Ceaseless

[Samuel Phillips]

Maybe it was another sleepless night. Or maybe it was the knot in the pit of his stomach and the way his bedroom walls gradually fell out of focus that eventually caused him to give up sketching and drag his body to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. Nevermind the means to the end, after Samuel quickly emptied his cup he poured another and sipped from it as he moved around, so by the time he gathered the sketches he now despised and walked out the door the effects of the coffee had set in enough to keep him from falling asleep on his feet. The last eight months were a blur of little sleep and too much caffeine as the twenty five year old poured his heart and soul into one repetitive project after the other; a temporary resolve for his feelings that ultimately accomplished nothing. Everything he used as a means for distraction were always an inch away from being finished, but never actually finished. Because as soon as he was reaching the end stages of designing the interior for his new apartment or organizing his belongings he threw it all away so he could begin from scratch. It not only annoyed Clementine to no end (Switching the placement of furniture every few weeks had become a regular occurrence she was more than sick of at this point) but everyone else in his inner circle for not only them but also himself knew it was a mask, and a display of the renegade instincts he always possessed that forced him to never deal with issues head on and coincidentally pretend like they never existed. Nevertheless, it was these problems and Sam's subsequent denial of them that had brought him closer to his friends whether he chose to believe it or not. Clementine knew him inside and out, and could recognize his habits better than any normal roommate. While Charlotte had seen him barely awake and entirely disheveled which was far more than he could say for the rest of the world that only saw the neatly dressed, staunch version of himself and the defensive wall he put up from fear of being hurt.

And it was Charlotte's doorstep where he ended up at an ungodly hour of the morning for what could very well be the thousandth time. He knocked on her door three times, shuffled the rolled up papers under his arm and knocked thrice again before the door finally opened and his eyes graced the blonde's familiar features. His lips curved into a small smile as he stepped inside to greet her with a suffocating hug. "It's good to see you again." He cut to the chase as he pulled away, beginning to speak immediately as if he expected her utmost attention and ignoring any other formalities, which was entirely rude but another habit of his sleep deprived self all the same. "I started on some new ideas and as usual Clem is no help." Due to the fact their tastes were so similar, Charlotte had always donned a better opinion when it came to interior design. Whereas Clementine on the other hand had no sense of taste, leaving her to agree to everything while Samuel drew himself into a rut time and time again. Without such a like-minded friend to balance out his roommate's indifference he would be in a rut a hundred times worse that was for sure. He walked further into Charlotte's house and towards the kitchen as if it were his own, because after so many visits at the worst possible times Sam had long grown accustomed to the house and the person living in it. When he reached a nearby table he promptly placed each of his papers down and began rolling them out to show her his new, although frightfully similar ideas. "What do you think?" Was the only thing he said to his friend because there were a limited amount of options when redesigning the same spaces over multiple times in a month. Even with a creative mindset his ideas were bound to a cycle of repetition. It would be no surprise if Charlotte had seen the same ideas plenty of times before regardless of how adamantly Sam would deny such similarities to keep an active distraction from the issues he refused to face. After hitting his current roadblock, Samuel was relying entirely on his friend's thoughts to shape and change the ideas he was obsessing himself over. Because even now that many months had passed, he refused to admit how terrified he was to accept change and live life on the alternate and completely unexpected path he had fallen on. A complete fear of the unknown was one thing, but fear of instability was an entirely different feat and Samuel was doing everything in his power to avoid recognizing it.

wtf happened.​

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[Charlotte Williams]

