. He could see how deeply wounded Cecily appeared to be, and that hurt him more. That he had done this to somebody he had once loved, or still loved, or had never loved. He wasn't sure. 'Had never loved' didn't make sense to him, he could recollect times very vividly when he had known without a doubt that this was the woman he loved, but now everything was shadowed and with things as they were at the school individual feelings were even more difficult to sort out.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

She flinched as he spoke, words of truth and each one hit harder than the last. "What was I supposed to do?" she fired back. "He needed me Nicolas. Sometimes it felt-," she took a breath to steady herself. "Sometimes it felt as though you didn't need me, not truly." She crossed her arms over her chest, her fingertips digging into her upper arms. "The more I was away, the more I doubted us...the more I doubted you."

"But most of all I doubted myself." She shocked herself when she blurted that out. Her eyes widened and she prayed to take the words back. They opened up a door she hadn't opened, didn't want to open. Yet there the words hung, telling in one sentence her insecurity, her self doubt and her hurt.

Had she sabotaged her, their, happiness on purpose? Cecily grappled with that horrifying thought. She had come face to face with the realization that she didn't think she deserved to be happy and it had to happen in front of him.

 

[Nicolas King]

"I'm sorry, some man disappears out of your life, convinces you and your family he's dead. Drops you hints that he's still alive then he kidnaps you, almost kills you and granted you have a right to want to help him and get to know him but I don't think he needed you at all. He abandoned your whole family, then he surprised you all and worried your parents more than I'm sure you can imagine." Nicolas paused at this, recollecting his meeting with Cecily's father. He was then forced to wonder what her parents thought of him, 'What the hell do you think they think about you, Nick?' he asked himself, 'You shattered their daughter's heart, just like Bearse. They hate you. They're probably already hoping she'll get together with Edward.' At this his mind flashed to Edward and his loathe for him. Even now, in the midst of all uncertainty Nicolas knew without a doubt how much he loathed Edward. Edward, the man who had kissed Cecily... his Cecily, at the time. Edward, the man who had tried to scare him off at the Ministry of Magic and Edward whom he vividly remembered Cecily was prepared to part with for the sake of her relationship with Nicolas.
Nicolas' frown became more pronounced suddenly, if this was at all possible, when Cecily spoke of her own doubts and fears about herself. He wasn't sure how to respond to such revelations at all. She'd had a rough past, a rough life, and surely he wasn't making things any easier. Surely he was not helping things in this moment. Surely it was simply best if they parted and she ran the school as she desired until Alicia returned and then Nicolas returned to the Ministry as he had pondered earlier that evening. He stood, frozen and still, for several moments before he coughed slightly, clearing his throat, though he hadn't yet decided what he'd say. "Perhaps I should go." He stated with the slightest sign of hesitance.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

"Yes, it has been hard for them. But we know his reasons, why he was forced into hiding and the circumstances," she rushed out, trying to explain at least some of what she had been dealing with with her family. "We've forgiven him, Nicolas." She wished, hoped, pleaded with whatever gods would listen that she could be forgiven too.

"You're right..." she admitted quietly, "they did worry." Her lips quirked sadly. "Mum asks after you, you know." She looked down and away, biting her lower lip.

When he said he should go, her head jerked up, her eyes locked with his. "Go?"

 

[Nicolas King]

"Well, I'm glad you've forgiven him, then." Nicolas began, it was all too easy to be bitter in these moments, all too easy to hate whatever was near you, whoever you chose. As Cecily mentioned her mother Nicolas shook his head slightly, how was one to respond to such a statement? Joyfully? Sorrowfully? He wasn't going to write Cecily's mother and he wasn't going to ask what Cecily had replied. "How has your mom been?" Nicolas enquired suddenly, "Better, I should hope?" He enquired, he didn't know Cecily's parents very well at all and had even less of a cause to be interested in them now that he wasn't with their daughter but he figured it courtesy to ask.

"Yes, go." Nicolas stated once more, "I don't think you've needed me bothering you, with you having to run the castle now and all." He concluded, not meaning his final statement to sound as harsh as it likely did but deciding it not worth his while to try to amend. He had been tempted to tell Cecily of his ponderings of leaving the castle, how he thought it may be best and that he may do it at the end of the semester, should Alicia return or a sufficient replacement for himself be found though he decided against this. It served no purpose. Cecily had enough on her plate and he didn't think she could care less, it would only cause things to become easier for her.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

"She's fine," she replied softly. His harsh manner showed her how much she had messed up. "I didn't mean it!" she blurted out loudly and cringed at how childish it sounded, as though they were in their third year and she'd wrote a note behind his back.

