Closed A Very Merry UnBirthday

[James Michaels]

James wasn't that drunk. He was just at Colin's apartment at nearly eleven at night for perfectly normal reasons and not because he had wanted to see the man. He'd dropped him off here after their lunch earlier that day and now, for some... odd reason, James found himself back at Colin's door. He leaned heavily against the door, raising a shaking fist to knock on the door. He cursed quietly as he did so, turning and trying to stumble back the way he'd come. What was he thinking? He always locked himself in his hotel room on this night, without fail, every year. Locked himself in there with the hotel's complimentary minifridge completely stocked and all the mirrors covered. Why on earth had he wandered out tonight? He grabbed at the wall, trying to steady himself as the world spun, but yelped as he continued to fall face first towards the floor.

 

[Colin Michaels]

Colin was enjoying a wonderful and calm evening, sitting on his sofa with a cup of tea and winding down after a long day at work. His lunch with James had brightened his day, and made the effort of his work in the afternoon worth the stress, but now he was by himself, and feeling lonely. It was unfortunate, but Colin was willing to settle with it, knowing he would see James again eventually. As Colin became more comfortable with himself and who he was, he realised he was more comfortable being around James, and allowing the thoughts that James brought into his mind to flourish. He couldn’t wait for his next lunch with his newly found sort-of friend and was content in this moment to continue winding down with his tea until he was able to go to bed. However, as he sat quietly, he began to hear shuffling outside his flat, and it startled him slightly. His neighborhood and the building he lived in was usually quiet, so hearing someone outside was unusual. He paused his movements so he could hear what was happening, and then when he realised there was a person outside his door, who seemed to fall to the ground, he sprang to action. When he opened the door of his flat and realised the person he could hear was James, he gasped, and placed his tea down on the floor as he moved to help the man stand up from the ground. “Are you alright?” He asked as he knelt down next to James. Trying to help James stand, Colin moved his arms around his waist, trying to lift him. “Come inside and sit down, I can get you some water.” He said, trying to comfort his friend.​

 

[James Michaels]

James groaned as he hit the ground, cussing softly. He had been spending too much time with Colin, growing closer to the man and feeling like he was opening up a part of himself that had been shut off for a very long time, and it had driven him past the impulse to stay alone, to keep to himself. Maybe that was why he was here. Looking for someone that cared. But Colin... James didn't know what to think around the man, how could he be so vulnerable? He didn't know. He tried to push himself up, only to fall back onto the ground. He didn't get the chance to try again because suddenly Colin was there. James turned towards him, shaking his head. "No," He answered simply, weakly. "I haven't been for a long time," He slurred slightly, clutching at the taller mans shoulders as Colin pulled him to his feet. James started to stumble back to the apartment with Colin, but as they neared the apartment door a mirror hanging on the wall caught his attention. He stared at his reflection with wide eyes as they approached, hardly noticing the tears that spilled from his eyes at the sight of it.

As they came up beside it, James stopped. He stood there a moment, trembling, before reaching out and knocking it to the ground. Pushed over the edge by the unexpected sight of his reflection, he turned and pressed his face into Colin's side, letting out a strangled cry as he fought to keep a grip. He gasped for air as he cried, trying to pull himself together. "Do you have... any idea... what it's like to lose... the other half of you?" He sobbed, clinging a little tighter to Colin. "He was good. He had a family. He knew how to be a father, a husband, a brilliant bloody man, and, and..." He punched the wall, too upset to feel the pain. "The universe took him. It took him and left me."

 

[Colin Michaels]

It was unexpected to see James so distraught, and Colin felt a pang in his chest wondering what could have caused his usually upbeat, energetic friend to show up unannounced and so emotional. Concerned, Colin frowned as he led James into his flat, trying not to let the broken mirror and James punching the wall scare him from helping the man. He was sure he could repair the mirror and clean his cup of tea from where it had spilled later, once James had settled down. Managing to shut the door behind them, Colin wrapped his arms around James and just held him as he cried, wanting to give him a chance to let his clearly overwhelming emotions out. He rubbed James’ back and spoke to him softly. “I’m sorry this has happened, it will be alright.” Colin believed his own words, knowing that everything would hopefully be alright in the end but he wasn’t so sure James would feel the same. He continued to hold James, wanting to comfort his friend for as long as he needed. “How about you sit down on the sofa, and I’ll make you a cup of tea and bring you a blanket, and we can talk about it?” Colin eventually suggested, wanting to calm James down but not really knowing how.​

 

[James Michaels]

James couldnt help it. When Colin pulled him into his arms, he broke. For the first time in fifteen years, he crumbled. He wrapped his arms around the taller man and sobbed, clinging to Colin as fifteen years of sorrow and loss and heartache came crashing down on him. Colin was wrong, it wasnt alright, it would never be alright. But James was crying to hard to correct him.

