Closed When I Wake Up I See, You With Me

[Saveli Pendleton]

Months had passed since Saveli had been to the wedding - and it was obvious that since then there was more than an elephant in the room. Sometimes it seemed overly suffocating, adn the blonde had to take a break from talking about wedding details just to escape the idea of explaining everything to Reuben. Hell, Monty barely knew everything that had taken place, and Saveli tried hard to block out most of it. However, looking through an old box for her pressed flowers to talk about bouquets, Saveli came across something she hadn't seen in quite some time. Her diary.

Inevitably a half an hour or so was spent reading the words that she had written. How silly she had been. Hating Monty, running away, and being so sad. The blonde wondered if one day her daughters would write in the journal she got them and keep secrets the same was she did. Some of the things she'd written flabbergasted Saveli. How had she let Gabriel get away with telling her things like how Trashy she looked - and how boys would only like her for hr body. It was obvious to see why Gabriel could break her down so easily. After all, she had trusted him and he used that to make her so small - to believe so little of herself. Of course it wasn't always like that. Sometimes he was kind - and that's why she was his friend. Maybe it was time to stop avoiding topics.

Saveli came back from the boxes tucked in the spare room and looked to Reuben. "Hey." She said with a smile. "I found my flower journal and my old journal from when I was a teen." She spoke. "So we can definitely pick out bouquets if you're ready."

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Reuben didn't feel old enough to be getting married. In spite of the fact he had kids of his own, most of the time he still felt like one himself, uselessly blundering his way through life, pretending he had a clue what he was doing. It had worked out OK so far. He had to remind himself of that. And maybe that was what being an adult was about, anyway: feeling clueless all the time but having the confidence to try new things anyway.

Naturally, Reuben wanted to be as heavily involved in the wedding planning as he could. Nothing made him happier than flipping through catalogues, looking for the perfect flowers or gazebo or candles. He looked up, smiling, as Saveli came back into the room. "Oh, great!" he said, shifting over on the couch so that she could join him. "These ones are pretty reasonable. I was thinking we could just get one bouquet and duplicate it a bunch of times. Or, like, get someone else to duplicate it," he added, unsure of either of them could perform such an advanced spell. "So what kind of flowers were you thinking?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Something about seeing Reuben's face light up whenever he looked at her, made Saveli's heart flutter. It was amazing, they'd been together for so long, eight years or more - and he still gave her sensations like they were in the honeymoon phase. The blonde sat down and placed the two books down. "I'm thinking Viv and I could probably make the bouquets. I can grow the flowers, or we might already have some grown." She said. "Did I ever tell you I ratted myself out to Monty the first night we kissed. That you'd hung out because he was gone. I found an entry about it in my diary." She laughed at the thought. She'd also written down the words Gabe had said to her, because they'd hurt her. And sometimes she'd read them again and remember that it wasn't true.

"I like Oxeye, adn Vervain Mallow. They fit well. Maybe with some white flowers to break it up. I'm not sure." She said. "I've not been to a lot of weddings so everything I see is in these catalogs." She commented. "I don't even remember if that Lexy woman had a bouquet."

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Reuben nodded, equally happy to go along with whatever Saveli had in mind. Sometimes he wondered if he was a bit of a pushover, but he didn't see the point in arguing just for the sake of looking manly. Anyway, Saveli was marrying him, so clearly she loved him just the way he was. "Did you? No way," Reuben said, laughing. "What did he say?" He had always worried about impressing Monty. Though they never wanted for food on the farm, they could hardly call themselves financially stable, and he often worried he wasn't good enough for the man's daughter. It made it even more awkward that Monty had once been Reuben's professor.