Perhaps it was that she was pretty busy throughout the day that meant Charlotte Williams slept both well and for long. She was the type of person who tried to keep as much of a schedule as was humanly possible, while also accounting for her slightly chaotic life at times. Which had steadily grown more chaotic as time had gone on. Ever since moving to New Zealand it had been non stop work and people. She barely got a moment to herself, and all the time that she did she was always more than grateful. The sleep that she got was good and it was necessary. It was in the early hours of the morning that Charlotte awoke suddenly, and it took her a few moments to figure out what it was that had awoken her at this time. Someone was at her door. And really she already knew who it was. This had happened on a few occasions, she didn't mind either. Char was always keen to help out friends, and she knew she was young so what did a little missed sleep matter really. Getting out of bed, Charlotte quickly threw on her dressing gown and then walked to the door. The first time Sam had appeared at her door, Char had taken the time before to put on a little bit of make up and then throw on some clothes. Now, she waited until he was in the house before she did that. She looked presentable, but not how Charlotte would ever chose to look when greeting a guest in her home. Sam was a good friend, but a guest nonetheless. The young woman, didn't bother slipping on her shoes before heading down to the door. She knew that he didn't really mind waiting a little bit, but that what ever it was he was keen to tell her. She opened the door to him, and wasn't surprised that she'd been right in her assumption about it being him at the door. He hugged her tightly, barely giving her enough time to greet him. Not that it really mattered. "And you Sam" she said as he pulled away. She was happy to see him. She liked Sam a lot and was one of the friendships she was happy to have carried on from her time in Paris. They had similar tastes and he liked asked her opinion on certain design things in the same way that occasionally she'd ask him things too.

Without needing any further invitation Sam continued into Char's home. Char knew they were at the point when that didn't really. He'd been to her home enough times, and she'd been to his enough times. That was the only thing that really mattered. She closed the door behind him and then followed him into the first room which had a dinning table at it. She glanced at what he was showing her, it was taking her a bit of time to really focus on it. She liked what he'd done so far, and knew that the finished place would look great. "It looks great, but maybe you should consider" she said before then demonstrating a way that took from what Sam had and made it a little more what Char would do. Their tastes were similar yes, but different enough also. She yawned slightly as she finished off, "Like that, you know" She said, "I'm going to get some coffee, do you want any? Or something else?" She asked Sam and rather than waiting for a response she just got up and headed to the kitchen switching on the coffee machine, "I'm going to make myself look a little more decent, help yourself to anything you need" Charlotte said before heading back upstairs. She didn't plan to put on her best clothes but just something that was maybe a little more presentable that her dressing gown. She did her hair up in a messy ponytail and only applied a little bit of make up, just a little foundation to make herself look a little less tired. She threw on a dressed and then slipped into a pair of matching heels. By the time she was ready and heading back downstairs the fresh smell of coffee filled the air. She took a cup and filled it. "What you've got is good, but I would do it slightly differently" she didn't know if Sam had continued to work on it or not. "You might have a small place but you still have endless options you know." Charlotte looked at Sam and smiled. "How is Clem?" she asked, knowing that while Sam didn't like the formalities she was very much for them. She wasn't quite at the point where she could completely forget those things. In Charlotte's mind those were as important as offering a guest something to drink. Just because it was early didn't mean she was going to forget such things.
​

Again, I'm sorry this is just so late.

 

[Samuel Phillips]

The fatigue Samuel was feeling from another night of lost sleep was beginning to hit him faster than any caffeine he managed to consume, and he knew that sooner or later he would return to his unfinished apartment and pass out on his bed but until he could leave he reminded himself that Charlotte deserved his utmost attention and how imperative it was to stay awake in her company. He took a half step back to let his friend contribute to his designs but he quickly grew disenchanted after remembering a few weeks ago when he tried something similar to what she suggested and how he later threw that idea away because it differed too much from the rest of his vision for the apartment. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and sighed hopelessly as a response. Not at his friend's contribution but at the exhaustion behind this ordeal. For everything else, his ideas came easily and he always found it difficult to stop his creative flow when it went along a new tangent, be it with his art or even his dress sense, he was always thinking of new ways to be creative no matter how insignificant they might have been. But this apartment was different, and during the past few months it had drained him more than he ever thought something so trivial could. It had shattered the creative part of his mind to the point he felt like a dulled shell of a person instead of his regular, upbeat self. He was sure that to anyone else he looked insane. Especially to Clementine because she of all people had to deal with the way he was intentionally exhausting his ideas on a daily basis. At least Sam managed to save Charlotte the trouble by bothering her once every few days rather than multiple times in one day. He was sure if he bothered her for a minute more she would run for the hills, due to his rationality that nobody wants an insane friend who obsesses over the tiniest details no one else would notice.

