Closed A Cold Night

[Monty Pendleton]

It was not the first time Monty had found himself on Hezekiah's doorstep after dark. He wondered what it said about him that he was willing to abandon any engagement at a moment's notice to come and comfort Hezekiah, but he tried not to think too much into it. He would have done the same for anybody. That was what he told himself. And it might have been true. Maybe.

Shivering, he knocked on the front door. Something about Hezekiah's neighbourhood made the hair on his neck bristle. Perhaps it was that every street lamp and street corner reminded him of the night they had met - the night Monty had practically carried the injured werewolf to his home, nursed him back to health on his living room sofa. It had been awkward, certainly, dangerous, undoubtedly, but if Monty hadn't done it, who would? Though he hadn't known it at the time, Hezekiah had next to nobody. Just Rama. And now even she was ignoring him.

Monty was still holding Hezekiah's note. There was no urgency in the message, but there was a certain sadness that he couldn't ignore. His pulse spiked suddenly, and he knocked again, harder. "Hezekiah? It's me."

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[Hezekiah Mowry]

Hezekiah Mowry had made a lot of decisions for himself lately, even ones that meant leaving Hogwarts, a school he had grown to love. Maybe life would lead him back there, or maybe it would not. Right now, he needed to worry about the present. He was drunk and could barely even stand! The werewolf heard the second knock on the door, but he had collapsed onto the floor a foot away from the door before he just decided to wave his hand. With that, the door flung open to reveal Monty. The man opened his mouth to greet his former coworker but all the came out was a loud, juicy burp, which only made Hezekiah laugh and lay down on the ground while laughing at himself.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

The sight and sound that greeted Monty on the other side of the door momentarily stunned him. He had seen Hezekiah at his best, and he had seen him at his worst, but he never seen him like... this. Actually, technically speaking, he had, but Monty had erased most of that night from his memory. "Charmed, I'm sure," he said, stepping into the house and waving the door shut behind him. To the protest of his knees he crouched down beside Hezekiah. The state of him was pitiful, really; yet for the first time in his life, Monty didn't feel he was in a position to judge. He didn't know what it felt like to be ignored by your own daughter, but he did know what it felt like to be alone. "Come on - sit up. Did you fall? I came as soon as I got your note."

 

[Hezekiah Mowry]

Hezekiah rolled over on his side to look at Monty, and quickly swatted his hand when Monty tried to help him up. “You don’t get to touch this, especially after that horrid rejection, you freaking jerk!” Hezekiah complained and quickly sat up, which only made him dizzy. Although Hezekiah would have loved to read into Monty about how man rejected the werewolf, he did not want to push him away too quickly. He did send a note mentioning Rama, so he was sure that Monty had specifically prepared himself for a conversation of that nature. He did know how Monty was to some extent. Hezekiah laid back on the ground, drowning in drunken agony and wishing he had someone to hold him or tell him to get it together. Rama likely would have done the latter, but she was ignoring him all of the sudden. It confused the werewolf. He worried that she was dead, but he definitely would have heard from Syrus because the boy would be all broken up about it. Well, Hezekiah would have been too. He just could not help but feel that Rama was hiding something from him. The man suddenly sat up again, and after instantly regretting it, he sloppily held out his hand to will the bottle of alcohol towards him, but nothing happened.

Hezekiah knew that he was avoiding the situation that was to come. What the heck was he doing? He was out of job, alone, and had not left the house since the last full moon, which had been two weeks ago. It was getting close to the time where he needed to either get ingredients for his wolfsbane potion or buy it, and he did not want to do either. “I’m so tired, Monty.” This was a very dramatic cry for help, but he was very unsure of whether it would be help or ridicule that he would receive.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty felt his face go hot. He stood up and took one step back, part of him wishing he could take three more - straight back out of the front door. He had only been trying to help, and now all of a sudden his stomach was churning with regret. Or was it frustration? Hezekiah had asked him to come over, after all. Had it been his plan all along to remind Monty of his mistakes?