After what felt like a very long time, James had moved past the gut wrenching sobbing to a more pitiful but controlled crying. He nodded wordlessly, letting go of Colin and stumbling bleary eyed to the couch. He collapsed on it, holding his head in his hands and crying more. He couldnt hear Colin come or go, but after several moments a deep exhaustion overtook the man. He slumped over on the couch, falling into a restless sleep as the tears quietly continued to fall.

 

[Colin Michaels]

A warm mug of tea and a fluffy blanket was endlessly comforting, fixing almost anything as far as Colin was concerned. He was relieved James seemed contented by the idea as well and that he began to calm down, and as the other man moved to the sofa Colin went to the kitchen to prepare the tea, using the time it took for the kettle to boil to find a woolen blanket. Ready to settle in and simply listen to everything that was bothering his friend, Colin returned to the living room expecting James to be sitting there and waiting for him. Though he instead noticed James had fallen asleep. Deciding it would be awful to wake him, Colin gently draped the blanket over James, before returning to the kitchen to take the kettle away from the stove. Sighing, with evident stress plaguing him of how he was supposed to react to the situation, and what he was going to do when he needed to go to work early in the morning, Colin neatened up his flat, casting wordless spells to repair the mirror and move his mug of tea to the kitchen.​

​

The rest of Colin’s night continued as per usual, and when he woke up in the morning he followed his usual routine, although with quieter steps as to not wake James who was still sleeping. After he was dressed and ready for a full day of work ahead of him, Colin figured the best thing to do would be to leave a note for James when he woke up, assuring him he was welcome to stay and make himself at home so they could speak when he returned. With this thought in mind Colin found a spare piece of parchment and scribbled down a note, which he promptly pinned to the fridge before he left for work, being sure to softly shut the door behind him.​

James,

I had to leave for work, and I’ll be back late this afternoon. I would still love to chat about everything that’s going on with you, so in the meantime you’re welcome to make yourself at home, and help yourself to whatever food is in the fridge or the cupboards. I’m sure somewhere there is bacon and eggs if you’re feeling like a hearty breakfast!

See you soon,
Colin

 

[James Michaels]

James slowly awoke, groaning and sitting up. He rubbed his eyes and then his neck, stretching to try and work the knots out of his sore back. He looked around, sleep still fogging his brain. Where was he? This blanket was divine, he wanted to just curl back under it and go back to sleep. It was nice here, it smelled like Colin. Wait, Colin. His eyes widened as memories of last night woke him up completely. He groaned, standing and wandering around in search of the taller man. He stopped, seeing the note on the fridge. He chewed his lip a little, sighing. He was such a mess. Colin would want an explanation, no doubt, and James would be lucky if there was any salvaging their friendship.

Deciding he needed to go all out to apologize, James apparated out and made several trips to his favorite grocer and his home, returning a few hours before Colin said he'd be home, freshened up and ready to get to work. It was probably a little heavy for lunch, but that was alright. James put in his headphones, turned up his music, and set to work. After several hours, he had just finished carving his lamb, setting down the steaming meat in the middle of the table. He'd rummaged through Colin's kitchen to find some nice dinnerware and had even brought over a bottle of Tua Rita Redigaffi Toscana, an intense and heady merlot, but it was wonderful to taste. He placed it carefully on the table with a small blue bow wrapped around the neck.

He turned back to the counter, having already cleaned up the kitchen again, moving to finish preparing the potatoes. He didn't hear the door open, his music blasting loudly in his ears as he sang along. "Make me believe again, In some kind of faith, Help me to see again, Before it's too late, 'Cause forever is never, That far away, Make me believe again, Make me believe again, I can't pretend, Make me believe again."

 

[Colin Michaels]

Work was difficult that day, with Colin constantly worrying about James in the back of his mind. He was very much in his own head as he worked, but he had luckily managed not to become too distracted with his thoughts, only enough that he made one or two small mistakes that he easily fixed, and nothing overly worrying. The funnier mistake was realizing he had mixed up two letters of the alphabet as he returned a few books to the shelves, creating a small jumble of various authors’ names, meaning when he realised he chuckled to himself as he rearranged the books in the correct order. It wasn’t as annoying as it was slightly amusing and time consuming, but regardless of his backtracking Colin was able to complete all his work for the day, arriving to his flat in the late afternoon as planned.​

​

Colin wasn’t sure what scene he would be returning to, knowing he had left James behind that morning, but he certainly didn’t expect to hear James singing along to something. When he opened the door the smell of a roast and the sight of his small dinner table set up for a meal was equally as surprising. Given James being so distressed the previous night, walking into such a wholesome setting wasn’t a possibility on Colin’s mind. He wasn’t about to complain however, as seeing James singing along to what appeared to be headphones, it seemed he was returning to his regular self, which was as good a sign as any. Placing his briefcase on the sofa, and taking off his scarf, Colin called out to James. “Is this a ‘thank you’ or an ‘I’m sorry’ gesture?” He was unsure if James could hear him above the music, and waved to catch his attention for good measure.​

 

[James Michaels]

James continued to sing along to the music in his headphones, unaware he’d been joined. He turned, not paying attention, setting the potatoes on the table. He stepped back, admiring his work and going over the list in his mind to make sure he had everything, movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He startled a little, pulling the headphones from his ears. “C-Colin,” He blushed, swallowing nervously and rubbing the back of his neck. “Um, I, ah, I made food,” He offered lamely, looking away from the other man shyly.

