A Woman Always Knows

[Kiera Kaster]

The house felt empty to Kiera now that the twins were back at school. Jemma was upstairs, asleep in her room for the night. Carter was still at work. He had missed dinner for the fourth time this week, but she was used to it by now. It seemed she didn't know how to pick a husband who was home for dinner every night. Carter worked incredibly hard at his job in the ministry, and it was no easy task running the department. Still, it didn't keep Kiera from feeling lonely. The brunette was in the kitchen, having just finished doing the dishes and cleaning the countertops. With a sigh, she looked around the room. There wasn't anything left for her to do. Ollivander's was recovering from the pre-sorting rush, and the house was spotless. And, still Kiera felt restless.

Kiera recalled telling Carter that she was pregnant only two weeks before. Anxiety and fear gripped her, knowing how difficult the stress of pregnancy was on Kiera's petite frame with old injuries to contend with as well. She knew the grim prognosis the healers had given her the last time she had been pregnant, and James and Kiera had lost two babies prior to the twins arrival. Kiera had worried about telling her husband, but that had all been in vain. Carter had been ecstatically happy at the news. He had mentioned the baby every day for the past two weeks, several times a day, but only when they were alone. Kiera had wanted to go to the healers first before telling the children. She wasn't sure how Lyra, Link, and Jemma would react to the news of a baby. She had hoped that they would take it well, but it didn't seem like that was all that important at the moment. The brunette crossed the room and pulled out the broom from the closet and began to sweep the floor, not able to stand being idle.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter had been enjoying his work more than usual over the past two weeks. Knowing that the more he worked, the more time he would be able to take off was making his extremely happy. Once his and Kiera's baby was born he would take a whole month off to be with them. He knew that she had a rough time with pregnancy and he wanted to help out as much as possible. He would take off four months if he thought it would help, but he also knew that he had important work to do as the head of the department. He had employees to look after. Cameron could only give him so much time off. He didn't mind of course, and knowing what Cameron knew, he might even be able to sneak a little extra time. It would be nice to finally have some time with Kiera whilst the kids were at school. Jemma would be heading off soon too. He was sure there was another Gryffindor there. Gryffindor's were common in both his and Kiera's family, but as he was evidence of, Gryffindor's were not the only possibility. Of course, Jemma carried her mother's stubborn personality.

Finally, after Carter was able to finish up his work, he headed out of the office and back to his wife. He hadn't told anyone at work about the baby yet, but that was mostly because he wanted to keep it hush until they were ready to announce. She'd only told him a few weeks ago and though he'd been adamant about not wanting or needing a baby, he was thrilled when the topic was no longer a discussion, but a reality. He loved Kiera and her children dearly, but she'd been right, now that the option to have a baby had been placed in front of him, he found that he really did want one after all. They'd not expressly tried to have one, but clearly, this was meant to be and Carter could not be happier. He walked into the house and immediately he sensed that something was wrong. Kiera was occupying herself. That was never a good sign. "Kiera, hun?" Had someone died? Was there some horrible accident? "Talk to me?"
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[Kiera Kaster]

[small=2]Kiera raised her head as she heard Carter enter the room. She had been dreading this moment ever since she left St. Mungo's that afternoon. Carter had so clearly been looking forward to having a child that didn't have the last name of Potter that she knew she had been right all along. They hadn't been careful over the past few years, assuming that Kiera would not be able to get pregnant again, but they should have made more of an effort to ensure that Kiera did not get pregnant. Now, they would have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

"Not exactly. I have something to tell you."Kiera said as she sat the broom to the side. Carter knew her so well that she should have known he would immediately spot her distress. "I went to see the healers today, and it turns out I'm not actually pregnant. It was a false positive test." the brunette said, looking at him anxiously to see his reaction. He had told her before they got married that he didn't mind never having children of his own. That was before he had thought she was going to have his child. Somehow, she suspected things were different now that the possibility was being forceably ripped away from him once again.
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[Carter Kaster]