At least that's what he told himself before Charlotte's mention of coffee roused him from his thoughts. "It might kill me, but I would love some more coffee." In the back of his head he knew it was a stupid idea, but if it meant he had a little more time without feeling like a real-life zombie the decision seemed worth it. Sam watched Charlotte leave and waited for the coffee machine to finish its coffee brewing magic. By time he had poured himself a cup and taken a few sips Charlotte had returned as her normal, prim and proper self. As she re-entered the room he smiled to himself because of her ability to make an effort at three in the morning, something Sam could never do despite the fact it was mid-morning back in New York and he should have been dressed in something nicer than sweats and a t-shirt. The stark difference in their appearances was almost funny though instead of opening his mouth to comment on the contrast, he shook the thought from his head and walked towards the table covered with his designs. "I don't think the opportunities are endless." He stated before sipping from his cup and placing it on top of one of the papers. "I think it's driving me insane." It was obvious. He was desperate to avoid dealing with his issues, and had chosen to hide it behind work. And now that he had worked himself into nothing and his ideas had been spread far too thin he was being forced against his will to face those issues head on. He sighed again and crossed his arms over his chest while ignoring Charlotte's question about his roommate. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to finish the apartment and I don't even know if I can." He queried his friend, but through his tone of voice anyone could tell he was talking about something deeper and more serious than his apartment's design. He ran his hand through his hair again and frowned because he was equally as clueless of how to finish his apartment as he was frightened of what he would use to fill his lonely void instead, and if he could fill the void in the first place.

i swear this is the definition of awful​

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[Charlotte Williams]

With a fresh steaming hot cup of coffee in her hands, Charlotte felt herself easing into the acknowledgement over the fact that she was awake at this most ungodly hour. Her job kept her occupied during working hours and during what was really her down time, this just translated to Char having a diet that was a lot of the time made up of purely caffeine. All of that didn't make things any easier for her at this early hour dealing with an issue that she was sure would become nothing within a few days. Not that the young woman really minded, Sam was one of her few close friends and he was in need of a second opinion that she was happy to provide. It was a good thing therefore that Charlotte enjoyed redecorating and didn't mind early mornings. She sipped the coffee letting the hot liquid ease down her throat warming her core, giving a slight nod as Sam replied. Perhaps this was driving him insane, to a certain degree but Charlotte knew the price of wanting absolute perfection. That was what he wanted, she would help him in every way that she may until he achieved that. "Perhaps it is" she told him with a small smile and a lightness to her tone indicating that she was of course kidding. Charlotte allowed herself as the small silence took over to re-look at the designs that he was showing her. If it was up to Charlotte and she was the one redecorating, hitting many walls and problems her first port-of-call would be to paint over, or get new wallpaper. Perhaps even just buy new furniture without thinking about if it went just to see what else she could do. Charlotte was about to suggest to Sam something that she believed may help when he spoke. As he spoke she just smiled at him, having been in an incredibly similar place mere months before. She knew how hard it was moving into a new place and wanting to get every single minuet detail absolutely perfect. Reached out and lightly rubbed his shoulder her attempt at being friendly and encouraging, "You'll get it" She told him with as encouraging a tone as she could manage. With the small smile linger on the blond girls lip she then took a lovely long sip. She was trying to figure out a way to help him. "Redecorating is important and nothing less than perfect is needed."

Charlotte finished the remainder of her coffee and then walked to the kitchen so she could place the now empty, coffee stained cup into the empty immaculate sink. She wondered what else she could do to help him, what more could she really suggest their tastes were similar redecorating was a personal thing. She treated it just like she treated designing. "Have you thought about repainting the walls? Perhaps a different colour?" she asked him as she walked back to where she'd left him just moments before. It was what Char would do if she was him, though in saying that Charlotte didn't know if he owned the place or if he just rented and she believed it would be far too rude of her to ask him outright. Charlotte knew of the limitations when renting from stories and tales from other friends but she'd never rented a place. She had always owned or better her family had always owned where she was staying. The exact house they were currently stood in was Charlotte's and her name was on the lease but she had not been the one to buy it: her parents were wealthy enough to afford such an expense. She knew that Sam was relatively well off but she didn't know the extent to which he was. Charlotte knew he was wealthy, just wasn't sure if he was wealthy like she was or a little less given that he shared the place she was inclined to think she was a little wealthier. "Have you tried leaving it, the project for a few days and then seeing if that brings fresh ideas?" In Charlotte's mind she was thinking holiday! Going somewhere new, somewhere completely different, living, breathing, being in an unfamiliar culture. Using the inspiration of those buildings to help bring a flow of new more fresh ideals. "Sam, you know that you are more than welcome to stay here if you wanted to or even I'll be going to Milan pretty soon you could join me a little relaxation, drinks and all the models" Though New Zealand was a place she knew that Sam was familiar with it was more the suggestion of distance that she was getting at.

