Closed Unacceptable Occurrences

[Einar Haines]

Being back at school for all its faults, was a welcome thing for Einar. The holidays had been….brutal….lonely. Einar shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, forcing himself to not think about it. It had gone exactly how he’d expected. The people who were supposed to pick him up at the airport upon landing, had taken a full day to show up, time he’d just spent waiting around at the place, avoiding anyone who might question it. The rest of the holidays had followed similarly, they would disappear for long stretches of time leaving Einar to his own devices in their house. They hadn’t seemed like bad people, but like the sort that wouldn’t have noticed if Einar were gone. It had been after they’d locked the front door without keys for Einar close to the beginning of school that Einar had called his social worker and he knew he wouldn’t be back there come the summer. His christmas and birthday had been spent alone, sitting in a house that wasn’t his, with no one there. ​

​

Einar was glad to be back at school, though he hadn’t yet seen Lucas, which worried him slightly. It was just as he’d had that thought that he walked into one of the study rooms, and was graced with an all too familiar sight. Lucas was on the ground with his big brother looming dangerously over him. Einar felt his anger rise quickly, his hands balled into fist and with a little shout he launched himself at the older boy, getting between them and ignoring what Lucas had asked of him. He wasn’t going to let this happen any more. He didn’t have the size or strength advantage but the older boy did not have Einar’s anger and it was so evident that fuelling this was Einar’s rage, the words and sentences strung together not even necessarily ones meant for him. It was all his frustration having built up for so long, finally boiling over, finally being expressed, his rage felt untameable even to him, even as Dawson landed hits. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

The break had been rough for Lucas, though he was used to it by now. Christmas had come and gone, with his parents spoiling his brothers with very specific gifts while getting Lucas the usual odds and ends off the discount rack. This year it had been a science kit for a fourth-grader and a nerf gun that his brothers had promptly stolen. At least the socks he'd gotten were warm. His birthday was approaching quickly and he knew that it would cause trouble.

That was proven when Dawson found him that day, his confidence still soaring after spending the break with Gabriel. Lucas had 'tripped' and fallen down the stairs a few times over break, and his legs were still a little sore from the leftover bruises, and he'd had to cut his hair shorter again so his brothers couldn't pull it. Lucas liked his hair longer but it was just too much trouble. He hadn't seen Dawson coming, still keeping an eye out for Einar- now that his bruises had healed a bit Lucas was eager to see the other boy.

Lucas hit the floor with a yelp, startled at the suddenness but not surprised by his brother's actions. Lucas had just started to pick himself up off the ground when Dawson knocked him back down, rolling him over roughly with his foot. "Hiya little brother!" Dawson chirped, "Shouldn't you have gotten something from Auntie?" Lucas didn't have time to deny it before out of nowhere there was an angry yell. Before Lucas knew what was happening, Einar and Dawson were brawling.

