Stop Running.

[Charlie Linus]

Charlie had gone back to his usual ways. Hiding away from the world. He couldnt bare to face Carmen after what he had said. The concept was too embarassing. He didnt realise he could feel lonely, but after having a friend that actually cared about him, he now felt isolated. He had no one to blame but himself though. Charlie decided to hide in the Gardens today. The weather wasnt particuarly nice, there were clouds over head and a light wind, the Garden's werent a place anyone would want to visit today. Exactly why Charlie had chosen it. He kicked the dirt under his feet thinking if he would spend the rest of his days at Hogwarts like this. It was only a matter of time before Kaleb and Carmen were together, then Charlie would be out of the picture forever. He growled under his breath and kicked the dirt a bit harder. He pushed all thoughts about Carmen out of his mind. He thought about her too often these days.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen had spent the past few months making new friends and knuckling down to her studies. Herself and Kaleb had been true to their agreement, not bringing up their kiss or attempting to recreate the moment. They simply weren't ready to deal with that kind of thing yet, at least Carmen had thought she wasn't and yet when she had been around Charlie she had wanted nothing more than to continue holding his hand, she had imagined kissing him and what it would be like. She had practically confessed her feelings for him and she thought he had done simliar but had ran from her. Besides seeing him in class, he had alluded her at every turn. She missed him terribly and with every day that passed it felt as if his absence were boring a hole into her heart.

The school year would be finishing soon and she now welcomed it when once before she would have dreaded it terribly. Leaning against a tree in the gardens Carmen looked up at the sky overhead, she felt as brooding as the overcast sky. Pushing herself off the tree she began to walk slowly towards the path wrapping her arms about her waist to give herself some warmth and comfort that she was not able to find anywhere. She was not tempting fate by running to Kaleb with her problems about Charlie and the boy in question simply wanted nothing to do with her. She was utterly confused. The Slytherin jumper she wore over her skinny jeans and tennis shoes seemed to be the only warmth she could expect in this matter. Carmen couldn't even tell her mother about it as she would in turn tell her father and grandfather. Who Carmen knew would be up in arms about her having feelings for a muggle born, not to mind simply having these kind of feelings at all.

As she made it to the path her gaze moved from the gravel at her feet and looked up only to see Charlie walking towards her. He hadn't seen her and she was in no doubt that as soon as he did, he would take off again. Carmen was in a quandery, should she stand her ground or be the first to take off this time? She couldn't bare him leaving her again, she simply couldn't bare another outright rejection of even her friendship. For even though he had said he cared about her, his actions, his absence from her life the past few montsh said differently. Carmen took only a second to decide before her tender heart made her turn around and begin to walk in the other direction.

 

[Charlie Linus]

Charlie watched as the dirt flicked up slightly and then settled back into the path. No matter how much he told himself not to think about Carmen, his mind always came back to her. Thinking about his actions, he had been stupid. He would talk to her again, but she probably wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He kept running from something they both knew was there. A solid friendship. He sighed and that was when he heard it. Another set of feet hitting the path that wasnt his own. He glanced up to see the object of his thoughts walking away. She had seen Charlie and ran, just like he had been doing to her in the past few weeks, or was it months? Wow he really hadnt been a good friend at all.

His legs stopped moving as he watched the blonde head get further away. Someone had started pulling on his heart-strings. He felt like he had betrayed her and everything she had worked for. He wasnt being decent by continuing to ignore her. He bit his lip and took a few steps after her. Then again, she had seen him and turned away, she clearly didnt want his friendship. Charlie shook his head, no. He had to straighten things out. He was hurting and at least if he spoke to Carmen, he could clear things up. He had the potential to hurt more after this, but the truth of the matter was she was right there, walking away. He had been thinking about her and she had turned up right in front of him.

"Carmen." He called after her, his voice croaked slightly. He hadnt spoke a word to anyone in ages. He hadnt even had the heart to sing as he played his guitar. He set off at a jog and caught up with her, gently touching her arm, wondering if she would run or be crazy and actually talk to the jerk that was supposed to be her bestfriend and instead had ignored her for months. "Carmen, Im a jerk and Im sorry. I cant stand not talking to you." He said, feeling his heart constrict painfully. Half the reason was because he was finally talking to Carmen, the girl he thought about constantly and missed terribly. The other reason was because he horribly feared what her reaction would be.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen heard her name being called and hesitantly took another step, she didn't know if she could bare what he had to say to her. She felt for the first time in her young life very unsure of herself, of her feelings, of the way her life was moving. No body in all her life had abandoned her the way he had, left her alone as if her friendship meant nothing to him. She could no more help the tears that clouded her vision than she could the wind that cut into her. A hand touched her arm but she didn't flinch. She stopped but could not turn to look at him, he had hurt her as no one else had before.