He followed Hezekiah's gaze to the bottle. If it had been anyone else on the floor, he might have been concerned, but this was Hezekiah. Whatever had happened, it was highly likely that he could undo it by taking even an ounce of responsibility, showing a morsel of respect, or practising a modicum of self-restraint. Ignoring his dramatic remark, Monty picked up the bottle and headed into the kitchen. There didn't seem to be much risk of Hezekiah following him, so he tipped the bottle down the sink and began to look through the cabinets for something to sober him up. When at last he found Hezekiah's potions, his stomach dropped. All but two or three of the bottles were completely empty. Monty very well knew that the next full moon was only two weeks away. Did Hezekiah have nothing prepared?

Working with what little he had, Monty brewed a mug of coffee that at least ought to help Hezekiah think clearly. He carried it back into the room and set it on the table. Then he sat down on the sofa, clasping his hands between his knees. "This will help," he said, more tersely than he intended. He wasn't going to take the drink over to him. Not after what had just happened. If Hezekiah wanted it, he'd have to come and get it.

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[Hezekiah Mowry]

As Monty walked away, Hezekiah rolled onto his side as he glared at the bottle of alcohol on the coffee table. It seemed so far away, and his legs still felt like jelly. He heard Monty rumbling around in his house, but he could also feel the man judging him harshly. Monty could be a buttface sometimes, but he was his only friend, if Hezekiah was being honest with himself. However, the werewolf was rarely honest with his feelings, especially since the last time he was, he was harshly rejected and then quit his job.

Hezekiah had expected Monty to come back to him, but the older man simply went over and sat down on the couch behind the coffee table, setting a cup of something on the table as well. Was this some kind of test? Who did Monty think he was, God? Hezekiah scrunched up his face and turned his body to look at the closed door. How dare Monty think he was better than him. It was partially his fault that he was in this situation. The rest had all been Hezekiah.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty's ears began to ring in the heavy silence that ensued. He knew exactly which words he ought to fill it with, yet still he couldn't bring himself to apologise. What did he have to apologise for? Not reciprocating Hezekiah's feelings? For one thing, he shouldn't have had to say sorry for that, but for another, it wasn't even true. Not entirely. Though his infatuation had faded over time, he still cared deeply for his friend - still caught himself wondering what it would be like to get closer to him. He just couldn't. How could he love a man who couldn't even take care of himself? Who couldn't take care of his own daughter?

He was being judgemental, this he knew. Arrogant, perhaps. After all, he had plenty of his own flaws. He worried excessively about trivial things, bottled up his feelings, and created calamities out of thin air. He said the wrong things and the wrong times and held petty grudges like they were going out of fashion. To the point, he forgave himself for mistakes he couldn't forgive in others.

After a minute he picked up the mug and carried it over to where Hezekiah lay, placing it on the floor beside him. Then he sat down close by, his back against the wall, breathing slowly to calm his racing heart. They were quite similar, in a way. Maybe that was why Monty found him so frustrating. "I'm sorry," he said at last. "I've not been a good friend. I was... No - no, I won't try to justify myself. I was wrong." He looked at Hezekiah for a moment. "I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I am scared. Scared that you hate me. Scared that you like me. Not that there's very much chance of that now. Scared that I'll be alone forever. And everything I do is always the wrong thing. Look at me now, talking about myself when you're the one who's upset." He sighed gently. "The point is, I'm here for you. I am. And I'm sorry that I've been... well, very selfish. I'm sorry. I'll stay for as long as you want me. Or don't."

 

[Hezekiah Mowry]

Hezekiah had to fight to keep his eyes open as the vodka flowed through his blood. He was starting to crave water, but he knew that would make him vomit immediately. Any liquid other than the vodka he had been drinking would make him feel sick. However, when Monty brought the cup over to him in defeat, due to the werwolf’s stubbornness, Hezekiah slowly sat up and took the cup. He felt bad as soon as Monty began to apologize. It was not his fault that Hezekiah had caught feelings. Well, that was a bit debatable. The point was that he had asked him here because Monty was the only person that he could trust. Well, that was also debatable. He had went that route, and it had not ended in his favor. But, he knew there was a reason Hezekiah wanted to be around that older man so much. He didn’t believe in destiny, but the werewolf felt like it was destiny that the two men had met.