Lucas froze wide-eyed for several long moments before jumping to his feet. "No!" He pleaded, knocking his brother between the legs. It wasn't enough to drop him but it was certainly enough to curl him over. Lucas ran past him, smacking into Einar's chest and wrapping his arms around him. "Please," He pleaded, trying to push Einar back while keeping him in his arms.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar practically felt himself roar as he was suddenly held back from his fight with Lucas’ older brother. He knew he probably wouldn’t be allowed to continue, he’d get into trouble and the head persons patience with him would end up running thin. He tried to break out of it but most of his effort was gone, especially heading the little plea from lucas for him to stop. If he was going to stop without being just knocked out by the older and bigger kid. He growled however, kept a heavy glare on the older boy. ”If I see you hit him again, I will be even less forgiving,” Einar shouted angrily, ”You’re a worthless piece of poop, you don’t deserve anything,” Einar said with an angry tone. His hands were enclosed in fists, he felt so frustrated by it all. He just wanted to keep fighting him. He ignored that his fists were sore, that he could feel a little blood on his lips, running down his nose. Einar stopped struggling to break free and just waited for Lucas’ brother to do something, to react in some manner. He wanted nothing more than for him to say something else, for him to be justified in jumping for him. But he would wait, he would let Lucas help him in this next step. He wouldn’t prevent him from doing anything. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas couldn't help but tighten his arms around Einar, clutching at his shirt. Go away, Dawson, Lucas pleaded silently, not letting go as Einar yelled. "I was just goofing off! I'm telling Gabriel, you little traitor!" Dawson snapped before bolting, tail between his legs. Lucas couldn't help but whimper automatically, clutching at Einar's shirt. Gabriel was calmer, bigger, and more calculated in his attacks. Lucas peeked behind him, waiting until Dawson rounded the corner before letting go. He pulled a small, mostly clean paint rag from his bag, brushing his hand over Einars' face and keeping it there as he wiped the blood away. Lucas bit his lip, sniffling and trying not to cry. He kept the rag pressed lightly to Einar's nose, trying to stem the bleeding. Removing his other hand, he looked down, taking Einars hand in his and brushing his thumb lightly over the knuckles as he assessed how badly Dawson had hurt him.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar felt his anger surge forward at the threat, ”You tell Gabriel, I’ll come for him too,” Einar shouted after the older boy, he didn’t know who this Gabriel person was, but if the threat was to mean anything it wouldn’t be good. He had a small moment where he thought that perhaps he hadn’t done a good thing, that this was doing a lot more harm than good. But it had just almost hurt to watch it, to watch how he treated Lucas, knowing how good a bond with a brother was. Knowing that he couldn’t have it any more. Einar got the feeling Adam would’ve been more proud of him for this action than Hewie would’ve been. Protecting people was more something Adam had done, hewie had always warned Einar against anger. Einar felt Lucas let go of him, and he sighed slightly. His anger remained firm but he stood stock still as Lucas applied something to his nose. He flinched a little at the light pain it caused but he remained in place, stock still as Lucas seemed to take his hand, ”I’m sorry Lucas,” his voice shook as he spoke, one hand reaching for where the gift Lucas had given him before the quidditch game sat on the opposite wrist. ”I can’t let him do that to you,” His voice broke a little, emotion using devoid from it rushing in. His knees felt weak, his heart felt heavy, he felt the words on his tongue, everything he’d said, everything he wanted to tell him. ”Brothers are supposed to look after you and protect you, not this. I wish you knew what that felt like,” ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shut his eyes, trying not to shake too bad at the thought of Einar and Gabriel. He shuddered. He looked up as Einer spoke, listening quietly. He sighed softly, dropping the rag without a thought and standing on tiptoe. He carefully pulled Einar down into a hug, leaning his head lightly against Einar's neck and tangling a hand in his hair. He tried to hold his tears back, sniffling softly. "I don't know what else there is," He murmured, "It's always been this way, as long as I can remember. It's all I know," He sighed, turning and burrowing a little closer. "Gabriel... Gabriel is the eldest. He's not like Dawson; Dawson is an idiot. Gabriel... he's smart, calculated, you can't..." Lucas bit his lip. "He graduated last year. Before... Before he kept Dawson in control, it was still bad but it wasn't as often. Dawson has been alone this year, and I... I'm so sorry," He whimpered, "I didn't mean to drag you into it." He sniffled, crying a bit, "I don't know why I've always been drawn to you, it's bad, I shouldn't..." He couldn't help it as he started to cry harder, "I should leave you alone, I should, but I don't want to," He whimpered, pressing closer and trying to keep from sobbing. "You're bleeding..." He managed, barely whispered, shaking as he clung to Einar.