Did you honestly think that we were going to disappear? The original writers are gone, but we continued the legacy. We'll make it as harsh and as insulting as ever. Full of rumors that may or may not be true. You know how the game of rumors go, from one mouth to the other, how sometimes it changes. We are looking at the source of them all, digging deeper under your noses. Prepare for some direct quotes and perhaps an interview or two, to show the world just who is trash and who is the next 'Queen Tramp'. We might have even picked up something about older students that have graduated, you'll just never know what else we will bring to the table. Behold, the fifth issue of this oh so wonderful gossip magazine.
P R E F E C T S A N D H E A D D U N C E S
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
</FONT></COLOR>H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Who decided to let a crazy lady on happy pills run this school? If ever we needed more of a reason that Ms. Shine-too-bright was unfit to be here, it was her dreadful selection of our new Prefects. Giselle Varius. Who the hell is she anyway? Supposedly a Gryffindor, all you really need to know is that this girl dabbles in the Muggle world, and by the way she dresses, probably wishes she were a boy. Our other no-where-to-be-seen Gryffindor Prefect, Jennette Jenkins is probably hiding from the wizarding world, because, as a Mud-Blood, she knows she truly does not fit in with the rest of us. Sweet Hufflepuff Prefects, Auden Lefevre and Proserpina Laurent. First I am going to start with asking, what were your parents thinking? Auden and Proserpina? Worst names in history. The two-in-the-same girls are both undoubtedly lovely as lovely can be, but anyone know why? My bet is that it is all a ruse. These goody-two-shoe snobs probably think that they are better than anyone else. Anyone agree with that? I doubt it. Justin Kuya, a Slytherin Prefect. Some may notice his angelic face, but get a bit closer and youll probably wonder gender Mrs. Justin actually is. This space-head will purposely go out of his way to make sure your day is terrible. Maybe she should join the writing of this? And Miss Artemis Jackson. Dont get too excited about her pretty face, because thats all she is. A pretty face. There is nothing beyond that, I am surprised she has even made it to fifth year. Its time to learn now, dear Artemis; if there is a thought in your head, its probably in solitary confinement. And again with an unknown. Oliver Cade Halliwell? Oh Merlin, someone hex me! Not to mention his baby face, this Ravenclaw geek is probably the worst of the worst. Were there seriously no other choices? And oh for the love of Star Moon? I correct myself from my earlier statement. This is the worst name. Do your parents not love you? The poor hidden girl, becoming a Prefect is nothing compared to the spotlight your sister receives. Which brings me to the worst possible news of our star-girl, Kate Moon becoming Head Girl. This makes me want to hex our Headmistress into oblivion. Thank Merlin this is the last year we will have to deal with such a girl. But more on her later. Oh and our Head Boy? Isaia something? Who the hell cares.
S L Y T H E R - D O N ' T H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? I am getting tired of these two. Troxa has magically changed for the better, a perfect little Slytherin and then there is Auden, so misguided. He was a bully for years, no one can escape that. Auden, you know from experience. He released bees on you, tripped you, really hurt you and now you are fleeing into his arms? How stupid can you get? Troxa, you have made your point. Enough with playing perfect guy with Auden. She has fallen for your tricks, shown how ignorant and trusting she is when she shouldn't be. The game is getting boring so you can drop your act. We have all seen who you really are. After all, you would love to follow after big brother's steps. The one that scares you when you sleep at night. Poor Auden, if she got around that brother, she would be dead meat, wouldn't she? Say if that is genuine, your feelings for her, you bring her home, she's dead. Her blood would be on your hands. Or is that your ultimate plan all along? L O U D A N D C L E A R Y E T ? H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? A perfect prodigy. You've seen him. He's surrounded by girls. He was the first year last year that played as Keeper for Ravenclaw. He was the top point earner. I'm getting sick just by listing out reasons of why you should admire him. Why he thinks everyone should admire him. There's only one thing. Everyone feels bad for you, Bryce, because you are deaf. Handicapped. On top of that, you are a filthy half-breed. No one would have gotten so many things so quickly unless there was something wrong with you, and there is. I'm surprised you can even cast spells. How in the world can you cast them if you can't hear them? Perfect little Bryce, hiding his secrets but can't anymore. It is a shame you weren't born blind like your sister or else you wouldn't be able to see just how pathetic and weak you are. I wonder what is real about this boy. He gets attention by the girls, with his Veela charms. He got everything he wants because he is deaf. Can someone tell me if I am wrong on this or not? T W E E D L E D E E T W E E D L E D U M H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Anyone else notice how old a certain third year looks like he should belong in sixth year? You heard it here first fellow students. The Slytherin third year Albertus Vermeulen should be three years higher than what he is now. How dumb do you have to be to be held back in Hogwarts? All hail Albertus, half-wit king in the land of the witless! Does anyone ever wonder what life would have been for Albertus if he received enough oxygen at birth? Please, do us a favour and use your brain for something other than holding a stupid haircut. Our new imbecile transfer has dragged his horse looking sister along with him. Steer away from this first year snake, whom will sink her poisonous fangs into you if you ever have the misfortune of seeing her. One look, and you turn to stone, Annaliese