Closed A New Beginning

[Eddie Kane]

When Eddie found out about his sister's death six months ago, he felt his heart crush more than ever before. She was one of his best friends, a person that he could rely on, and he didn't want to have to imagine life without her so soon. He hadn't seen her for a while, but he always figured it was for the best. He didn't want to get in between her relationship, especially since he knew how much she loved Abner. Abner was still on his mind everyday however, and not even keeping his distance was changing that. But with the death of Cara, he knew he had to try and find his long lost friend. However, he was scared. What would Abner think? Did he even think of Eddie anymore? The questions surged through the man's head, more now than ever, but he needed to turn to someone to help him grieve, and if anyone was feeling anything similar to himself, it would be Abner.

It had taken a lot of courage for Eddie to head out and find Abner. His parents mentioned he still lived in the same house, and so Eddie was sure it wouldn't be hard to do so. He wasn't sure why, but he tried his best to look good and dress in decent clothes despite his baggy eyes and disheveled hair. Inside he was hurting, and he just longed to find a refuge.

As Eddie walked along the street, he saw the familiar house up ahead and instantly felt his heart beating strong against his chest. The willow tree stood tall, differentiating itself from the houses that surrounded it. Eddie stopped and observed the house for any slight changes. Everything was mostly the same except for the long grass that looked like it hadn't been tidied for too long, and it felt like he hadn't ever left. Absent-mindedly his feet made their way to the path that led up to the front door. He walked towards it, his hands in his pockets until he made it there. He reached out, knocking slowly on the wooden door three times with a shaky fist.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner was struggling. All of his life, he had only ever truly had two people he could rely on. Cara, and her older brother Eddie. They had all been inseparable growing up. He had lost Eddie over a decade ago. It had broken his heart then. It still broke his heart today. There wasn't a day that had gone by, since meeting Eddie, really, that Abner hadn't written to him. Every journal he had was spread out on the kitchen table, each one varying in size and style, but every one of them bearing the same resemblance. Dear Eddie, was written on the cover of every book, along with two dates, the date of the first letter and the date of the last one.

Abner had fallen asleep at the kitchen table, slumped over the latest journal with a letter half written, the page smeared with tears. Eddie. Where are you? God, I miss you so much. A day hasn't gone by that I don't hate myself for losing you. It's my fault, it's all my fault. You're gone. Cara is gone. I deserve this. I deserve to be alone. I know you've forgotten me. Moved on. It was so easy for you to go. I wish I could forget. I wish I could find you. God, Eddie...

The letter trailed off, rambling, unfinished. He was startled awake by a knock on the door. Abner stumbled to his feet, groggy. He padded barefoot to the door. He looked a mess, but he barely cared. His clothes were disheveled and slept in. His beard needed trimmed. His eyes were baggy and his hair was in absolute disarray.

Abner opened the door, and his jaw dropped. He stood there, stunned for a moment. He was dreaming, wasn't he? He must have been. His lip quivered, tears sprung into his eyes. "Eddie," Abner's voice broke and he crumbled, surging forward and up. He wrapped his arms tightly around the other mans neck, burying his face there and losing all control. Abner sobbed, deep, gut wrenching cries. He clung to the older man, babbling his name every so often in between gasping breaths. Abner shook, inconsolable as he burrowed impossibly deeper against Eddie.

 

[Eddie Kane]

The sight of Abner caused many overwhelming feelings for Eddie as he took in his ragged appearance. He looked almost as wrecked as Eddie did, but he still felt the butterflies come back, and it also reminded him of how much he missed his sister. He knew that Abner missed her too. He took Abner’s embrace with open arms, feeling some tears fall down his own cheeks as he held him close. “Oh Abner, I’ve missed you.” he said softly, letting his tears fall. He let him cry, knowing exactly how much he would be hurting. “I’m sorry I left for so long, but I’m back now. And I won’t ever leave you again. You are mine forever, I promise.” Eddie admittedly felt terrible, and he wished he could have changed things. He would climb mountains if it meant Abner could be with him, but he wasn’t sure what this meant now for the both of them. He would understand if Abner needed more time, and Eddie would continue to wait forever.

