The Source of Both Your Love and Misery

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor had jogged through Brightstone, but once reaching Hogwarts she had started running. Running from what she could lose and running from what was threatening to take it away. She kept running not sure where she was going, but knowing she had to get away from Avory and her Dad. The Gardens came into her view and she ran there, the tears blurring her vision. She heard the gravel under her feet and slowed into a jog, an audible sob being ripped from her throat. Just as she was about to make the transition into walking, her foot caught on the gravel and she tripped forward, grazing her palms as she stopped the fall with her hands.

Now lying on the ground awkwardly Taylor gave up. She let the tears flow freely as her shoulders shook from the force of her crying. She turned on her side and brought her legs up, raising her body up with one hand while the other covered her face. She couldn't be sure why it was hurting as much as it was. Maybe it was the completely serious tone of voice Avory had used. Perhaps it was the words she spoke. It could have been her Dad and the way he ignored her when he came back. Or was it that he didn't follow her when she stormed out? But Taylor knew it was all of it, digging into her skin and making her feel pathetic. You just fell to the ground, what did you expect to feel besides pathetic? Taylor thought sarcastically. She suddenly wished the Gryffindor Tower wasn't so far away, she would have preferred to be curled up in bed instead of sitting helplessly on the ground of the Gardens.

 

[Raffael Fox]

Raffael walked out across the lawn, he felt completely satisfied with how his life was going. Hadan and himself had passed a level of trust when she told him about her past. He cared about her a lot and knew it wouldn't be long before they finally accepted that they were both crazy about each other and did something about it. Raffael turned his head to notice someone running. That's weird. He thought as they got closer and closer. It was only a moment later that he realised it was Taylor. Frowning, Raffael jogged after her, following the Gryffindor to the Gardens.

He reached her when she was pulling herself up from the ground after her fall, tears pouring down her face. "Taylor, hey." He said gently, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Hey Taylor calm down." He brought himself down to kneel next to her, bringing his other hand up to stroke her blonde curls soothingly. As she continued to sob, Raffael moved closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulders in a protective manner. He hated seeing Taylor like this and wondered what on Earth had happened, but knew better than to ask straight away. Best to let her cry and she could tell him when she was ready. He felt her hands wrap around his waist as she cried into his chest. He let his hand smooth down the hair at the back of her head, trying his best to be supportive.

After a few minutes, Raffael pulled back to look at Taylor's face. He reached down and put a finger under her chin, gently lifting her face to look into his. "It's okay." He said softly, not truly knowing if it was or not. He had never seen Taylor like this and it sent all kinds of bad feelings flowing through him. Frowning, he wiped away a few stray tears from Taylor's cheek with his thumb. When she said nothing, taking in big gulps of air instead, Raffael bent down and pressed a small brotherly kiss to her forehead, before bringing her in close to his chest again. He noticed she had slightly calmed down and hopefully in a little while she would be ready to tell him what was bothering her so much.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius was in a good mood today, his birthday was coming up and he was looking forward to going to the new Makatu Mall to celebrate it. Fourteen was so old to him, so 'mature' and adult-like, he couldn't help but smile to himself. He had wandered the castle grounds, avoiding his homework, in search of his girlfriend Taylor to ask her what she'd like to do for his birthday. He didn't mind just hanging out and eating cake, in fact that seemed like a pretty good plane to him, but so far he had no luck in finding her.

The Ravenclaw boy was walking out around the grounds when someone rushed by him, running at full speed towards somewhere he couldn't be to sure of at the moment. At first Scorpius furrowed his brows in confusion wondering what had happened to the person, whoever it was. A second later however, he squinted his grey eyes as he realized that he recognized that person, it was Taylor! Now worried, Scorpius began to jog after her, gasping as he saw that she had now fallen. Scorpius stopped momentarily in shock before he decided to run after her again.

Then he noticed that someone else had come and picked her sobbing form up and sat her down. Scorpius slowed down again, confused and alarmed by why Taylor was crying to the point of being careless and falling, and wondering who it was that was holding her. As he stepped forward he noticed that it was no one else than Raffael, Taylor's ex-boyfriend! Scorpius didn't know what to think, he just stood there a few feet away from them, doubting that they'd even notice her. Thoughts of his birthday completely fled his mind as he wondered what happened to Taylor that she could be crying and running to Raff for comfort.