There were some things in life that you just couldn't control. Love, Acceptance, and Life. All of these things Carter had plenty of. He'd never been the sort of person to think about the consequences of his actions. Not many saw it, but he was really quite an adventurous person. Kiera's influence had pushed him to borderline reckless and yet, this was not something he would have foreseen. A forward thinker generally, Carter often took the risks he thought were worth it in the end and this was one that, whilst not planned, he was happy to abide. Carter's love for his wife was overshadowed only by the love he felt for her children and the one, he thought would carry his name. Alas, it seemed as it the universe did not hold that fate for him. Kiera's body language told him what he needed to know before she even said it. A False Positive. He wasn't sure which was worse. Losing the baby or never having had one in the first place. The excitement that had maintained a presence in his mind for the last few weeks was suddenly blank in a matter of seconds and Carter's eyes dulled. It... hurt... rather more than he had expected it would. He should've known that it was a possibility, but he'd let himself and probably Kiera, get far too excited about it.

"You're not pregnant." He was... disappointed. She had warned him about this, but he'd not listened to her and now he was suffering because of it. Kiera had to be feeling it the most. She'd been apprehensive and happy and confused all at the same time. He wasn't sure whether he should hug Kiera, or immediately vacate her presence so that she couldn't see just how much it hit him. "It was a long shot anyway. It's probably best this way." He said, though he wasn't sure just how much he falt those words. Kiera's health would be at risk with a pregnancy, he knew that, and yet this was something he wanted. He regretted everything now, he never should've said anything.
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[Kiera Kaster]

"I'm not pregnant." As well as Carter knew and understood Kiera, Kiera knew and understood Carter. She had witnessed his excitement growing over the past few weeks. She should have done something to stop it or caution him. Carter had never experienced the loss of a child, but Kiera had. It was one of the worst experiences of her life, second only to losing the father of her children. Kiera knew too well how difficult it was for her to conceive a child and carry it full term. She probably shouldn't have even told Carter about the possibility until the healer had confirmed it. Losing a baby, even one that had never really existed, would be hard on Carter, and she knew it and blamed herself for letting this happen.

Kiera felt as if she could read all of his innermost thoughts and feelings on his face. She saw the realization of her words set in and the crushing disappointment in his voice. She steeled herself, putting her own emotions aside. "It's my fault. I should have never told you before confirming it. I got your hopes up, and I'm to blame for that. I knew you wanted your own children. There's no point in denying it. I can see it on your face. I should have never let you convince me otherwise." she said, knowing she had been right all along. It was a mistake for her to marry him and take it way in the first place. It seemed like a cruel joke that she should take it away twice.
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[Carter Kaster]

He knew she wasn't pregnant, but hearing her say it out loud sent a new wave of anguish over him. He didn't like this feeling at all. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like to feel this way three times. Now he'd given it to her a fourth time. He was angry, sad, confused, betrayed and so many other feelings he didn't know what to do with. It was all so surreal. Just this morning he was thinking about the kind of things he'd do with his child, names, what it would look like. It cut him so much deeper than he ever thought possible, the worst feeling anyone could ever experience. He looked at Kiera. She was blaming herself again. They were as bad as each other. It was never her fault, though. She'd warned him before they'd been married that this would happen. He'd just refused to listen. He'd believed his own words. He'd wanted to protect her from this, but he'd gotten careless and now he had to pay for it.