They held each other for a long while, but eventually, Eddie let go, still keeping Abner close. “Tell me, how are the kids? I want to see them again.” he said, hoping Abner would let him. The last he remembered of them was when they were really young. He wondered how they had grown and how much they had learnt. He hoped that they were all still together and trying their best to get through this hard time.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner wasnt sure how long he stayed there, crying into Eddie's neck, but eventually he calmed a bit. Nothing had ever calmed him the way Eddie did. He was worn out, feeling exhausted. He blinked slowly, looking up at Eddie with sad eyes. "Yeah, you... Yeah, they..." He yawned, and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. He leaned against the older man again, snaking his arms around his waist. "Don't go," he pleaded gently, brokenly, half asleep and struggling to piece together sentences. "I tried... I didn't... You were gone," he whimpered softly. "Couldn't... Find..." Abner whined gently and burrowed in closer. "Thought... You hated me..." he murmured, struggling to stay awake.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie didn't realise how disoriented Abner was until he began speaking, or at least trying to speak. "I could never hate you, Abner. Never." he assured him, suddenly realising that he must have had a couple of drinks. "Why don't we lie down for a little?" He put his arm over his shoulder and took him into the house. He could smell the alcohol even more as he closed the door behind them. However, this time it was whiskey and Eddie then realised just how much things have changed, despite the house looking very much the same.

Eddie took Abner into the living room and lay him down on the couch. Looking around, he noticed a few empty bottles on the floor, and Eddie sighed deeply as his gaze then turned back to the man who was obviously so helpless. He wondered whether or not any of this was true. Did Abner really miss him or was it the Whiskey talking? Was he going to wake up tomorrow morning and kick Eddie out? Eddie wasn't really sure just yet, but he knew that he needed to help his best friend.

Eddie wandered around the house, picking up the bottles and placing them into a garbage bag that he found under the sink. He couldn’t believe how wrecked this man had become, and somehow Eddie felt like it was all his fault. If they had figured something else out and if Eddie had stayed, then perhaps he could have stopped this before it became a problem. More empty bottles and empty takeout containers were also on the dining table, and it seemed that Abner had been writing something as well. Eddie almost walked back into the kitchen before he saw his name on the top of one of the letters. He was never usually nosy, but he couldn’t help himself. After all, the letters were addressed to him.

Eddie went through the letters one by one, finding out more things as he went. He froze completely, not sure what to think as he suddenly felt even worse about leaving Abner. He had no idea Cara was gay and no idea that their marriage was worse than he thought. He should have been there for both of them. He read Abner’s recollection of the car accident, and of how he thought he was hallucinating when Eddie visited him in hospital. Out of everything Eddie read, he knew one thing for sure, and that was that Abner was still in love with him.

Suddenly snapping back to reality, Eddie quickly put the letters back down, trying his best to put them back in their original place before Abner woke up. He didn’t want Abner to know he was snooping, as he wanted to hear it from Abner himself. Deciding he needed some fresh air, Eddie cleaned up the rest of the table before heading out to get him some groceries. It definitely was better than him ordering takeout every night.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner woke up slowly, his head killing him. Pieces of a dream came back to him as he lay on the couch. He shot up suddenly, ignoring the pounding of his head. "Eddie?!" Abner dashed into the kitchen, out the back door, back to the living room, calling for the man. When he didn't get an answer, Abner slumped against the wall. "Just another dream," he mumbled, running his hands across his face. Why had he thought Eddie had come back? Why would he ever think that the man would just... miraculously return to him? Abner was losing his mind. With a careless wave of his hand all his journals shot off the table and back into the trunk by the wall. Abner hadn't been living in his old room since Cara's death.

He trudged up the stairs, his heart heavier than his footsteps. He felt totally alone. The Kanes were gone. After everything they'd been through, all the years they'd been together, Abner was back where he started. Broken and alone. Cara and Edison had saved him once. Tears pricked his eyes. Now, they'd both abandoned him. His twins hadn't even returned for Christmas. Asher tried to come by every few weeks, but he was a grown man who didn't need his father anymore. Casper and Stan were both sullen and withdrawn.

