Thinking Outrageously, I Write In Cursive

[Vivian Brackenstall]

The spring sunlight glinting on the ripples of the lake felt reassuringly like home, and the bird song from above was a welcome accompaniment to the lazy Saturday Vivian had settled into with Tristan. They were both resting in the shade of a tree by the lake's edge, far away from the chaos of the castle and stress of schoolwork. Vivian leaned back against the trunk of the tree, pencil scraping idly against the edge of his notebook as he contemplated the stanza he had just written.

cold curtains parted to a winter unexpected
is this? the ice behind my eyes reflected
from doors barred long
before i knew my home

Frowning, Vivian crossed out the last couple of lines with a slow, deliberate stroke of the pencil. Every time he tried to sort out his feelings about his half-sister they eluded him more, and it had gotten even difficult to glance at her over the breakfast tables. She completely refused to acknowledge his existence, and mum was yet to write back in response to Vivian's questions about his father, but a family he had never thought about before was suddenly somehow very real, and it was... strange. Questions he had never had before were bubbling in him, but the words to express them just refused to come to his mind.

Lowering the notebook, Vivian glanced over at Tristan, hoping for a distraction. Vivian had spent a lot of his childhood sitting by water's edge with a notebook in hand, and it was both strange and pleasant to do so now with a friend by his side. Vivian hadn't shared much of his poetry with Tristan before, just small scraps and snippets here and there, but he found himself wondering quietly what his friend would say about this piece, as unfinished as it was.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan was glad that the weather was nice out today. Vivian tended to stay in Hufflepuff House more than Tristan liked, so spending the day outside together was a nice change. Tristan was lying on his back in the grass, completely relaxed as he tugged some grass out of the ground and sprinkled it around aimlessly. He listened to the sound of Vivian's pencil scraping against the notebook and he turned his head to look at him.

Vivian had been even more quiet and more withdrawn lately than he usually was ever since they talked to the girl that was his half-sister. Tristan knew he was going through a lot, but he found it difficult to know how to support his friend. He wondered if the poem he was writing today was about that, it most likely was. Vivian's poetry impressed Tristan a lot, he himself wasn't very creative and he didn't know how Vivian thought of the right words all the time.

"How's the poem going?" He asked, seeing him glance his way. He sat up slightly, running a hand through his hair to get some pieces of grass out. "I bet its all deep and meaningful and stuff." He didn't quite grasp poetry either, even though it sounded good to him when Vivian did it. It was always a bit... vague for his tastes. But he still wanted to be a supportive friend.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian was surprised when Tristan addressed him, asking about the poem as though he had read Vivian's thoughts. He still didn't know how he felt about showing people his work, but if there was anyone he could trust with this, it was Tristan. It was still much easier for Vivian to express himself and work out his feelings through poetry, but over the past few months he had had more conversations with Tristan than he had ever had with anyone before.

Trying not to hesitate, Vivian passed his notebook to Tristan, still open to the poem about Lourdes. "I'm not sure about its structure." He said quietly, watching Tristan from behind a stray lock of hair. "But I'm just trying to make the ideas fit right now..." A little too late, Vivian remembered that there were a couple of slightly embarrassing poems in there about how it felt to be making a new friend, but hopefully Tristan wouldn't flip around to different pages.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan hadn't expected Vivian to let him actually read his poem, he had only done so rarely. Tristan was glad that his friend trusted him enough for that, though he had the feeling that Vivian knew how little Tristan got any of it. He wasn't very creative at all, preferring things cut and dry without double meanings. But that didn't mean he couldn't appreciate it from Vivian, and encourage him. He was so withdrawn and quiet, Tristan wanted to do anything he could to make Vivian a bit more open. He knew that Vivian was sort of weird, the sort of boy that people would bully, and that was not a sort of person he wanted to be associated with. Tristan had enough troubles as a muggle born. So anything to make Vivian more social and confident would be good.

He read the poem, seeing instantly that it was about his newfound sister. This wasn't a surprise, exactly, but he felt oddly disappointed it wasn't about him. Obviously he wasn't the center of Vivian's universe, but he still hoped his friend saw him as an important person. "I can't really say much about the structure, you know I don't know anything about that. But it's nice. It makes me feel ...sad, confused. That's what you intended, correct?" He looked at his friend and gave him a smile.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian's heart raced as he watched Tristan read what he was working on. He hadn't ever shown something so personal to anyone outside his family before, and even his family rarely got to see poems like this. It was nerve-wracking, letting someone else in on something so private, so open, but as he watched Tristan's expression, Vivian felt safe with him. Vivian had never been good at expressing anything he felt inside, but Tristan... was different. Tristan was worth trusting.

