Reminiscing in What Was

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

It had been a long while since Arnost had come here, to Carrow Hall. A year had not even passed since Thorine's death, and still, Arnost could not deny that he still loved her. He still loved the dead. He was no longer grieving as severely as much as it did before, causing him not to think straight and even caused him to be unable to raise any of his children. He was then like a robot, but at least he was feeling then. Arnost was not even feeling now. Every day was hazy, and his blackened heart was no longer existent. He would never love anyone as much or as fully as he did her. True love knew no bounds, and that was where Arnost thought there existed a flaw in that concept.

There was a bound. Life and death. That fine line kept him separated from her, and Arnost would do anything to snap that line again, just to be with her. However, there was still that problem with staying alive as well. Arnost had grown reckless for the past few months, and almost gotten caught over in Russia where the death toll rose, and the Aurors almost captured him. Arnost escaped, barely. He roamed many countries, before heading home to the Zhefarovich Manor. Sure, he became Duke of his family, able to fulfill any job of the family except Head and Patriarch. Arnost was proud because that helped fix the broken bond of brotherhood between Asparuh and himself. Both were able to have a full conversation without killing one and another.

However, Arnost had spoken to Asparuh in private over how to deal with his personal problem. Asparuh told him this: "Go back and reminisce in the memories you have made. Remember the evil and passion you have made with Thorine Dolohov. Until you face the truth, only then will you be able to move on." That could have been him saying that if he didn't straighten up then he would have to be taken care of but it was still a brotherly bond. That was why Arnost was here today. He wanted to see his daughter Vixen once more, and he wanted to raise her in the fashion Thorine wanted. Ivaylo was being properly cared for by the Zhefarovich family, and it was about time Arnost stepped up to be the true father Vixen deserved.

It was not in Arnost's intentions to take Vixen from Carrow Hall. In fact, he wanted her raised there. Arnost glanced up around him, the Hall, nothing has changed. Arnost stood in the chambers of where Thorine had slept. Black robes fluttered as the tall Death Eater walked, with his eyes down upon the bedsheets. His fingers traced some of the lining, as he walked around the bed and to where Thorine used to rest her head. His hair tied back touched his back as he continued to stare down, moving slowly with the owner of the body. How Arnost missed such times he had. He didn't have as much time as he wanted to have, but it was enough to make him remember.

Arnost had sent out a letter to Nastasia Caliburn for permission to see Vixen. Wherever they were. Arnost didn't hear any sounds in the house, so he assumed they weren't here. Arnost let out a sigh as he turned from the bed. "My love, if you can here me now, I wish I had the strength now to live without you. It seems like torture now, as I learned to love and have it taken away from me," murmured Arnost more or less to himself. Arnost went from the bed chambers, passed down the hall and soon arrived to the living room. There, he waited for his daughter and that relative of Thorine's to come. Arnost kept his cold gaze out the window, the sun slowly setting. If only fate had been kinder to the two of them, and taken Arnost instead of Thorine. Thorine would have had time to find love again, but Arnost would never. He refused as well. If he couldn't have Thorine, he wouldn't have anyone.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

She ached to touch, to feel, to be once more but no amount of wishing would see it happen. Content then as much as was possible for Thorine, she watched over her children. Nastasia of course was doing a wonderful job but there was simply things that a squib would never be able to teach. Christian had returned home for a short while but was having so much fun with his father that Thorine had reluctantly allowed Goia to send him back for another visit. He was so tall now, all his puppy fat was well and truly gone and no longer did he speak with such a baby type voice. He was growing up and though he loved her dearly seeing her as a ghost had undone him completely. Reassured that she was not truly gone the nightmares had passed, but he could not understand why he could not embrace her. Kiss her on her cheek or hold her hand.

Ivaylo's visits from Thorine were heartbreaking, he was so small and so brave. Her motherly instincts to pick him up from his crib time and again had made her cry out in anguish numerous times. She was learning to control these emotions though, had to or she would terrify her youngest child. It was her daughter who took her mother's state with relative ease. Vixen smiled whenever she saw her, ran to her but seemed to know that she could not touch her so did not even try. Instead she talked to her, incessantly spoke about the mundane childish things that filled up her day and Thorine loved it.