"Actually, while I have you, I am in need of your opinion on this painting that my mother sent me, I know it used to hang in our second dining room in the house in England, and she clearly thought its new home should be my home" Charlotte said, her tone holding some surprise as it was clear she had just remembered the painting's existence. She turned and headed into the other room assuming that Sam was following her. "It's a lovely painting I've always loved it really but it clashes with everything I have, I don't that it doesn't suits my home in the slightest." Charlotte loved her family but she knew that her mother was still trying in some respect to micro-manage her life. The painting itself was leaning against a far wall not yet hanging, looking a little out of place in Charlotte's very modern and simplistic home. The painting stood proudly but stood out starkly against the white of the wall it was currently leaning against. "What do you think? I don't want to be ungrateful and give it back, it was a gift, and my mother will definitely accuse me of being an ungrateful impolite person if I do"
​

 

[Samuel Phillips]

Sam relaxed so naturally into Charlotte's touch that it almost seemed unnatural because during the past eight months his shoulders had been anything but relaxed. They were constantly in a state of tension and the difference in his posture moving from stiff to comfortable with something as insignificant as a reassuring touch from a friend only proved such a fact. He nearly placed his hand atop hers to squeeze it in a mutual show of affection however he dismissed the urge so he could focus on the task in front of him, which was nothing but a dead end though it was a dead end he would refuse to let go of without having another way to bury his heavy heart like it did not exist. He turned from Charlotte and towards his designs to frown as if he were in deep thought of what his options were but in all honesty his mind was thinking about how much he desired to change the subject or learn father on his friend for comfort he only now realized he needed. If it weren't an even more unusual time in France, Sam would have saved Charlotte the mess he considered himself and showed up at Cess' door much like he had done many other times within the last few months, but he knew he couldn't, and that he had to stay here with his friend because calling on her at three in the morning and leaving shortly after was as unimaginable as completing the designs he was lost in thought while staring at.

When Charlotte suggested he change the walls, he shook his head and frowned a little more. Everything she had suggested were things he had already thought of and dismissed, even painting the walls had been an idea thrown out the window before being put into practice and an idea he refused to pursue further despite how easy the supplies would have been to cultivate. He could have whipped out any old paint brush and some paint he reserved solely for his canvasses and changed the look of the apartment completely in the space of a few short hours if he put work into it. But it was all too easy and although every logical cell in his brain was screaming at him to give up and rest, he still believed the complicated option of cornering himself in one creative rut after another was the only one he had. Sam picked up his coffee cup from the table and continued to sip from it in an attempt to stay awake as he shook his head countless more times at Charlotte's suggestions, only turning his gaze from his designs and to her face when she mentioned he could travel with her to Milan. He did not shake his head at the idea like he had with every other word she had spoken, and instead stared at the blonde in bewilderment. Not once during this year had Sam ever considered a temporary getaway to somewhere new and exciting, and admittedly a place he had always had the desire to see, however the catch of forgetting his interior design obsession for a few days felt impossible because it had consumed his thoughts for months on end. "Milan?" He queried as if he wanted confirmation from his friend though he was instead processing the invitation in his head, weighing the pros and cons of traveling and ultimately trying to decide whether he could actually rid his mind of the obsession long enough to have fun. He shifted his gaze from Charlotte's and into his near-empty cup as he contemplated it and after a few moments of stark silence he finally looked towards his friend again and answered her with an apprehensive expression. "Okay. It couldn't hurt to go to Milan, and try to have fun." He was unsure of what else to say to her in a response so when she changed the subject to a painting he felt slightly relieved.