Even if it wasn’t in the cards for them to have a romantic relationship, Hezekiah wanted to have something. He took a small sip of the coffee and scowled a little bit at the bitter taste. “I mean, it was pretty selfish to call you over here. It’s just...” and he paused before he looked straight at Monty. “I can’t help but want more. I know I am irresponsible and childish and a bit...emotional, but I’ve been trying.” he admitted. “Rama and I have been talking, and then she just stopped writing, and I don’t see her around with her boyfriend, and I, I-“ Hezekiah looked away, and tears started to stream down his face. He did not want to lose Rama, and he did not want to lose Monty. He couldn’t. It just did not make sense in his head, and if things that did not make sense to him actually happen, it would destroy him. And, he had not been that broken since the night he got bitten. But, the question was, did he ever really heal from that?

Hezekiah looked at Monty, tears flowing down his face like a waterfall. “Whatever relationship is or becomes, whether that be romantic, platonic, in between or whatever; I just know that I need you here and I don’t want you to leave or push me away. I know that I am a hypocrite for saying that, but you just have me feeling some type of way. I can’t ignore that, like I ignore everything else. I can’t, Monty.”

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty hadn't thought of it that way - that Hezkiah was selfish for asking him to come over - but then again, he had been at Saveli and Reuben's house when he'd got the man's owl. Leaving immediately hadn't been a difficult decision. How could he have enjoyed himself knowing that Hezekiah was alone and upset? No - what concerned him more was the fact he would have dropped everything to see him under any circumstances - no convincing needed.

When Hezekiah started to cry, Monty had to bite his lip to keep himself from joining in. He'd had no idea he had been in contact with Rama again. He hadn't thought to ask, presumably, he thought with a twinge of guilt, because he'd had little faith in a positive answer. Hezekiah was really trying. And in spite of his efforts, Rama had rejected him - again. No wonder he was so distraught.

Then came the part Monty had been dreading since his confession. He couldnt help it any more; tears brimmed in his eyes, threatening to fall. The last time Hezekiah had shown him this sort of vulnerability, he had closed him down. Never again. He made a personal vow then and there to never let his pride - or his anxiety - be the reason he pushed Hezekiah away. Of course, if anything were to come of their relationship, the respect would have to go both ways, but they could work on that. And there would have to be changes. Quite a few of them. But maybe, just maybe, if Hezekiah was willing to take a little responsibility, they could work on those too - slowly, together, one step at a time.

"I wasn't... entirely telling the truth," he said slowly, breath hitching in his throat, "when I told you the feeling wasn't mutual." His words hung in the air for a moment like an unresolved chord. "You're very drunk," he realised aloud. "The coffee will help. Especially if you add this." He reached inside his pocket and proffered the small healing potion he'd found in Hezekiah's cabinet.

 

[Hezekiah Mowry]

Hezekiah tried to keep the tears from falling, but the water works just would not stop. The turmoil he had been feeling since the last full moon had bottled up, and this must have been the time to let it all out. He did not know what was going on with Rama and it bothered him to the point of insanity. He had not felt this way about his daughter since before she had gone to school. After Monty put a healing potion in his drink (He knew it was one, because he had been the one that made it.), he took another sip of coffee. The werewolf then looked at Monty, tears starting to subsided after hearing his former co-workers words. “If I finish the rest of this coffee, will you hold me, please?” he asked. His tone was not childish or demanding, but it was just more of a request of the other man. He just wanted to feel warm, like when he first held Rama and like when she used to come to him when she had nightmares early in the morning. Hezekiah did not know why he had the feelings he did towards Monty, but he was much more comfortable with being forward with them. And, he did not have to overdo, like what he used to do when looking for simple flings. Similar to the relationship he had with Rama’s mother.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

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Monty's heart stumbled. Yes, he wanted to say. Yes. I will. But he was afraid. What if the feeling made him uncomfortable? He had never enjoyed physical affection. In his world, physical affection came at a cost. It was conditional. It implied an ulterior motive. His mother had stopped hugging him when he was six. After that, she had merely leaned on him and cried. Monty had been the one hugging her - trying desperately to hold her together while she fell apart in front of his eyes. His stepfather... well, his stepfather had hugged him. But only to apologise for shouting profanities at him, for mocking him, for calling him useless, before the cycle repeated itself all over again.