Suddenly Reuben stiffened. He'd never stopped feeling bad for what happened at Lexy's wedding. If he'd known Lexy was marrying Gabriel, he never would have invited Saveli to come with him. He never would have gone full stop. It only added to his insecurities that Saveli had gone to her dad for comfort instead of to him. Did she think he couldn't cope with it? More worryingly, would Monty think he wasn't there for her? He had so many questions but not the courage to ask them. "Are we, um, ever going to talk about that?" he asked quietly. "About Lexy's wedding."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli shrugged. "He'd had no idea you were coming over. that was all during the time Riley Sparkle died. He wasn't mad I don't think." She said, trying to recall. However the past wasn't the topic they needed to discuss and Saveli knew it. "Yeah, I guess we should." She said, knowing it was going to come to it. "I know you were trying to talk to me about it, I know you wanted to ask questions but when I saw Gabriel i just sort of panicked. I don't know how to describe it." She spoke with a small sigh. Her chest felt like it was knotting up. How was she supposed to explain Gabe to Reuben. All her boyfriend knew was that she had slept with the boy in a moment of weakness. "I hadn't really seen him save at that fashion show since he and I did what we did. it just stirred up old memories." She admitted.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Well, that was a relief. Not the bit about Riley, of course. That sucked. But he was glad he hadn't got Saveli into trouble. "Hey, it's OK," said Reuben, rubbing his fiancee's arm. Obviously the experience had been traumatic for her. That was another reason he'd been hesitant to bring it up. "I still feel so bad. I can't believe I didn't ask what her boyfriend's name was. I'm so dumb. But like, what are the chances, right? And I get it, it must be hard, since you guys dated and everything. You probably didn't want to make me feel awkward talking to me about it. But I am here for you, you know? If you ever want to."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli shook her head. She was about to tell Reuben that he couldn't have known, but then he opened his mouth again and she scoffed. "Sorry rewind?" She asked, obviously confused. "Did you just say that Gabriel and I dated?" She seemed indignant at the thought. "Gabe and I never dated. I only dated Niccodemus before you, and that was like a month or two. I mean I'd been interested in other guys but never Gabe. Roo is that why you think I panicked?" She paused. "Wait... why, do you think we dated?" Saveli knew the answer. In the pit of her stomach she knew Gabe had told him that - but she wanted him to answer her.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

"Ummmm... Gabriel told me?" he said, the realisation sinking in. Gabriel lied. What kind of sick person lied about dating someone else's fiancee? "Like... you didn't... do anything together?" he asked. He'd always assumed they'd been closer than friends, even before Gabriel's comment. He had to get some clarification; he had to be sure.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli rolled her eyes. “That manipulative. Yes we slept together. Once. It was after you and I broke up and Prue died. I told you about that. But that was it. We didn’t talk after at all.” Anger flashed in her eyes, did Gabe think this would start a fight between them? Saveli wouldn’t let it. “Roo I didn’t want to see Gabe because he put me through a lot during school. I clung so tightly to him because he was the last of my past. Of my old life. And I wanted so badly to keep my life together and not feel abandoned and he knew that and he would use it to his advantage.”

She paused. “He wasn’t all bad. I know he has good in him, but he would say such hurtful things to me. He was my best friend. I... I remember when I was like 16 and spent a holiday in Russia with Viv.” The story Saveli brought up was a hard memory, but it was the most deeply ingrained. “And i came back with a bellybutton piercing and he told me how trashy and easy I looked and just said hurtful things about how Felix only would take me to the ball that year because of things like that. And he did things like that a lot. I don’t know if it made him feel better, but it was almost like... I had a bully for a best friend.” She admitted. Saying things like this out loud made Saveli ache. She had loved Gabriel and put so much trust in him as family and he had truly broken her heart. Who knew family could do that. “That night we kissed. I wrote about it in my diary because all I could think about was how Gabriel described me to myself. Trashy. I shoved you out the door and avoided you, remember I told you that when we got together. That I was scared you thought I was easy for kissing me.”

“then he left school and I chose not to write I tried to cut him out but when he came back into my life after graduating I just felt this need to cling to a past I wasn’t even a part of. Like all the good memories outweighed every time he made me cry. And it wasn’t just me, he’d insult Monty, and Viviana, and just dig at every part of my life. He knew exactly how to get to me. so when I saw him.” Saveli wasn’t sure when her eyes had welled you. She was a grown woman and this was a silly thing to cry over she thought. “All of that. Those feelings of abandonment and not being good enough and just sadness washed over me and I panicked. And I wanted to see Monty because... he knew about all of this. He knew about how often as a teenager I came to him crying because my best friend was a monster.” She admitted. “I can’t lie. A part of me still really cares about Gabe. I want him to succeed and I want him to be happy and to have changed. But the other part of me knows he probably never will. And he will live the rest of his sad life wanting to tear others down because he doesn’t feel good enough. I hope Lexi can help him. I hope he doesn’t hurt his son emotionally.” Saveli trailed off, looking at the diary. “I hadn’t thought about mine and his little fights for a long time until reading this. And maybe it’s better I talk about our friendship. And remember the good times, forgive the bad times, and never make the same mistakes.”