 

[Colin Michaels]

Colin was right, James was too caught up in the music to hear him, and waving had been a good idea to capture his attention. Smiling a little when James finally realised he was there, Colin looked to the dining table again, noting the bottle of wine with a blue ribbon, before he looked back over to the man. “It smells lovely, and I’m famished after work today, I didn’t have breakfast or lunch so this is perfect.” Colin admitted, partially because it was the truth, and partially to ease some of the shyness James was showing with small talk. He conveniently left out the fact James had him so worried he wasn’t able to eat earlier, not wanting to burden him with any guilt over his actions the night before and trying to keep the moment relaxed and wholesome, as it should be with a roast dinner ahead. Stepping over to the table, Colin picked up the bottle of wine, reading the name and year of it. “This looks wonderful, mind if I break it open?” Colin quickly asked, thinking that the Merlot would pair well with the food, and not wanting to wait to tuck in to everything. If they were going to have a conversation about the night before, doing so while content with full stomachs and after a modest glass of wine to calm any nerves seemed ideal.​

 

[James Michaels]

James nodded, glancing to and from the taller man. “Yes, yes, please do.” He was glad Colin was hungry. Despite not recalling when he last ate, James didn’t have much of an appetite. He was sure it would catch him later, but right now he was feeling really rather torn up. He moved to take a seat, taking a sip of wine as soon as it had been poured. Dinner passed too quickly. He got in a few good bites but didn’t really touch much of his food.

Eventually, Colin had finished his food and James couldn’t put it off anymore. He pushed his plate away, crossing his arms on the table and staring at his food. “Colin,” He hesitated. “I… I’m sorry. About before,” He bit his lip, hair falling to cover his eyes. “I don’t know why I… I was a pest, and my behavior was… horrid. I’m sorry,” He apologized softly.

 

[Colin Michaels]

“Wonderful.” Was all Colin said before opening the wine and pouring two glasses. He picked up his own glass shortly, and clinked it in time with James’ glass in a cheers before he sipped. The wine was divine as Colin expected, and he hummed happily as he placed his glass down to help set everything up for food. James was a great cook as far as Colin was concerned, there was nothing like a classic roast seasoned with rosemary, and with potatoes and wine on the side. It was the perfect comfort food to wind down after a long day at work, and what had been a stressful day for Colin. Despite not being a mind reader, Colin could assume James’ day had been just as stressful, if not his entire week, judging by his emotions the previous night. Throughout the meal, Colin noticed James picked at the food, rather than tucking in as Colin did with an empty stomach. Though in the moment Colin chose not to say anything, instead opting to continue to make small talk about his day.​

​

If there was one thing Colin had learned during his years of being a parent, and especially recently while raising a moody teenager, it was that if someone had something on their mind it was better to let them speak about it on their own terms, and in the meantime fill the air with lighter subjects. He was relieved when this seemed to work for James and shortly after they both finished eating, he pushed his plate away to apologise for the night before. Colin looked on sympathetically with his glass of wine in one hand, sipping from it before responding. “It’s alright, really. If anything I am glad you came to talk to me. I don’t see it as pestering me.” He explained, moving his free hand to touch James’ arm gently. “I am worried more than anything, about your well-being and why or how you were feeling so overwhelmed. We have only been friends for a little while, but you can trust me and talk to me about what’s going on, if you’re comfortable with it. That’s what friends are for, and I care about you.” There was much more that Colin wanted to say, although James seemed overwhelmed enough as it was, so he stopped there and hoped it would be enough for James to feel comfortable talking to him.​

 

[James Michaels]

James glanced up at Colin, feeling rather vulnerable but comforted by the hand on his arm. He listened to Colin speak, swallowing nervously as the man finished. He looked away again but moved a hand to cover Colin's hand on his arm. "Fifteen years," he spoke slowly, "for over fifteen years I've shut myself away and tried to handle this alone. I don't…" he took a shaky breath, reaching up to swipe at his eyes as they misted over.