When Charlotte turned towards another room Sam quickly downed the last mouthful of coffee in his cup and placed it next to hers in the sink before quickening his walk to catch up with her. The room she led him to was exceptionally cozy at this hour of the night but he was more so focused on the out-of-place painting resting against one of the walls than anything else in the room. He smiled slightly at how mismatched it was in comparison to the rest of Char's minimalistically designed home. "I think it doesn't match at all and you should throw it away or donate it to charity." He suggested jokingly before clearing his throat and speaking in a more serious tone "Or, you could just store it in the back of a closet somewhere and bring it out when your mother is visiting." His suggestion was more of a cop-out than anything but it was all he could pull from the tip of his tongue at an early hour of the morning with a preoccupied mind and little to no sleep.
​

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[Charlotte Williams]

It appeared like her suggestion of Milan had peaked Sam's interest. Seeing as instead of just shaking his head like he had at every other suggest Charlotte had made a small amount of silence elapsed between them, a pause as he appeared to take the suggestion seriously. The mere fact that Sam hadn't instantly turn down her upon the mention made Charlotte think it was a good sign, a sign that perhaps he was thinking about taking her up on the offer. Part of Char had asked her friend because as much as she was capable of doing things alone she hadn't wanted to be alone on this holiday. Going to Milan by herself was not entirely appealing to her if she was honest about it, sure, she was certain to make friends while she was there but that wasn't the same and it sure as hell wouldn't be as fun as going with Sam. Charlotte was technically going their to Milan for work, not for enjoyment though she would be in Milan for about a week and really she wouldn't need to work the entire time. Char had no intention of working the entire time, that was why she had decided in that moment to also invite Sam. Going together would be fun Charlotte knew it and her mind was already thinking of all the things they would be able to do while in Milan, all the markets they would be able to wander through, the museums. It had occurred to her there when she'd been suggesting other things and she was pleased that he seemed interested in it. "Milan, in Italy, yes" Charlotte told him with a small but encouraging smile, "I have to go for work but obviously I won't be working all of the time. I've been dying to go to Milan for a long while and I will not spend it all indoors" Charlotte had been planning to get a relatively small apartment for the time that she was there, nothing more than what was necessary for her alone but now since she was quite possible going with someone else her mind thought about how the place she'd picked out would simply not suffice for the two of them. Her mind thought of how the place she'd picked was good, a really lovely little apartment, it didn't quite reach the scope of being good enough for two people in their twenties on holiday where the objective was to relax. Charlotte needed to find something better suited to the two of them, bigger and perhaps a little fancier than what she'd been planning. The young woman smiled happily when he agreed to go to Milan with her, not even trying to hide the smile which graced her lips at his affirmative. "My work was going to arrange a place for me to stay while in Milan but if you and I are going together, I'll tell them to not bother. No sense in them doing it when I can, you leave all the finer details to me Sam. I'll find the most perfect place for us" she said, though it seemed like she was talking mostly to herself. "We don't need anything massive of course but it should still be fancy and lovely" Charlotte grabbed a scrap of paper from the table in front of her and onto it wrote a little note reminding her that she would need to call her work about these changes in what was happening surround Milan. "Do you prefer old Italian style or something more modern for house decor?" she asked him, making a note of what she preferred and then his also preference. While they were only going for a week she didn't see them staying in anything less than the best and it mattered when trying to find a place what kind of style they wanted.

