the way it used to be

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

A couple days into the holiday and briar was in London making her way over to a flat that she knew all to well. A flat that she hadn’t visited for near a year. She walked her way across the park as she made her way to his flat thinking of what she needed to say to Dee, she knew that she should be angry at him, and a little annoyed at her sister for inviting him to her graduation but she had found that she wasn’t. She was grateful to Madlyn for doing what she wanted to do and want brave enough to do, though Dederick may still get a bit of her annoyance. She stopped at a greengrocer and bought an orange for the walk, finishing it just before she turned into his road.
As she walked this last little bit she felt the need to slow down and savor the feeling of the summer sun on her skin, the other half of her wanted to speed up and be with Dee. Consequently she stated almost the same speed. She climbed the stairs until she was on the right floor. She didn’t take the lift as she didn’t find lifts enjoyable, she was more than fit enough to handle a few flights of stairs, and the whole thought of being stuck in a metal box with a load of other people wasn’t a pleasant one for the girl who had not been inside a building properly until she was eleven. Eventually she was outside the correct door. unintentionally holding her breath she knocked lightly ”Dee, are you there” she called hoping that he hadn’t gone out for some reason or another.

 

[Dederick Cullen]

Music came spilling from the apartment, Dee was enjoying an old record he had found at a shop, the album was one of his favorite muggel band. While the music played he was busy cleaning up, something he hardly ever do but he expected he should since his mum had sent an owl saying she would pay him a visit. Dee hadn't seen her in a while, but this visit would come and go, there wasn't anything really to look forward to but to see how much his younger sister has grown. Dederick continued with his cleaning, it kept his mind busy as well, so much lonely hours spent thinking, so cleaning acted as a mental block away from them. Although the music surrounded his entire flat, and he'd probably wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't near the door fixing a loose screw, Dederick heard the knock, he open it wide to see Briar standing outside his flat. Right, she was the reason why he kept busy, because if he wasn't busy he would be thinking about her all the time. Dederick stepped away, "Oh, hello, come in" he pushed the door open, once she was inside he closed the door behind her.

Out of Character:

I won't be online for a couple days, getting my laptop fixed, bye!

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar could hear music coming form the flat, and although she didn't know the song she smiled. it meant that he was in. a moment later the door was opened and the man who had been in her mind for the last ten months was standing there in front of her. Resisting the sudden urge to put her arms around him and kiss him like she would have done this time a year ago, she smiled and greeted him with simple "Hello dederick" before entering the apartment. She was glad when he took a second to close the door so that she could get her thoughts back in order and not in the sudden whirlwind that they had just become. she looked around and was surprised to see that it looked tidy and in a much better condition to when she had last been here. "So" she said unsure how to start the conversation that they needed to have. "how have you been recently" she said. Although this sounded like a general question, the actual question was what have you been up to in the last ten months? and (she was mentally beating herself up for thinking it) did you miss me? the latter was not something that she was proud to think, she was so used to being independent and hated feeling to dependent on others but over the last couple of years she had learned that there were a few people who she was dependent on. these included her sister and brother as well as Dederick as when he had left her she had started to fall apart and neglect something that was almost as vital to her as food or exercise, it wasn't until she talked to the nurse and a healer that she started to put the pieces of her life back together.

Out of Character:

No worries. whenever you are ready is fine. I hope your computer gets better soon

 

[Dederick Cullen]

