Closed The Past

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi had been feeling restless since Einar had opened up to her about the system. It had stirred up old memories, ones she had long since tried to bury. She had no place doing this. She had no right to be here. But fear had wrapped its way around her heart and she just needed to know. She needed to be sure he was safe. Tracking down her ex lover had been easier than she'd thought. It wasn't too hard to find his work, and from there she'd found him easily enough. She tried to time it well, in case the man had really kept Charlie. She didn't want to just go barging into something she had no place in.

It was still morning, late enough in the year that Lucas and Einar were back in Ilvermorny. With Celestyn in New York, it made the most sense that Charlie would be in Ilvermorny. If he was with his father, at least. Cassi was afraid as she approached the apartment door, for many, many reasons. But Cassielle Bonetti never backed down from anything. She stood in front of the door a moment, before raising her hand and knock.ing, two short, hard raps. Hopefully, Celestyn didn't just slam the door in her face.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

With Charlie back at school, Celestyn had decided to take a day to clean up. It had been good to have him home and despite their fight at the beginning things had settled. He was quite proud of his son's work over the year and more so that he'd seemingly picked up violin with the help of a kid who played guitar. After their discussion, he had taken Charlie out to get a violin for him, one that suits his height and arm length better. But now he was settling back into his empty home, and tidying things away. When he heard someone at his door, two short hard raps he frowned, he wasn't expecting anyone and his door was charmed to let him know if a muggle was approaching, so it wasn't a muggle.

Celestyn went to the door and looked through the peep hole and then frowned even more so. What was she doing here...He opened the door a little and purposefully put his body in the way so she couldn't just get in without barging past him and to stop her from seeing anything. "Cassi, this is a surprise..what can I do for you?" He tried to keep his voice neutral. ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi's heart lept into her throat as Celestyn opened the door. She was not ready for this. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket and straightened her spine, trying to hide her slight shaking. "Hello, Celestyn." She gave him a nervous, almost shy smile. "I, um..." she sighed. "I'll get straight to the point." she shifted her weight, doing her best to keep his gaze. "I just need to know he's safe." She spoke, her heart twisting in her chest again as she tried to push back the fear. "I thought- I'm not really mother material, I know I'm rough and the way I live isn't exactly kid friendly, I thought- he deserved a better life than I could give him, I thought you might- hell, anyone would be better than me," She looked away then, a mix of shame and fear on her face that she was trying to hide.

"It's just... it's come to my attention recently that the system can be very... bad, and I just... I wanted him to have a better life, I just- I just need to know he's safe," she felt tense, like her body might shatter if she was so much as poked. She peeked back up at Celestyn, trying to act a lot tougher than she felt.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn frowned at Cassi, he nodded at her greeting and then as she got straight to the point. It didn't take a genuis to realise when she started talking about he that she meant their son. She didn't say his name and he thought it was curious that now, after a whole decade she might be interested. He didn't think less of her for not feeling ready but he couldn't have. Celestyn realised until now, she had never looked into Charlie or where he might be, was she assuming he had given him up too.

Celestyn looked at her, wondering who she might've met that led her to ask about all this, she'd met someone in the system who had a bad experience. He wasn't sure what to say, or whether to do anything, tell her about Charlie, he wasn't sure if she thought he knew if he hadn't kept him , but perhaps it was just her first place to check. Celestyn was aware of the silence which followed what she said and eventually he sighed. "Do you want to come in?" Celestyn asked, Opening the door a little more and giving her the space to step in.​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi didn't relax as Celestyn asked her to come in. She hesitated a moment before slowly nodding. She stepped inside, not really looking around. She kept her hands in her pocket and her eyes more or less on her boots. She wasn't quite sure what to say, but there were probably a few places she should start. She brought a hand up to brush back her hair. "I, ah... should probably... apologize," she offered, turning to look at him. "We um... never really knew each other well, I didn't... think you would be eager to jump into that sort of commitment," she looked away. "I know I'm not really... the easiest person ever. Having... them bring you Charlie was probably... one hell of a surprise," she let out a humorless laugh. "I should... probably have handled that better."