He did his best to keep his jealousy under control, trying so hard not to blow up like he used to with Luna about Angus, and he seemed to be doing fine until he saw Raff kiss Taylor in the forehead. He knew it was a rather simple consolidating gesture, but he couldn't help it. The younger Ravenclaw finally stepped forward and cleared his throat, half to make sure they knew he was there and half to make his cracking pubescent voice appear deeper than it was, because around someone older like Raff he always felt intimidated about that kind of stuff around Raff. "Taylor," he addressed her, "What's going on?" his voice was calm, masking the anxiety he was feeling inside. Sure half his question was directed at her asking what was wrong and why she was crying, but he was also asking what was going on between she and Raff and them being so close like that.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor lifted her tear filled eyes at the sound of a voice. "Raff." She choked out, but wasn't able to say anything more as he took her into his arms. The tears came down harder as she wrapped her arms tightly around her ex-boyfriend. She needed to cry, get all her emotions out of her so she could think clearly about the events. She was glad Raffael had found her, now she didn't have to feel so alone. She found a strong comfort in the gentle arms around her, a feeling that was similar to what she felt back when they were dating, only now Raffael felt like family.

When Raff pulled away, Taylor wanted to pull him back to her. The feeling of security was much needed after the awful meeting with Avory. She needed someone to make it go away, allow her to feel loved and cared for after sitting through such cold emotions moments earlier. The kiss on her forehead soothed her and the tears stopped flowing, leaving her with puffy eyes and lack of breath. The remaining tears either sliding down her cheeks or clinging to her eyelashes. When he hugged her again, she clung to him feeling extremely thankful he was here. She didn't feel so pathetic or completely unwanted like Avory had made her feel.

Taylor lifted her head from Raffael's neck when she heard the oh-so-familiar voice of her boyfriend. "Scorpius." She said, her voice cracking. She was filled with the usual warm fuzzy feeling in her heart whenever Scorpius was close by mixed with gratitude that he had showed up. Her first instinct was to run at him and squeeze the life out of him, but his question threw off guard. She looked from the younger Ravenclaw to the older Ravenclaw. She opened her mouth to explain what had happened to her, but couldn't quite find the words to do so. His tone of voice had not seemed right. What's going through Scorpius' head? Had he seen the kiss on the forehead? He would probably take it all the wrong way. He had been through so much with Luna that, no, he probably didn't trust this situation. "I-" She tried, taking in a large breath of air after failing to find words again. She moved away from Raffael and it took a lot of her energy to stand. She looked over at Scorpius desperately, 'it's not what it looks like' was the first cliché that came to Taylor's mind, but it would only invoke more suspicions. Taylor wiped a few stray tears from her chin with the back of her hand, wishing she could be inside Scorpius' head at that moment, so she would know what exactly to say.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius' fists were clenched tightly together by his side as he waited with baited breath for Taylor's reply, a reassurance that he had nothing to worry about. The first thing he noticed was how long it took for her to move away from Raff, though it probably wouldn't have mattered if she had moved away from him the moment she saw him - that would've just made him believe that she knew that what she was doing was wrong.

Like a balloon that had just popped, all the happiness he had been feeling earlier on his way to look for her and discuss his birthday was immediately thrown out the window. He stared at her with curious, confused, grey eyes staring back into her green eyes as if trying to interpret what was going through her mind, but of course couldn't. He felt frustrated at the fact and clenched his fists tighter. Then, she opened her mouth to speak, to explain to him what was going on, and voice her thoughts, the thoughts he desperately wished to read to make sense of this all.

She uttered one word, and seemed unable to say much of anything else. In that moment, Scorpius felt his heart aching in pain, and his knuckles turning white at how hard he was clenching his fists. He angrily shoved his hands into his pockets as he scoffed and looked down at his dirty Converse, gritting his teeth to stop himself from saying anything he would regret. If she couldn't explain to him what was wrong, how could she expect him to think it was all okay? Scorpius continued to look down at his feet, afraid that if he looked up he wouldn't see his girlfriend, he'd see Luna and Angus all over again.

 

[Raffael Fox]

Raffael heard a voice and looked up to see Taylor's boyfriend, Knight. Raff suddenly felt as though he had no right to be with Taylor, but there was no harm in making sure she was okay. The atmosphere tightened and the situation became more awkward than it should have been. As Taylor stood up, Raffael jumped to his feet and helped her the rest of the way. Taking a small step back, he let Taylor try to explain. Raffael kept his eyes away, not wanting to interfere, but he watched Knight's reaction in his peripheral vision.

