Open When Did I Get So Bitter?

[Celia Vuong]

The lesson on the Patronus Charm might have been over, but Celia was not done practicing. She hadn't had any success with the spell, not even managing to produce a single measly silver wisp. It was a level of academic failure completely foreign to Celia — and not just because she usually practiced spells ahead of class. This was Charms, her best subject. This was what she was supposed to be good at. Celia didn't expect to master every charm right away, of course, but she was always able to at least get some kind of result by the end of the class period.

Until now. Celia headed straight for the nearest empty classroom, intent on practicing until she managed an incorporeal patronus. She knew she had a private lounge just one floor down where she could practice instead, but she needed a space where she could work without distraction, and the bleak stone walls of this abandoned classroom were perfect for that. Plus, she didn't want to risk running into Eugene, even if he rarely used the lounge. She didn't want to see any of her Charms classmates, especially none of the ones who had produced a corporeal patronus.

Taking her wand out, Celia started to pace the room as she once again ran through her life in search of happy moments. Everything before the Ilvermorny letter was tainted by the knowledge of what came next, like looking at old pre-war photos of smiling civilians. But everything after the letter was, for the most part, not happy at all. In a fit of desperation, Celia went back to some of the memories that she'd tried in class and attempted the spell once more. "Expecto Patronum!" Nothing. Celia knew the definition of insanity was trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, but she didn't know what else to do.

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Exams seemed to come around quicker and quicker each year, and Kahurangi was acutely aware of the levels of stress floating around the school. She had done her best to make sure her Ravenclaws were taken care of, but that certainly didn't mean she couldn't be helpful elsewhere. In addition to her office hours she had taken to wandering the library in her spare time, making herself visible and available for anyone who needed a bit of support.

After a couple of hours of alternately reading and helping, Kahurangi had decided a snack was in order. She was making her way down a less used corridor to sneak down to the kitchens when she heard a familiar voice from one of the classrooms, and couldn't help sneaking a peek. It wasn't entirely a surprise when she saw the Head Girl struggling with the spell - it was a difficult one at the best of times, and from everything she had seen in the years she had taught Celia, it was clear that happy memories weren't her forté. A small part of Kahurangi considered leaving her to it - a Patronus was quite a personal spell, and she wasn't ignorant of how little Celia liked her - but the teacher in her couldn't bear to leave a student struggling. "Would you like some help?" She asked with a small smile. "If I'm not too lazy, that is." She added, unable to help referencing the article she was all too aware had been about her.

 

[Celia Vuong]

Celia really hoped her issues with the charm were just a matter of improper technique because that was at least something that could be improved upon. That could be fixed. But if it wasn't technique, if it was the memory that was the issue, well, what did that say about her? What did that say about her life? She almost didn't even want to entertain the idea, didn't want to hold it in her mind. It was too painful, like looking at the sun.

Celia was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't realize she had company until a voice came out of nowhere. She started violently and whipped around to see Professor Josephs at the door. Irritation flashed across Celia's face before she was able to smooth her expression into something much more neutral. "No, thank you. I'm fine," she said, aiming for a polite tone though it came out sounding a little terse. It was embarrassing to have been caught like this, and if she was going to ask any professor for help with the charm, it definitely wouldn't be the Ancient Runes teacher who barely taught. However, it seemed Professor Josephs might have had ulterior motives for the offer of help, and Celia was torn between amusement and contempt at the passive aggressive remark that followed. "I don't know, that sounds like something only you would know," she said in a neutral tone, meeting Professor Josephs' gaze.

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

If there was one thing Kahurangi had observed while teaching Celia it was that the girl was whip-smart, even if she wasn't the easiest person to get along with, and that was something she had to respect. Very much a member of her own former house if she had ever seen one. Not deterred by the prickly response, Kahurangi smiled slightly. "There are a lot of different kinds of learning, you know?" She said calmly, slipping easily into the tone she used in the classroom. "Some people learn theory best, and others need to get their hands on something to really understand it - it's called kinaesthetic learning. There's a lot of value in guided practice and lectures, but at the end of the day though, most of the skills we teach at Hogwarts are practical ones, like this. Ones you need to get used to using, without supervision or a helping hand at your side. Otherwise you won't be ready to use those skills in a real-world setting, without a teacher explaining things. Make sense?" She added meaningfully, before shifting her attention to the Patronus charm itself, entirely ignoring Celia's rejection of her help. "I'm assuming you've tried a few different memories while practicing? Sometimes it takes a memory you wouldn't necessarily have expected to be the one."

 

[Celia Vuong]

It was all Celia could do not to roll her eyes as Professor Josephs launched into a very condescending lecture. However, she had to admit that she was amused by how bothered the professor was by her column — so much so that she felt the need to give a speech defending herself. Celia smiled politely. "With all due respect, professor—" which was really none at all "—I think you misunderstood my column. That's what prompted the explanation, yes? She could've played dumb and pretended not to know what this was all about, but Celia had never been afraid of confrontation. Especially not with a teacher who barely held any power over her now. "'Kinesthetic learning' implies there was learning taking place, which wasn't what happened. Instead, we went over concepts we'd already mastered and been tested on. Everyone in that class had already gotten at least an EE in sixth year. There was no reason to spend an entire semester's worth of classes reviewing old concepts. At that point, you might as well not hold class and instead just leave us to study for the NEWT on our own." At least that would've saved them time. Once again, Celia had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Of course she'd tried a few different memories. "What's your patronus memory?" she asked bluntly. It was a very personal question, but Professor Josephs had proven that she had no respect for personal boundaries when she'd ignored her refusal of help.

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Kahurangi raised an eyebrow at Celia's explanation, picking the exact point in her sentence where the girl had stopped listening. "You missed what I said about practical experience. The final year of my course is about using your skills, outside of the classroom. Just like you're doing now. Instead of making you practice in your free time, I give you the chance to explore different kinds of readings for different people, and find the approach to the practice that works for you. There's a difference between not covering new material and not learning anything." She said, before turning her attention to the matter at hand. "I'm afraid it won't be much help - I remember holding my daughter for the first time." She said fondly, heart lightening at just the thought. Her patronus had gotten much stronger in the years since Hinemoa's birth. "Before that, I tried a few different memories. Meeting my partner, when my sister had her first son, getting my Hogwarts letter... the milestones are the easy place to start, because they stand out. If they haven't been working for you though, you might want to try going smaller - think of getting good feedback on an essay, winning a Quidditch game or duel, getting your Head Girl badge. If those aren't working, try even simpler - it can be as plain as a good breakfast if that was a time you felt really at ease."