Closed The Talk

[Margo Fox]

Margo had always been very good at putting things she didn't want to think about in neat little boxes and then throwing herself into anything that would keep her busy and far away from those boxes. For the longest time it the biggest box had been her brother, all of him, shut tight and kept far away. But she had opened it and faced her fears. Too bad it ended pretty terribly. But after all of that she was still standing and she knew she had to muster all of her courage to break the seal on her most recent problem. Michael.

He was the farthest thing from a problem. Besides her friends and family, he was the most important person in Margo's life. She loved him. And she was about to be away from him for the better part of a year. Something they had both done an incredible job not talking about. She had wanted to spend more of the break with him, to savor the time they had left together, but with her job keeping her so busy with the kids back to school shopping there never seemed to be enough time. But tonight they had planned a date and Margo was waiting outside of Flourish and Blott's looking for him. Her heart was already racing by the time she spotted him down the street and started waving. She was excited to see him but more importantly they needed to talk.

 

[Michael Watson]

Michael would have been lying if he said he wasn't 1) aware that they needed to talk about the next year and 2) putting off having that conversation as long as reasonably possible. He had a very strong tendency to overanalyse, to look at things from every possible angle and, frankly, when it came to emotional matters - catastrophise. The very facts of the matter were simple. Margo had graduated, he had not. Michael loved Margo, that was not in any doubt. Realistically, however, how was he supposed to be there for her and be a good boyfriend when he was stuck at Hogwarts, head down with NEWTs and Quidditch? And he knew she cared about him, but how could he actually ask her to just put everything on hold and wait for a whole year? To just take advantage of her endless patience and kindness some more, and likely offer nothing in return? After all she'd been through with her brother, to not be able to be there for her when she needed it?

There he went with the catastrophising. Logically, Michael knew what was probably for the best. Emotionally, it wasn't something he at all wanted to do. And maybe a fresh perspective would clear things up, maybe there would be a way to make it work. He just knew it was selfish to insist. He nervously raised his hand when he saw her outside of Flourish and Blott's, hastening his steps as he got closer. She was stunning, and he told himself he was an idiot for even entertaining the idea of letting her go. "Hey! I hope I didn't keep you waiting long," he said, leaning in to give her a swift kiss on the cheek. He wasn't too big on public displays of affection, but he wanted to make the most of it with little gestures. In case everything went downhill.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo smiled as Michael kissed her on the cheek. It was a common gesture between them but it still made her stomach flutter. "Not long at all." she insisted as they started walking together. They had only made it a few steps before her hand found his hand and she gave it a gentle squeeze. Her nerves were in full force and they were threatening to keep all the words she wanted to say locked down deep. She took a deep breath and hoped she could just force them out before she had time to think. "So, you're leaving for school soon. Are you all packed?" she asked keeping her eyes forward and pointedly not looking at her boyfriend. It wasn't exactly what she wanted to say so she closed her eyes for a moment and tried again. "Because we haven't really talked about it. Next year. Or I guess it's this year now, depending how you look at it." she was rambling now and she hoped Michael would stop her eventually.

 

[Michael Watson]

Going over the things that needed to be said was one thing, actually working out how to say them was another. There was only so much he could plan out in advance and put together in his head, and Michael found himself rather at a loss for words, squeezing Margo's hand back as he considered what exactly to do. Small talk would be fine, but with this weight on his shoulders the words would come out in a mess if he wasn't careful. At least Margo broached it first, and he kept his hand locked with hers as she talked, trying to work out how to jump in and help. "Yeah, I'm just about ready, just some washing I've left a bit late," he replied, drawing in a deep breath. "I know. It's...it's really gonna suck." His stomach was all in knots, and he feared his palms might be sweaty. Facing off against Gryffindor for the Quidditch Cup hadn't even made him as nervous as this. "I...I really love you, you know that, right? And, well, if you want to try and make it work next year, then Merlin, so do I." He winced, barely able to stop himself from the inevitable word vomit. "I just...I know I'm not going to be there for you like I want to be. Or should be." Oh, this was getting bad, he thought, carefully regarding the pavement at his feet. Michael thought he'd never wished he was even just one month older more than he did right now.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo nodded along as Michael talked about washing as if this were just normal small talk, as if she weren't waiting for some other shoe to drop. And then there it was. She had brought up the topic first but he was the first to say the truth out loud. It was going to suck. She spared him a glance and she felt her chest tighten before looking forward again. It was easier to bear when she wasn't looking at him. When he said he loved her she stopped walking and pulled him to a stop too. "Of course I do." she said softly "I love you too. And I do." she insisted. She felt tears threaten to prickle at the corners of her eyes. "I wouldn't even consider-" she began but cut herself off, not even wanting to say it out loud. But Margo frowned when he wouldn't be able to be there for her when he should. There was something about what he said that seemed to snag on some loose screw in the back of her mind. "I know you want to be there for me, and I want to be there for you too." she said with a weak smile. "You've already done so much for me." she added as she tried to work out what was bothering her. Michael had been her rock last year and she knew she hadn't exactly been easy to be around. He had never made her feel like a burden but that didn't mean she didn't care how much he still took on for her. "I can stand on my own, at least for a little while." she said with a sniff.

 

[Michael Watson]

However bad Michael had anticipated this feeling, the reality of it was far worse. He wanted to backtrack, insist that he hadn't been serious and that they'd definitely work it out and just manage for a year, but in his heart he knew that wasn't entirely true. Sure, they could both sit around on ice for a year and wait, but it wasn't fair to either of them. He wouldn't be happy, he doubted Margo would be happy. Michael had reasoned all this out over and over again but it was so hard to put into words and to practice. "I-" he started, taking a deep breath as he rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. Crying would be so embarrassing right now. "This sucks," he simply said, with an extremely weak half-smile. "I feel like we'd probably just be miserable the whole year. I don't want us to be like that...but..." he trailed off, giving a long sigh and rubbing his free hand down his face, figuring that probably expressed full well how he was feeling about this. "You will go out there and be incredible and become this superstar reporter," he added, trying to force a smile.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo had meant for her words to come off as encouraging. Optimistic even. But listening to Michael go on about how terrible the next year would be she felt some of that hope dim and she slowly let go of his hand. She fully agreed with him. It would be awful. She would feel like part of herself was missing. But she was willing to go though it all if it mean she'd have him in the end. As he mentioned her future she started to question if he really saw himself in it, and she realized they still hadn't said the words out loud. "Well, I could wait for you..." she began. It felt easy to reflexively throw out that promise but she let herself trail off as she truly considered what she wanted the next year of her life to look like. She knew getting new job wasn't a ground breaking life change but it would take up a lot of her time, especially as she was getting started. Time she wouldn't have to write to her boyfriend or put in the work needed to make long distance possible. But she could still see a version of herself, still as a statue, waiting for letters to come. She had been in a position like that before. Waiting. Wanting. The thought of that becoming her reality again terrified her, no matter how much she loved him. "I could." she repeated, quieter this time. "If you asked me to." she said seriously. Her breathing felt ragged and her eyes watered at their corners. Even filled with dread she knew she would if he asked.