Abner didn't know what to do anymore. He'd almost drained his savings. He couldn't live here anymore but he couldn't leave. He felt like a stranger in his own home. He dragged himself into the shower, forcing himself to wash up. When he came out, he stated at himself in the mirror for a while. He didn't recognize the man he saw. Trying to find some respite, Abner took out the razor and shaved off the beard that had grown. When he was done, he ran his hands over his cheeks and stared harder at his reflection. He looked old. Worn down. Abner still couldn't see himself.

Sighing, Abner wandered back down the stairs, wearing nothing more than an old pair of tattered jeans. He walked out the back door and sank onto the steps, staring blankly out at the yard that needed mowed. There were a million things he should do. He needed to do. But Abner just felt... Dead. He had lost himself, somewhere. He knew he should eat, but he just felt like he was drowning and he had no idea which way the surface was. He rubbed his hand absently over his chest, trying to dull the aching from the tattered remains of his heart.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie didn’t spend too long in the shops as he wasn’t sure how long Abner would sleep for. He bought some vegetables to make soup, fresh bread, and fruit. He knew Abner hadn’t been to the shops for a while and hoped that he wouldn’t mind this small gesture. Some meal planning was what he needed, and it would definitely help him save some money. The man quickly apparated back to the house, panicking a little as he entered and noticed Abner was no longer sleeping on the couch. He walked out into the kitchen, placing the grocery bags on the bench before then looking out the window to see Abner sitting on the back porch. He was not wearing a shirt, and had shaved, which Eddie thought made him look even more handsome.

Taking a deep breath, Eddie walked out onto the back porch where Abner was seated on the stairs. “Abner?” he said, keeping his distance in case Abner no longer wanted him there. He spoke softly and gently. “How are you feeling? I’ve brought some groceries for you. I can make you vegetable soup, or chicken soup, whichever you prefer.” He knew food was probably what he needed, and hoped that he would take his offer.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner was lost in thought. Well, thought was a strong word. Lost in nothing, really, he was basically just existing on the back porch and not noticing the chill seeping into his bones. Something drew him out of his reverie, and for a moment, he thought it was just an echo of an old memory on his already strained mind. But the echo grew stronger, breaking into his reverie completely. Abner blinked, and turned.

His eyes grew wide, his cheeks stained crimson. A piece of his heart throbbed in his chest. "Eddie?" He breathed. Abner's shoulders slumped and tears threatened to spill over again. "It... Wasn't a dream?" Abner pushed up to his feet, turning and taking half a step towards Eddie. One hand started to reach out, but then he paused, shy and unsure. He clutched his hands to his chest, his hair falling into his eyes. "You're... Actually back?" He questioned. His voice was very small and timid. Abner didn't really remember last night, or any of what they may have said. He only had small flashes of crying like a fool and being lost in Eddie's warmth.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie coudn't help but feel a little emotional when Abner realised that it was him again. It was like he was reliving the moment last night when he first lay his eyes on his long lost friend. But he had cried enough now, and so simply just stared at Abner with a smile on his face as he looked hesitant to approach him. "It's okay Abner." he said, reaching out to encourage him to come forward. He brought his hand up to his cheek, softly touching it with the tip of his fingers. He definitely still looked nice without his beard. "Of course I'm back. I was never too far. I've been worried about you ever since the last time I saw you." Eddie spoke every word truthfully, hoping that they could talk now that Abner was a little less tipsy.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner's eyes drifted shut as Eddie touched his cheek. He leaned into the touch, bringing his hands up and gripping Eddie's wrist gently. "So last night wasn't another dream," he murmured, almost to himself. He peeked up at Eddie through his hair, feeling shy. "I don't... Really remember last night. Just... Flashes of crying like a fool and seeing you. A little," he gave Eddie a shy smile. "I, um... That is..." Abner bit his lip, his grip tightening a bit. "Why did you come back?" He asked gently. "If... You want something of Cara's, I- I still have... All of it," Abner's voice broke and he looked away, trying to push back the tears. He didn't need to cry in front of Eddie. Again.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie nodded as Abner told him that he didn't remember last night. It made sense, especially considering all of the empty bottles that he had cleaned up before. It made Eddie think that perhaps the Whiskey was an attempt to help Abner forget about Cara, and maybe even about Eddie too. Eddie still thought about the kids, wondering how they were coping with everything, and he just hoped that they weren't anywhere near as bad as Abner was.