is like Medusa. (For anyone that doesnt know who Medusa is, maybe you should held back a couple of years too.) Evolution was wasted in your gene pool. I would love to continue with these statements about the Vermeulens, but that sad truth is, I doubt they even understood any of this at all. H A P P Y P I L L A L E R T H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Yay! What a surprise! Another adventurous Gryffindor! To no-ones surprise, this unkempt first year is a little bit way over the top happy. Whoa-wait, that sounds familiar. Perhaps this is a bastard child from none other than Headmistress Davershire? Perhaps the embarrassed mother is popping pills for her bastard child to keep her happy, so no beans are spilt? Hmm, I think we are on to you two! In all seriousness, Margo Liddell has to be the most annoying Gryffindor. Obviously brought up on the street, this goof has no sense of style; her hair is a mess, her clothes are atrocious. Nothing about this child is attractive. Please Margo, identify your species. H U N G R Y L I K E T H E W O L F H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Some people may know of the disgusting thing that happened in this very school a couple of years ago. A werewolf was let loose. And there is no doubt about it; Briar Rowan has set some of her cubs loose again. Now Im not the one to play the shame game here, so you simpletons will have to figure out who is who in the zoo on your own this time. Because seriously, this place is a zoo. Beware of whom you befriend, if you find them sniffing you, or running around in circles, they probably arent the best of friends. Be careful when you walk around at night, you never know who may be hungry. |
H A T R E D O R N O T ?
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Oh I cannot tell you just how hilarious these two are. They are amazingly funny because they hate each other for no f*cking reason! Well, there is the whole Slytherin and Gryffindor debate, but there is more to this than it seems! Like these two, they fight and they bicker, but we know why. Seeing the longing looks of loneliness, they seek each other for comfort. Though Isabella, proud pure-blood, don't you be wasting your time on someone like Sergios. He is too busy hitting it with Peter Lurkn, and also playing with balls. Kicking a soccer ball, you pervs. Unless he does the other thing then well... It works. From what the grapevine said, he is engaged to another girl. A prettier one than Isabella, from what I have heard. A princess perhaps too. Sergios is doomed to be married to someone like that, and saves him from being with Isabella. Merlin knows, he doesn't want his manhood all up in her. She'd probably eat him alive, the cannibal. Boys, keep your fingers off of her, she is bound to be a gold-digger eventually. Oh how they start so young.
T U R N E D D O W N
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
So everyone has seen this third year Slytherin, looks gorgeous of course. There's only one side effect of being who he is. Chad, you can try to reach through the ice shield that Kailie has up, but you are really wasting your time. Kailie is the daughter of the Slytherin Head of House. She's like a princess and what are you? Let's see, how would Kailie say it, oh yes, "dirty blood and pathetic for trying". Sound familiar? By no means is this going to not diss Kailie. Kailie, you might be prideful and cold, but let's face it, you don't have any friends for a reason. Keep flaunting that ass though, you'll be pregnant before your sixth year. Then let's see what daddy has to say about that. If she would remove that stick out of her ass, maybe she'll make a friend or two. You know, just maybe. Kailie, while you are doing that, make sure to become less of a Death Eater. They are extinct, and you are really making a tool of yourself.
A L E R T T H E A U R O R S !
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Does everyone remember the little break that Kingsley took so she could have her baby boy? The rumor has it that she was doing more. Keep an eye on her fingers, we think that we have seen the ring that looks like a dragon eating itself. Scitorari, the rising evils! It appears that our oh so lovely Gryffindor woman has taken up a dark side. No wonder she picks on the werewolf-loving Minoas Stratis. She probably caused his dad to leave and never come back. Could the kid be Minoas' father? Was that why he was kidnapped or missing, whatever the Daily Prophet said? Maybe Kingsley had an affair, got pregnant and her love was not returned so she had him go 'missing'. She seems to be rather smug now, so this could be the reason why. Just piece the puzzle pieces together. She was gone for a long time, she hates Minoas and now that Minoas is grieving over his poor daddy, she is all of a sudden happy? Surely no one can seem this stupid to not see it. It just...fits. After all, who would suspect poor Kingsley?
D R A M A Q U E E N P L U S O N E
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Drama Queen still lives up to her name, not a surprise. I have noticed a lack of Hufflepuff points, and this Head Girl all of a sudden stops going to class? Now that is what I call idiotic. She only had good grades for a limited time until she earned that title. Wow. Talk about low. Anyway, her boyfriend is back in the school (we have enough handicapped people, god). Her boyfriend is back, Kate is no longer attending classes and she is getting fatter. Could this be? Oh my god ew, she is pregnant with Stefan's child. Or anyone else she can wrap her legs around. She was all over Samual when Stefan was gone, so who knows what she does behind his back. Kate, it is called 'birth control' and you can use it. Well, can't beat a thing through her head, since she was once sick with a tumor and didn't believe you can get treatment at Saint Mungo's. They can cure cancer but oh no, they can't sure Kate Moon's tumor because she has to have pity and attention from others, oh no. Sorry, Kate, everyone knows how dense you really are, and now we really know it with your pooching belly. Just stay away from us with that thing, we don't want to catch anything.
