Closed Second Thoughts

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily was insanely nervous, straightening the hem of her dress again as she waited at the entrance for Clifton. What had she been thinking, asking him to the dance? He had been upset, and she had just wanted to see him smile. But the dance? Old feelings she had long thought buried had stirred in her chest again, and she had done her best to push them back. Clifton had moved on, Clifton had never wanted Lily, he had found something better- even when they were together, he had wanted more. More than her, more than plain little Lily in her simple dresses and braids and her silly muffins. She wasn't beautiful, she wasn't smart or funny or bold.

Lily was starting to doubt this entire thing. He was probably not going to come anyway, he would realize what a horrid idea this was and he would stay in his dorm just like Lily should have stayed in hers. Lily bit her lip, her heart thundering madly in her chest as she shifted nervously on her feet. She had asked him here as her friend, but the pit in her stomach and the note beneath her pillow reminded her how flimsy that excuse was in her head.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton felt almost like he had stepped back in time, getting ready for a school dance with Lily. He had spent years doing all these same things for the same girl, and somehow he was back here again, like nothing had ever happened. But it had, and it was impossible not to feel the weight of his mistakes on his shoulders as he straightened his jacket, checking himself in the mirror one last time. Although he knew Lily had offered this date to comfort him, maybe it counted as... a second chance. Maybe he could... be the kind of person Lily deserved, the kind of person he hadn't been in the past, even just for one night.

When he first met Lily, Clifton had almost thought he was seeing an angel, and he was thrown right back into that first impression when he saw her in her dress, actually pausing for a moment on the stairs just to take her in. She looked beautiful, perfect as ever, and his heart ached with the rebirth of feelings he had tried so hard to pretend he didn't still have. Friends... how could he ever pretend he only wanted to be friends with someone like Lily? It was hard to swallow down the confessions that wanted to burst forth as he approached, settling instead for a simple nervous grin. "Hi..." Clifton greeted her softly, raising one hand. "You look... stunning."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily's heart skipped in her chest as Clifton walked up. She smiled shyly, already feeling her cheeks flush. "y-yes, um, I mean, t-thank you," she stuttered nervously, cursing herself. She stepped forward, straightening his jacket unnecessarily. "you look, u-um, l-look handsome yourself, ah- this, um, this color suits you," she bit her lip to try and hide her stutter. She stepped back, folding her hands in front of her to try and keep herself under control. "Do you want to go in?" She asked shyly, proud she had managed to control the stutter.

 

[Clifton Ward]

This was all a huge mistake. That was all Clifton could think, even as he smiled at Lily straightening his suit. "Friends"... he had never stopped being in love with Lily, and he was willing to bet that even given fifty years apart, that wouldn't change. He smiled shyly at her compliment, touching his jacket nervously. "Thanks... I was worried it... you know, it might be too much..." He stammered out, laughing awkwardly before offering her an arm. Was that too much? Too far? It was too late now, so all he could do was nod in response to her question. "Let's go?"

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily giggled softly, hesitating for just a moment before stepping closer and placing her hands gently at his elbow. "You worried it was too much?" She teased him gently, brushing a hand over her dress. "Look at this," she giggled again, unsure if it was out of nervousness or the fluttering of her heart. "But... it's our last dance," Her shoulders fell gently at the mention of it, and a flicker of sadness fell across her face. "It's... tonight is special. I wanted to wear something nice," she sighed softly, making a point of not saying she wanted to look nice.

Lily didn't think she could. Especially with Clifton. Her heart twisted a bit in her chest as a cold splash of reality reminded her of why they had broken up. What she felt didn't matter. She already knew very well what he felt. She let her hair fall to cover her eyes, trying to hide from him just a bit.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton laughed nervously at Lily's comment, nodding slightly. "Well, you succeeded." He smiled warmly. "You look incredible..." It was hard to keep himself back from showering her in compliments, but Clifton needed to keep reminding himself of the point of today. They were friends, this was a platonic dance. He glanced at her as she hid her face, heart clenching nervously. "Sorry, I - did I say something wrong? I, ah.. I'll stop, I'm sorry..."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily's eyes widened a little as Clifton apologized. She hesitated, peeking up at him. "Oh, oh no," She reassured quickly, her mouth running away from her a bit. It was so easy to let her guard down with him, especially when he had that look in his eyes. "No, Clif, you didn't- you haven't said anything wrong," she pressed a hand briefly, gently to his chest before pulling it away. "You're... you're saying everything right," she admitted with a shy laugh, looking away again. She came very close to saying more. I miss you. I love you. Please stay.

But her mind had caught up with her mouth. She put a lid on those thoughts, pushing them aside firmly. She was unable to stop the next thought that crossed her mind, though. "Clif, actually, um... would... would you care to dance?" She asked, peeking back up at him with soft blue eyes. "Just- just one. We won't have the chance again," she continued, afraid but unable to keep herself from asking. And maybe hoping, just a little bit, that he might say yes. The music was slower, and she couldn't help the way she longed to be in his arms again- even if it was only for a moment.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton could live a hundred, thousand lifetimes and never figure out the right way to respond to Lily saying she was upset because he was saying everything right. He was an idiot, an absolute clown for making her feel like this, even so many years later. His only saving grace from having to figure out what to say was her asking to dance and he nodded quickly in relief, linking arms lightly with her and leading her onto the dancefloor. As soon as his hands were on Lily's waist though, there was nowhere to look but her eyes, and he couldn't stand it any longer. "I- Lily... look, I know I've... said this before, but I didn't... say it right." He said softly, voice trembling slightly with the thudding of his heart. "I'm... I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I was a terrible boyfriend, and... not... not appreciating you properly is... is one of the biggest regrets of my life." It was difficult to find the right phrasing, stumbling over his words as he spoke, but Clifton knew he had to do this. He had to find a way to express his regret to the woman he had hurt. "I'm truly, truly sorry. You deserved... so much better than the way I treated you."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily followed along easily, taking a deep breath to try and steady herself. She lost that breath when their eyes met. Without a thought she lay her arms gently on his shoulders. She wasn't tall enough- even in heels- to be able to wrap her arms around his neck. Her heart fluttered as he apologized. If he had ever done so before, she couldn't recall. Perhaps he had, and in her hurt she had lost it.

Lily let out a soft breath. "Oh, Clifton," she breathed. Without stopping to think about it, Lily pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed him gently. Her heart stuttered and her breath caught. It felt so... Familiar, she felt safe, and warm, and she relaxed against him.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton knew it was... risky bringing up their past, to say the least, but he didn't know if he would have ever forgiven himself for neglecting to do so. It was a shock, then, when Lily leaned up instead to kiss him, and he felt his brain short-circuit. He had been so sure she... tolerated him, if nothing else, but any love between them had long since been ruined by his own stupidity. But now... it took Clifton a second of processing before he remembered to kiss back, leaning down to be closer to Lily, her warmth painfully, breathtakingly familiar in his arms.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily hummed softly, lost in the moment for several long moments, her fingers unthinkingly brushing up into the hair at the nape of his neck. It took a bit for her head to catch up with what she'd done, but once it had she was jerked back to reality. Lily yelped and fell back several steps. Her eyes widened, filling with tears, and both hands shot up to cover her lips. "I- you- I just- I can't believe- I shouldn't have- you just- Knox- I'm sorry," she stuttered, her entire face crumbling. She spun on her heels, dashing quickly from the hall with the hem of her dress in her hands. She was crying before she hit the doors, but for once she was glad of the crowd, quickly disappearing through it as she dashed for the courtyard.