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn realised as Cassi walked into his apartment and didn't notice one of the pictures on the walls. She was just clearly amped up. The man just once again let Cassi speak, not interrupting her. "He certainly was a hell of a surprise," Celestyn agreed, he wasn't sure how she might've told him. How it might've been broken to him in any other way, especially if she had intended to still have him and then walk away. "Whats your end game here Cassi, find him and then what?" he asked. Since she still hadn't noticed the pictures, and he didn't want to tell her anything until he knew what she actually wanted. ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi sighed at his question, running her hand through her hair. "Honestly? I have no idea what I'm doing," she told him. "If he's safe, happy, I probably won't do anything. If he isn't, well, I'll figure it out." She looked back to Celestyn. "I took in two boys recently. My nephew and his best friend. They're older, almost out of school. They can handle being on their own, they just need my name on the apartment until they graduate." She hesitated.

"I don't know anything about kids. I still don't think life with me would be good for him. I have no support system, a high travel, high hours job. If he's not in a bad spot, I'm not going to mess with that." She shook her head. "I know it's... probably stupid of me, after all this time. It isn't... it's never been that I don't care about him. It's just... I've always thought he was better off without me," She offered, dropping her eyes back to her feet and scuffing them against the carpet.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn listened to what she said, weighing up what she was saying about it and what he wanted for Charlie. If she didn't want to get involved then there was a chance that Charlie never had to know about it. If she wanted to spend more time with him, it would be good for him to know what she wanted and how involved she could be. He wasn't sure it would be good for Charlie to suddenly have half or extended siblings. Truly he felt if he could avoid telling Charlie about this he would. Though he'd likely take some details in case Charlie did ever want to reach out to her.

Eventually he nodded, "I know where he is, where he's been the last 12 years," Celestyn said and with a wave of his hand a recent picture of him and Charlie flew into his hand. He held it out to her, maybe now she'd see all the pictures. "I couldn't give him up, I don't think less of you for doing it, but I couldn't, he's the best thing in my life," Celestyn told her. He didn't want to make her feel bad, but he couldn't imagine his life without Charlie, without seeing him grow and become his own person. ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi blinked, surprised when Celestyn handed her a picture. She took it, looking down at it. Her breath caught, and she couldn't help but stare, running her fingers gently over the frame. "He... really does look so much like you," she breathed, smiling softly without realizing she was. She was silent a moment, thinking. "You were always stronger than me," she murmured softly.

Cassi let out a slow breath, looking up at Celestyn. "I... don't want to intrude. You have a life here, a good life with him. Maybe..." she hesitated a moment, offering the picture back to him. "Maybe... we can go to lunch? Wherever you want to go. And we can just talk a bit?" She asked softly.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn watched her, and gave a little smile. "When he's angry with me, all I see is you," Celestyn admitted, though he knew that that Charlie did look a lot like him. He shook his head at her words, "Cassi...don't...I was in a better position, job, apartment, and I wanted to," Celestyn told her. Sure he hadn't been looking to have any children, but he was happy to now have one. Happy for his life with Charlie.

"Do you want to see his room?" he asked, as she also spoke. He took the picture back and nodded. "Sure, okay. We can stay here, I can bring out more pictures or we can go elsewhere?" he wasn't sure what she really wanted now, perhaps she'd not expected for it to be that easy, but Celestyn wouldn't mind speaking with her, talking this over with her. He wanted to help her and then figure out along the way if he should do anything. ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi laughed shyly at his words, rubbing the back of her neck. "What, really?" She could feel the blush on her cheeks. It was odd thinking that Charlie took after her at all. She smiled at his words, blushing. "You know, um, for what it's worth, I don't have any other surprises." She gave him a shy smile.

