Closed A date?

[Linden Kinnek]

It was nearly exam week. Not that it meant much to linden. Being seventh year had its advantages and disadvantages. And he wasn’t entirely sure which the fact that they had no exams this semester was. It meant that right now they were not as stressed as most of the other students but also meant that next semester they would have double the pressure. Lin had a lot banking on his grades. He needed good ones to be sure that he got into the career that he had wanted for as long as he could remember. Not that he wouldn’t get it. It was the area where half of his family worked. But he wanted to be able to say he was good enough for it and it wasn’t just nepotism that got him there. This is why he was sitting in the arts room still studying on a summer day as if he had his final exams tomorrow. around him were his textbooks, potions, Defence against the dark arts, transfiguration and a german travel guide and phrasebook for when he got bored stuck or in need of a change of pace for a few minutes.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper… Casper had a lot on his mind. He'd been looking for Linden, not thinking to do the obvious and check the arts room. After an hour of fruitless searching, Casper retreated to the arts room, feeling defeated. Maybe this was just fate telling him to just say yes to Alex.

Or not.

Casper bit his lip, hesitating in the door a moment. Taking a breath, he walked in, trying really hard to look casual. "Hey. Studying?" He asked, despite the obvious answer, and grasped the back of the chair across from Linden, trying very hard to look normal.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

It had only been this year that Linden had started to use the art room as a study space. Until then it had been Caspers’ place. But now the smell of paint and range of music mixing together like a bag of pick-n-mix felt as much like home to him as anywhere else in the castle. He looked around as the door opened and cas came in. he seemed excited about something. Maybe he had managed to sell the big picture he had been working on, or maybe tara had been talking to him and accidentally slipped up on telling him about his Christmas present. “I was. But don’t have to be. What’s up?” he asked. As cas stood opposite him doing a terrible job of looking like nothing was up.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper blushed as Linden seemed to immediately pick up on something being on his mind. He looked away quickly, swallowing nervously. Right at it then, I guess.

Cas bit his lip, refusing to look at Linden and letting his hair fall to hide his eyes. "Um… I- er…" Cas let out a shaky sigh. "This… this boy, Alex… he's- he's in the arts club… he- um-" Cas gripped the chair a little tighter, his voice both lowering and getting softer.

"Alex… asked me to the ball. As his- his date," he admitted softly, hesitating a moment before peeking through his hair. "I- um- that is- I haven't … said yes…" he stammered a bit, his blush deepening. He looked away again, afraid of Lindens reaction. Ask me. Come on, please, don't let this all be in my head. Not again. Please, Linden? Casper pleaded in his mind, his heart thundering in his chest.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden could see that there was something going on. Cas seemed shy. Like he was saying something he didn’t want to. He was so nervous it was almost painful listening to him words coming out in clumps of two or three not in the flow of a sentence. He slipped his parchment into his book and closed it. Whatever was going on needed his full attention. As the words slowly told what was going on linden felt broken and moving in two directions someone had asked cas to the ball. Somewhere fluttering around in his face and chest was happiness he was pleased for cas. But deep down he felt his guts drop. Cas was going with someone else. A date. “Oh,” he said trying to keep the excitement on his face but unfortunately, a note of disappointment seemed set in his voice. He shouldn’t be. He had someone lined up to take. He just needed to ask them. And he couldn’t berate Cas from wanting a good time. “Congratulations,” he said getting up and walking towards Cas. And giving him a pat on the back that lingered a second in a semi one-armed hug. “See i told you one day some guy would come along and see how awesome you are,” he said once he had let go. Smiling again as he remembered not to look disappointed.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

No. No no no. Cas felt the anxiety swirling in his gut, tightening in his throat. He couldn't have made it all up, could he? He shook his head, not accepting Lindens words, and pushed back gently. "No- no, I didn't- I haven't-"

Cas stammered, his hand waving in the air as his words got caught in his throat. He stuttered, making some noise resembling speech. His hand dropped and grasped at Lindens collar, and Cas finally looked up at Linden, his eyes burning and full of longing and the unspoken feeling he thought they'd been having. "Please," he breathed, his voice catching and his eyes burning like he might cry.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Was cas having some kind of panic attack? The way he was acting was not how he would have expected someone to act when they had been asked for a date. He didnt know how to fix that. But he did know how to handle Cas. he put his arms around him properly and rubbed his back in a calming way. “I don’t know alexander well. But if you really don’t want to go with him you don’t have to. I am sure he will understand” he said in a soothing voice. Letting go so he could see his friend.