At Abner's question, Eddie sighed and looked down, trying his best not to cry again. He quickly shook his head as Abner assumed he was here for Cara's belongings. "No, I need you." he said simply, looking back up at his beautiful eyes. "And I had a feeling you needed me too. I was lost without you Abner." Eddie stood a bit closer to him, keeping his hand on his face. "Please tell me you need me too."

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner's breath caught as Eddie spoke, absolutely crumbling. He stepped closer, pushing up and wrapping his arms around Eddie's shoulders, burying his face in the man's neck. "I've always needed you, dummy," he managed, his voice breaking as he clung to the older man. "I- we need to talk- I just- there's so much," Abner sighed, burrowing deeper into Eddie. Part of him was afraid if he let go Eddie would disappear again. The other part was just desperate to be held again. To have Eddie close. "I love you, Edison," he spoke, his voice barely more than a whisper.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie felt comfort as Abner hugged him again and wrapped his arms around the man in return. His words were really what Eddie needed to hear. The letters just simply weren't enough, and hearing it from Abner's mouth felt like a whole weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He held Abner tighter, placing a hand on his head as he burrowed it deeper. He missed embracing Abner in this way and it felt like for once everything was going to be okay. "Yes, we do need to talk. There's so much I want to say." he said truthfully, glad that Abner was willing to talk things out with him. He felt more reassured now and just hoped the conversation would go exactly how he dreamed it would.

As Abner spoke again, Eddie only just made it out. Even before Eddie left, he had never heard those words come from his friend. He wanted to say it back but he wasn't sure how it would sound. Instead, he moved his hands to hold Abner's face, instinctively bringing it up to his own and pressing his lips against his. He felt the butterflies again and just hoped that he wasn't dreaming. He longed for his kiss for years, and this time it was without any guilt. Eddie pulled away slowly, hoping it was what Abner had also been waiting for.

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner blushed at Eddie's words, burrowing impossibly closer and snaking his arms around the older man. He felt... Relieved, like a piece of him had been put back into place. He sighed gently, closing his eyes. He had always been so comfortable in Eddie's arms. He had missed this, deeply, and being held again was the best feeling in the world. At least, it was. But then Eddie kissed him.

Abner's breath caught, and he froze. Eddie was pulling away before he could react properly. Abner whined gently, following after the man for a moment before stopping himself. He let out a slow breath, opening his eyes to look up to his love. He wondered if Eddie could still read him so easily. Abner was sure he was just radiating adoration for the other man. Before he could speak, his stomach growled loudly. Abner's eyes widened and he blushed. "Er... I um..." He smiled shyly. "I think I'm hungry."

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie could tell that Abner didn't mind the kiss at all, and this definitely made the man feel better about acting on instinct. With what Eddie had read in those letters, he was sure Abner hadn't had attention like that for a while. As Abner said he was hungry, Eddie smiled. "Perfect. I can make us some soup." he said, turning around and heading back into the kitchen. He pulled out some vegetables from the grocery bags he had brought in earlier and began cooking them. Eddie wasn't the best at cooking, but living alone had definitely improved his skills and he had learnt a few tricks that made healthy food taste better. He added plenty of broccoli and kale to the soup. It was a very dark green colour, but Eddie softened it a little by mixing in some cream and cheese. He then put some bread into the oven to crisp it a little before serving two bowls of the soup. He placed them down on the dining table gently. "I hope it's okay." Eddie said, taking a seat and picking up a spoon. "I've been teaching myself how to cook."

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner followed Eddie inside, leaving him in the kitchen for a moment to change into some clean clothes. He made more of an effort to look nice now, putting on dark jeans and one of his nicer midnight blue t-shirts. He even ran a brush through his hair and dabbed on a little hint of cologne. It was an old bottle, one that Eddie had bought for him many, many years ago. This was the first time in a very long time that Abner had worn any.

