Closed Waiting

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had been sitting at the train station for hours. He'd gone back to the flat for a moment; but when Einar hadn't been there, he'd thought maybe he just missed the boy. So Lucas had gone back, and waited... and waited... and waited. The sun had fallen behind the horizon some time ago, but still Lucas sat there. Where could Einar be...? Lucas knew they'd broken up, he knew Einar had wanted space... but he hadn't realized it would mean that Einar would completely... abandon him. No visits? He hadn't been there for Lucas' graduation... the one they should have shared. After everything they'd gone through, it broke Lucas' heart to think that he mattered so little to Einar. Lucas was hunched over, staring numbly at a crack by his shoe. Why had he ever considered anything different? He had never meant anything. He was just a shadow.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn had listened to a lot of what Cassi had told him about Lucas, he knew the boy had been through quite a lot. Celestyn felt bad for all he had suffered through, and knew that it was nice that he had managed to graduated. It was a celebration and Cassi had wanted to do more for it, and to ensure the boy wasn't alone, since he knew that the boy's boyfriend had left. He had been sent to go grab the boy, but at their house he had spotted that he wasn't there. He frowned and decided that the next logical place was the train station and he immediately spotted him. "Hey Lucas," he said as he approached. "You okay?" he could spot that Lucas didn't look very happy. He was a dad first and foremost and wanted to make sure that Lucas was okay.​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas barely glanced up when he heard the voice. Celestyn. Aunt Cassi's boyfriend. Lucas didn't bother looking up. He just... felt numb. "He's coming," Lucas responded quietly, though he didn't sound like he believed it, even to his own ears. "I just need to wait, he's going to be here, he wouldn't... not today, he'll be here," Lucas tried to sound a little more sure, but he just sounded defeated. Einar wasn't coming, he knew it, but admitting it would be admitting to the loss, and Lucas wasn't sure he could handle that.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn heard the response and then the continued assurance. He took a seat on the ground next to Lucas and went to put an arm around the boy, feeling like he could use a little comfort. "Listen, I don't think he's coming," Celestyn said softly. "I know you want him to, but he probably is not," Celestyn kept his tone soft and low. He knew it would be hard and he couldn't imagine the sort of pain of being left that he was feeling...well actually..he could, but he knew it was the thing to say about it. "I'm sorry Lucas, I know he meant a great deal to you and that being around him was important," ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas wanted to protest. Einar was coming, he had to be, Lucas didn't think he could bear it if Einar really wasn't coming. But then he felt Celestyns' arm over his shoulder, and Lucas crumbled. He broke down, the tears spilling over, and just started sobbing. He leaned into the man, burying his face in Celestyns' shoulder. What made it worse was the memory- Lucas sitting on the steps at school, broken and sobbing and Einar holding him. Lucas cried harder at the memory, bringing a hand up to clutch tightly at Celestyns' shirt.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn had imagined that this wouldn't necessarily go this way, he had figured something was up and from his firsts words to him it hadn't be good. It was just a little heartbreaking to have him start crying against his shoulder, especially as this was like the second time they'd ever met. "it's okay," he said softly, but mostly he'd just let the boy cry himself out. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas wasn't sure how long they sat there, how long he cried. Eventually, the shame caught up to him, and he moved away, scrubbing at his face. "I'm sorry," he managed softly, running both hands into his hair. "I don't- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry," He looked at the man and gave him a very shaky smile that he didn't really feel. "I- I'm fine, I swear."

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn kept his arm firmly around Lucas, even as he began pulling away. He knew that though he was maybe doing a bit better, having cried it out, he was probably still feeling vulnerable. "It's okay," he told him with a light tone. "You're not, but it's okay, you'll be okay," he told him, he wasn't doing fine, whatever had happened or probably not happened was still fresh, but he would be if given the right time to be. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas hesitated, looking over at the man a moment before glancing away. Lucas was a bit slumped, but the arm around his shoulder was oddly comforting. He rubbed his sleeve over his cheek. "I... I really thought he would be here," He spoke softly. "He's my whole world... I know he wanted space, I know we broke up, but... I really thought he would be here," Lucas ran a hand into his hair, tugging lightly on the blond strands. "It... it's like he's just... abandoned me. Like everything we ever were, everything we've been through, it... I never meant anything." He sighed heavily, shutting his eyes.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn knew all of these emotions, all of these feelings that Lucas did, the pain and sorrow they caused. "Grief and trauma are tricky, awful things. Grief in particular.....it can make you feel so badly hurt when there's nothing actually wrong with you" he said with a little sigh. He knew a lot on grief and from what he'd heard about this boy so had he. "I'm sure his decision to not come back is not about you, or what you mean to him." Celestyn took a little breath and told Lucas about his own father, the life he had led back in Finland and of course his father's death. He spoke softly using those old hurt emotions that he would never forget. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas stayed still, slumped in his seat with his eyes shut and his hands tangled in his hair. He listened quietly to Celestyn, letting the man tell him about his life. Lucas was torn, his heart at war with itself. After a few moments of silence, he sighed. "Thank you for telling me." He replied softly. "I... I want to understand. I'm trying. It's just... harder than I thought." He sighed, leaning his head onto his arms. "What am I going to do?" He asked, his voice small.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn had struggled in the past to talk about it, and there were elements of what he'd said that Cassi didn't know yet, but that was fine. That would be fine, since it was time for Lucas to hear about them and not Cassi. "It can sometimes feel impossibly hard, but for now, you'll come with me, and we'll go back to the flat in New York and you can meet my son," he suggested, nothing too big of involved, just taking this as it needed to be taken one step at a time. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas sniffled, nodding slowly. "Yeah, okay... I've been wanting to meet Charlie. I played at his school a few times but he hadn't met Cassi yet so I never searched him out." He ran his hand through his hair again and looked to Celestyn. "Did... I miss dinner?" He asked softly. He couldn't quite remember the last time he'd eaten, his nerves had been so shot, his stomach so twisted in knots.