Closed What Should Be Over Burrowed Under My Skin

[Louis Alcott]

Louis wrapped his cloak a bit tighter around himself and shifted a bit on the blanket. It was kind of chilly here by the lake, but it was a prime hangout spot. It was nice to hang out with Caleb and René for a bit, even if things had been kind of awkward between them ever since he and René had had their big fight. They had never made up officially, and both of them mostly just talked to Caleb. Louis was still waiting for an apology from René, but he knew that was unlikely at this point. Things were just horribly awkward. Fighting with one friend and being in love with the other friend really sucked. He had been considering asking Caleb to the dance, but he wasn't sure how. Maybe step one was to figure out if he had any other plans. "So uh, what's the deal for Valentine's?" He asked, glancing at Caleb even though the question wasn't necessarily only aimed at him. "Going to the dance with anyone?"

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb always loved the lake and could often be found there instead of class if he could sneak away. He tossed a rock into the water and watched as it splashed. He was happy to spend some time with his friends and he was thankful at least he wasn't the one making things weird between them. Caleb had hoped during their last year things could finally go back to normal. But something between Rene and Louis had shifted and now he was the odd one out. He glanced over at his friends when Louis asked about Valentine's day. He rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. "Might ask Manaia again." he said with a shrug. They had fun at the ball but he wasn't sure he wanted to bother with a date. "Haven't decided yet."

 

[Rene Tofilau]

While things between Rene and Louis had mostly dulled down from a boil to a simmer, there was no denying hanging out together was awkward, especially when Rene's usual go to topic of conversation with Quidditch was completely out the window. At least with Caleb around there was a little more of a buffer and if Rene was lucky he could go the entire afternoon without even really addressing Louis directly if he didn't want to.

Today he was doing his best to hunch behind Caleb as some sort of attempt at a windbreak to keep the cold wind coming off the lake away from him, though he straightened up at Louis' question. "I'm going with Gwen, obviously," he said, smiling fondly at the just the mention of her. "It's gonna be our last big school dance before I graduate so obviously we've gotta go though I don't know if I should do something special, it feels like I should but like, I don't wanna do anything too corny or like mess it up on our last one, you know," he continued, reaching out to snag a stray bit of dead grass and piling it on Caleb's knee as he thought. "I would ask you guys for advice but, I mean it's not like either of you have managed to keep a date this long," Rene finished with a laugh, giving Caleb a playful nudge even if the comment might have been a bit more pointed towards some others present.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis felt something twist in his chest as Caleb said he might ask Manaia. Louis briefly wondered if he could ask Manaia to say no, but that sounded too mean. He couldn't do that to his friend. He worked very hard to keep his expression neutral, but he looked away just in case he didn't quite manage. "Right." He said, his voice coming out as a bit of a croak. Embarrassing. He sighed quietly as René took the opportunity to wax poetic about his stupid girlfriend. The question hadn't even been for him, of course, he was going with Gwen. "I mean, it's your last big school dance, not hers." He said, unable to keep the derision from his voice. "I bet its a bigger deal to you than to her." He brushed the grass off Caleb's knee, shooting a frown in Rene's direction. "Not everyone wants to be shackled to the first girl that looks our way, René." He added with a roll of his eyes.

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb snorted as Rene started to on and on about Gwen. If being in love made you that embarrassing he was content to be single for a while more. But he couldn't exactly blame him. He was the one in an actual relationship. But having Rene point that out didn't feel great. "Hey!" he called and held his arms out in an gesture of offense. Although he let out a snorting laugh when Louis made the comment about Gwen being the first girl to look at him. "Oh come on. A girl like that could have the pick of any guy she wanted and she chose... Rene." he said and broke down into a fit of giggles. He was just teasing the Hufflepuff and reached out to give Rene's shoulder a squeeze. "Merlin knows what she's thinking with that choice. But I think it's safe to say she obviously likes you and will probably like anything you decide to do. Alright?" he said. He slipped one more teasing barb in there but in the end he did try and sound reassuring.

 

[Rene Tofilau]

"It's our last big dance together," Rene said, rolling his eyes at Louis. He knew Louis was just being testy, but Rene couldn't help but still feel defensive anytime Louis even strayed close to correcting or criticizing him, even if they were technically on some kind of truce (and even if Louis hadn't technically apologized yet).

"She wasn't the first girl, there was Jenna," he pointed out haughtily, preening a bit when Caleb seemed to agree that Gwen was more than amazing, even if he deflated some when Caleb finished the thought with a laugh and a joke. He was far more willing to entertain Caleb's heckling than Louis, and he returned his joke with another playful shove. "Yeah, maybe, maybe. I mean we've lasted this long without me putting my foot in it, right? Like, if she's gonna wait a year to see me again after graduation I'm sure she doesn't mind if I'm a little cheesy at the dance," he said, though he still didn't feel quite so confident about the thought. Gwen wasn't about to dump him if he said the wrong thing, sure, but it wasn't the note he wanted to leave things on with her before they were split up for a long time. "Thanks though, Caleb. Glad one of you can give decent dating advice," he added, giving Louis a pointed look as he said it.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis sighed when Caleb seemed to agree about Gwen being great. "She's nothing special." He muttered, crossing his arm as he shifted his weight. Still, he laughed a bit at the joke he made at Rene's expense. It was kind of funny. René pointed out there was Jenna before her, and Louis bit back a comment about René's taste in girls. But as he went on and then slipped in a barb about Louis not being able to give dating advice, his resolve not to say anything mean crumbled. "I mean, it could be your final dance ever. You'll be apart for a year." He said pointedly, looking at René sideways. "It's like Caleb said, she could have anyone." He knew it was too much and too far, but René was the one taking digs at him first. Besides, Louis thought it might be best to warn him. He truly didn't think Gwen would keep him around after graduation. Louis knew he was being mean, but he also wasn't just lying to rile René up. He should be prepared for the possibility.