He had just sat down again when Eddie set the food on the table. Once upon a time he would have been hesitant to try Eddie's cooking. Not that he would have said so, he would always eat anything the other man put down in front of him. He was just hungry enough this time that he barely even stopped to look at it. He quickly downed half of the bowl before he could even stop to taste it. When was the last time he had eaten? He took a moment to breath, summoning over a few drinks and taking a large sip before sitting back and takin a slow breath. "Alright, yeah, uh, heh," Abner rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry..." He gave Eddie a shy smile and offered out his hand. "Maybe we can start with the easier things?" He asked, not really sure where to begin. "Where... where did you go? What have you been doing?" He asked, scooting a little bit closer to the table. He wanted to just move around to sit in Eddie's lap, but he worried that might be pushing it too far too soon.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie smiled over at Abner who seemed to really enjoy the soup. He figured it was because he hadn't had a proper meal like that in ages. Eddie opened his mouth to ask him if he wanted some lessons in cooking, but then frowned as Abner apologised. He shook his head. "No need to apologise. I'm glad you like it." he assured him. As Abner offered his hand out, Eddie hesitated before taking it gently. He always liked holding Abner's hand and feeling his fingers between his own. He looked at Abner closely, glad that he was opening up a little already. His question was expected, and Eddie couldn't help but sigh a little before he answered. "I wasn't far at all, really." he said, absent-mindedly stroking Abner's hand with his thumb. "I purchased a cottage a little north of here. I've just been living there with a cat I own. His name is Mister. He's a cute little orange tabby." He paused for a moment, knowing that Abner would like Mister if he met him. "I work at an animal shelter not far from there.. it's practically next door. I actually run it. We get mostly muggles that visit, but some magical folk too." Eddie immediately stopped talking when he realised he was rambling a bit. He always cared more about what Abner had to say. "But enough about me, what about you? The kids? What have you been up to?"

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner's heart both stuttered and dropped as Eddie said he'd been close this whole time. How stupid was he to miss this? He bit his lip, drawn from his thoughts as Eddie asked about the kids. Abner let out a slow sigh. "I'm not sure how much Cara kept you up on. We have two more, boys." Abner ran his thumb absently along Eddie's hand. "Let's stop at the top. Asher. He got expelled at sixteen. Fighting. He took off at seventeen, disappeared for a year. Had a hell of a time tracking him down." Abner smiled a little, thinking of how tightly he'd hugged Asher when he'd found him again. "He's made a bit of a name for himself. He's mildly famous. Lead singer for the band Ashes. He actually joined them, he didn't start it. Fate, isn't it?" Abner thought about it. "I think he's in love with someone, but he hasn't told me anything yet."

Abner smiled softly. "The twins. Addison and Allison follow after their brother, neither really care for school. Addison is allergic to strawberries and Allison is allergic to lemons, and oddly enough Addy loves lemon and Allie loves strawberry." He shook his head. "Addy keeps notebooks, she loves random facts. Her favorite saying is 'did you know?' and she'll tell you the oddest things," He sipped his drink. "She has a best friend, Augustus. He's... interesting. He's a tall boy, brilliant blue eyes. He's intelligent, but quiet. He likes to think things through, he stares a bit and it can be unsettling." He chuckled. "But Addy adores him. I think she has a bit of a crush, but she won't admit to it either."

Abner sighed. "Allison... Allie is bold. She's bossy. She brought home our other son. His name is Stan. It was Stanislaw Kurek. But his mother abandoned him when they found out about his magic. She brought him home. We kept him. He's Stan Beckett now." Abner smiled fondly. "He's struggling, but he's a good boy."