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Now that Saveli said it, Reuben did remember. That must have been why he'd assumed Gabriel was telling the truth. He listened quietly, his heart aching, not just with sympathy but with fury as well. He'd always known Gabriel was a piece of work, but the things she was telling him... the guy was a total monster. And she was still trying to defend him! Did she have any idea how she sounded? Gabriel had brainwashed her and she didn't even seem to know it. Reuben couldn't blame her, though. If anything, all it did was show just how manipulative Gabriel could be.

"No," said Reuben. "I mean, forgive him for you. But don't forgive him for him. Like, a lot of people feel like they're not good enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough. That doesn't excuse what he did to you, what he said about your family. Jesus, what a creep. What an a******. I remember that - I remember you were scared I thought you were easy. I can't believe that was all because of him. I swear, if I ever see him again, I'm gonna..." He tailed off. He would have liked to curse the man into next week, but both he and Saveli knew he wouldn't have had the guts to do that. He put his arm around her and squeezed. "I get it now. I always thought you went to your dad because you didn't trust me, or something, but now I get it. Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry you went through that stuff. You didn't deserve any of it."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli was most shocked by the amount of anger Reuben seemed to hold, just from hearing a few stories. The blonde knew he'd be supportive and understanding - but if she were honest she didn't often picture him to be the kind to get angry. "I don't know why you would ever feel like you're not good enough." She said at the end of his spiel. "Reuben every part of you has been so supportive and amazing to me since the day we started studying together. And of course I trust you. I wouldn't let you take care of the girls alone if i didn't, I just wasn't ready to talk about it i suppose. it's hard to admit that someone you cared about didn't have good intentions for you." She inched closer to Reuben with a smile. "You know I don't think I've ever seen you so wound up before. You're cute when you're angry." She teased before kissing him gently on the lips.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Reuben shrugged. How could he explain it? He'd always known Saveli was out of his league - known it since the day he'd offered her lint-coated candy from his pocket. She'd called him vermin. It made him laugh, now, but the feeling of inadequacy lingered. It wasn't her fault. His parents had reassured him time and time again that the love and kindness he provided Saveli and the children meant much more than money and financial security. He just hadn't yet quite brought himself to believe it. The truth was, she could probably do better.

Still, the things she said were nice to hear. He smiled into their kiss, stroking her forearm down to the back of her hand, and then taking it gently in his. After a moment he pulled away, still grinning. "You know, we don't have to stop at two," he said. He was mostly joking. He didn't think he could handle another kid, even though he wouldn't have minded another boy around the house. Leaning in, he kissed Saveli tenderly again.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

At the shrug that Reuben gave, Saveli just wanted to slap some sense into him. How could he not know how wonderful he was. He was a hard worker, loyal, a great father and fiance. Saveli had fallen in love with every part of him, and every flaw was so small it was barely noticed - except if he snored. That was noticed. The blonde smiled and locked her hand with his, chuckling. "Well, Well Mr. Lagowski. What are you implying." She said cheekily before beginning to kiss him back.

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Rion couldn't believe what her sister had just called her. All she'd done was accidentally-maybe-on-purpose knocked over the toys Ainmere was playing with, and anyway, nobody could prove it! Wailing dramatically, Rion toddled into the living room. Mummy and Daddy were snuggling on the couch together. Good. If anyone would give Rion some much-deserved sympathy, it was Daddy. "Daaaaddyyy, Ainmere called me a poo-face!" This would show Ainmere for being the world's most annoying big sister.

Godmod approved

 

[Ainmere Pendleton]

Ainmere walked slowly into the room, arms crossed over her tiny chest looking as sassy as her mother. She stood by her wailing sister and rolled her eyes dramatically, the big brown orbs nearly disappearing into the back of her head. "Don't be a poo-face then." She said, before sticking her tongue out.