Open Seeking Respite

[Sebastian Kaimarama]

Sebastian couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas. His best friend - he’d tried to stop himself thinking of Lucas as his best friend when he’d left for Hogwarts, when he’d had to leave him behind, but now . . . Now Lucas was here, at Hogwarts, and this should be the happiest of times, the most delightful of surprises, and instead Lucas hated him for it. Seb understood, he really did. It hurt to be lied to, to find out that you’d been lied to, but he hadn’t had any other choice. He’d wanted to tell Lucas about the magical world so badly, but he was a muggle, and it was illegal, and he couldn’t. And now, instead, he wanted to show Lucas the wonders of the magical castle they’d dreamed of for so long, and he couldn’t do that either.

Instead, in desperation, he turned to the garden. Gardening had always been a way to force himself to relax, to lose his frantic thoughts in the rhythm of planting, or pulling weeds, the sensations of dirt and stems in his hands. The Wild Patch had been wonderful when he first came to Hogwarts and everything was overwhelming, and he went there now to heal this new and different kind of heartache. It wasn’t working. He couldn’t stop thinking, so he tried to think about his stories instead, but that looped back to D&D, which looped back to Lucas.

 

[Poppy Perkins]

On Poppy’s lists of places to go the moment she got back to Hogwarts, the Wild Patch garden was very close to the top. She would come here all the time whenever she felt lonely or homesick, which meant she was there quite a lot last year. She was optimistic that this year would be better but being in the garden was still comforting even if she wasn’t feeling sad. She was thinking about the hydrangea bush she had taken a particular fondness to when she spotted Seb already hard at work, with an intense thoughtful look on his face. “Oh hey Seb!” Poppy greeted. It was nice to know she wasn’t the only one who was excited to get back to taking care of the flowers. She picked up a watering can and walked over to her hydrangeas that was just next to Seb. “How was your break? Did you go anywhere exciting? I went to visit some of my family and it was nice to see them, even if it was a little boring. And I hated how I couldn’t tell them about Hogwarts. I had to listen to my cousins talk all about their schools but I had to lie and say I was still home schooled, it was torture!” she rambled, excited to catch up with her friend. She paused to breath and glanced over at her friends, and now that she was closer to him she noticed he was upset. “Seb, are you ok?” she asked softly and knelt down next to him.

 

[Sebastian Kaimarama]

Sebastian didn’t even notice Poppy until she greeted him, and he was still distracted by trying to work out whether she was a close enough friend to be allowed to call him Seb when she walked over to him and started rambling. “Hi Poppy,” he said belatedly, quite content to listen to her and let her pull him out of his head and away from his turbulent thoughts. But then she started talking about precisely what he had been trying to avoid, and Seb stared blankly into the hydrangeas, but he couldn’t hold back the tears prickling at his eyes. And then she asked if he was okay and instead he was sobbing, curling in on himself, clutching the dirt in his helpless hands.

 

[Poppy Perkins]

When Sebastian started crying Poppy let out a quiet "Oh!" and dropped her watering can in surprise. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say in that moment, and she immediately started to worry that she had done something wrong. She was just talking and he started crying. She was also started to worry he had hurt himself but she couldn't see any blood or anything like that, so that probably wasn't it. Poppy knelt on the ground beside him, and hesitated with her hand hovering a few inches away from his back. Eventually she reached out slowly and rubbed his back softly as he cried. She bit her lip, not sure what to say when she didn't even know what was happening. "It's ok, Sebastian. Everything is going to be alright." she said in a gentle voice, trying to think of what her mother would do in this situation.

 

[Sebastian Kaimarama]

Seb let himself cry for a while, glad that Poppy was here, glad that no one else was. One of the few things he hated about Hogwarts was how hard it was to get any privacy, unless you went into the forest, and he didn't really like doing that without his siblings. He was acutely aware, even through the flood of emotion, that he owed Poppy an explanation, so when he could breathe without breaking into fresh tears, he clumsily wiped his eyes and nose and looked up at her. "Sorry," he said awkwardly. "It . . . I . . . My friend was a muggle, and he always loved magic but I couldn’t tell him that it was real, and I hated that, and it . . . drove us apart." He cried again at that, making small, awkward ugly noises as he tried to keep it under control. He tried to breathe normally, failed, gasped, and started again anyway. "And then – we met him at the train station – and he is a wizard, he’s a muggleborn, and he gets to go to Hogwarts – but . . . he. He hates us for lying to him. He hates me."

 

[Poppy Perkins]

Poppy sat patiently waiting for Sebastian to calm down, figuring it was better to let him get it all out. She sat there quietly as he began to explain what was wrong before dissolving into tears again. “Sebastian I’m so sorry that happened.” she said softly, when he finished. Now that she knew what was wrong she felt partially responsible for rambling so long about the exact thing he was upset about. She had no way of knowing any of this but she still felt guilty. Poppy was thoughtful for a moment trying to think about how she would react if she had been in Lucas’ or Seb's position. As a muggleborn herself, finding out magic was real was the best day of her life but after being in the magical world for a little while she also realized how hard it was to keep it a secret from people you cared about. “Maybe he just needs some time to understand. Maybe once he knows what it’s like not being able to talk about it, he’ll understand.” She offered and knew it wasn’t much of a comfort for the hurt he was feeling now but she still hoped it would help even a little. “Have you talked to him since the train at all, what house did he get sorted into?” She asked, feeling bad she hadn’t paid more attention to the first years as they got sorted this year.