Abner's smile faded, and he frowned. "We also adopted Casper. That..." He sighed. "You remember my older brother? I think you met him once. He just... happened to live here in town. He and his wife adopted a boy. Cas. Apparently, he was supposed to be Austin's 'legacy'," Abner scowled and shook his head. "Cas was supposed to marry a nice girl, be a successful businessman with kids and a house. But our Cas," He smiled then. "Our Cas is the most beautiful artist," He leaned over and pointed to a series of fantasy paintings that were hanging on the wall, mostly with heavy undertones of blues and purples. "But Cas called me up. Austin... well, Austin got mad. Told him not to go home until he got his 'priorities straight'." Abner's jaw clenched again at the thought of it. "He doesn't even know Cas is gay. But it doesn't matter. He's here, and he's safe. And he's- ours... now..."

Abner's voice trailed off and he sighed, shutting his eyes. He sat back, his arms dropping to wrap loosely around his torso. His hair fell forward to cover his eyes. "They, um... none of them came home for Christmas." He admitted softly. "Allison... went to her boyfriends home in New York. Stan stayed at school. Addison went to Augustus' home..." Asher sighed shakily, tears filling his eyes that he tried to hide. "Cas went to a friends house. Ash... Ash wanted to come home, but he was on tour. I told him not to, it would have been too hard on him to get here and back in time for the show, just to sit around with me." Abner's arms tightened around himself. "This place... it's just... empty. I've just... been here... alone... for so long, but... it's their home, I can't just... I can't leave. I feel... I feel like a ghost. Trapped here. Cara always... came and went. The kids are at school mostly." Abner sighed softly. "Just... me, here." He murmured, half to himself. He glanced into the vast space that was his house. It just all felt so large.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie was glad that Abner was willing to talk. He listened as he continued to eat his soup, smiling at the thought of Asher joining a band. It was a shame he was suspended though, and Eddie couldn't help but feel like that could have been his fault. He should have been there to help Asher with whatever he was going through. Luckily however, he seemed to be doing quite well with himself now and Eddie was confident that he would go far. He chuckled a little as Abner spoke about the twins and their allergies. Eddie didn't know much about the twins at all, and so he took note in his head of what Abner was saying. He figured a notebook would be the perfect present for Addy if it was something that she liked using and used a lot. He was happy that their were some brains in the family.

At the mention of two new children, Eddie sat up straight in his seat. Cara hadn't told him much about any other kids joining the family, and so it was definitely news to him. Nonetheless, he wasn't surprised. Abner had a very soft heart, which was one of the reasons why Eddie liked him so much, and adopting abandoned children was what he liked to do. Eddie looked up as Abner gestured to Casper's paintings. He was eager to meet Casper, and Stan as well, and just hoped that they would all still like him and forgive him. "Abner, that's beautiful." he said truthfully, giving the man's hands a gentle squeeze. "You have such a good heart."

When Abner spoke about their whereabouts during Christmas, Eddie frowned. He didn't realise how alone Abner was, despite his children. He should have known that teenagers didn't stay home for too long at a time. He should have been there for Abner this whole time, but he wasn't. He felt guilt like he had never felt before. "Abner, I'm sorry." he said, a clear glaze of tears covering his eyes. "I should have been there for you." He moved closer to Abner, wrapping his arms around him in another embrace. "I'm here now for you though, okay? I'm not leaving. I promise." He let go, still keeping his hands in Abner's lap. He wanted to see the kids again and also promise to them that he wasn't going to leave. "Are the kids at school now? Do you know when they're coming back?"

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner was brought back to himself as he felt Eddie's arms around him. Abner relaxed, burying his face in the mans neck and lacing his arms around his waist. "Eddie," he sighed gently. He gripped at his shirt lightly. He let Eddie pull away, taking a few deep breaths and opening his eyes to smile gently. "Um, a few more months, the date is written on the calendar." Abner looked over to Eddie and offered out his hand. "I can call Ash though, have him... come by sooner?" He offered gently. "I know the kids are going to love you," he hesitated for a second, looking away and letting his hair cover his eyes again. "I do," he admitted softly, biting his lip. Was it too much? It was probably too much. He didn't know where he and Eddie really stood now. It had been years since they'd been together. Was Eddie the same? Was Abner the same? He felt like a shadow of who he used to be. Maybe Eddie would decide he didn't want Abner after all. Abner whined softly, unaware he'd done so and feeling a bit on edge.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie smiled as Abner said he could ask Asher to come sooner. "Yes, that would be really good. If he doesn't mind, that is." he replied, hoping that Asher would want to see him. He didn't want to disturb him however, especially since it seemed like he was living such a busy life. "Thanks Abner." he said as he reassured him that the kids were going to love him. He hoped he wasn't just saying that to make him feel better. After all, the kids meant a lot to him as he knew they meant a lot to Abner, and he was willing to do whatever it took to prove to them that he was going to stick around for good now. As Eddie looked back up at Abner, he frowned as he still seemed a little upset, and suddenly Eddie thought that perhaps he didn't want him there anymore. "Are you alright, dear? If you want, I can leave. But I want to stay."