Suddenly she knew it was now or never. If she didn't try to mend what she had broken or at least attempt to hold it together...

"I didn't mean it. Not any of it." She stepped closer to him and looked at him earnestly, her hands held out toward him, palms open. "I was angry, I was hurt...and with Alicia," she stuttered over her mentors name, "gone, I said the first things to come to my mind. I knew they hurt you and I didn't care."

"Not then, not at that moment. But I care now," she said softly, truthfully. "I am sorry for hurting you that way, Nicolas,"she whispered. She knew he could fling her apology in her face and it would be his right to do so. "I had no right to embarrass you."

 

[Nicolas King]

"No, you didn't have any right to do that." Nicolas confirmed with a nod, "But I guess you did and now there's nothing I can do and nothing you can change. So I'll make sure to report to you with anything amiss in the school, madame." Nicolas stated, giving Cecily a slight bow as he spoke. He was about to turn to leave, not wanting to stay much longer and not sure where else their conversation could possibly go, but he froze. "How did the prefects meeting go?" He enquired, figuring that it had concluded and that was why Cecily was in the corridor now.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

"It went well," she stated absently, trying to assimilate everything he had said. No. No she couldn't let things rest this way, nor could she not strive to make amends for her immature and stupid behavior.

"Nicolas," she went to him quickly and hesistantly touched his sleeve, letting her hand drop quickly. "You won't report to me," she said firmly. "I'll owl the other professors and rectify this. You are my equal not my subordinate." How could she have wounded this man before her? She wished the ground would open and swallow her whole. She sighed, the puff of air sounding loud in the corridor. If only it could be that easy.

"I was wrong, I fully admit it." She looked up at him earnestly.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas sighed as well, when he had confronted Cecily he hadn't planned to talk to her for very long at all, just to make her feel poorly for what she had done, and now she was apologizing. "Yes, you were wrong." Nicolas confirmed, staring into Cecily's eyes a moment before he couldn't take it and looking away, just beyond her to the window. "But I was wrong too," He began, inhaling audibly as he spoke, "I should have never called you what I have, you aren't a serpent. I know you're just as high string about this situation as everybody else if not more. Alicia is your friend and mentor, but you need to remember that she isn't gone forever, that the Ministry is looking for her and that eventually she'll return." He paused at this and forced himself to offer Cecily a reassuring smile, "We just have to make do until she comes back." He concluded with a soft smile on his face. Of course, his countenance didn't mirror his inner emotion, no he wasn't happy nor could he imagine himself to be within the near future, but he could fain happiness for those around him. He could comfort people with a small smile if it'd help at all, and he could try to be as optimistic about things outwardly no matter how unsure about things he may have been inwardly. "I'm sorry, Cecily." He was sorry, but for more than one thing and this one simple apology was his way of covering all the things he did feel sorry for. The obvious was that he was sorry for having called Cecily a serpent, he was sorry for Alicia being gone and sorry he'd confronted Cecily for what she had done though he knew she was under great stress. The less obvious, though, was that he was sorry for having ended their relationship so abruptly. That he hadn't given her enough of a chance to be with her grandfather, perhaps, and finally that things had turned out as they had.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

Cecily's hands fluttered to her sides. Her nerveless fingers grasped and buried themselves in her green robes. She let out the breath she'd unconsciously been holding. He hadn't flung her apology in her face. Her lips quirked in a sad smile. Her relief made her a bit weak from the pent up emotions she had held in so long whenever in his presence as of late. Her humor was gone and she found herself retiring to bed earlier and earlier each night.

She hadn't been sleeping well since their parting months ago. Although her move back to the castle had been a painful one, being near him was a war of emotions. She missed everything about him, his smile, his rare laughter, his integrity. Yet most of all she missed his friendship. If she could but regain that small part, she would accept it. It was better than not being around him at all. She did not know if that meant her love for him was that strong or her resolve was that weak.

His apology was like a fire being lit under her tired soul. A faint spark flickered and the heavy feeling of so many emotions lifted from her slightly. She regarded him. To hell with it. She would be honest with him.