Touch brought every emotion, every feeling of helplessness and anxiety, surging back to the surface. He flinched at the feeling of an unexpected hand on his shoulder. He could hug his closest friends, on his own terms, but that was entirely platonic. This... Monty wasn't sure what this was. But it didn't feel platonic.

There was, he realised, only one way to find out how it felt. Anyway, it was hardly romantic, even if it wasn't completely friendly. Hezekiah was upset. He was crying. He needed comfort. Monty would have done the same thing for Ava, or for Arvo, or for Cyndi. He shifted closer and wrapped his arm around Hezekiah's shoulder. At that moment he understood with perfect clarity: right now, first and foremost, what Hezekiah needed him to be was a friend. "You're OK," he murmured. "You're OK. You'll figure this out. I'll help. I can contact Rama, if you want me to. But don't worry about that at the moment. Worry about yourself, please. You don't want to go down this road - believe me, I know. You don't even want to set foot on it. It's dark and dangerous and leads to nothing good. You can stay with me, if it helps, until the start of term. Just... look after yourself. Please. I know I've been a poor excuse for a friend, but I care about you. I really do."

 

[Hezekiah Mowry]

When Monty wrapped an arm around him, Hezekiah slowly down the rest of the coffee before setting the empty cup down and leaning into the older man's touch. He could not help but start crying all over again into the man's chest. The thought of Rama leaving him again took him to a terrible place that he ha not been since his condition was confirmed. After moments, the crying subsided. Monty mentioned that Hezekiah could stay with him until the start of the term, and he felt a tightness in his chest. Hezekiah would not be back at Hogwarts New Zealand next term. It had all become too much, and he was not in the mental state to deal with hormonal teens 24/7. The fact that Monty did not know seemed like another huge mountain that he needed to climb, but he was willing to climb it if it meant he was being completely honest for once. "Monty," he started. "I won't be teaching at the school, at least not until I feel up to it again," he confessed.

Hezekiah knew that it would take Monty by surprise. However, it was clear that the werewolf was not in a state to teach children, at least not right now. This was the start of something new for Hezekiah. Healing. "I just need to work on myself for a bit. I can't be bitter and isolated forever," he said.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

When Hezekiah reverted back into tears, Monty held him tighter. He would have held him all night if that was what he'd wanted. His arm was starting to go numb, but he didn't even consider removing it. In fact he didn't dare move at all.

Then Hezekiah dropped a bombshell that made Monty's throat tighten. He would have known, he supposed, if he hadn't resigned as deputy at the end of the year. But he hadn't known. He'd had no idea. "Oh," he managed to say eventually, the ache audible in his voice. He felt a warmth on his cheek and realised he was crying. It made sense, of course. It was the right thing to do. Hezekiah needed to look after himself, and he couldn't very well do that while juggling his teaching responsibilities. But that didn't make it any less painful. Just when things had been getting back to normal, everything was changing again. "That's good. That's good. I'm - I'm happy for you. I'm proud of you. It's a good decision, I think." He rolled his head back against the wall, his face crumpling. Only when he was sure his voice wouldn't crack did he say, "I'm going to miss you."

 

[Hezekiah Mowry]

Hezekiah knew that Monty was not happy with him. But, for the first time in forever, he did not care. It was not that he did not care because he did not value Monty. He did not care because he knew he was doing the best for him, for once. Hezekiah wrapped his arms around Monty, in an effort to make him feel better about the news. "You don't have to lie, Monty. I know I sprung this on you, so you can be mad. I just won't apologize for doing what is best for me," he said. Hezekiah could not help but smile when the older man said that he would miss him. He held Monty tighter. "Of course you will miss me. There is a chance that you'll have to deal with the older children," he joked lightly.