But as much as she loved all of this, her spirit cried out time and again for one. She had so far denied herself the chance to appear to him, to show him she was still in this world though not exactly how he would have liked it to be. The house for now was empty, Nastasia had taken Vixen to get her very first pair of shoes and typical Goia had gone to make sure her cousin got the job done right. Hovering in and out of spirit world, so that one moment her silvery form was visible and another it simply appeared a trick of the light; Thorine glided about the Hall with nothing more on her mind than the love of her life.

"My love, if you can here me now, I wish I had the strength now to live without you. It seems like torture now, as I learned to love and have it taken away from me."

She heard his voice but had heard it so many times calling to her that she chose not to believe it now either and yet it was so real. It took her moments to decide to go to the bed chamber but when she got there, there was no sign of anyone. A sigh broke from her lips and she closed her eyes on the futility of her situation. She missed him more than she missed her own corporeal body. Yet there it was, a scent so distinctly his there was no way she could have mistaken it. Her eyes shot open and in a blink of an eye she had moved to various rooms about the house in search of him. And then there he was...

Thorine continued to hover in and out as if the light filtering in through the window was merely playing tricks. Yet she could not stay close by him and not speak, not want to touch him.
"I can hear you" her voice was so light and delicate barely a breeze as it glided to his ears. As if a dream had spoken from another time in space, as if an angel had whispered to him.

 

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

Things were definitely not as they appeared. The reflection in the window, it looked to be nothing more than a mind trick. Arnost breathed in the scent of Carrow Hall, still not believing that Thorine was truly dead. How could she be? How could someone like Thorine die so easily, by the hands of those so similar yet so different from Death Eaters? Arnost gazed out the window, in curious wonder if Vixen would look like her dear mother. Ivaylo seemed to be taking on a mix of Asparuh and Thorine, yet possessed the authority of his father. It was interesting really, that Asparuh was actually at times raising the child that he had spoken of being a damned mistake. Arnost though paid Ivaylo more attention than anyone else in the family.

Perhaps it was the mix of Thorine's blood that made Arnost perform fatherly acts to a child that was so closely related to him, it might as well be his own. Arnost was in wonder right now, how was Vixen doing? How much had she grown? Yet, none of these questions could be answered. Arnost wanted to be there for Vixen, and yet he was needed at the Zhefarovich Manor. It was unfair to have three gorgeous daughters, and separate. Aleyha adored Vixen the moment she had seen her, but didn't know what Cassandra had thought. Each of his children had separate mothers, and only two of the four were separated from the other. Apostol had his own family - not to mention that he was a failure of a son.

The voice was light, and it sounded so much like his love, yet, it sounded so foreign to him. An angel speaking to him. Were the heavens kind enough to grant the ferocious killer wings and guide the innocent? It seemed so unlikely. But it was there. Arnost slowly turned around and there she was, floating. Most muggles would have screamed in shock and fear if they saw a ghost, especially one of a killer. Yet, Arnost stood, aware that sometimes when someone dies, it does not end there. His black eyes stared upon her, yearning to reach out but it was impossible. The living could not touch the dead. It was pure torture yet relieving at the same time. Thorine was not gone. She was still here... He could speak with her, continue to love her, no matter. Love knew no bounds, this was something Arnost came to believe.

"You really are here," Arnost spoke, his voice laced with disbelief. He prayed this wasn't a dream, like it had been for months. Thorine may not be of the living, but Arnost didn't care. He stood a few steps toward her, but stopped, still hesitant. "Thorine Dolohov, not even the boundaries of hell and heaven could keep you from this place." A sly smile appeared on his face, finally happy to feel that tightness of anger of her death ease.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

His recognition of her meant everything, she had listened time and again to her callous ancestors who frequented the portraits in the gallery repeatedly telling her that the Zhefarovich men were not known for their loyalty to their women. That he would surely have taken another by now but she had not believed a word. Could not imagine the great love of her life being in the arms of anyone else. Perhaps seeking solace for a moment but nothing lingering, nothing meaningful.