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner nodded, biting his lip. He would get in touch with Asher and see what could be done. He knew his son had missed Eddie. He had missed Eddie. He was shocked back into the moment as Eddie said he could leave. "No!" Abner yelped, both hands shooting out to grab the hem of Eddie's shirt. "No, please, don't leave me alone again," he pleaded. Realizing what he'd done, Abner cleared his throat and sat back in his seat, wringing his hands. "I- I'm sorry- Eddie, just- we need to talk. Will you hear me out, please?" He pleaded, peeking to the other man.

Abner moved his half eaten food off of the table, giving himself a minute to think. He moved back to the table and sat down. He shifted in his seat, folding his hands in front of him. Eventually, he sighed. "Alright, the beginning. Start there, yeah," he murmured, half to himself. He let out a slow breath. "Eddie, the day you left, it... it broke my heart," He started, speaking gently. "I was a mess. Cara was away for the rest of that month. I felt so broken," Abner sighed. "I tried to keep it together. I did an okay job of it for a few months."

Abner ran a hand through his hair. "I told her. I told Cara everything. I couldn't not. The two of you- you're all I've ever had. I had lost you. I had to make a play to keep her, my heart couldn't bare to lose you both." Abner was twisting his hands. "I only held out for about six months. I've never been able to keep secrets, especially from the two of you." He gave a dry smile.

He sighed deeply. He continued on, explaining the past thirteen years to Eddie. He and Cara had started going to therapy. Cara had realized that she was gay, and Abner had learned that all of her affairs had been women. He talked about how they had spent the better part of five years struggling to learn how to work with each other again. He peeked up at Eddie before looking down again. "Cara and I realized something. She and I... we loved each other. Deeply. But we weren't in love. We never were. We just... we were young. We knew that... we would never want anyone in our lives more than each other... and you." He bit his lip. "Honestly, Eddie..."

Abner twisted his hands, staring intently at them. "For me, Eddie... It was always you." He admitted, very softly. "The day Cara brought me back to the Kane home..." He sighed. "I was so in awe of you. You were older, and cool, and charming..." He smiled fondly, remembering the day he'd met the Kanes. "You were so cute. I had no idea how to talk to you." He admitted. He bit his lip. "Honestly, Eddie, I... I started writing letters to you that night. I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you everything. I just... couldn't look at you without getting flustered. I would write one every night, and eventually, it just... became a habit. I've written one to you every night ever since. Well... except for last night,"

Abner laughed dryly. "The point was, I... I always thought you were unattainable. You were strong, handsome, always out of reach. I could never have you, so I locked my feelings so far down I forgot they were there. At least... until you kissed me, and it all came flooding back."

Abner sighed. "Cara and I reached an agreement, Eddie. We would stay here, stay together, until the twins moved out. Even with the boys, the plan remained. We wanted them to focus on school, not to worry about anything." He bit his lip. "Cara... she was barely home. For the past... eight or so years, Cara would stay out and play around. I've had... five? different women come by the house looking for her, since... none of them knew about me," Abner could feel the tears in his eyes. "Cara has always known where you were. She offered to tell me. But I... I wouldn't let her."

