Closed Would You Want Me?

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler had only been to Fabian's apartment once, briefly. It had left an impression on him, so it wasn't that difficult to find the place again. Last time, he had only focused on how much Fabian had that he didn't have, how expensive everything seemed and how much he wished he could decorate his own place the same way. It turned out he and Fabian had very similar tastes, just not a very similar budget. But right now, the look of the place and the fancy building were the last thing on his mind. He had made his way into the building by confidently following someone inside, but now he stood in front of Fabian's door and even the fake confidence was leaving him rapidly. He still wasn't sure what he was doing here, but he knew he should probably follow Blake's advice. If nothing else, it beat having to avoid him at work for the rest of their lives. Tyler had ducked into the men's bathroom when Fabian was coming his way more than once, and it was getting tiring. After waiting for a few moments, Tyler realized he had to knock now or never. So he took a deep breath, and knocked on Fabian's door. He hoped fervently he wasn't home so he could delay this a bit longer. But as he saw a shadow move under the door, he knew he wasn't that lucky.

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian didn't want to admit it, but somewhere along the line he had changed. Life had been so easy back in England - partying, guys, the easy life; none of it had really mattered, he would just glide from one fun thing to the next without ever looking back. But now... the change had been so slow that he had hardly noticed it, but somewhere along the line his flirting with Tyler had changed from easy teasing to something real, a feeling he'd never had before. He wanted more, though he didn't even really know what that meant. He had spent years now trying to get over it, pretending it wasn't happening, but now... he hadn't thrown a single party since Tyler had kissed him - hadn't even wanted to, and he'd left the few parties he had attended alone. It was lonely, sitting around at home with only a book and a firewhiskey for company, but somehow the parties felt even lonelier. His self-pity was interrupted by a knock on the door and he looked up, trying to remember if he was expecting a delivery or something today - surely it was too late? He set his book aside and crossed to the door, opening it and looking out for a mere second before his brain short-circuited. He didn't even think Tyler would remember where he lived. With a jolt of mortification, Fabian realised he was wearing his comfiest (and least dignified) pyjamas - tatty shorts covered in snitches and a faded Slytherin Quidditch shirt he had had since Hogwarts. He quickly tried to school his face into his usual cool, but Fabian knew the damage was done - there was no doubt Tyler had seen the expression of unguarded alarm. "Hi." He said, again blanking on anything to say even as he automatically took on a languid lean against the side of the door. "What... brings you here?"

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler hadn't expected anything about Fabian's appearance. Not his clothes- which were undoubtedly pyjamas of some sort. Not his messy hair, not the bags under his eyes and definitely not the expression on his face. It felt wrong, but also right. Tyler resisted the urge to move closer to him. He should explain himself. "I'm here to see you." He said. "Obviously." He couldn't resist adding. "We- I- we need to talk. I'm sorry, Fabian." He said, the apology rushing out at the end unbidden.

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian couldn't hold in a small snort of laughter at Tyler's apology, a small, genuine smile sneaking its way onto his face for a moment. "Well, as you can see I was on my way to a gala, but I suppose I can make time for you." He said, relaxing a little as he managed to capture back his usual idle charm. He opened the door wider for Tyler, closing it behind the younger man once he had entered. "Would you like a drink?" He asked out of habit, before cursing himself mentally as he remembered what had happened last time they drank together. "Or I've got tea." He added quickly, not wanting Tyler to think he was being seduced.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler let out a small laugh at Fabian's words, the tension easing from him a little. Maybe this would be normal. Or as close to normal as it possibly could be. He turned to Fabian as he spoke. "Fabian, tea is a drink." He said dryly. "And I'd like some. Yes." He looked around, taking in the apartment. "...How have you been?" He asked hesitantly.

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian couldn't help a small laugh, setting down his whiskey as he entered the small kitchen area and set the kettle boiling by hand, too lazy to cross the room and pick up his wand. "Well, that's true, but I was referring to something a bit more alcoholic." He said idly, reaching up to get two mugs out of the cupboard and looking around for the teabags. He faltered for a moment at Tyler's question, hand hovering over the sugar container a moment before picking it up. "Oh, you know me." He smiled, trying to slide back into his easy detachment, but... it just wasn't easy anymore. Not with Tyler. "Living the high life."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler followed Fabian and leaned against the counter. "Well, that doesn't seem smart." He said, commenting on the alcohol. Then he winced. Maybe that was insensitive. He watched Fabian as he said he was living the high life. He didn't think so, and decided to say it. "I hurt you. I didn't mean to." He said after a short silence. "I just- needed some time."