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb had to snort a little when Rene brought up Jenna. “Merlin, I forgot about her.” he sighed and continued to chuckle. “Exactly!” he said reassuringly as Rene rambled. He was only half listening and was starting to feel antsy. “And it probably won’t be like a full year. There are holidays and stuff. Even Brightstone weekend if you really get desperate.” he laughed. He rolled his eyes at the comment on dating advice. He felt like he was just stating the obvious his friend was too riled up to see. He was about to say just that when Louis opened his big mouth again and for a moment he was stunned.

“What’s wrong with you?” Caleb hissed and elbowed Louis in the ribs. Playful teasing was common between them but constantly ragging on each other didn’t sit right with him. He glared at the Gryffindor before turning back to Rene. “I didn’t say that. I said she could but she chose you. There is a difference.” he insisted and held up his palms in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. He didn’t want to spend the last few months at school fighting, especially something this dumb. No offense to Gwen but she wasn’t worth this.

 

[Rene Tofilau]

Rene glowered at Louis when he commented about Gwen, aware he was just being petty but unable to completely quash the anger regardless. "She wouldn't do that," he said hotly, Caleb's reassurances about being able to see Gwen during the holidays going in one ear and out the other as he narrowed his eyes at Louis instead.

At least Caleb seemed to agree that Louis was being a jerk and Rene shook his head sharply. "It's fine, Caleb, he's just jealous cause he's been in love with the same person for years and is too pathetic to do anything about it," Rene said, dropping the word 'love' into the conversation like a lead weight. It felt like Rene had been sitting on that particular secret for Louis for forever, but if Louis was going to shittalk the one good thing Rene really cared about, then why should he do Louis the favour of holding on to it.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis had known he had gone too far, but it still hurt to have Caleb acknowledge it. He winced, looking down. "Sorry, just- bad day." He muttered, immediately wilting under Caleb's disapproval. He wanted him to like Louis. But it wasn't his fault René was infuriating and a bit delusional. He thought Caleb probably agreed with him about Gwen, but it wasn't a nice thing to say. "Fine. I'm sure she won't-" He started, but he stopped talking once René started speaking to Caleb. Louis' eyes widened, and he froze. He felt his cheeks flush. "René." He hissed, feeling a stab of utter betrayal. How could he say that? It had been told to him in confidence. Louis was very aware he had been talking about it a bit too much for it to be a complete secret, but René had been the last person he had expected to spill his secret. "Don't."

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb groaned internally as Rene didn’t seem to hear his words. Great, this was just what he needed. A nice day by the lake quickly dissolving into fighting. Although part of him was glad to not be on the receiving end of any of the negativity but being caught in the middle wasn’t much better. “Of course not.” he agreed emphatically as Rene insisted Gwen wouldn’t leave him. He wasn’t sure how much he actually believed it but that wasn’t something he was going to mention right now. But he was caught off guard as Rene’s tone shifted and he said Louis was in love with someone for years. Surely they weren’t talking about the same Louis. Caleb let out a shaky laugh but as Louis spoke up behind him a nervous knot twisted in his stomach. As much as he was over whatever feelings he had for Louis, knowing he had been in love with someone else the whole time made him feel a little sick. Caleb turned his head back and forth between Rene and Louis quickly and hated the feeling of being left out of something, especially something like this. “What the hell is going on?!” he snapped.

 

[Rene Tofilau]

Rene narrowed his eyes as Louis apologized, aware he was only really apologizing to Caleb, and not him. He still hadn't apologized to him. Because Louis still didn't believe he'd said anything wrong. It was unbelievable, after everything, Louis really somehow thought that he was so much better than he was, despite all the evidence staring them both in the face. Gwen had been totally right. And now Louis was insulting her too.