She smiled at him aching to reach out to him, yearning to touch but knowing that she would not feel anything at all and the most he would feel would be a severe chill. But still she moved closer, still she felt drawn to the man that had been hers in life.
"It is not from this place they could not keep me" she told him as her hand moved upwards as if she would touch him. Softly as if a cold breeze blew against his cheek was the feel of her hand hovering there. It pained her to be so close and yet so infinitely far from him but at least he was here. She took some solace in that much. As murderous and cruel as she had been to many in her lifetime, the man before her had seen another side. She had allowed him the honour of knowing her love, of being loved by him in return and knew death and time itself could never break the bond that they had committed to one another.

"It is you that keeps me here" voices reverberated then from the entrance hall but she did not move, she continued to stare at him, "You and her."
There was no need for names or to mention her other children, though she meant them as well. Her spirit like substance seemed to wish to tidy everything up into as few words as possible. As if she were afraid that he were the specter and would disappear on her at any moment. Vixen's voice sang about the hall way as the sound of tiny feet pattered across to the room they were in. Thorine did not look, she did not need too. Her eys were for one and one only and she would drink him in, every last drop of him before he left the Hall once again.

 

[Vixen Zhefarovich-Dolohov]

Nastasia was being difficult again and try as she might the little girl could not persuade her that stomping on snails was lots of fun. The sound of shell cracking beneath her little white shoes had been so much fun. At first Nassie had moaned that her shoes would get all dirty but Vixen had merely called Goia and lifted her little foot up and the mess was cleaned instantly. When of course her aunt began besmirching her new past-time with how disgusting and unlady like it was, she had completely lost Vixen entirely.

"Wook... dey wury durty. Dey bad Nassie, wury bad" she had nudged her favourite toy in the whole world Goia to back her up on this and which he did of course. Going one step further to announce that the less snails about the better for they ate everything in sight, the lettuces, cabbages and other vegetables. Which of course would be great if they had any but the most they had about the gardens were tons of flowers, to which he also stated before Nastasia could point this out; that snails ate their way through them too.

It was while this argument ensued that Vixen had looked up at Carrow Hall and seen a figure in the window that she had not seen in a very long time but she knew him instantly. Her mother and Goia and Nastasia made sure that she never forgot who her father was. A smile flashed across her face and grabbing the ancient house elf by the hand she raced up the rest of the pathway. She needed him of course to open the door for her and to stop Nassie from preventing her from going to see him.

"Isth mah Daddy" she told him excitedly before racing on her tiny feet into the room. There she saw none other than her dead ghost of a mother standing before him and though this sight may have scared other small children, Vixen was now extremely used to seeing her mother as a ghost and did not bat an eyelash anymore.

"Daddy" she grinned broadly. The last time he had seen her she had not been able to walk yet and now she was like a force of nature blowing about and none other than Nastasia tried to curb her reign. Her mother continued to smile at her father and then Vixen stomped her little foot.
"Mommy I want joo shee Daddy" with that she wormed her way past the ghostly figure not caring for the ghastly shivers that were caused by passing through her to reach her father. Her small arms wound their way around one of his legs as she hugged him tightly.

 

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

*Arnost pounces on the ghostly Thorine* END.

Spoiler: Teehee

Arnost restrained from shuddering when Thorine's hand simply went through him. Oh how he longed for her touch, how he longed for her to be alive again. But at least Arnost could spend some time with her. Their love would continue on, perhaps shaping others that would look up to them as an immortal dark passionate love that was too rare to come by these days. Age and death meant nothing now. It was just them. Arnost smirked slightly, wondering if one day, if he were to die, if he would come back as a ghost. He was determined however to stick around til Vixen was at least an adult. She seemed so much like her mother and father already. It was heartwarming really.