He listened to Tristan's comments quietly, nodding, and gave a small smile in response to his friend's. "Thanks. I'm glad you liked it." He looked down, searching for the words. "I... yeah. I was trying to... figure out how I feel about this. But I'm just confused."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan could tell Vivian was nervous, but he also enjoyed actually getting to read the poetry his friend was always writing. He listened to Vivian's response, smiling at him. "I do like it. I wish I was creative like you." He didn't really know what to say to Vivian's admission of being confused. Of course he was confused. Who wouldn't be? He was very curious what Vivian usually wrote about when he wasn't preoccupied with this. His friend was looking away and Tristan looked through the book quickly, glancing at him occasionally. He grinned slightly when he saw a few that were about their friendship, that was more like it. He glanced at Vivian again to see if the other boy had noticed.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian was a bit surprised to hear that. He hadn't ever thought of Tristan as the type of person to want to be creative. "Well... if you want to, you should... just try things sometimes." He said softly, looking out over the lake. "Just... think about what you're feeling and write it, or draw it. That's what I do." The waters of the lake were sloshing slightly, and it took Vivian a long moment to realise he wasn't only hearing the sounds of the water, but of Tristan turning pages. With an alarmed yelp he grabbed the notebook back nervously, face flushed. "I... don't... um..." He stammered, clutching it to his chest. "They're... I... most of it's not... finished, and it's... I know it's... weird... sorry..." He barely managed to stutter out, eyes wide with nerves. He desperately hoped Tristan wouldn't think he was weird now. Or... even weirder than he was.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan hadn't really expected Vivian to catch him in his little excursion through the poetry book, and felt embarrassed when he did. "Sorry." He said as Vivian basically pulled the book out of his hands. He hadn't really thought Vivian would mind this much, or maybe he had and just figured he would get away with it. He wasn't sure which it was. "It's not weird." He said, though he wasn't sure if writing poems about your friends was considered weird or not if he was perfectly honest. "It's totally fine! I was just curious." He smiled self consciously, ducking his head slightly. "I mean, I just don't get how you do it, you know? And they're all so different too. I didn't ... think you would mind that much, I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair, hoping Vivian wouldn't be or stay mad at him. He knew he was pretty good at looking sorry and making people want to forgive him when he wanted to. He met Vivian's eyes for a brief moment and then looked down again, waiting for his friend say it was alright.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian faltered, relaxing slightly as he realised that Tristan hadn't actually been put off by the poems about their friendship. Vivian knew it wasn't exactly normal to write poetry about a friend, but that was... what he did. Vivian didn't quite feel like he had really had an experience until he had processed his thoughts and put them down in words, and so poems kept happening. But Tristan didn't seem upset or weirded out, so everything was fine. Maybe it would even be fine to show him some of the poems sometimes. It would be easier than talking to him about things, though he already found talking to Tristan much easier than most other people. "It's fine." He said awkwardly, trying to focus. "Sorry. I just... worried you would think they were weird. It's... you can read them if you like." He said hesitantly, glancing at his friend's face, trying to read his mood.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan was relieved to see that Vivian wasn't angry, and he felt himself relax. He had probably reassured the other boy enough to keep this from turning into a disaster, but he wanted Vivian to feel comfortable enough with him to let him read more. "It's fine, I don't think it's weird." It would only be weird if other people read it, he decided, but that didn't seem likely. "Hey, let's make a deal. I don't want to make you more uncomfortable but I would like to read more because its awesome, so how about you pick a few for me to read and I promise I won't flip the page." He gave Vivian his winning smile. "You can watch me closely to make sure." He added.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian relaxed more, relieved that Tristan really seemed okay with his poems. "Oh." He said quietly, pausing a long moment to consider Tristan's question. He didn't know exactly what the other boy had seen already, and it no longer felt like it mattered so much. None of his poems were revealing of anything he didn't feel comfortable with Tristan knowing he felt, so he shrugged quietly, passing the notebook back. "It's fine... you can just read them if you like. As long as you really don't think it's weird."