"We will fun Sam, I promise you that now. Just think of all the amazing bars, the beautiful models and that lovely warm Italian sun." Charlotte glanced up at him, the smile which had graced her lips upon hearing that he was willing to go to Milan with her had not left them. She knew that Sam had been having a rough few months and this was her way of being a good friend to him. Other than just being there for him, she wanted to help him. Give him some fun and not have to focus on, something a little bit different. Charlotte had left the room where all the perspective's of Sam's flat were and headed towards the room where she was currently housing the painting. It wasn't a horrid painting really, it just didn't fit at all with the simple, modern and minimalist style that Charlotte had worked so hard to achieve and had largely achieved it. She looked between the painting and Sam, unable to keep the slight frown from her face, glad when he agreed with her about the painting and it's imposition in her home. At Sam's last words, his little joke about donating this painting to charity the young woman couldn't help but let out a small almost giggle like laugh in agreement. "Donate this beautiful and old piece of renaissance artwork to charity? This painting demands to be sold at an auction where the proceeds go to charity" Charlotte knew it had been a joke but hadn't been able to stop herself from saying as much. "I was thinking about storing it away but that would still require me to find a spot for it to hang for whenever my mother decided to visit. Unless, are you interested in having this beautiful painting for your flat in New York?" she asked him with a small smirk, knowing that his answer would very likely be a no. Although, Charlotte had been proved wrong before, though she still seriously doubted it would be an answer in the affirmative. "I'll probably just give it back to my parents, just be honest about it although maybe I'll just talk to my father about it first" Charlotte was not afraid of her mother, their relationship though sometimes strained was fairing far better than it had before. She just really had no desire to keep this painting and considering it had been gift she would be safer passing it back through her father. Charlotte looked away from the painting and back at Sam. It seemed perhaps they had exhausted their conversation of interior design, and a small silence engulfed the pair of them, as Charlotte's gaze went back to the painting surveying every detail of this painting she knew well. "It is a nice painting, I do like it" she muttered moving slightly towards the painting and then back to stand next to Sam.
​

This is all over the place. I'm sorry bro.

 

[Samuel Phillips]

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In spite of how sudden Charlotte's invitation was, Samuel already knew Milan had the potential to be one of the best experiences of his life. Seeing the ancient architecture he visualized from paragraphs in history books, and experiencing all the culture Italy had to offer with his own two eyes and the rest of his senses was enough of a worthy experience on its lonesome, never mind the sentimental value of the fact he would be stepping foot in his father's home country for the first time alongside one of his dearest friends. The idea of seeing a brand new country he had held a secret desire to visit since he was a young boy with Charlotte out of all the people in the world made his stomach turn in the best of ways. Though Sam was still plagued with an inch of uncertainty about leaving his life on hold for a while. A break was something he desperately needed above everything else and in a way it took priority even to finishing decorating his apartment, but even when that realization hung prominently in his mind, Samuel had still found a negative thought to cling to and fuel the apprehension he had towards this unexpected although welcomed trip. He shrugged at Charlotte's question about what kind of place he wanted to stay, because he was equally indifferent as he was trusting that his friend would find somewhere that was a perfect fit for their short holiday. Their tastes were one in the same while still being somewhat different and he was entirely sure his blonde friend would find a place they both loved wholeheartedly.

When Sam followed her into the other room and overcame his initial amusement to the out of place painting, he pursed his lips in thought as Charlotte spoke and frowned when she joked about hanging it in his apartment. Of all the places she could hang the painting, his apartment was without a doubt the worst because he had yet to hang anything on the walls in his attempt to find the perfect minimalist aesthetic, let alone a renaissance piece he instantly joked about being trash the moment he laid eyes on it. "I'm so glad that's a joke." He admitted with a relieved tone of voice before he returned to his state of listening to Charlotte speak rather than provide his own opinion. Charlotte's only option seemed to be giving the painting back which was an option Sam would hardly protest given the fact he envied her house and adored it the way it was. Hanging a painting that looked like the polar opposite to the rest of her furniture didn't make an ounce of sense. Samuel found himself staring idly at his blonde friend when her words fell into a silence that filled the air between them which he didn't attempt to break. Something he would normally do given their conversation about interior design had been exhausted and keeping out of an awkward silence was something Sam's instincts usually forced him to do, but he found himself unable to act because he had become completely lost in thought as his gaze remained fixed on his friend. A gaze that didn't even break when he blinked himself back to reality after she reincarnated the conversation exactly where it left off. With a few more blinks and a shake of his head as he moved his vision away from Charlotte and towards the painting, Samuel finally responded. "That makes one of us." He truly did not like the painting and was glad that Char had made a decision to return it to her mother via her father sooner or later. When Charlotte moved closer to the painting for a moment before returning to his side he quickly realized he had been craving another cup of coffee this entire time despite the fact he had only just finished his last cup. "Well, I want another coffee. Should we go back to the kitchen?" He suggested while taking a step in the kitchens direction, assuming Charlotte also craved another helping of caffeine to keep her awake at this ungodly hour of three in the morning. ​

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The worst post in existence >.<