This was all very new territory for her, she knew that when she had been with Kaleb by the lake the night of the Yule Ball the kiss they shared had been a catalyst for her feelings for Charlie. She had been overwhelmed by the strong forceful emotions that coursed through her that night but when she had been with Charlie, simply walking and talking, holding hands she had felt so calm, serene and secure. Perhaps there were different kinds of love, different levels. She was unsure because she was so young and this was all so new and complicated. What she did know was that she did love them both, one was her best friend and she knew her soul mate while the other was a close friend that her heart treasured dearly.

Carmen did not know she could have more than one best friend, or more than one soul mate. She ran her life in black and white, no grey areas if at all possible. Everything had to be compartmentalized so she could figure it out. He called himself a jerk and apologized.

"Why?" her voice was as gentle as she was, she turned her face to look at him. A look of pain etched there that was his making, "Why wouldn't you talk to me? What did I do wrong?"

 

[Charlie Linus]

Charlie watched as Carmen turned with pain evident in her face. He had caused that. He felt horrible and had the urge to run again. Hide away from what was facing him, but he wouldnt this time, she had chose to talk to him, he owed her enough to explain things clearly. Tell her why he ran, why he has always been running. She is the only one that managed to sneak her way through the barrier he had been building in front of his heart his entire life. Anyone that could do that shouldnt be treated the way he had treated her.

Carmen asked why. This was Charlie's chance to tell her. "It was nothing you did." He said quietly. "Its never been about anything you have done. You've tried so hard to make this friendship last and I-" He scrunched up his face, not sure he would be able to say it, but he had to. He just had to say it. After everything the girl had done, this was a small price to pay. "-I've been afraid." He cast his eyes downward, ashamed of himself. He should even have to explain this to Carmen. "I meant what I said to you. I ran because I was afraid you would judge me. Your my first and only friend. You truly care about me and I was afraid... Afraid I would mess it up." Charlie didnt know if what he had made any sense. Or if he had said everything he wanted to say. He had said it as though it were a rehearsed play that he had to learn, but instead made it up on the spot. He bit his lip, still looking at the ground. At least if she decided to run, he wouldnt see her go.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen stood and watched him, his face was engraved in her memory but she preferred seeing the real thing not having to rely on an image in her head that could always become distorted. His voice became quiet as he attempted to tell her his reasons, his face contorted. Scrunched up as if trying to concentrate on the words he was saying. When he finally did account for himself, Carmen felt bad that he would judge her this way. She lifted a hand to his face and gently touched his cheek.

"You were afraid I would judge you and yet, you have sat in judgement on me for the past few months. Denying me our friendship. Don't you know how much I've missed you?" her eyes searched his before looking briefly at his mouth as he bit his lip, he turned his gaze to the ground and Carmen bit her own lip unsure how to proceed. Unsure what it was he wanted or needed from her. Her friendship was obviously not enough for him, would she ever be enough for him? She didn't know why she had to reassure him, she didn't understand the great need that consumed her. She took a tentative step closer to him and leaning slowly towards him, kissed him gently on his mouth. It was tender and felt like a butterfly had passed graciously there for the briefest of moments.

As she lifted her head again she looked at him.
"Why would I judge you Charlie? It would be like judging myself".

 

[Charlie Linus]

Charlie felt a hand touch his cheek and he felt a rush of warmth flow through him. She was obviously doing this to torture him. She would hold his hand next then run off to be with Kaleb. Not that he would mind the hand holding at all, it was the Kaleb part that was like a knife twisting through his moments with Carmen.

Her words made sense and Charlie couldnt bare look her in the eyes. He missed her too, more than he was willing to admit. He never thought it would be so nice having someone around. He thought himself unable to miss anything, or care about anything exept his music. He kept his eyes on a piece of dirt. He barely felt better than that dirt. He had treated her so horribly. He hadnt been friends with Carmen because of his own stupidity. He was too busy feeling sorry for himself, he didnt notice Carmen step towards him. He did notice, however, when lips lightly brushed his. He didnt know what to feel. Relieved? Afraid? Competitive? Instead he grinned, looking Carmen in the eye when she pulled away.

He played her question over in his mind. "I dont know. I'm not sure how this works. I want to make this right. Your too good for putting up with me." He said lightly, a crooked smile that had a hidden apology in it. "I never want to lose you as a friend." He added. His lips still tingling from the light touch of Carmen lips on his.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen felt as if he had just taken a soaking wet cloth and slapped her across the face with it. Her wake up call to reality hit with his mentioning the words he always seemed to with her 'friends'. He never wanted to lose her as a friend but obviously didn't want any more from her then either. She was confused and devastated, perhaps she had read everthing wrong. Maybe what she felt for him was just misplaced because of how she was not allowing herself to feel for Kaleb. This gentle tender kind of 'love' she so needed right now but Charlie did not want to be the one to give it to her. She couldn't go to Kaleb, couldn't tell him she was hurting because of Charlie. He would put his arms about her and ... what they felt for one another would be unleashed again. Carmen knew that couldn't happen, it would consume her and she was not ready for those kind of feelings.