"Kiera, please don't say that." He said, though he couldn't quite bring himself to look at her. He was so disappointed in himself and he couldn't face her. He'd lied. He hadn't known he was lying at the time, but he did. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to say. He loved Kiera deeply and they'd been through so much together to let this get in the way. "I never wanted you to feel this way. I should have been more careful. I knew what the consequences would be." He wasn't letting her take this on herself. "I need a drink." he walked away from her, still refusing to look at her. She'd seen the disappointment there already, she didn't need to see his pain as well. She had her own to deal with.
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[Kiera Kaster]

Carter was taking this extremely difficultly, just as she had known he would when Kiera got the news herself. Kiera remembered the look on Carter's face when she had told him she was pregnant. She had been a ball of nerves and anxiety, not because of how Carter would react, but because she knew that her body had difficultly sustaining a pregnancy and what the outcome might be. Nothing but joy and elation had been on Carter's face. Kiera knew he meant it when he said that he was fine not having his own biological children, but things were different now that it had been a very real possibility. She could now that he did want children with his last name, and Kiera couldn't be the one to give them to him. The brunette knew that Carter loved her, but couples divorced all the time for reasons like this one. He wouldn't meet her eyes. His face turned away from her. Maybe their marriage would end in the same way she thought as Carter crossed the room to get a drink.

The worse part was the guilt Kiera felt for the relief she felt when the healer had delivered the news. There was disappointment and sadness mixed in, but there was a definite feeling of relief as some of her anxiety melted away. Her children had already lost their father, and she worried about them losing a mother as well. Kiera watched Carter with sadness in her eyes. Already, she felt as if the feet between them had turned in to miles. She wasn't sure what to say to him, and she didn't think there were any words that would make him feel better. Kiera picked up the broom and continued to sweep, choosing not to say anything at all.
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[Carter Kaster]

Carter went straight for the hard liquor. He didn't drink often, but when he did, he might as well make the most of it. He poured himself a very generous glass of whiskey, the good kind and pushed the bottle back into the bar, not bothering to ask Kiera if she wanted anything. He was finding it hard to face her, knowing that he had betrayed her. There wasn't much in his life that he promised, he was always so careful to make confirmations or deliberate decisions. It came from his long Ministry career and his mother. This was the one thing he had been so sure of when he'd said it, only for it to feel like his entire future had been torn to pieces in front of him. This wasn't a good feeling, but Carter, who so rarely allowed himself to feel such strong emotion, was finding it difficult to separate the good from the bad. These were the times he would look to Kiera for advice, but at this moment, the wall between them was simply too high.

Finally Carter turned around only to be confronted with the sight of her cleaning again. He leaned against the bar for a moment, sipped his drink and just watched her. It was clear that she was feeling just as deeply as he was, but she was so hard to read when she was like this. All of their emotions were jumbled into a giant, tangled web and untangling would take time and patience. Both things that neither of them seemed to have much of. He'd had enough. "Kiera. Put the damn broom down." Why was she cleaning right now of all the times? They needed to talk about this, they needed to get back to where they were, not avoid it entirely. Carter didn't like the way this was making him feel and he wanted so help.
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[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera couldn't stand to look at Carter in that moment. She knew she had been right from the start, and now Carter finally realized it too. She could tell that much from the way he was acting. The brunette had more practice and a longer history of concealing her feelings from others. It was more difficult when he knew her so well, but she managed none-the-less as she continued to sweep the floors. It was easier like this. She didn't want to watch him process the news and come to the conclusion that he should leave. Kiera would have to tell her children, but they would understand. Jemma was the one that would be most affected as she had spent the most time with Carter. She would go back to being a Potter, a widow and divorcee, and she wouldn't be bitter about it because she really did understand. She knew what it was like to have three lovely children who carried your traits and features in looks and personality. Kiera wouldn't even be angry with Carter for the decision to move on with his life, to find someone who could give him what he deserved.