She hesitated as he asked about Charlies room, and shook her head slowly. "No. I didn't come here to invade his privacy." She gave him a soft smile. "We, ah, we can stay here, if you'd like," she offered, shoving her hands in her pockets. "I can order in some pizza or something?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bottle of vodka. "Still up for a bit of drinking?" She asked. She had been a heavier drinker than him when they were younger, if she remembered properly.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn nodded and gave a little smile. He was sure that Charlie would be none the wiser if Cassi did look into his room, but perhaps it was a little bit much. Given that whatever full steam ahead she'd been on was stopped short. He nodded, he gave a little wave of his hand and the windows opened wider, letting in the warm evening summer air into the room. He had a bunch of pizza menus come out of his drawer and he held them out to Cassi as she held out the vodka.

"Sure," he gave a little smile, "Vodka and us didn't lead to the greatest of decisions....but let's. Are we gonna be classy about it or relive our late 20s?" he said, essentially asking if she wanted to use glasses or not. But he then just went to the window and sat down, waiting for her to join him, and their then wait for pizza. "it's charmed, you can't fall out," he reached into his pocket and pulled out the mostly empty pack of cigarettes and held one out to her, "Do you mind?" ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi looked over the pizza menus, ordering something in quickly before moving over to sit with Celestyn. She took a cigarette and smiled at him. "You're still a bad influence," She teased him lightly, before taking a swig of the vodka and offering it out to him. "What's he like?" She asked, leaning back against the window frame and lighting the cigarette. She didn't smoke often, but this felt like the place for it.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn gave a little smirk. He took out one for himself lit it quickly. He nodded at her question and took the vodka, giving it a long drink. "He's pretty amazing honestly," Celestyn with anyone else might've made a joke about how he was great inspite of him but with Cassi it felt like the wrong joke to make. "He's kind and musical, he likes writing about sports, not so much playing them. He's a little shy and doesn't always stand up for himself but he's...as a father I couldn't ask for a better son," he finished, holding the bottle back to her as he took a long drag of the cigarette. "He's at Hogwarts, New Zealand, a hufflepuff, he hates my mother, but in fairness so do I," Celestyn stopped, he wasn't sure what else to say, so just let himself fall silent for her to ask any questions. ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi lit her own cigarette, taking a long drag before accepting the vodka back and setting it in her lap for now. She smiled at his explanation, watching how fond he looked of Charlie. She was quiet a moment as he was, thinking over what he'd told her. "He sounds like a good kid," she eventually said, looking back to Celestyn and smiling softly. "I... took in my nephew recently. He's older, almost grown." she admitted. If Celestyn was kind enough to let her in and answer her questions, she supposed it was fair it wasn't the only one being vulnerable. "Lucas is a sweet boy. Really tall, but very soft. I found out that he was being abused at home. His brothers bullied him badly and his parents acted like he didn't exist." She grimaced. "His mother- my sister, didn't even argue when I took him. I bought him an apartment. He goes to Ilvermorny. Horned Serpent. His boyfriend has moved in now." Cassi hesitated a moment, before continuing slowly.