That wasn’t a smart idea. He caught Casper’s eye and the look in it was, he didn’t know how to describe it other than intense. He took a breath and bit his lip for a second as cas breathed please as if asking him to do what he wanted to do, what he shouldn’t do. What he should never do. He felt himself lean forwards again slightly but not in a position to hug “cas” he whispered not able to stop himself completely but divert his kiss to caspers forehead. “You should give him a chance he is cute and seems nice. And is in the art club. Just because you go to the ball with him once doesn’t mean you have to marry him.” he said feeling bad for hoping that marriage or anything even remotely long term or even a relationship with Alex wouldn’t be how his summer ended

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper couldn't help but whimper when Linden leaned in, his breath catching. He leant in a bit himself. But his heart plummeted as the kiss came not to his lips but against his forehead.

He stood there a moment, slowly processing what had happened, and he felt himself shutting down. He stepped away, lowering his head. "Okay," he spoke softly, tears burning in the corners of his eyes.

He should have known better. He should have seen this coming. Nothing good ever came from letting anyone this close. Linden was too close to his heart. And yet again, Linden had shattered it. Casper should have known that Linden would never love him. After all, why would he? There was nothing in Cas worth loving.

Cas wrapped his arms around himself, taking a few deep breaths. "Yeah, okay." He managed softly, staring too hard at the ground as he tried to wrestle his emotions back into place.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden had done it again. He was getting better at reading Casper and it didn’t take that much reading to realise he had once again dug a hole, put his foot in it, shot said foot and kept digging. Why did he always do this? He just needed to make sure that he got his own feelings for Casper straight, or not straight as the case may be before he did anything to ruin their friendship and he had come so close to that just. He looked at his Casper. Curling back up in himself “I’m sorry” he said taking a tentative step forwards arms ready to wrap him into a hug if he didn’t move away. Maybe he should tell Cas that he had already asked Finn to the dance, but that would hurt him more. Maybe he should suggest they go to valentines together if things with Alex didn’t work out, but he didn’t want Casper's date to start with any complications, he deserved a chance, and there was a reason he had asked Finn out and getting Caspers hopes up for a date would make it pointless. How had he messed everything up this thoroughly?

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper knew that he needed to step away. Needed to push his feelings back into check. But Casper was a very physical person. And even knowing it would hurt him, Cas just couldn't resist. He leaned into Linden, keeping his arms around himself as he buried his head in Lindens neck. "You always are," He muttered softly, mostly to himself. Linden was always sorry. It never made it hurt any less.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden felt Casper lean in towards him and held him enjoying the feeling of cas in his arms. He shouldn’t be doing this. Hecertainly shouldn’t be enjoying it. This was cas. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and hurt him if he wasn’t sure himself. But it was cas. And he had just unintentionally hurt him. again. “Oh flip. I am aren’t i. I’m sorry” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas sighed softly. "Just forget it, Linden. It's fine." He spoke gently, shutting his eyes. He might regret this later- he knew he probably would, but he was relishing the embrace while he had it. Linden was warm, smelling earthy like dirt and grass, with a hint of the lake. Linden always smelled outdoorsy. It was oddly comforting. He sighed again, all to willing to stay nestled into Linden for as long as the other boy would hold him.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden knew he should not be doing this. and he certainly should not be ENJOYING this. Casper had just been asked to the ball by someone else. and it wasn't like had planned to go with him. he had already asked Finn. "you will have a good time" he said. "You will have fun at the ball. and then you will have a great break" he said. he hadn't thought of when he would tell cas about his Christmas present. but maybe dropping a hint or two would not be a bad idea so he didn't make plans with his new guy and spoil the plans he had put so much effort into making.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas was relaxed, oddly enough, despite the way Linden made his heart ache. "If you say so," he grumbled non-committedly, his nose nestled into the crook of Lindens neck. "You're comfortable," he murmured, half to himself. Cas yawned. He was tempted to just take a nap right there, nestled against his friend. He just suddenly felt really tired. He should go take a nap. That required way too much moving, though.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden didn't know what to say, what to do with cas here in his arms. it felt nice but he shouldn't be doing it. what was he meant to say to Casper's comments? "Umm thank you" he had been told he was comfortable before. Tara had often fallen asleep on him, especially after a full moon but here he was practically holding Casper up. he realised that the last few nights cas hadn't been back from the arts room when he had gone to bed and while his bed had looked used in the morning cas had not been around when he work up. "Cas when was the last time you slept? you are practically asleep on your feet" he said not wanting to let go the boy was leaning on him so much he feared that he would overbalance.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper hummed softly, almost an answer. "Last night," he replied softly, though he didn't say it had only been for a few hours. Cas had been caught up on his latest project- Lindens Christmas present, and nights were the best time to work on it. He'd stay late in the arts room or work on it in his bed with the curtains drawn. But Cas was still aware enough to realize that Linden probably wanted Cas off of him. Reluctantly, Cas dragged himself away, taking a step back and rubbing at his now heavy eyes. "Sorry," He mumbled, and turned to leave.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

linden let out a half-convinced "hmm" as cas said that he had last slept last night. "how long last night?" he asked sure that it would not have been a full night's sleep. cas let go of him and he was glad to see the boy was still on his feet though looked slightly like a zombie. "You are not going anywhere Mr Beckett unless that somewhere is to sleep" he said. reaching across the table for his wand. he had just been working on transfiguration and had an idea come to his mind. he focussed on one of the stools picturing a big comfortable reclining armchair that one couldn't help but fall asleep in and tapped it three times. pleased that it managed to work the first time. "now you sit down and have a nap If you sleep long enough I will give you a hint about your Christmas present." he said. thinking that he could maybe use hints as a bribe to get cas to sleep.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

