Touching His Back With My Hand

[Vivian Brackenstall]

The rain was pattering down and the air was chilly, but Hogwarts robes were thick, and their favourite tree had held on to enough autumn leaves to shelter Vivian and Tristan in the otherwise abandoned school grounds. It was a cool Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do but spend the time, and it was a relief and a joy to be spending it together. A school year that had been stressful for both boys was drawing to a close at last, and Vivian was grateful for the moment of peace together.

They leaned side by side against the tree's trunk, legs stretched out across the dirt in front of them, cloaks and robes bundled around warmer muggle clothes underneath to keep out the chill. Vivian had his notebook open in his lap, idly tapping his quill against a half-finished poem he was probably going to abandon. For the first time all year, he had had enough of writing melancholy things. This was a nice day, a nice moment, and a nice time to share with a friend, and he saw no reason to drag it down with sad writings.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan wouldn't have been outside in the rain on his own, but he knew Vivian enjoyed sitting with him at their tree and he didn't mind. The practical part of him knew that if they got wet, they would dry inside the castle in no time. For now, at least, it was nice to have privacy, to just be together and in peace. He reflected on this year and knew that it had been hard for them both. Vivian had had the whole family revelation, something that was still vague and uncertain for the other boy, and Tristan had made himself some enemies this year, and had broken rules he didn't think he would have broken in the year before.

That didn't mean he was looking forward to going home, though. The stressfull school-year had been hard, but it was still part of the magical world. Tristan dreaded heading back to the boring monotony of his old life, his parents and their money struggles, his lack of friends, the boredom in his future as he couldn't even practice spells over the winter break. He sighed and glanced at his best friend. The two of them had often spent time together like this often, and he knew he would miss his friend over the holidays. "We'll write each other, won't we?" He asked, watching Vivian's quill tap against the page to make sure he wasn't interrupting his friend in the middle of a poem.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian was distracted, thinking about how peaceful it felt not to have the drive to sort thought any messy feelings in words for once, when Tristan spoke. He was puzzled for a moment, trying to figure out what his friend meant, before it clicked in his mind that the holidays were coming up, and they would be separated. Of course. It was still a strange thought to Vivian, who was so used to being alone so much of the time, that he had become so accustomed to having a friend around every day. It would be odd, being at home and doing things without Tristan.

As soon as he clicked what his friend was talking about, Vivian nodded quickly. "Of course." He said quietly, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Maybe... we could have a visit some time, too. You could floo up to my house. My mum's always out, she won't mind." Vivian didn't actually know if she would mind, he had never had a friend over to the house before, but he liked the idea of Tristan coming to stay. Vivian could show him some of his favourite spots. It would be nice, to share them with someone.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan's heart lept at the idea of visiting his friend, but then it sank again like a stone in water. It wasn't Vivian's fault for not thinking about it, for him it was probably the most normal thing in the world to just floo everywhere he wanted. For Tristan, unfortunately, it wasn't. He grimaced. "We don't have a fireplace." He said with a small shrug. "And even if we did, I don't think we would be able to floo, you know being muggles and all that." He paused. "My parents, I mean." He didn't like the idea of being grouped in with muggles, he wasn't one of them anymore. "But I bet with your writing skills you can write me letters that are so good they make it seem like you're in the room with me." He tried to make a joke about it, though it stung. He did want to see Vivian's house, but unless he figured out a way how to travel there by magic, he knew his parents wouldn't be able to afford a trip to Vivian's city. It was unfair, and he wished his parents were just magical too. He sighed and looked at Vivian. A magical family didn't solve all problems, he knew his friend had some trouble with his own family and he wouldn't want to trade. "Are you going to ask your mum about... you know, your-... uhm, the girl?" Maybe calling her his sister wasn't the best idea when she didn't seem to want to believe it.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian winced slightly when Tristan reminded him of the situation. Right... muggles didn't floo. How had he managed to forget. "I'm sorry..." He said hesitantly, glancing at Tristan. "I forgot. We could... maybe arrange to do our school supply shopping on the same day though? We could meetup in Obsidian Harbour..." It wasn't quite such a good plan, but they would get to see each other, and that was something. Two months seemed like an incredibly long time not to see Tristan at all. Vivian liked his own company, he had never been lonely before, but he was already feeling like this holiday was going to be a lonely one, by comparison to how close they were at school.

Tristan changing the subject pulled Vivian out of his thoughts and he tensed, unhappy about the reminder of his situation. "I don't know." He croaked. "I mean, I wrote to her. She just doesn't want to talk about it. She says she doesn't know anything about... what my father is doing nowadays, she doesn't want to know and neither should I, so I should just... leave it alone and pretend she doesn't exist." That idea was laughable. Sitting two tables away from his sister, pretending she didn't exist... it was impossible. But Lourdes didn't want to know him, so there was nothing to be done.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Vivian's wince was a bit gratifying, if Tristan was completely honest. It was annoying how wizards took everything for granted and forgot that not everyone had access to magic at all times. Still, he smiled at him to show it was okay. "That's a great idea, I'd love to meet up for school supply shopping." He hoped they wouldn't need too many new supplies, though, he didn't think his parents could afford anyhing big. Maybe he should ask some of the professors for the different electives if he needed anything special for their class, it could be the difference between taking it or not taking it. He really hoped nothing was needed for arithmancy.