When Taylor struggled, Raff let his eyes stray back to the two, catching how tightly Knight was clenching his fists. Stepping back to Taylor's side, he intervened. "Look Knight, Taylor was upset, so I was here to comfort her." He said firmly, not meaning to sound rude, but knowing their was a slight edge to his tone. He didn't understand why Knight was getting so worked up about something so small. Sensing Taylor's worry Raffael placed a protective hand on her shoulder. Raff wished he knew what was wrong with Taylor, so he could explain it to Knight, make him aware of the fact that the entire thing was a misunderstanding, but Taylor hadn't been ready to talk about it. She had only wanted a shoulder to cry on and that was what Raffael had given her.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius' grey eyes flashed in anger as he looked up at the sound of Raffael's voice and not Taylor's. Had he not already been upset, he probably could've reasoned with them, understood that Raffael was only there to comfort her as a friend, but the memory of Luna and Angus was too fresh in his mind now and it was clouding his judgment. Not to mention the fact that Taylor still seemed unable to say anything to him. "If she needed comforting she could've come to me," he said defiantly. "But no, first you come to Hogwarts, then you stay with her over the holidays, now you have to come and take my spot," Scorpius lashed out at Raff, indicating that he meant 'his spot' as the person Taylor went to, Taylor's boyfriend. Scorpius was shaking with anger, and he quickly pulled his hands out of his pockets in frustration, running his fingers hurriedly through his jet black hair. Scorpius glared at Raffael angrily, but mostly upset that no matter what he tried to convince himself of, he felt so inferior to Raffael who was older.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor was thankful that Raffael said what she simply couldn't, but the edge to his tone was unnecessary. This was still her boyfriend Raffael was talking to. Taylor turned her head to Scorpius to see his reaction, she didn't want something so small to get out of hand, but she had a daunting feeling it was already turning into something serious. When her boyfriend spoke, she was about to open her mouth to agree with him, explain that Raffael had been in the right place at the right time, otherwise she would have sought out Scorpius, but the next words cut her off.

Taylor felt a flicker of anger rise in her at his words. She had to admit it was worrying. It was the first time she had ever felt anything like this towards Scorpius, but he had no right to act out on things he didn't understand. She took a step forward, feeling Raffael's hand slide off her shoulder. "Scorpius, he didn't know I went to this school, I was the one who offered him a place to stay and how can you even begin to accuse him of taking your place. Do you really believe I would do that?!" She asked, her voice raising with each word. She wanted to stay calm, because this was Scorpius, but seeing the anger rolling off him in waves was enough to set her own anger off. She felt fresh tears of frustration build behind her eyes.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

It should've been a relief for him to hear his girlfriend's voice, it meant that maybe she'd finally be explaining everything to him, but the words she stated and the tone she used wasn't comforting at all. He looked at her, a little meaner than he actually intended to, but he felt the same way he had felt with Luna last year. He had felt horrible that Valentine's day on his first year, and right now a few days before his fourteenth birthday, he didn't think he could stomach the same kind of pain, the same kind of rejection. When Taylor asked if he really believed she would do that he gave her a pathetic exasperated look, non-verbally saying 'Well it's happened to me once before' and ran his hands through his hair once more. "I don't know what to believe Taylor, you didn't seem to be able to explain anything to me when I first asked you!" he replied harshly, believing that Taylor's words had failed her because she was trying to come up with a lie.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor flinched, not wanting to accept that they were fighting like this over something so silly. She cared a hell of a lot about Scorpius, but in that moment, she felt so mad that he was behaving like this. She shot a look back at Raffael, but he seemed to want to stay out of it for the moment. When she looked back at Scorp, she was glaring. "I didn't explain because I've just been through one of the most horrible meetings of my life and I wasn't quite ready to talk about it!" She yelled. "I'm sorry I didn't push away a best friend when I was feeling down just because it might not suit you Scorpius!" She said sarcastically, regretting the words a little once they came out, but feeling upset that Scorpius didn't trust her.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius wanted nothing more than to stop being stupid and be rational about things, but he always had a short temper and it was hard to calm himself down once he was riled up. He remembered fighting with Beau Hurley in his first year, that was just another sign that it was hard to keep him calm when he was angered, it wasn't one of his favorite things about him, but right now at the ripe age of teen angst he couldn't control himself much.