"Would it be terribly forward of me if I said that I miss you?" she said with her old pluck. Beyond them the storm began to rage outside, pelting the thick paned glass with hard rain. The sounds echoed through the corridor.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas observed Cecily's reactions to his words. He watched her body both visibly relax and tense at the same time. She had released a sigh of sorts but her fingers grasped the sides of her robes. Her visage displayed solely a bitter-sweet smile. It seemed everything about her reaction was paradoxal, happy and sad, relieved and worried, calm and excited. Such reactions didn't help him read her in the least, she was clearly just as unsure about how to act and feel as he was.

When Cecily spoke at last Nicolas chuckled slightly. He didn't really have a reason to chuckle, but it seemed natural. He took a step toward Cecily before stopping abruptly, "I think we've missed each other..." He stated quietly with a certain amount of hesitance. He wasn't exactly sure what saying that would mean, or what Cecily had meant by her statement. Based off her prior actions it was likely that even she didn't know what she meant by what she'd said, nor would she know what he meant. He smiled half-heartedly, almost reassuringly after his statement, not at all sure what to say or do next.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

Cecily stepped closer, her breathing a bit unsteady. He had missed her! It was a balm to her sore heart and the smile she sent his way was heartfelt and like her old self. It was the first full smile she'd given anyone in months. Her grandfather had remarked that it was like the eclipsing of the sun when his granddaughter frowned.

She didn't stop to think and the words flew from her mouth, leaving her cringing as they rang through the empty corridor. "Can we try again?" She mentally called herself a thousand types of fool for blurting out such a revealing question. Now he would know how much she had missed him, how much she still thought about him...and how much she still loved him.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas smiled warmly back toward Cecily as he saw her smile. He enjoyed her smile, it was one of the many things he found amazing about her, it was one of the many reasons he loved her. Nicolas placed his hands gently on Cecily's upper arms as she drew near to him and then spoke. His smile continued a few more moments, glad Cecily had asked what she had though coming into this situation he would have never guessed that this would how it would end.
"Yes, I should say we can." Nicolas replied at last, his smile seeming to grow a little bit as he uttered the words. "I still love you, Cecily. I just can't handle you being so far away so often, I need to know you love me too." Nicolas stated and rationalized at the same time.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

She couldn't believe it. She must have looked a bit shell shocked as her eyes locked with his and she watched his mouth form the words that took eons to sear into her brain. He loved her.

Her eyes brightened with unshed tears and her smile grew tremulous. "I love you, a thousand times I love you,"she whispered, "and I won't make the same mistake twice." She laughed, the sound catching midway as she fought the urge to bawl in relief then and there.

 

[Nicolas King]

Nicolas chuckled lightly then drew Cecily into his embrace, holding her to him for a moment. "I'm glad the castle made me come down this way today." Nicolas stated in a hushed tone. "I really missed you... I really missed us." He then concluded, deciding to leave the rest to silence or to Cecily.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

Cecily relaxed against him, resting her cheek on his shoulder and putting her arms around him. She let out an unsteady breath. To be in his arms once more, it was more than she could have hope or wished for.

"I'm glad too," she said quietly, grinning widely. She would have been content to stay there longer but she heard the sound of footsteps. She pulled away, keeping her hands on his arms and looked up into his eyes.

Suddenly shy, she wasn't sure what to say. She settled for, "Do you have rounds tonight?"

 

[Nicolas King]

"I figure I should." Nicolas stated after Cecily spoke. "What with today's events and all it couldn't hurt for me to go out." He concluded with a slight nod. The day had been truly bitter-sweet for him. Alicia had been kidnapped and the school was half in a panic but his relationship with Cecily had also been restored.
He wasn't sure what to say, so he just smiled softly to Cecily once more, "Will you be alright tonight?" He decided to ask, knowing how rough the day must have been on her.

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

"Yes," she nodded, smiling softly. "I'll be fine. I have some arrangements to work out, so that I'll be here more," she said shyly. She felt a guilty thrill at being so happy on a day of tragedy for them all.

"I should go," she said reluctantly, but with her familiar cheeky smile. "Before any wayward student finds us and bombards us with questions."

 

[Nicolas King]

"Alright, then." Nicolas agreed with a nod, looking down toward Cecily. "Try to have a good evening, alright?"m He offered with a kind smile, not wanting her to be too worked up about Alicia or the school. "I'm sure the Ministry will find Alicia soon enough, and even if they don't she can handle her own."

 

[Cecily Rambolt]

She nodded, "I know. She's resourceful." She gathered her cloak about her as the corridor became more drafty than normal.

"Good night." She looked at him with a gentle smile before turning and leaving to her quarters.