Wait Am I Awake

[Alexander Remington]

Alexander was at his house alone. Alexia was off at work, he knew she wasn't technically living in his house but duplex's have thin walls, so when she was home he could normally here a hum from the TV or the sounds of feet on the floor. He didn't mind it made he comfortable to know she was near by. But now with him having broken up with Raven a few days ago, it was really quite in his house. He didn't have on any music or the TV, but he didn't know why. It was late and he was normally at least reading around this time. Alex felt like it just needed to be quiet.

He was thinking about what Raven had said when he broke up with her. 'Why are you breaking up with me?' He honestly could not give her a answer. He knew why inside, but there was no way to tell another person and make it sound logical. He had a feeling, that's why he broke up with her. It was stupid and he would probably regret it someday. But right now all he could do was think. His thoughts drifted to Kandee, as they often did. He missed her, he had tried to move on with Raven, but it wasn't the same. Kandee had something, it was the one thing no one else had, and it made him happy. Alexia had it too but in a different way. They were the only to people on this planet he knew of that could make him feel okay inside, and he had lost one of them. But what he really wanted to know was why Kandee had left him.

 

[Kandee Roberts]

It had taken weeks and weeks for Kandee to even think about coming back to this place. She didn't want to face him. She didn't want to tell him that she had put his child up for adoption. And she didn't want to tell him why she had left. However, she had to tell him something, because there she was, at his door. Kandee couldn't even be bothered to dress nicely. Her shoes were a different color pink, and her earrings and necklace didn't match at all. Something that she almost never did. She looked down; was she just supposed to knock. She still had the key, she could just walk in. And what was she supposed to say. "Hey, sorry i left you at the alter, but i was chicken and it was easier than making a commitment"? That probably wasn't the best way to word it. Kandee sighed. She might as well ring the doorbell, or else she would never do it.

Ding-Dong!

The bell went off, and Kandee looked at her shoes. She's was taller with them on, and she swept back her long, blond hair. She wasn't ready to do this. Why couldn't she just leave. Seconds separated them, but she just couldn't do it. Her finger pressed the button again; why? Why was she doing this. He wasn't going to take her back. the door opened. "Alex." Was all she could say in her whispered tone.

 

[Alexander Remington]

Alex sat in the living room when the door bell rang. This late he figured it was just some kid trying to play a joke so he didn't bother to answer. But when the door rang a second time he went to see who it was. He didn't have many friends, and none that would come this late. He opened the door and nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. At first he though he must be dreaming, it was late and he had just been thinking of her, but then she said his name ans he knew it was her. "Kandee." He said not sure what else to say. He hadn't seen her since the wedding. "What are you doing here?" He said calmly, he wasn't necessarily mad at her he loved her still, he just wanted an explanation. "Come in." He said stepping back and opening the door. It was kinda chilly and she was under dressed.

 

[Kandee Roberts]

Kandee looked at his face. She resisted the urge to put her hand to his cheek and she stepped in. She felt sick, sick to her stomach. She didn't know what to do. As a courtesy that she had always had, she flipped her shoes off. "I... I am... I'm here..." She couldn't get a full sentence out. She didn't have control over herself. She lunged to him, hugging him and wrapping her arms as tightly around his chest as she could. Her head buried into his chest. She had missed him so very much. She couldn't even describe how she felt. She just wanted to fall into his arms, make everything perfect again. Make everything the way it used to be. "I'm so sorry, i left, and Sarina... she's gone." Kandee realized that Alex hadn't known the baby's name. And she suddenly backed away, letting go. "I'm sorry."

 

[Alexander Remington]

Alexander watched her as she stuttered trying to find the words to say. He hated seeing her like that. "That's all that..." His sentence was broke off by her hugging him. He wrapped his arms around her. It felt so good to have her close to him, she wasn't hurting him, but he could feel her through his shirt. The full velocity of how much he had missed her hit him and he squeezed her back, but not hard enough to hurt her. "It's okay Kandee. I'm still here, I always will be." He realized she had said Sarina. He didn't know a Sarina but he had a feeling, the child he thought had miscarried. "Kandee you need to tell me whats going on." He nudged her lightly and sat they on the couch. He didn't want to get into everything to fast and have her break down but he needed to know what had happened to their baby,

 

[Kandee Roberts]

Kandee nodded. Tears were forming in her eyes and she tried hard to blink them back. His voice was so soft, so much like she was used to. She had missed his voice so much. She looked into his golden eyes. They seemed confused. And she was determined to stop the confusion. She didn't really know where to start, so she gave it a go.