"Oh so you weren't ready to talk about it with me but you were totally okay with running into Raff's arms?" he replied with just as much sarcasm she had used. Because he was becoming angry his logic was quickly slipping and thus the wise information Luna had given him last year about not getting mad at Taylor otherwise he'd actually drive her into someone else's arms was slipping his mind at the moment.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor opened her mouth and gave Scorp and incredulous look. Why on Earth was he behaving like this? Taylor knew there was bound to be some uncomfortable feelings with Scorpius and Raffael, especially after Luna, but Taylor had at least expected Scorpius to trust her. She shook her head, the tears still in her eyes, but Taylor refused to let them fall. "He was here first, so yeah, I ran into his arms. He knows as much as you do about what has upset me. Why are you jumping to conclusions?!" She exclaimed, outraged. She wanted to believe that this was Scorpius being protective over her. That he cared about her so much that this was simply worrying him. But the way he was getting angry at her wasn't a good enough reason to let his actions pass unnoticed. If he wanted to falsely accuse Taylor of caring more about Raffael, then Taylor was going to defend herself, because if Scorpius didn't realise that it wasn't true, then what the hell were they doing with each other?

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius began pacing back and forth as he heard Taylor speaking, her voice high and angry. He made sure not to look up at her because he was pissed and hurt, and looking at her would only soften his anger and right now he didn't want it to go away. He felt that catching his girlfriend in some older guy's arms was reason enough to get upset, surely someone else would understand that right? It's not that he didn't trust her, it's that he didn't trust him with her, Scorpius threw a furtive glance up at Raffael as she thought of him but looked back down at his converse once more.

He didn't want to admit it to either of them that he felt threatened by Raff, and that he was afraid he was already losing Taylor to him, so he purposely refused to answer the only question she asked him. He had tried to let things with Raff and Taylor slide but something about seeing his girlfriend in the arms of someone else had made him felt a pain that he didn't even feel with Luna two years ago. Perhaps that was it, the fact that he and Taylor had lasted more than a year now, and that they'd never really had a fight like this or any types of problems, whereas he and Luna constantly fought all the time. Perhaps he feared that Taylor running to Raff for comfort was the first sign of the downfall of the relationship. Scorpius sighed frustratedly and muttered, "I can't do this again, not again," he said shaking his head to himself. He didn't want to get hurt anymore than he had already been hurt so his only solution was to get out of the relationship before it got any deeper, before he and Taylor grew any closer than they already were.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor kept her eyes on Scorpius as he paced. Although it would only take a couple of steps to reach where Scorpius was walking, Taylor felt as though the distance between them was huge. It left her with a horrible empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. Never before had anything caused them to argue. They had been together a year without any form of a fight. Maybe it was too much to hope that it would always be that way.

Scorpius' words only made Taylor's heart drop more, she felt Raffael stir behind her, but she turned her head to give him a look and touched his arm gently, indicating that she wanted him to remain quiet. Crossing her arms across her chest, she looked at Scorpius with tear filled eyes once more. "What does that even mean? Your what?... Giving up?" She demanded in an irritated tone, but inside she could feel the anger settle into something much more painful. A single tear fell, but she kept her gaze steady on the younger Ravenclaw.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius felt just as he did three years ago on Valentines day, and it wasn't a pleasant Valentines day either. He felt his heart being bruised as it was kicked around, only this time it hurt much worse. Once he heard Taylor's voice break the silence, and heard the sadness mingled in her voice, he bit his lower lip with uncertainty. He had already made up his mind, he wanted out of this relationship before he got hurt any worse, or before he hurt Taylor anymore than he wanted to.

Scorpius didn't want to tell Taylor not to talk to Raffael, he didn't want to be that type of boyfriend again, and besides it would only lead to the two of them sneaking around to talk to each other, not a comforting thought, so he decided that not being Taylor's over-protective, jealous boyfriend would be better. Now all he had to do was stick with it and not look up at her because otherwise he'd crack when he saw her tears. He could already hear the pain and sadness and it was tearing him apart, but to actually see her would just break his heart, shatter it completely.