"You already know I have Jordie and the twins. But they aren't biologically my children. I adopted Jordie when I found Sapphire. My sister, Myra… was supposed to take care of her. But she didn't. She… she put Sapphire into the orphanage she ran. Told her horrible things. Abused her. Took out our brothers' death on her. Onyx, he stayed with me." James was trembling, but he tried hard to hide it. "I… I'm not the man their father was. We lost Sarah and Jackson when the twins were still just babes. I… I've tried. I have."

He shook his head, moving to tangle his hands in his hair. "Yesterday…" he let out a shaky breath, trying to ignore the traitorous tears that escaped. "Yesterday was our- my birthday." He admitted softly. "Its never gotten easier, but it… it's worse knowing that… every time I see my reflection… every year that passes, I know it was the wrong twin that died fifteen years ago," he whispered brokenly.

 

[Colin Michaels]

Colin breathed a quiet sigh of relief when James began to speak. He listened intently to everything James said, nodding along to show he was paying attention, and trying not to miss any small detail. It seemed James was placing a lot of stress on himself, over losing a sibling, over eventually taking in his niece and nephew, and adopting another all while facing his grief alone and bottling his feelings up while helping the children recover from their own traumas. Colin couldn’t imagine such a situation, the worst of his conflict with Winnie being her inability to adapt to and accept his and Eva’s divorce. His life all sounded like a breeze now, compared to what James had been going through. Colin’s brow furrowed as he kneaded James’ arm with his thumb, wanting to find the right words, the right way to help James’ situation, but not knowing what words were right or how to deal with any of it.​

​

One thing Colin did know however, was that James was an amazing person, and he deserved better than thinking he should have been in his brother’s place. He deserved to be genuinely happy and to understand his own worth, even if he couldn’t see it through the cloud of his struggles. “James, you deserve better than that, everyone in your family deserves better than what has happened, but things seem to be getting better now, and that is something to be grateful for.” Colin said softly, knowing that at least all the children were safe with James now, and able to face their pasts with someone loving and supportive beside them. With all James had said, the pieces of the night before began to fit together and make sense. “I’m sorry to hear that all of this has happened to you.” He said simply. “But know I’m always here, if in a year you want to spend the entire day with me, I’ll make it happen. It must have been really difficult for you to face all of this, please never forget that you’re not alone, and I am proud of how far you have come.” Colin felt his eyes water a little, and he quickly blinked to hide it, before standing up from his seat to give James a hug.​

​

 

[James Michaels]

James listened with bated breath as Colin spoke. It was all things he'd heard before, from his older brother and from his mother, but it was something different when coming from Colin. He looked up at the other man, tears falling from his eyes. He bit his lip, standing as Colin moved to hug him. He took in a shaky breath, stepping into Colin's embrace. He was shaking and he knew it. He buried his face in Colin's chest, leaning heavily against him. "Thank you," he breathed, his heart pounding in his chest. "I don't know why you care so much, but thank you," He sighed again. "I know I'm not okay. I'm not sure if I ever will be..."

 

[Colin Michaels]

Colin rubbed James’ back to comfort him, opting to simply hold him for a little while. There were many reasons Colin could list off the top of his head why he cared so much for James. For one he always dared to be his charming, charismatic self and always had a way of allowing Colin to feel safe with who he was. For another, he was brave and wanted to fix everything and loved his family to the ends of the earth. Even when they ran into each other in New Zealand all that time ago, when Colin was still in the closet and his life was almost entirely different, James had always had an air about him that drew Colin closer. It would be ridiculous if he didn’t care about James as much as he did. Though rather than saying all of this Colin again chose not to overwhelm his friend too much, and instead tried to reassure him softly. “It will be alright one day, I promise.” He said, soon pulling away from the hug and moving his hands to James’ shoulders. “Now, one thIng I can also promise is that chocolate helps everything, and I know this nearby cafe that has lovely chocolate brownies.” Colin said, knowing he was still full from the roast, but also well aware James had not eaten much, and thinking that it would be good to offer an alternative. “We can do last night over, and curl up with a blanket, eat the brownies and talk over a cup of tea, how does that sound?” He hoped his suggestion would fulfill the purpose of easing some of James' guilt and allow him the chance to talk more about what was bothering him.​

 

[James Michaels]

James swiped at his eyes as Colin pulled away, smiling shakily up at the other man. He nodded in silent agreement, moving to clear the rest of dinner. It wasn't long before they found themselves in the cafe, seated with two mugs of tea and a plate of brownies. It was both... incredibly painful and also incredibly wonderful but for the next several hours he sat in the cafe with Colin, reminiscing about growing up with Jackson. By the time he found himself home again, James felt... raw, but... better. Like he had ripped off an old band-aid and he could feel himself starting to heal again. He could also feel himself thinking much too much about a certain, tall, charming Ichabod Crane looking man with warm eyes and a soft heart. He shook his head. No, he couldn't think like that. But still... it was a nice thought.