-godmod approved-

Cas shrugged, not wanting to answer the question. 'A few hours' was probably the sort of answer to get him in trouble. He blinked as Linden said he couldn't leave. He turned back to his roommate, raising a brow. He looked over as Linden conjured up a chair, and without hesitation took Lindens hand, pulling the other boy along. He pushed Linden into the chair, before crawling in and curling up in Lindens side, nuzzling his nose in the other Hufflepuffs neck. He laid an arm over Linden and yawned, conjuring up a blanket and settling in. "Okay, I'll nap now," he teased with a soft smile.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden shook his head at cash its response. He knew a few hours was not going to be more than five, was not going till be enough. At cash orders expression e realised what he had said okay you can leave but you have to go and tell Alex yes and then go to the dorms to sleep. It isn’t nice to leave someone hanging” he said.

It seemed however cas had taken his words to heart as a second later he was being dragged accross the room with surprising force and into the chair Before cas was next to him and he was smushed against the arm in a position that was not going to be comfortable for more than three seconds. cas I can’t sleep here with you. he said trying to extract himself without disturbing Casper too much. ”this chair is only big enough for one and really not comfortable for two. And what if Alex or finn come in and find their dates curled up together. he took a deep breath. He didn’t want to hurt cas. But he was starting to get the impression that often when he was trying not to hurt cas he did and maybe it was better to let him know who he was going to the ball with now so he wasn’t surprised on the night. By this time he was on his get and his spot had been filled by a fluff ball of a cat curling up next to cas and still managing to glare at him with bright blue eyes.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper supposed he shouldn't be surprised. He may have been tired, but he wasn't stupid. Ice seemed to run through his veins, and he turned his head, his hair falling to cover his eyes. Why did he keep doing this to himself? He knew very well where he stood. Not just with Linden, either, but with the world. Casper was fading away. No one saw him. Not really. They looked through him, moved around him. He was never more than a presence.

He curled up around himself, cuddling Lapis. He shivered. Casper felt cold. He was always cold. He covered it in paint, tried to warm his world with the beautiful colors. But it didn't help. He was still cold. He had spent what felt like forever chasing the warmth. He was drawn to Linden. Linden was fire. So warm, so kind. He was pure sunshine. Casper... he was the frost, the snow. And snow melted in the heat of the snow. Casper sighed. Linden would never stay.

Casper had to stop doing this. Yes, Linden slipped through Caspers defenses. But it never resulted in anything more than a deeper, more resounding pain. Worse than fighting with Lucas. Worse than Sebastian ignoring him or Lysanders rejections. Linden was closer to Cas than anyone had ever been. And Linden hurt him so much worse than anyone else ever could. Cas let out a slow sigh. "Just go away then," He spoke softly, his voice dull. Cas tried to put up his walls again, tried to shut Linden out. Even if Cas didn't quite believe it would last if Linden tried to speak to him. Cas shut his eyes, trying to ignore the yearning ache he had carried with him for the majority of his life.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden took a seat at the table looking at his books glancing at cas every now and then. he seemed to be thinking about something sad. "If you want me to give you some peace then I can do, but as promised I will give you a hint towards your Christmas present." he said. reaching one of the books on the desk and putting it on the arm of the chair next to him. the book was a german travel guide and phrasebook, it wasn't new he had been using it to orgnaise the trip and a few pf the pages had sticky notes on them with comments such as the date or transport. he put that on the arm of the chair before returning to the table he had been working on and shuffle though his books either changing subjects or packing up depending on caspers resoinse.

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie ran by, not noticing or seeing anyone in the arts room.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper had gotten rather used to pushing his feelings down where they couldn't bother him anymore. Being super tired was a bonus that worked in his favor. He yawned, cuddling Lapis as his mind wondered. He thought of Alex. The boy really was cute, and very sweet. He was... soft. Casper knew he had some things going on with Linden right now that he didn't understand... but Cas knew himself well. Maybe if things went well with Alex... Cas didn't have really romantic feelings towards the other boy right now, but Cas felt sure that he could love Alex. After all, Alex had asked him out. Cas was sure that they would be a good fit. What he wasn't sure of was if Alex would still hold any interest in him after the ball.

He was drawn from his half asleep musings by the book that Linden set on the chair. Cas reached a hand up, biting back a yawn as he looked at the cover. "A German travel guide?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked over to Linden. "What are you planning?"