What Arnost truly feared right now was all this was an illusion of his imagination, his sanity finally cracked. But it wasn't. Arnost was really here with her, just on separate planes. Visible to each other, can be heard, but cannot be touched. That was good enough. Staring at her form, and speaking to her, that was all Arnost needed. That little voice, Arnost knew it automatically, and sure enough, before he could see the owner of the blonde streak of lightning bolting across the floor, the little tyke had a good hold upon his leg. Arnost chuckled darkly, as he bent down and easily lifted his daughter - their daughter - into his arms.

"Now there is daddy's baby girl," Arnost was happy, relieved that he could just hold her now, without falling apart. The man's eyes left Vixen for Thorine, making sure she was still there. "We are the reason why you have not moved on. I love you, Thorine, but would you be happier here, watching us live unable to feel us, or would you be happier moved on?" Arnost by no means wanted Thorine gone. No, he wanted her here, with him, forever. Arnost wasn't so sure about whether or not he wanted to leave Vixen again, in the care of a squib. But he also wasn't sure if he should leave his brother alone either. Not everyone could keep Asparuh sane for long.

Arnost was at war in his mind. To stay, or to leave? To visit the Carrow Hall at times, or to visit the Zhefarovich Manor at times? Why had there not been two of him? Well, two of Arnost's as technically Asparuh was his other half. He knew one thing for certain though, he wanted no one else other than Thorine.

 

[Vixen Zhefarovich-Dolohov]

Vixen was thrilled when he picked her up and held her to him but he called her a baby girl and she hadn't felt like a baby in the longest time. Leaning back slightly she let him speak with mommy for a moment as her little hands fumbled with his collar. Eventually she had to speak or do something because she simply had to make sure he understood that he was wrong. She loved him dearly but under no circumstances could he leave Carrow Hall again thinking she was a baby.

Planting her toddler lips against his cheek she kissed him as only very small children can. With lots of noise and exaggeration of the action itself. She knew her mother would not scold her for monopolizing him as her small hands turned his face to look at her instead. Leaning her face to the side so that he had no choice but to look at her.

"Daddy wook at me. I no' a baby gurl. I is a big gurl now" she told him very proudly when the front door closing could be heard clearly. Nastasia had finally made it in and Vixen rolled her eyes before hugging her father about his neck tightly and then releasing him, she managed to wiggle herself enough to be lowered back down.

She smacked her palm against her mouth and waved it at her mother as if she had just blown her a kiss.
"Wuv joo mommy" she smiled beginning to skip out of the room before turning back and blowing her father a similar kiss, "wuv joo too daddy."
And with that the bundle of energy went to cause more chaotic mischief about the Hall.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

Thorine watched as he picked up their daughter and smiled at the similarities that were so evident there. Vixen had the same beautiful blonde hair that both parents had but she had the strange eye colour that ran in the Zhefarovich family. She was also going to be tall like her parents were, but it was not just these outward signs that made Thorine smile. Vixen was extremely shrewd for a two year old little girl, very shrewd and very cunning. She had no problem going to any lengths to get exactly what she wanted, there were no temper tantrums really. The odd stomp of her foot and the odd wilful snort of derision but there was never any screaming scenes ... that Thorine was privvy too any how.

Attempting to stay straight faced as the child grabbed her fathers attention before wiggling down once more, Thorine blew her daughter a kiss in return. She could not embrace her, could not kiss her and it was because of this that Vixen had started blowing kisses instead. When she was finally gone Thorine turned back to him, she was still as beautiful as she ever was.

"I would rather be here and never touch you or her again, than to be parted from you completely" she told him honestly, "I love you Arnost. If your love is what keeps me then I am exactly where I am supposed to be". She moved from him as if her spirit could not rest as she in life could not. When she turned to look at him again she smiled serenely at him.
"Ivaylo ... how is he?" she would tell Arnost that she sometimes visited him but he seemed to become disturbed by her very presence even as he slept that she had stopped her nightly vigil of her youngest child. She would simply have to trust that Asparuh was raising him to the best of his ability.