Kiera was startled out of her own thoughts by Carter's raised voice. The pair didn't fight often, but their fights were usually explosive. She looked at him for the first time in several minutes. Her eyes met his, and she could see the deep pain he was feeling. Kiera's lips tightened as she stood still. "Why? What would you rather have me do? Talk about what happened? There is nothing to talk about because I'm not pregnant." she said her voice rising. Kiera looked straight at him, directly in his eyes, knowing he would not lie to her. "Can you still say you don't want children of your own?" she asked him as calmly as she could manage.
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[Carter Kaster]

Kiera's emotions were always difficult. She'd spent years training to conceal them as an occlumens and though Carter liked to think he knew his wife well, there were still times when she employed her abilities to shut him out. This was clearly one of those times. Though he could imagine what she was feeling, and her actions spoke louder than her words, he really couldn't tell what she was thinking. For all he knew, she could have been dying on the inside and he would be non-the-wiser. It was one aspect of her past that he disliked, but generally, he didn't have to deal with it. He honestly felt like crap whenever she pushed him away, he felt inadequate and it wasn't a feeling he liked. His relationship with Kiera had always been something special, but there were times when he truly wondered if she'd simply settled. Carter loved Kiera more than he could ever express physically and he would do anything for her and the kids, but this needed to be dealt with. They didn't disagree often, but when they did things never went well.

"You know why we need to talk about this. You're shutting me out like you always do when things get hard." Was this simply a default setting for occlumens? Carter didn't know many with the ability and it wasn't something he liked thinking about. He'd been shocked when she'd first told him about it, but then, Kiera constantly managed to surprise him. When she looked into his eyes, he was frustrated to see only himself reflected there. She'd done what she always did and was shutting off her emotions. He couldn't read her and he hated it. "Stop it. You're asking the questions you know I don't want to answer. Do you think this is going to make anything better? How is you being right helping this situation at all, Kiera. Tell me."
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[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera saw the anger in his face and heard it in his voice as he spoke to her, accusing her of shutting him out once more. Maybe he was right and she was pushing him away, but could he really blame her? Kiera had been on her own with three children for several years before Carter came in to their lives. She had to be strong for her children. After what happened to James, Kiera had difficulty letting another man in. Kiera had loved James fiercely and fully, and he had ripped her heart to shreds when he vanished. She hadn't settled when she found Carter, but instead he had mended the broken pieces. However, he couldn't remove the scars that remained. Not all wounds were fixable, and those particular ones had changed her forever.

"Because it's always better to rip off the band-aid than to slowly pull it off!" Kiera said, knowing he wouldn't really understand what she meant. Wizarding children didn't need things like band-aids. "Answer the question, Carter. I need to hear it from you. Just go ahead and tell me that you do want children of your own.she said defiantly as if it was a challenge to him. She needed to hear him say that it had been a mistake to marry her. Kiera had made up her mind. There would be no going back now.
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[Carter Kaster]

Kiera Kaster was the most annoying, frustrating, defiant person he had ever met in his life. All of these qualities, when he'd first met her, were endearing and now they were just bits of her personality she was using against him. She knew what he was feeling and she knew that pushing him was only going to make things worse and yet it was like she was actively trying to cause an issue. He squeezed the glass in his hand so tightly that he could hear it starting to crack under the pressure and so to save himself the pain he threw the glass over her head, smashing it against the wall on the opposite side of the room. It was nowhere near to hitting her, he made sure of that, but he was sure the sudden action would surprise her slightly because he was not a violent person. Kiera was trying to be difficult and she wasn't going to let this go.

The levels of frustration and anger he was feeling were even greater than the night she'd tried to tell him that she didn't want to marry him. He thought they'd put that behind them, but she seemed determined to continue on the path to hurt them. She already knew the answer to the question and yet she wanted to make him feel worse about himself than he already did. She was deliberately trying to hurt him and herself and honestly, it was really pissing Carter off. "Kiera, why do you have to make everything so bloody difficult?" He wasn't yelling, but his voice was raised. "Do you have to continually prove to me at every opportunity that I was wrong! Are you trying to make me feel inadequate?" He threw his hands up in the air and sighed his frustration out. He wasn't going to say it, no matter what she said. It wouldn't fix the issue anyway. "I don't want to fight about this, Kiera. Please." He was fighting a losing battle and he knew it.​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera thought that she knew Carter Kaser better than anyone else in the world. They had been through so much together over the last six years, but as the glass shattered behind her, she felt like she was looking at a stranger. Her brown eyes widened with the shock of the action. Carter was hardly ever cross with her, and never was it to the point of physical violence. Kiera knew she had been the one to push him to that point with her insistence that he admit she was right and he did want children. She didn't even know why she needed to hear him say it. Kiera didn't like the way things were heading, but she just couldn't stop it. She was too emotional even though it didn't show on her face.