"Okay, so, I left you at the alter because I was scared. I figure this... this is the best place to start. I loved you, I still do, I just wasn't ready to handle commitment. I was scared that you'd leave, so I wanted to beat you too it. About a month after you left, I started spotting." She paused and gave him a look that said "you know what i mean". She really hoped that he would understand, she didn't want to explain it. "I was sure that I had miscarried. In hindsight, I should have seen a doctor, but, I didn't have the money, I was living with mom and dad, and none of them knew I had been doing things outside of marriage." Kandee paused and swallowed. Tears spilled over, one at a time.

"I went to the hospital about a month ago, I was having these really bad stomach pains. I knew I had gained weight, but it didn't look like a baby stomach. I don't know how I didn't know, Alex. It's not one of those things you don't know!" She nearly yelled as she neared the close of her story. Her voice cracked slightly, and her shoulders shook as she held back sobs. "I couldn't afford her and my parents kicked me out. I put her up for adoption! She got adopted, I gave up our baby! I don't even know how I didn't know. I just thought they were cramps, Alex. I was hungry, but I was running again. My fatigue was from restless nights. Everything was explainable, I barely gained any weight!" She paused. "She was a month premature... She was underweight, I didn't give her the right care." She threw her head into his chest, searching for some comfort of some sort.

 

[Alexander Remington]

Alex listened quietly as she spoke. This was not something he wanted to interrupt. As she went on he could feel the tears growing in his own eyes. The baby he had been so sure, she had to have miscarried. But his little girl was somewhere, and he knew now she was alive, but he would probably never see here. It made his stomach do flips. His arms pulled Kandee closer. "Oh Kandee." The tears ran freely down his face. He had always wanted a child, how had he let things get so bad between them. "It's okay I still love you. I have loved you all this time, and I will never stop." He though of how hard it must have been for her without proper medical care through the pregnancy. "I won't let anything bad happen again." He knew that he could never promise that but it was more to make himself feel better about the situation then her. Alex pulled Kandee fully unto his lap. She was so small and light. He wished he could make everything alright for her. She felt her heavy sobs in his chest and not for himself but for her he wished things hadn't happened this way. She didn't deserve this, he was the one who had done so many things wrong. Now he felt karma had finally hit him in the worse way possible. Hurting the two most important people in him life him daughter and his love.

 

[Kandee Roberts]

Kandee could feel his arms tighten around her. She had to admit that it was a great feeling to have. Even through her entire life had been screwed up, even though she had given up their child, and even though she had run out on him, he loved her. No matter what she did, he wouldn't stop loving her. it was like ecstasy to know that, and her stomach did turns. She almost felt sick, a good kind of sick. Kandee didn't smile outwardly, but her thoughts were making her a bit happier. It was the type of sick you got when you had won Miss America, or something.

She didn't exactly feel comfortable in his lap. She still wanted to talk. Find out how things were going. She pulled out of his arms, so that she could sit on the other side of the couch. Since Kandee was little, tears were on command. She wasn't allowed to cry, and while she couldn't get them going, she could make them stop. She looked at him and wiped at her face. "How've you been."

 

[Alexander Remington]

Alex let Kandee go as she moved to the other side of the couch. He knew what she was doing, she was going to try and pretend everything was okay. He understood this was just her way and let her compose herself. She asked how he had been. In the beginning things had been hard, then he had gotten cold again and Alexia had pulled him out of it. Then he had found Raven, that had messed him up emotionally but now that Kandee was here again he knew that everything would be okay. "I'm better now that you're back." He smiled at her, "I was a little distant for a while, but I got over it." He shrugged. "What about you, besides you know.. Did you have any good times?" He hoped she had at least got some happiness out of her time away.