Abner couldn't help it, and he started crying again. "Our plan... she was going to invite you to the twins graduation, I was going to see you there, and hope maybe..." He shook his head. "I... My love is an all or nothing kind of deal. If I gave in to my heart, if I went to you, I could never bring myself to step back again." Abner swiped at his eyes. "Cara... Cara has been gone for a long time. She found herself in a woman's bed more often than she would cuddle me in mine. She would be home when the twins were, but otherwise..." He sighed. "I've been drifting through this house by myself for a very long time,"

Abner looked up to Eddie, his eyes sad and forlorn. "Honestly, Eddie, I thought... I thought you forgot me a very long time ago. I didn't... I didn't think I was ever going to see you again. I didn't..." He looked down. "I thought you stopped caring." He admitted gently.

 

[Eddie Kane]

Eddie couldn’t help but be a little shocked at Abner’s reaction. His eyes widened as he pulled his shirt, and so Eddie didn’t dare move. He kept very still as Abner spoke, telling him all about the last thirteen years. “I missed you too Abner.” he admitted. He spoke softly as he realised just how Abner felt about him. Eddie didn’t have to worry anymore. He knew he was welcome at the house.

Eddie felt his heart break a little with Abner as he continued. He felt as though the last thirteen years had been wasted. Abner and Cara didn’t need therapy because clearly neither of their hearts wanted each other in that way, but at least they were doing it for the kids, and Eddie respected that. As Abner spoke of how he felt about Eddie, he couldn’t help a smile forming on his lips. “Yes... those letters... I'm sorry, but I read some of them. I read the one about the night you had that accident. It wasn't a hallucination... it was actually me. I wanted to be there for you, but I didn't want to come in between anything. I know I should have come back sooner. I'm sorry." Eddie felt a lump in his throat that was full of regret. He hated that Abner thought it was only a hallucination, and he was honestly surprised with how forgiving Abner was with everything.

Eddie nodded as Abner spoke about their plan. Cara kept him up to date with most things that were happening, but he didn't know about the graduation. That would've been much too long to wait. Eddie met eyes with Abner. "I never stopped caring about you Abner." he told him, keeping a hold of his hands. "You were all I was thinking about this whole time. I just didn't know when you wanted me back, or if you wanted me back. But we're here now, and that's all that matters. I will make up for all of the time we spent apart and the cuddles that Cara didn't give you." Eddie stood up, taking Abner's hand and leading him over to the couch. He wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so happy that we are together again, Abner."

 

[Abner Becket]

Abner felt vulnerable- he hadn't been laid this open in years. His eyes widened when Eddie said he'd been there, the night Abner had crashed in their car and nearly lost his life. His lip quivered at that- he had thought that the pain had made him delirious. He crumpled a little more at that. His heart raced as Eddie continued on, pulling him over to the couch. Abner fell into him, shutting his eyes and curling up against the man. Abner broke down, starting to sob against Eddie's chest. "I'm sorry," he cried, "I'm so sorry- Eddie, it's all my fault, it's all been my fault," Abner gripped at Eddie's shirt, his entire body shaking as he wrapped around the other man. "It was my fault you left, my fault we stayed apart. It's my fault she d-died," He stuttered a bit, his voice breaking. "After my accident," he tried to explain, nuzzling into Eddie. "I was t-too scared, I was terrified to drive, I can't- I can't get back in cars," he explained, trying to hide in Eddie. "She- she was only driving that day- she was only going out because I was afraid to, it should have- it was supposed to be me, it should have been me," Abner hiccupped, sobbing loudly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Eddie," he whimpered.

 

[Eddie Kane]

As Abner curled up on his lap, Eddie ran a soothing hand up and down his back. He let him cry, knowing that a good cry was probably what he needed to finally accept everything that was happening and everything that had happened. "It's both of our faults." he said softly. "If I was here I could have helped. You shouldn't put it all on yourself." He began running his fingers through his hair. He wanted to cry with Abner but he just couldn't anymore. He felt like all of his tears had ran out, and so he just sat there, feeling a little numb, as he also tried his best to soothe the one person that he truly cared for. After a moment it fell silent and Eddie decided to speak again. "If there's one thing I know, I think it's that Cara would be glad we are together again. Life is hard, but this gives us an opportunity to start again. Is that what you would like too Abner?"