Dederick watched from the corner of his eyes he was still fiddling with the loose screw. When he felt like he had done enough to keep in place he turn around facing her, he could hear her despite the loud music."Excuse me a sec?" he wander away and lower the record player down, it was old antique but he had loved it and work hard for every thing he own in the apartment. "Oh I've been alright, same old me nothings changed" he said answering her question. Total lie, but can she tell? She must already if she was here and not somewhere else. He scratched the back of his neck quite nervously, Dederick didn't know what to do, first girlfriend and first break up and now he was here convincing her that everything have been fine for the last ten months. "How've you been? You seem chilled, doing better then me?" Dederick blurted those words before he could contain them. Fawk. This was not how he'd imagine reuniting with her. He was suppose to say the right things and made things better. Seem like he was a total failure anyways. "Do you want to sit? And chat?" he suggested heading for the living room straight down the hallways.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar had to force herself not to smile s bide as she wanted to when dederick turned to face her. she had missed him and was happy to be back despite all that he had done to her. she was pretty sure she had been right when he had said last summer that she loved him though as she had never loved anyone that way before. that was why she was here. just to see if she was right in doing so. when he turned away to turn the music off she couldn't hold the smile back any more. she quickly let it spread across her face before she painfully had to pull it back into submission before he turned background. she didn't want to make this too easy for him. when he said nothing has changed for him she unintentionally rolled her eyes she could tell that he had changed even if he couldn't. she wasn't the best at reading people not at all but in that moment the things he wasnt saying spoke a lot more than the things he was. for example she could tell by the way he was standing and how he scratched his neck that he was as nervous as she was.
when he said that she seemed to be doing better than him she couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter. "yeah right" she said sarcastically. wishing that she hadn't. "this whole year has been mad. you seem to be doing well" she said truthfully. he looked good, (not that he usually looked bad, far from it, he always managed to look good). she could see how hard he had been working on the apartment. she knew that he had basically redone it from nothing and it looked really good. she followed him down the hall way and sat down next to him on the sofa. "so what do you want to chat about? she asked curious as to why he had invited her over here.

 

[Dederick Cullen]

Dederick laughed, she was a funny one wasn't she? The way she snorted and rolled her eyes, she was being rather easy going but he liked it. He liked her, no he loved her. He can't be a prat about this girl, Dederick was skin deep. He sat down and let out a long sighed, "Are you joking with me? Me better, right. Did you forget what we both are at some points of the nights?" he asked her, he was feeling rather easy going now himself. Maybe it was because she was here and she wasn't like most girls. Yes she had feelings but she was strong and fit to hold herself up, truthfully she didn't need anyone, except to love back. "I was just thinking we needed to chat, you know?" he said with a somewhat smiled. "Like how do you want to go about this Briar, it only works if we both communicate, innit?" he said staring at her from the side, this was the whole point. Starting over was the whole point here, they had no time for mind games. He had enough mind games brewing on his own, he didn't need someone else doing that for him.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

briar smiled and let air out of her nose in a way that was the prelude of a laugh when dederick said that deciding that she may as well say what she was thinking and not hold it back like a barrier between them she shook her head. "nah, Dee, I wish i was. and I learned full well what we can be on some nights." she said biting her lip slightly. she thought about those nights she had spent in the cavern alone. those nights when she hadn't had her potion and was fully engulfed in wolf-brain. just thinking about it brought a wave of anger to her and a wave of pain that she refused to feel so that fed the anger. when he said they did need to talk she nodded but didn't say anything glad that he stated talking again about the need to communicate. she wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to communicate about but there was one thing she was both itching to and trying not to say "three months, three months Dee, three months without potion. that is how I coped." she said trying to keep her voice tine level like it had been before but by the end its tone hardened. she bit her lip again and shook her head slightly clear it and in doing so shook out the anger. "after that the nurse found out and well year forced me back onto it again and since then I sort of have been going better" she said leaving out the bit about seeing a healer and also the part that she was ashamed of kissing Samuel on new years. both of them had caused her to realise that she wasn't over dederick, in fact meeting Samuel had made her realise that she still loved dederick no matter how hid rejection had hurt her. "that is all I can think of to say. now it is your turn. why did you do it? and what made you change your mind?" she asked. asking two of the most pressing questions in her mind.

 

[Dederick Cullen]

He didn't think the tension would come back, but did and hit him like a ton of bricks. Right. Three months without potion, three months he repeated over and over again. Dederick swallowed hard, he felt bad if he had something to do with this. She might as well said it, Dederick you fawker because of you I went a bit mental. Dederick sighed pursing his lips, he blinked his eyes rapidly like a headache was coming on. He didn't know what to do really but sit there thinking, composing his thoughts, and making sense to everything she had just told him. Then he finally spoke, "Well..." he said as his jawline tighten, he rubbed his hands together, and sucked in a bit of air, "..it was complete sh!t.." he admitted. Dederick closed his eyes trying to recall back those horrible memories, "...I didn't know what was happening, it just happen, y'know and I thought it was because of us I was losing my head. And then I saw a therapist, she was telling me, I mean helping me sort my problems out.." he said with a shrugged. Dederick sighed once more and continued.