"Einar... well, he was in the system. I tried taking him in when they were younger, but I suppose he didn't want me to adopt him when he wants to be with my nephew," she smiled a bit, though it faded. "The things he told me... I got scared," She looked away. "I'm not... really the kind of person that anyone wants to keep around. I'm headstrong, stubborn. I've mastered several forms of hand to hand combat and I'm a decent duelist. I travel, constantly, I've never put down roots anywhere." She sighed. "I really thought his life would be better anywhere than with me. But with what Einar told me..." she shook her head. "I was scared I'd condemned him to something worse just because I was too afraid of myself." She admitted gently, staring off at nothing in particular.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn nodded at her words as she explained in essence what had brought all of this on, he felt bad for the sort of family she'd been raised in that such a thing could happen, and that too the fact of the friend who had been in the system. Celestyn nodded and glanced around his apartment, knowing even with his son at school all the little signs that he was in his life. He couldn't have given him up but he was also sure that really, Charlie would've been okay. "He would've been a baby, he'd have been adopted easily, hopefully to a good family," he assured her, though it wasn't what had happened of course, Celestyn had in taking Charlie in prevented him. He gave a little sigh. "Some kids are unlucky..," he had no words to assure her about how Charlie's life might've faired differently had she been around, Charlie was a content child and they had always just been a pair, he'd not yet been that curious about his mother. "But what's done is done, and he came to me instead. What would you have done if you'd found Charlie in a similar place?" ​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi knew he was trying to be reassuring, and she took a long drag from his cigarette. "I still have a few contacts in the system. I would have beaten whoever was hurting him and taken him with me," She shrugged. She looked around the apartment. "Not really much of a plan," She turned back to Celestyn with a half smile. "I wouldn't even know what to say to him," she admitted, shaking her head and taking another shot of the vodka.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn took a drag of the cigarette and nodded slightly. He would've felt awful enough having given his son up to find him in such a situation, he would've likely done the same, but all in all they hadn't needed to. "I mean you can start with hi or hello, and then I'm Cassi," he told her with a little smile. "Charlie hasn't really asked about his mother, you, he did a couple of times when he was like 6 or 7 and noticing that he didn't have one, but he's not been that curious, so he's not looking for a mother, and I'll always be honest to him about who you are, but...," Celestyn paused, "You would just need to meet him and get to know him, be a friend and all that. Obviously always at his pace, and if you're shitty to him, then you're out. if you leave and don't come back again for another 12 years, you can be assured you'll have ruined whatever you could've had," Celestyn told her. he wasn't sure if she wanted to not maybe see him when he was back from school, but the offer was there.​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi hesitated at Celestyn's words, brow furrowing a bit. Talking to Charlie? She bit her lip, looking out over the city. "I... I don't know," she murmured. There was a lot going through her mind. She had never been much of a family person. Her own family was hardly that close. "Maybe..." she started slowly, peeking back at Celestyn. "Maybe... we should start with just us," she offered slowly. She was hesitant about the entire thing, but she knew she would regret it if she just turned away. "I'm... not sure, about a lot of things, but maybe... you and I can just go out for lunch a few times and get reacquainted first?" She took a drag of her cigarette.

"If... I do think Charlie and I should meet, I want to keep you closely involved with the entire thing, I don't want to hurt him, and I don't trust myself," she admitted with a bit of a humorless grin. "We should... probably at least try to be friends before I even consider stepping into his life," she spoke gently, looking down at the flask in her hand.

 

[Celestyn Helkovaara]

Celestyn gave a little nod, "I mean it's smart and I think it would be good for us to be reacquainted, especially if you do want to be in his life, but," he gave a little sigh, taking a drag of the ciagrette and blowing out the smoke. He snubbed it out and gave a little smile. "But, Charlie will ultimately decide how much he wants you in his life. If we're close but he says no, we'll have to respect that. It'll up to him how involved he lets you become," Celestyn told her. he agreed, he'd be there at every step, he'd both guide and not guide this along, he would be happy to rekindle somewhat with Cassi and see about fixing their relationship but he had no sway over how Charlie then was. "We'll take it slow and in any case we've got a whole semester to work on getting to know each other before Charlie is back,"​

 

[Cassielle Helkovaara]

Cassi nodded, following his cue and snuffing out her cigarette. "Oh, absolutely. I have no intention of forcing him into anything," she replied easily, sipping the flask and offering it out again. She smiled dryly as he said she had a semester to get to know Celestyn first. "Only one?" she only half joked, sighing and shaking her head. "I, ah... suppose Charlie was a bit of a shock for you at first. I'm glad it worked out well for both of you." She gave him a half smile. "I should be off for now then," She stood, but hesitated a moment. She pulled a small notebook from her pocket, scribbling down her number and ripping out the page for Celestyn. "Call me, or whatever," she gave him a shy smile before turning and starting for the door.