"I can't stop you and Raffael being friends," he started off, struggling to keep his shaking voice calm, "but I don't like the sight of you two, and the only solution I can think of is if we end this and I let you two keep up your happy little platonic friendship," he ended bitterly, daring to look up into Taylor's green eyes. He had started off calmly and sincerely but by the end his voice held nothing but pain and bitterness, especially towards Raffael.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor wished Scorpius would look up at her. He kept his gaze steadily away from her and Taylor wished she could have just one glance into the grey eyes. Maybe then she could work out what he was thinking, what he was feeling. The silence felt like it went on for decades, stretching over them like a blanket of false security. Taylor desperately wanted an answer from Scorpius, but she also wanted the silence to remain. Maybe if Scorpius didn't say anything, they could walk away and pretend nothing happened. They could go back to being the perfect couple they had been before. It seemed like all of it was crashing down right before them, on the one day that Taylor thought couldn't get any worse.

Taylor felt more tears slide down her cheeks while thinking of what words could possibly come out of Scorp's mouth. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest and when he finally spoke, she forgot to breathe. She remained silent until Scorpius looked up at her with nothing left to say. The harshness of his tone didn't bring back Taylor's anger, if anything it pushed it further away. The only emotion left was a complete feeling of loneliness. How could she lose the two males that had meant the most to her in one day? First her Dad and now Scorpius. A sob was pulled from her throat as she looked into Scorpius' grey eyes with sad green ones. "That's all it is and ever will be Scorpius." She choked out. "A friendship." She shook her head, desperately wishing she could be angry in that moment, lash out and tell Scorpius he was pathetic, but deep down she knew it would all be lies. Scorpius meant the world to her and she had never thought a bad thing about him, ever. "But, fine." She said lamely, not thinking of how else to convey her feelings in the situation.

She continued to look at him, knowing it would be the best option to walk away, but she couldn't move. Walking away would be finalising the end of their relationship... It was the end of their relationship. She swallowed down the last remaining tears. She was left feeling numb, still looking at Scorpius as though expecting to wake up from the complete nightmare of a day. Taylor vaguely wondered why the fantastic in her life got up and left so quickly.

 

[Scorpius Knight]

Scorpius felt a lump form in his throat at the sight of seeing Taylor cry. He never ever thought he'd see her crying, and worse of all, never thought he'd be the one causing her tears. Already he regretted his words and wanted to punch himself in the gut, but he felt that this was best for Taylor because he didn't want to become paranoid and ruin their relationship even more. He received another blow to his stomach as he realized that he had pretty much just ended their relationship, so it wouldn't matter anymore.

Looking at Taylor cry was hurting him so much, but he didn't want her wasting his tears on her. The only way he knew for her to stop crying over him was to make her think he was a jerk so she wouldn't want to miss him. "Look on the bright side, now you're free to cry into Raff's arms some more," a hollow sounding Scorpius spat out. "Goodbye Taylor," he stated more sadly than he meant to. With one final look at the beautiful blonde he had had the privilege of calling his girlfriend, Scorpius sighed heavily and turned around, walking back up to his common room to grab his broom and let out his emotions the only way he knew how.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Scorpius' harsh words went right through Taylor, no matter how much of a jerk he had just sounded like, the damage had already been done. Taylor wished she could say that the goodbye didn't affect her either, but furiously blinking couldn't hold back another round of tears. She watched her now ex-boyfriend leave. She turned and did the only thing that made sense right now.

Exactly what Scorpius had told her to do. She curled her arms around herself and pressed her forehead to Raffael's chest. She had never expected the price to pay for the friendship would be so high. But now that she had no Scorpius and was losing her Dad all in one day, Raffael was all that she had left. She felt his arms wrap around her, but they no longer felt comforting, instead they made Taylor feel as though she had betrayed Scorpius. That maybe this was her fault and Scorpius hadn't been over reacting at all. Pulling away from Raff, she looked at the ground. "I can't." She said weakly, before turning and letting the last few tears fall off her cheek as she walked away form the scene, not wanting to replay Scorpius' pacing in front of her any more. "I'm sorry about all this too. It's not your fault." She informed the older Ravenclaw. She really couldn't blame him, even after losing so much. All she really wanted was to get away from everything, sit by herself and mull things over. Over. It was all really over. Taylor shook herself, keeping her head down as she walked the long way to the Gryffindor Tower.