H A V E Y O U H E A R D T H E S E R U M O R S ?
[ul][li]Ooh lala, young love! A young cub and raven spotted making eyes, careful what you get yourself into Lionel and Katerina!</LI>H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Oh I cannot tell you just how hilarious these two are. They are amazingly funny because they hate each other for no f*cking reason! Well, there is the whole Slytherin and Gryffindor debate, but there is more to this than it seems! Like these two, they fight and they bicker, but we know why. Seeing the longing looks of loneliness, they seek each other for comfort. Though Isabella, proud pure-blood, don't you be wasting your time on someone like Sergios. He is too busy hitting it with Peter Lurkn, and also playing with balls. Kicking a soccer ball, you pervs. Unless he does the other thing then well... It works. From what the grapevine said, he is engaged to another girl. A prettier one than Isabella, from what I have heard. A princess perhaps too. Sergios is doomed to be married to someone like that, and saves him from being with Isabella. Merlin knows, he doesn't want his manhood all up in her. She'd probably eat him alive, the cannibal. Boys, keep your fingers off of her, she is bound to be a gold-digger eventually. Oh how they start so young.
T U R N E D D O W N
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
So everyone has seen this third year Slytherin, looks gorgeous of course. There's only one side effect of being who he is. Chad, you can try to reach through the ice shield that Kailie has up, but you are really wasting your time. Kailie is the daughter of the Slytherin Head of House. She's like a princess and what are you? Let's see, how would Kailie say it, oh yes, "dirty blood and pathetic for trying". Sound familiar? By no means is this going to not diss Kailie. Kailie, you might be prideful and cold, but let's face it, you don't have any friends for a reason. Keep flaunting that ass though, you'll be pregnant before your sixth year. Then let's see what daddy has to say about that. If she would remove that stick out of her ass, maybe she'll make a friend or two. You know, just maybe. Kailie, while you are doing that, make sure to become less of a Death Eater. They are extinct, and you are really making a tool of yourself.
A L E R T T H E A U R O R S !
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Does everyone remember the little break that Kingsley took so she could have her baby boy? The rumor has it that she was doing more. Keep an eye on her fingers, we think that we have seen the ring that looks like a dragon eating itself. Scitorari, the rising evils! It appears that our oh so lovely Gryffindor woman has taken up a dark side. No wonder she picks on the werewolf-loving Minoas Stratis. She probably caused his dad to leave and never come back. Could the kid be Minoas' father? Was that why he was kidnapped or missing, whatever the Daily Prophet said? Maybe Kingsley had an affair, got pregnant and her love was not returned so she had him go 'missing'. She seems to be rather smug now, so this could be the reason why. Just piece the puzzle pieces together. She was gone for a long time, she hates Minoas and now that Minoas is grieving over his poor daddy, she is all of a sudden happy? Surely no one can seem this stupid to not see it. It just...fits. After all, who would suspect poor Kingsley?
D R A M A Q U E E N P L U S O N E
H A V E Y O U H E A R D ?
Drama Queen still lives up to her name, not a surprise. I have noticed a lack of Hufflepuff points, and this Head Girl all of a sudden stops going to class? Now that is what I call idiotic. She only had good grades for a limited time until she earned that title. Wow. Talk about low. Anyway, her boyfriend is back in the school (we have enough handicapped people, god). Her boyfriend is back, Kate is no longer attending classes and she is getting fatter. Could this be? Oh my god ew, she is pregnant with Stefan's child. Or anyone else she can wrap her legs around. She was all over Samual when Stefan was gone, so who knows what she does behind his back. Kate, it is called 'birth control' and you can use it. Well, can't beat a thing through her head, since she was once sick with a tumor and didn't believe you can get treatment at Saint Mungo's. They can cure cancer but oh no, they can't sure Kate Moon's tumor because she has to have pity and attention from others, oh no. Sorry, Kate, everyone knows how dense you really are, and now we really know it with your pooching belly. Just stay away from us with that thing, we don't want to catch anything.
H A V E Y O U H E A R D T H E S E R U M O R S ?
[li]Word is the werewolf loving Minoas had a centaur attack Kingsley and Zhefarovich. Why is he not expelled yet?
[li]Another blonde ice-queen from Slytherin, Elsa Seymour seems to be the new lake monster. An ugly personality to match her looks, watch out, this sea creature bites back.
[li]Stefan Archer has kept himself under the radar lately, is this due to a new lady in his life? Perhaps its due to the fact that he just had a reunion with his good-for-nothing cousin. Oi vey.
[li]Halloween festivities, we saw a gender fudge incident. Personally, I think some of them should have stayed that way, though I couldn't really tell a difference with Myuna. Could you?
<LI>[li]Headmistress seems happier. She must have gotten laid. Ew.[/li][/ul] [/td]
So there you have it kids. Owl us with any rumors - whether its something you've seen, or something you want to spread, we want it all!
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