Tristan sort of regretted bringing up Vivian's situation, it was just an unhappy reminder for his friend. "I suppose." He said softly. "Maybe things will change down the line, if she starts to believe it she might seek you out." He smiled and touched his friend's arm. "She's missing out, you know." He hoped the subject was over now because he had more to talk about with his friend. "Thanks for the rose, by the way." He said with a shrug. "I know I sent you one as well, but it wasn't nearly as poetic. Did you get any others?" He had, and he hoped Vivian would ask though he wasn't sure why. Did he want his friend to be jealous? Maybe.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian smiled, relieved that Tristan didn't seem offended by his mistake. "That's perfect. We can arrange it by letter." He said happily. Shopping for elective classes seemed like it would be confusing an a lot of work, but hopefully it would be easier and more fun if they were working on it together. Seeing each other over the holidays would be a big bonus, too.

Vivian sighed, running a hand through his hair. Thinking about Lourdes was always complicated. He didn't know if he even wanted a sister, but he wanted to know if he had one, at least. He could tell Tristan was trying to make him feel better, but it just all hurt to think about right now. He was relieved when Tristan changed the subject, shaking his head awkward. "I just got yours. It was very nice though, thank you." He smiled a little. "It was nice to get one." He hesitated, glancing at Tristan a little nervously. "Sorry if mine was a little strange. I wasn't sure what to write."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan was glad to talk about the roses, he really liked that Vivian had sent him one with a poem, because he liked knowing Vivian had put effort and time into it. He also felt a little relived that Vivian hadn't received any roses from anyone else. It was odd, but he wanted to be the only one sending him things like that. He decided not to mention the rose from Ares after all. He was curious if it would make Vivian jealous but he didn't want to ruin this moment. It was just the two of them, no one around, and Tristan had noticed his friend more and more lately. He wasn't sure how to bring it up, though. "Well..." He said slowly. "I liked it, it wasn't strange. You always seem to know what to write." He smiled a little shyly. "I wish I had written more in mine, it was so simple and basic... when there's more I could have said." He paused, watching his friend's face closely before reaching over and gently brushing some of his long hair off his shoulder. "Like how I like the your hair." He said, a little nervous now. Then he took a deep breath and decided to act on an impulse without thinking on it too much, something that was totally against his usual behavior. He just really wanted to kiss his friend, though he knew logically it wasn't the smartest thing to do. But he still did it, leaning in and brushing his lips against Vivian's. "And that." He muttered, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Had he made a terrible mistake? He had no idea if Vivian even liked boys, let alone liked him. Why had he done this? What had come over him? Was this hormones? Did they overshadow the logical part of the brain? He moved back slightly, nervously looking at Vivian now.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian listened, smiling a little as Tristan complimented his card. It was... more than a relief, to hear that his poem hadn't been too much, and had in fact been received as intended. He started thinking of what to say, but Tristan kept talking, and he seemed to be getting closer, and... Vivian didn't even realise what was happening until Tristan was kissing him. His whole body tensed with nerves and his eyes flew wide, no idea how to respond. Before he even had time though, Tristan was already moving back and Vivian could see the worries painted all over his face, a face he was now looking at like he never had before. "Oh..." Was the only thing he could muster to say, more of a nervous breath than a word. His hand had somehow found its way onto Tristan's arm in the second that had already crystallised into an eternity in his mind, and Vivian left it there, trying to reassure Tristan that he wasn't angry or scared while words were still too far away to find.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan could see he had surprised Vivian, and probably scared him a little. He could curse himself, literally. Perhaps a memory charm? On them both? That sounded absolutely great about now, though he would have to find an older student for the job. Oh. Was all he said. Tristan wasn't really sure what else he had wanted to hear, but it wasn't this. He cleared his throat, looking at the hand Vivian had put on his arm. He gently moved his arm away, suddenly wanting, no needing to get out of her. "Well uh." He said with a small shrug. "Sorry about that, don't want to make things weird or anything. I was just uh... curious, I guess." He shrugged again, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I should go pack now, alright? We'll write each other and stuff. Do that shopping thing." He was already getting to his feet. "See you later." He said quickly, hoping to flee without making the moment more awkward.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

The worried look on Tristan's face broke Vivian's heart, and his first instinct was to reach for him, to ask him to wait, but Vivian's thoughts were so occupied with a million possibilities he had never considered before that the thoughts didn't make it from his brain to his mouth until Tristan was already leaving. Cursing himself for his slow reaction time, Vivian watched Tristan go and hugged his knees close to his chest, trying to figure out how he felt about this new development.