It felt good to finally have something over Louis that Louis actually acknowledged, and Rene enjoyed holding it over his friend's head for a moment, watching Louis' face as he actually considered saying his secret out loud. But they were still friends, deep down, and Rene wouldn't just do that to Louis. Not without giving Louis a chance to save face first. "Fine, I won't," he started, glance quickly at Caleb. "But, only if you finally admit that you're wrong about being a better Quiddtich player. And wrong about Gwen! She'd never done anything but be sweet and caring and you just assume she's too good for me or that she's going to do something horrible and you're wrong. So there. Say sorry and admit you've been wrong about everything," Rene said in a rush, sitting up as tall as he could so he could really hold everything over Louis' head.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis shouldn't look at Caleb, he shouldn't. Yet, he did. The look of confusion and hurt on his face made his stomach twist in knots, and he suddenly felt more angry at René than he had ever felt before. How dare he. He hadn't said it yet, but now Caleb knew there was something up. How was Louis going to explain this without revealing it? How could he explain to Caleb that René knew and he didn't? Caleb was going to be upset either way. He looked at Caleb and weakly protested. "René is joking-" He started to say, but when René said he wouldn't but only on some conditions, something in Louis snapped. Celia had been right. René was horribly insecure and not a good friend. Who did this? To his horror, Louis felt tears pricking in his eyes. They were tears of anger, but he was not going to cry right now, not even though René ruined everything. Louis saw how René was trying to sit tall and scoffed at him, getting to his feet. "So that's what you want? Me to tell you you're better than me?" He laughed. "Who cares, René! Who cares about who is better? It doesn't matter! Why do you need to hear from me how good you are? Why do you need my validation so badly? Does it even f*cking matter if you bribe it from me with information I told you in confidence?" He snorted angrily. "Gwen is horrible and you're actually too good for her, but you seem to think everyone is better than you and you seek everyone's constant praise to feel even a little bit better about yourself. Get over it."

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb’s head was buzzing as he was trying to process this new information while also trying to figure out what his friends were trying to keep from him. He stood up suddenly and shook his head. From standing he could stare down at both Louis and Rene. “It must not be a very good joke!” he shouted as Louis tried to deny what was obviously true. There was no denying it now, he looked far too guilty as the Gryffindor started to grovel. “I repeat! What the hell is going on!?”

 

[Rene Tofilau]

Rene felt a stab of remorse when he noticed how wet Louis' eyes looked. It was easy forget sometimes, with all the bravado Louis could put on, that he really did care about some things under all that confidence. The feeling quickly passed however when Louis got to his feet and scoff at him and whatever sympathy Rene had been feeling vanished.

"I care! Cause you always act like you're better than me all the time and now I finally know it's not true!" Rene said hotly, getting to his feet as well so he could probably get into Louis' face. "Get over it! You get over it, you're the one who can't admit you're wrong," he said, poking Louis in the chest. "And don't talk about Gwen like that, she's the only one who seems to care enough to actually say she gives a sh*t about me. I'm not bribing you, I'm giving you a chance to stop being such chickenshit about everything. You're a crap friend sometimes Louis but I really thought maybe you'd prove me wrong this time and actually try to say something nice for someone for once," he said, his voice raising to match Louis, even more annoyed when his chest lurched at even the backhanded compliments Louis had thrown in there under the insults aimed at him and Gwen both. "It's nothing Caleb, Louis is just so far up his own ******* he can't admit that he cares about anyone but himself, even if it means not telling you he's in love with you," Rene finally said, crossing his arms and looking away, stomach jolting as soon as the words left his mouth.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis felt panic bubbling in his stomach as Caleb asked again what was going on. How was he going to explain this away? Deflect this? Maybe he could pretend to like Manaia, but before he could think about that more, René was back to yelling at him. Some of the things he said hit Louis hard. He didn't act like he was better than René, did he? "I never said I was better than you." He responded weakly, he was unsure if René even heard it. As Rene poked him in the chest, Louis shook his head. "I say nice things! Just not when you're- you're blackmailing me into it!" He threw up his hands, hoping that could be the end of it.

But then René turned to Caleb, and Louis felt the wild urge to put his hand over René's mouth. He couldn't, though. He could just stand there and listen. He didn't think René was actually going to say it, but... then he did. Louis felt something inside him shatter, then felt his face heat up, he knew he was turning red but wasn't sure if it was from trying not to cry, anger, or embarrassment. The tears that had been threatening to fall started spilling over, and Louis looked at Caleb before quickly looking away, taking a step back. He didn't- he couldn't see his reaction. He turned his gaze to René instead, his legs strangely wobbly as he took another step away. "F*ck you." He said, realizing his voice was also wobbly. He couldn't see René's expression as his vision blurred with tears. Maybe that was for the best, he could at least pretend there was regret there.

 

[Caleb Thorne]

All Caleb could do was stand there fuming as Rene and Louis continued to fight as if he wasn't there at all. He was so frustrated but didn't know what to do. How had he missed this issue? They were always making fun of each other and messing around. What had changed? Or where they not joking? His heart skipped a beat as Rene looked to him for the first time in what felt like hours, and his words landed like tone of bricks on his chest. For a moment he couldn't breath and kept his eyes locked on Rene, looking for any sign of humor. But jokes had left them a while ago and he knew with out a doubt he was telling the truth.

When he could finally feel his body Caleb took in a shaky breath and turned to Louis. "WHAT!?" he shouted. "YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME?!" he shouted. He wasn't looking for an answer or ever an explanation. The revelation had him reeling and all he could do was repeat the truth back out to the world. "YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME?" he said again just as unbelieving as before. Now the questions were coming to him. How long? When? What? How? The whole time? They were all trying to come out at once and instead he stood there gaping like a fish trying to get past the shock.