She took a step back wards, returning his grin but she felt utterly lost and helpless. Why couldn't someone write a book on this type of thing? Perhaps it was her own fault for caring so much for two completely different boys.
"Friends" she nodded her head, "I'm not too good at all Charlie."

She looked at him, her hazel eyes seemed so utterly sad.
"If you knew how I've been struggling with my feelings for you. I want you as my friend, I do but I don't want to settle for just that anymore."
Carmen wished the ground would open up and swallow her, this was simply unfair. Her grandfather would punish her for shaming such a proud bloodline with this grovelling. With this thought behind her she stood up proud and straight and looked at him.

"If you only want me as you're friend, fine. I'll ... get used to shoving these feelings aside some how. I won't lose you either Charlie" and though she tried to stand defiantly to state her case, Carmen looked simply adorable standing there with hazel eyes now blazing, her chin tilted upwards proudly and her blonde hair tumbling about her shoulders.

 

[Charlie Linus]

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[ I wrote out an awesome reply for this yesterday then when I had almost finished my last sentence my entire computer switched off! I'll try again today, I hope it doesnt suck. ]​

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Charlie's half a smile fell - almost as if it were in slow motion - off his face, why did Carmen look sad? His mind frantically tried to pick up clues that would inform him of what he had said wrong. Never wanted to lose her as a friend? Was that a bad thing to say? Charlie was freaking out, not wanting to put Carmen through any more pain than he had already caused. He was about to say sorry, even though he wasnt sure what for, but she took a step backwards and the way she said the word 'friends' made him work it out.

But would Carmen really want more than just friends? He had never thought she would like him that way, but with Carmen, Charlie could never tell whether she was just being friendly or if she actually wanted anything else. The kiss was so gently, maybe it was friendly? But... It was a kiss, wasnt it? He listened intently to whatever Carmen had to say next, Charlie didnt want to miss a word.

Charlie had to blink a few times. He had heard it correctly all right. Charlie was still confused though. What about Kaleb? Was Charlie a distraction for Carmen to forget about the other boy? He scolded himself, this is exactly what had made him hurt Carmen in the first place. He had to stop doubting her. He wouldnt do it anymore. He would stop all of his own stupidity from getting the better of him and put his faith in Carmen for a change.

Charlie was thinking so hard he almost didnt catch Carmen's second statement. He snapped back to reality at her words. He almost said 'what?!' but he forced it back just in time. Instead, he stepped forward the distance that Carmen had created. He couldnt find words to fill the situation or express how he felt, so instead he lifted a hand and brushed the back of his fingers lightly over Carmen's cheek. He admitted to himself for what felt like the millionth time just how pretty she was. He let his hand drop and instead enveloped her in a hug. He squeezed her tight, he concluded he might have a pretty good idea how much she missed him, if it was any comparison to how much he missed her.

"Being your friend is more than I could ask for, but being with you would be an added bonus." He mumbled as he hugged her. He couldnt be sure if it was the right thing to say, but he felt the need to say something. He held her tight for a moment longer, until he gently stepped back and looked into her hazel eyes. "Its up to you of course." He said. "I care alot about you Carmen, but if your not ready, or whatever." He said awkwardly, not sure he was ready for something like this himself. But if Carmen could make a friendship so easy, he was sure she could make a relationship easy too.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen thought time had stopped, was punishing her some how for caring as she did for two completely opposite boys. She was tempted to 'do a Charlie' and simply run and hide when he moved. Taking a step towards her, before she knew it he was hugging her and telling her what she had needed to hear. Her own slender arms reached up and around his neck, hugging him back like this seemed so utterly natural.

She was grateful for the day they had met when she had followed him in to the trophy room, her heart felt light as if it had nothing more to worry about. Pulling back her head slightly to look up at him as he moved back as well, she waited for him to finish speaking and then she smiled.
"I'm ready Charlie" she didn't know what else to say or is she needed to say anything else. She was suddenly overcome with shyness and could only lower her head to combat it.

 

[Charlie Linus]

Charlie grinned down at Carmen, hoping she would forget everything he had done recently. He still couldnt believe it. Carmen actually felt the same about him as he did for her. He wasnt sure what to say next, but he vaguely realised he probably looked stupid, grinning down at her. It was then that he felt a single drop of water hit his cheek and he looked up at the overcast sky. Returning his gaze to Carmen, he reached forward and grabbed her hand gently. "Lets get back to the castle, before we get soaked." He said with another smile, this one slightly unsure, but still extremely happy. Charlie missed the way Carmen's hand felt in his. It still surprised him how easy it could be to hold someones hand.

 

[Carmen Peregrin]

Carmen lifted her head slowly once more to see Charlie grinning down at her and realised she was probably his mirror image at that very moment, well the smile at least. A few drops found their way on to her face as well, so she was thankful for Charlie taking her by the hand to head back along to the castle. It wouldn't have bothered her at all to be caught in the rain with him but she also didn't want to end up getting sick with a head cold now of all times. Her hand fitted perfectly in his.

She was quite happy not to say another word as they headed back, their holding hands seemed to be saying it all.