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian was glad to be facing away as he prepared the tea, able to hide the twitch in his face. He shook his head quickly, trying and failing to sound normal as he spooned sugar into his cup. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said a little too smoothly. "I'm never hurt." He picked up the kettle, pouring water into the mugs slowly, buying as much time as he could before he was going to have to turn around and face Tyler. "If anything had happened, I'm pretty sure I would have agreed to pretend it never had, so you wouldn't have anything to apologise for."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler sighed quietly as he watched Fabian. Before he would admit to anything, Tyler knew he had to be open and talk about his feelings first. Ugh. He hated little less. He took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Fabian, we're not pretending nothing happened." He said firmly. "Can you please turn around so we can talk about this properly? The tea can wait."

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian winced slightly at the tone of Tyler's voice. Of all the people, he had never expected Tyler to want to talk about feelings. "Never tell an Englishman that tea can wait." He said as he abandoned the cups, hoping his usual charming facade was holding firm. His smile dipped slightly at the look on Tyler's face. "I... look, I meant it, Tyler." He said hesitantly. "I know you were just drunk. A kiss is just a kiss, you were curious, it was an accident, we really don't need to do this. I tease you, but I know you're not actually interested."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler shook his head, his fists clenching. There was definitely a part of him that wanted to take this easy out Fabian gave him, but that wasn't why he was here. "Shut up." He said, then grimaced a bit. "I mean. Stop talking. Let me talk. You don't know sh*t, actually." He winced a bit again. Why was he being so rude? It would be a miracle if Fabian would even want him at the end of this. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it." He said, his voice quieter.

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

For as confident as he played it, the one thing Fabian never felt entirely safe around was an insecure straight man. He felt his hackles start to rise as Tyler got angrier, instinctively glancing to where he had left his wand, wondering how casually he could get away with strolling over and picking it up. The thought fell from his mind like dead leaves a moment later though, Tyler's softer words wiping everything he thought he knew about this interaction. "...Oh." Was all Fabian could get out, reassessing the whole situation as he studied Tyler's face.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler didn't miss the glance Fabian gave his wand and he felt a stab of guilt. "Sorry- I'm struggling with how to say this. I'm not mad- just give me a moment." He said, taking a small step back from him. "What I'm trying to say is... that I don't know if I care if I'm straight or- or whatever. I just don't want to forget about it and I want to kiss you again." He finally said, then taking a deep breath as if steeling himself for a rejection.

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian's heart skipped a beat, and for a moment he wondered if he was actually dreaming. "Oh..." was all he could manage, blinking at Tyler from across the kitchen island. An island that felt far too big all of a sudden. "Well, let's- then, there's nothing stopping you?" He said with a laugh that cracked with nerves, his entire foundation feeling rattled. Surely this was some kind of hideous joke.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler let out a small laugh, then stepped a bit closer. "What's stopping me is- not knowing how you feel." He said hesitantly. "Besides apparently wanting me to do it again." He added with another laugh. "Merlin- I'm screwing this up, aren't I?"

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian couldn't help a small laugh. "We can't all be as smooth as me." He teased, despite feeling like the least smooth person in the world in this moment. What was it about Tyler that completely tore apart every defense mechanism he had? "I, ah... I did think I hadn't been terribly subtle about things..." He added, voice still stuttering slightly.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler still stepped closer, though he was resisting the urge to just jump Fabian. He didn't want this to just be one of Fabian's conquests, but he wasn't sure how to say that without making himself too vulnerable. "You haven't- but you were also always joking and just talking about sleeping with me." He said, his cheeks heating up. "Is that... all you want?"

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian couldn't help wincing, eyes flicking down in embarrassment for a moment. "I... look I was mostly doing that because I liked how much it annoyed you. I was being a d*ck. I never... it wasn't real." He sighed shakily, running a hand through his hair and only managing to muss it up more in the process. "I-ghh- this feels so Hogwarts, I'm not fifteen, it feels so immature to say I like you..." He blathered, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I- but that's... I'm not... joking around. About this." He added uncomfortably. Man, this would be cool timing for a Dementor to show up and steal his soul, actually. That had to be more pleasant than whatever... this was.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler stared at Fabian, trying to make sense of what he was saying. His heart sank when he said it wasn't real, but then he said he liked him. "I'm... confused." He said, frowning slightly. "You were joking but you also like me?" He asked, wringing his hands. Then he groaned. "F*ck, we're bad at this."

 

[Fabian Cresswell]

Fabian groaned, relieved that at least he wasn't alone in the hell of Expressing Feelings. "I mean, at first I was just messing with you, but... I don't know, I never thought it was possible, so...." He gave a pained shrug, fidgeting with a teaspoon. "Never thought it was.... worth taking seriously." He said weakly. "Can we just make out already? This is painful."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler nodded in relief at Fabian's last words and crossed over to him, grabbing his shirt and kiss him him deeply. He knew they'd have to talk about this properly, but they could do that later.