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar let his head drop slightly, trying to both not completely fall into the contact or be too stiff. He didn’t wrap his arms around him, just let Lucas decide everything about this touch. He listened a little as Lucas began to tell him about his brothers, how one was worse, but the other just seemed to be more calculated. He couldn’t believe how awful the two boys could be, how terrible they were to their brother. He couldn’t imagine his brothers ever treating him like that, even if he knew he’d only known one of them a little. He just shook his head, ”You didn’t drag me into anything Lucas,” Einar told him, Einar hadn’t been dragged into anything, Lucas was his only friend, the only person he really cared about. The only person who had cared about him. ”You don’t need to avoid me or leave me alone,” he was a little distressed by Lucas’ tears, he was a little thrown by the feeling that seized his heart as his one friend even mentioned avoiding him. He just shrugged, ”It doesn’t matter, it’ll get cleaned up fine,” he told him, though he knew that it wouldn’t matter to Lucas, ”Don’t avoid me, I don’t mind this if it keeps you a little safer and it’s not like I have anyone else in my life. If you avoid me, I don’t have anyone,” he was visibly attempt to inject some lightness to his tone, but he knew it was failing hard. He knew he just sounded empty and tired. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas sniffled, biting his lip hard and trying to keep himself in check. "But you could have anything, anyone," He managed softly. "Why me? I'm... I'm nothing, I'm useless and alone, you deserve better," He continued, taking a moment to breathe before stepping away and wrapping his arms around himself. Einar didn't like being touched, Lucas needed to stop putting himself first and think of Einar. No matter how much Lucas craved the approval, attention, or affection of the other boy he needed to stop. "My brother hurt you- my brothers will keep hurting you, I can't-" He bit his lip, trying not to cry harder. He stared a hole in his shoes, not looking up to Einar. "You deserve better," He whispered weakly, shaking his head and turning to flee. He couldn't let Einar fight with Dawson again. Lucas couldn't take it.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shook his head, he was a little surprised when he found himself missing the touch that Lucas had been providing, he had tried to avoid it actively for so long, but the holiday he’d had, his birthday everything that had been just him. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively, his gaze just looking towards his hands, it didn’t provide the same comfort as Lucas had somehow managed. He wouldn’t stop Lucas from leaving him alone. His luck would’ve only ever provided him with this much. With a friend for a little while, for him to know what it felt like before he lost it. Einar didn’t deserve to have friends, to be liked. He didn’t deserve to have someone care about him. He shook his head, ”This doesn’t hurt,” he spoke quietly, almost shyly. He shrugged dismissively, ”Why can’t you just be my friend,” he spoke quietly, hating how his voice sounded, hating that after trying so hard to not have anyone, he was suddenly sad that someone didn’t want to be his friend. Einar didn’t try to stop Lucas from leaving, he just sat down unceremoniously on the ground, of course he didn’t even deserve any friends. He stared at his hands, stared at the drying blood, it felt like his mind was shutting down, closing him off further, to stop the ache in his chest. He was just so toxic, everything he touched he ruined. He didn’t want anyone, hadn’t. All he’d wanted was to be Lucas’ friend. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had meant to walk away, protect Einar from his brothers, but when he heard the other boy speak, it broke down what little defense Lucas had left. He spun back around, darting back and falling into Einars lap. He wrapped around the other boy, folding himself around Einar and burying his face in Einars neck. He couldnt help but to start crying, biting his lip and sniffling and sobbing quietly against Einars shoulder. He didnt know why he needed Einar, why of all the people he avoided he had been drawn to Einar in particular, but he couldnt help himself. He clung to the other boy, unable to stop himself from apologizing quietly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he sobbed, "don't leave me," he whimpered softly, not wanting to think about his life without Einar in it.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar wouldn’t have looked up but, the boy took him by surprise. He didn’t move, he didn’t move his arms around the other boy, just trying to figure out what was going on. Was Lucas changing his mind, was he going to be his friend, ignoring him, letting him just be alone. Einar’s mind had been preparing itself for that but Lucas had changed his mind. Einar sighed, his heart felt so sore, felt so tired, he was hurting. He reached out slowly, gripping slowly at the side of Lucas’s shirt, unable to wrap his arms around him, but looking for any closeness. Looking to just know someone was there, to know he was not alone. ”You were leaving me,” he muttered, ”You can’t do that, not you too,” he spoke quietly, a part of his tone was low and defeated, so emotionally drained from it all. Still half believing that he might be lying that in just a minute he would back away and Einar would be alone again, without anyway in his life. He just wanted to not be so alone. He felt so alone, his birthday had been alone, his holiday had been spent alone. He missed his brothers, his mother, his father. He missed having people who cared about him. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shook his head, his arms tightening around Einar. "I just wanted to protect you," he managed to whimper, "but I'm stupid and selfish, I need you," he sniffled, staying firmly where he was. "I don't have anyone, I never have, I thought I would be okay with that," he bit his lip. "I know you probably hate me. I stuck to you and I dont know why and I touch you too much and my brothers hurt you, too," he burrowed in closer, tangling a hand in Einars hair. "I dont wanna go, if you make me leave I'll try to stay away but I can't do this alone anymore," he whimpered. "Even when you were yelling you're the only one that's ever seen me," he bit his lip to keep himself from talking too much, trying to reign himself back in. He loosened his grip, sliding back sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I'm doing it again, you dont like touching," he moved to sit next to Einar, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar gripped the shirt a little tighter, he didn’t listen to what Lucas was saying, it didn’t matter to him, the