Matthew watched Leah read the note, taking careful notice of her facial expressions. He could see how shocked she was and how upset by how the corners of her mouth tightened and pulled downward. It was one of his least favorite expressions on her face. He watched her put the note down carefully as if it was fragile, and that small moment gave him a warm feeling in his chest. She really understood how important this was, how big. He should have expected her to, but it was still nice, still surprising. Sharing this with someone else felt like a relief, a huge weight off his shoulders. Why had he tried to keep it from her at all? He should know by now that lies never helped any situation.
Leah didn't need to say she was there for him, of course he knew it. He smiled weakly and nodded. "I know, Leah. You're always here for me, I didn't doubt that for a second." It was odd to talk this formally to her, normally he would joke around and give her silly nicknames but it didn't feel right at this moment. Though part of him wished he could just do that and pretend nothing was happening. Her comment about his father made Matthew laugh shakily, it wasn't a happy sound. "I don't like him very much either, maybe we should start a club." He attempted a joke anyway but he could hear it was weak even as he said it. With a sigh, he looked down at the table in front of him, running his finger over some letters carved into the wood without reading them. Ever since he found out about this, it had felt like there was a fog in his mind that kept him separated from the rest of the world. Telling Leah seemed to be helping a little, but none of this still felt real.
He had told Leah questions were alright but he still felt unprepared when she started asking about Odette. He had to wrestle down his frustration before answering, because he desperately wished he knew the answers himself."I don't know. I have no idea what she knows or how she's doing or even what she looks like. She goes to Hogwarts there, that's all I know. She might be aware of us, she might hate us. But..." He trailed off. The thought that kept occurring to him was silly, he knew it. But if he couldn't tell it to Leah, he couldn't say it to anyone. "I keep thinking that I want to go to her, to meet her. To see if she is okay. I don't know how I'd do this, I don't want dad to know I know but... she could be all alone. She's my sister." For some reason this thought kept returning into his head. She was his sister. If Charlotte needed anything in the world he was there for her in a second, but Odette might not even be aware of his existence. It went against all his instincts, and it wouldn't leave him alone.
He wavered for a short moment, because what he was about to say now was even more personal and more important. If Leah discouraged him or told him it was a bad idea, he knew he would never have the courage to do it. He had no idea what would happen if he didn't, would it just eat at his mind until he snapped? Or would he slowly forget how urgent it was, with Odette living as a vague idea in the back of his mind as he lived his life? That wasn't acceptable.
"Look, Leah. Please tell me if this is stupid. But I sort of have this plan. Wait, scratch that, I know its stupid but hear me out anyway." He ran a hand through his hair, not meeting her eyes. "So, uh, you know how my dad has been bugging me to take semester or two abroad, right? He's still going on about it every time I see him. About 'making the right kind of connections' and 'broadening my view' and stuff like that?" Matthew had never even seriously considered it, he was at home here at Ilvermorny and didn't particularly love the idea of having to start over somewhere. And, if he was completely honest,the girl in front of him was a large part of the reason why. Why would he go to a school where she wasn't? "I mean, I know he meant Beauxbatons, maybe Durmstrang. Sons of business contacts of him go to those schools. But the last time he talked about it he said I could pretty much pick anywhere, as long as I made sure to make the right kind of friends there." It had hurt a little, it had felt like his father had wanted him out of the way. Wasn't Ilvermorny far away enough? But now it felt like an opportunity. "So what if I tell him I'll do it and pick Hogwarts in New Zealand? I doubt he'd be happy, he may even forbid it... but what reason could he give? He can't tell me why he wouldn't want me to go there, and I know he has business associates there too. I could even research their names and rattle them off if he wants to argue it. I could.. I could transfer there, Leah, just for a bit. Meet her, see if she's okay. And I could still pretend to be oblivious when I return. Harper is a common name, and ... and he wouldn't need to know." He was a little breathless as he finished talking. There were definite holes in this plan, he knew that, but he'd always been a bit of a dreamer and kept thinking it was possible. If Leah could see this happen and maybe help him, maybe it really was possible. She had family there too, he remembered her talking about her cousins. Could that be useful somehow? He met her eyes, hoping she wouldn't laugh at him or worse, pity him.