Carter's words stung. Each one felt like a slap in her face. "Inadequate? How am I making you feel inadequate?" Kiera asked incredulously. "I'm the one who can't have any more children. You still can with someone else." she said, her voice raised. She looked at the broken bits of glass on the floor and thought it was a very fitting picture of their marriage. She turned back to Carter. "Then let's not fight. In fact, let's never fight again. Just get out. Leave." Kiera said, knowing she had never ordered him out of the house before. This fight was different, and Kiera just put up a wall that wouldn't be coming down again.
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[Carter Kaster]

Carter's eyes squeezed shut as he tried to breathe himself back into a calm mindset. He'd never been so angry with anyone. Kiera had continually pulled at the pieces of his temper until there was simply nothing left to pull anymore and now Carter could see it. The history, the pain, the bleakness she'd warned him repeatedly about, everything was now laid out in front of him like a painting at an auction as if she was goading him into a trap. Herding him like an animal and suddenly he knew what those caged animals must have felt. There was nowhere for him to run and he looked at his wife, defeated, as he realised that there was only one end to this and he was not going to escape it. He was all out of options and nothing he said was going to fix this situation. The damage was done and that was the end of it. "Kiera, I..." But what was there to say?

Carter was done. He was just done. He had absolutely nothing left to say to the woman he'd promised to love forever. Carter had promised Kiera that he'd never leave her. He would never hurt her and he would never blame her. Yet now he was doing each of those things by choice. It was not something he had ever expected and he hated himself and Kiera for allowing this to happen. They could have handled this, he was sure of it, but both of them were too stubborn to admit the truth. She clearly thought so lowly of him that she even expected he would leave her for someone else and at this moment he almost wished she was right. "You, you want me to-" He was cut off by her when she said the one thing he'd never have expected. Though he'd admitted defeat, he held some hope that she'd still talk to him. Yet that was not the case. Carter narrowed his eyes at her and opened his mouth to speak, except he found that his body had different ideas and he immediately walked out the door and slammed it behind him. After exactly three years of marriage, Carter had walked out on Kiera.

It was supposed to be their anniversary tomorrow.
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[Kiera Kaster]

Shock bolted through her as the door slammed shut with Carter on the other side. Kiera hadn't really believed he would walk out on her, not without putting up more of a fight. His stubbornness paralleled her own, and it kept their fights going until he could reason with Kiera. There was only so much a person could handle before they broke, and a marriage wasn't any different. Kiera knew she had pushed and pushed until it broke. Until Carter just couldn't take it anymore, and it was all her fault. He had given up on her and their marriage. That much was obvious from the silence in the almost empty room. This was one fight they would never be able to take back. Carter was a stranger to her the second he walked out the door.

Kiera felt numb and empty. The pain of the loss hadn't quite sunk in yet. There were no tears. They would come later when she was alone in her bed in the dark. This was the end of her second marriage, and Kiera knew it was her last marriage. She would never try it again, and she couldn't help but feel like she shouldn't have tried it this time. Maybe you really did only get one true love. She would now have to put the pieces of her life back together for the second time. She would have to tell her children that the man that had looked to as a father figure would no longer be in their lives. Kiera walked over to the pad of paper on the counter and scribbled a quick note to her best friend and sister-in-law asking her to please come as soon as she could. She gave the note to the owl and sent him out through the kitchen window, not wanting to touch the door that Carter had treated so harshly. Kiera watched the bird fly away before sitting down at the breakfast table. She put her head down in her hands and let the tears come.
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