words didn’t matter, they wouldn’t matter because he just wanted him here. He was happy for this contact now with him, because it was just so simple, because after everything else, all he needed was a little bit of calm. He just shook his head, trying to say without saying that he didn’t want him to leave. He frowned a little as Lucas loosened his grip on him, and he did the same, letting his arms fall to his side. He didn’t like it any more, reminding him too much most of the time of everything he’d seen and done. Of how his mother used to run her hand through his hair, of his brother’s grip on his arm. But, after so little of it, after so much emptiness, he really didn’t mind it. He didn’t know how to explain it to Lucas without seeming awful. Without being awful. He sighed heavily. ”My brothers were far more about physical touching, they liked giving hugs and stuff like that,” he said, he spoke quietly, avoiding looking at him. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas hugged his knees tighter to his chest, ignoring the lump in his throat and the heaviness in his shoulders. "Were?" He questioned softly. "At least you've had it then," he murmured, not looking to Einar so the other boy couldnt see the tears. "I've never had it. My parents are too busy with work for me, and my brothers... well, their touches arent really very gentle," he admitted, knowing it wouldn't change anything. He was used to it. The rejection. The lack of physical affection. Or... any affection, really. "I dont know why they had me," he murmured. "I dont think any of them have ever cared." He sniffled, swiping his sleeve over his eyes.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar knew the heaviness of the use of the past tense, what it would mean, what he knew that Lucas could figure out from it. Einar didn’t expect the response from Lucas, the fact that while indeed Einar had lost everyone in his life, at least he’d had them. He looked at Lucas and knew the boy couldn’t understand the deep ache in his heart over the loss he had suffered. That he wouldn’t understand it for a long while, that Einar hoped Lucas would never come to understand the pain he felt. The two could not be compared, that for Lucas to feel so unloved was cruel, but for Einar to have lost everything was also just so cruel. He didn’t know what to say, if to bring up his brothers again, if to bring up his parents. It would feel like he was trying to out do the other boy when he just wanted him to understand his pain. ”If it helps, my mother would’ve loved you, she’d have loved that you stuck by me, that you’re strong in the face of your family. She would’ve accepted you into the family and loved you like she loved me,” Was what Einar settled upon saying, think fondly of her and her huge caring heart, how pleased she would’ve been for Einar to have found someone to be his friend and pull him away from his loneliness. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas glanced over at Einar, listening curiously. He hesitated. "Einar?" He asked softly. "This... will sound stupid, I know, but... what's love?" He asked softly. "I used to hear it in old movies but... I've never heard that before," he admitted, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve. Unthinkingly, he laid his head lightly on Einars shoulder. "You're alone too?" He questioned softly, wandering if maybe that was why he had been so drawn to Einar.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar sighed a little, it wasn’t stupid, it made sense that Lucas wouldn’t know what it felt like, but how was he to explain it. How was he meant to tell him what it was like. He wasn’t sure what he could say to make him understand it. ”I don’t know how to describe it, just that when you lose it, it hurts, nothing hurts like it,” he reached up quickly, touching at where his heart was under all the layers. He couldn’t tell him how it had felt because all it did now for him was hurt. It hurt bad, some days more so than others and in ways he couldn’t understand. ”I have no one left,” he confirmed, ”I have lost all of my family. Not all at once, one after the other. Now I have no one left but myself,”​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas listened quietly. He didnt know what it felt like to lose someone like that. He hesitated a moment before speaking. "That's not... completely true." He managed softly. He put a hand lightly on Einars knee for a split second. "You have me," he stopped, pulling back and scooting away. He blushed furiously, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean... you could? If you wanted, I'm not much," he bit his lip, pulling his knees tighter against his chest. "I just- I'll shut up now," he managed quietly, burying his head in his arms, heart thundering in his ears.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shrugged, he felt a little better as Lucas assured him he had him. Even the assurance after all of that was enough to help, to make him feel a little bit better. He knew that it wasn’t what he had wanted to be like that he had wanted to be strong without anyone and he just hadn’t managed that, but with the holiday he’d had, he had just needed the reassurance from someone. He just nodded, he nudged Lucas with his hand and smiled a little, ”Friends okay? Lets start with being friends,” Einar told him, he wanted it, he wanted Lucas to be in his life, he wouldn’t mind if Lucas was the only person in his life. ”You won’t stop me from beating your brother if tries to hit you again when I’m around,” he told him, ”It’s my duty as friend to protect you from that as much as I can. Can we go to the dorm, I'd like to take a nap?”​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas peeked at Einar as Einar nudged him, relaxing slightly as the other boy smiled a little. "Friends is good," he murmured, stopping himself from curling up against Einar. He winced as Einar said he wouldn't stop challenging Lucas's brothers, sighing and rubbing a hand over his neck. "Yeah, a nap sounds good," Lucas murmured softly. He would just have to get some medical supplies and keep bandaging Einar back up.