"Change my mind when I realize how stupid and immature I had been. Couple months of being here alone and having no one to talk to about this just made me think how much I missed you" his voice shook, almost as if he were about to cry, but Dederick held it all back. It's easy being a female, ya never have to worry about crying, it's the best therapy in the world though and it's sad how many would think crying was pointless. Dederick learn that as well, but he didn't cry, he walked he ran, he did everything to let all that feeling out. However his feelings for Briar never went away. He was consumed with it all the time, and it drove him a little mad till he went up and saw Eli and his mum. They made everything seem cleared now and that is how he ended up in her graduation, thanks to Madlyn though the invitation had been all but a shock to Dederick. He would have been an idiot to missed that out, he smiled and looked at Briar, "I fawking love ya Briar, I really do. I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me?" he said his eyes locked on hers, he waited to see what she had to say.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar could feel the awkwardness setting in arround them again. She didnt want it to be like this between them. Maybe she should not have said what she had said, or maybe she should have said it differently. As the was thinking other ways to say it she heard Dederick saying his half of what had been going on. How he had thought that they were messed up, alright they were messed up, probably more than most couples but that wasn't anything that she would blame him for, she had made clear form the start that it wasn't his fault. She heard him say that he was in a state and a therapist had helped him sort things out, or at least tried to. "dee you didn't need to worry about that, if things were messed up we could have tried to work on things together." she said no matter how bigger mess he was in she would have tried to help as best as she could around her school. She took his hand in hers as if to offer him some of her strength.
As he spoke again explaining how he had worked out he missed her she heard his voice catch, he sounded like he was about to cry, something about that made her heart go out to him even more than it already was. it made her feel like she was about to cry too. she didnt. she had never seen the point in crying. Being the headstrong girl she was Briar had cried a few times over the years but it had always made her feel weak, the only good use of tears was to clear dirt out of the eye. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him to prove that she had felt the same, she had missed him so much too. She stated there for a few moments her head against his chest, she could hear his heart beating a steady rhythm. His next words echoed through his chest she could feel them as well as hear them, "I fawking love ya briar". She sat up so her face was close to his. Dee, I already forgave you, I love you too she said before closing the space between them and kissing him on the lips.

 

[Dederick Cullen]

Dederick held onto her when she wrapped herself around him, this was nice. He liked it quite a lot, feeling her near him made it lot easy for him to feel okay and not like sh!t. He could feel her heart, chest closed in against his owns. Dederick eyes flutter shut, breathing her in every way possible. He loved this crazy girl, he loved her so much he was afraid if he let her go she would go away and never return in his arms, in the safety net he created on his own when he felt her close. He was parted from her just a slight, his eyes gazing into her, a smiled creep at the corner of his lips. hearing that she loved him back and forgave him made Dederick feel whole again. Human if you can say. Dederick pulled her into a kiss, his lips connected to Briar, he waited for a long time for this to happen. He kissed for a long time, never wanted to part ways from her lips. However he sat back smiling, his expression soften after their shared moment. He laced his hand with Briar, squeezing her hand gently. "We'll make it work out this time, and I promise I won't give up so easily. I'm sorry" he said again, he would apologize forever just so she'd know he spoke the truth.

 

[Briar Rowan-Cullen]

Briar felt dedericks arms move around her and finally she relaxed. The normal energy that sorounded her seemed to calm down when she felt his arms. she sighed softly letting her senses feel him all around her, his smell his touch, the sound of his voice. she was comfortable, and contrary to many other peoples opinions of him and her, when she was with Dederick she felt perfectly safe. sure safe was something that usually bored her but with Dee it felt right as there would always be a risk a wild side.
as they kissed time paused, it was perfection, Briar would never be able to quite tell if it lasted a second, a minute, an hour, or a day, as time seemed to stand still. he aid he was sorry again, she understood that he truly was sorry for her actions. "we will make it work out this time. it will be easier, the distance wont be a problem as we can both travel and i'm not stuck in school" she said unknowingly suggesting an excuse they could use as to why they had found it hard in the first place. she kissed him again briefly "umm, so what do you want to do now?" she asked. unsure what they should do next. she was comfortable here for the time being but she was never one to sit still for too long no matter how heavenly the stillness was.