 

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

Arnost allowed Vixen to hop down, almost worried him because of his height. But she seemed all right. Arnost breathed a sigh of relief. Ever since Thorine's death, he has been overly cautious of his daughters. Vixen was growing up so fast, right before his eyes. He shook his head and he murmured, "She will be grown before I know it. I just hope that I stick around for that long." There was no telling when you lived and when you died in the Zhefarovich family. Arnost had a limited amount of time on this world, but he just didn't know when he would leave. But he knew it was coming, a grave feeling.

"You are a brave one, my love. One of the many reasons I love you. You sacrifice yourself, torture yourself with anguish just for the gift of seeing me and our daughter. It is a priceless thing, I could never live up to that," Arnost spoke with sincerity. It was rare for a Zhefarovich to even speak like this, but it was not unheard of. The question of Ivaylo passed through his mind, and he thought for a moment. "His power and authority speaks for himself. He will be raised like a warrior I believe. Asparuh is indecisive upon giving him a title so early for right now. Ivaylo proves intelligent for his young age, and so far, seems to have your looks." Arnost vaguely wondered if Ivaylo had an odd feeling about ghosts. There were many in the family, but the only physical mother-like person in the Manor was Raisa.

Arnost wondered if Asparuh IV would take kindly to Ivaylo. Arnost had a feeling that Asparuh IV wouldn't like him very much, but who knew.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

Thorine had worried herself once upon a time that she would not see her children grow into the amazing adults she knew they would be. She had almost prophesied her own demise, had felt it coming for quite some time before the event itself that she was almost certain now that she had indeed had some form divine intuition. She heard his words regarding their daughter and if she had a heart, knew it would go out to him.

"I hope you get to as well" she told him honestly, Thorine wanted him to be there for Vixen as she could not be. To be there and deal whatever punishment was necessary to any who would upset their daughter. She could of course probably haunt the buggers relentlessly but she would prefer them hexed. Of course she didn't envisage many people taking advantage of Vixen somehow.

"I am not all that brave. It is easy enough to be a ghost Arnost" she flitted closer to him again, a sly smile on her face as she did so, "I get to look at those I love, watch over them as they walk the earthly plain or while they sleep. You were always most peaceful when you slumbered."

Her arms wanted nothing more than to raise up to touch him, to wrap around him and press her body close to him but she could not and yet she moved so close again. Her form hovered slightly above him and with grace and ease of movement she lowered her head to his, her pale grey lips sweeping past his own. Enough to cause the hairs on any man's neck to raise up but she knew her man was made of sterner stuff.
As he spoke of Ivaylo she smiled and could not help herself from doing so.

"He will be great. You mark my words Arnost, he comes from good stock like his sister. They will be formidable."

 

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

Though for some odd reason, Arnost felt like his time here on earth would be ending quite soon. He was pushing toward eighty which wasn't too old for the Zhefarovich family, but he and Asparuh were the oldest still remaining by their line. There were other branches but not many heard from them. They were only around when family meetings were called. "Honey, I look like the dead when I sleep. You know this from experience. If I were to pass, I am unsure if I would come back as a ghost. If I were to pass too soon, if something - Merlin forbid - happened to me before our daughter was grown, then I would try to return. With the future the way it is, I have no idea when I will or will not die anymore."

Arnost used to have such confidence, but none of it passed now in how he would survive. When her lips swept past his own, he wanted nothing more but to feel the warm flesh, instead of the cold shudders a ghost could give. Yet, he remained perfectly calm, and not even goosebumps arose on his skin. He was at ease with his love's touch...well, what touch she possessed. "Ivaylo came from you and my brother. There is no way he can fail when he possesses what I cannot give." Arnost chuckled. He found humor in what Thorine had pulled off, and not gotten mad. Arnost found it hilarious that even the great Asparuh can fall to a potion. Arnost laughed until he almost cried when he heard what had happened, well...after he healed up to where he could laugh without fading into a coma.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

She laughed then as if her body were corporeal and could vibrate with the sound she made. It felt good to laugh, she had rarely done it in life and most certainly never did it in death but her beloved managed the impossible once again.
"And is not sleeping like the dead the same as looking peaceful?" she asked him, a smirk now forming on her face. Her body glided silently to the window passing through an armchair as she did so. Gazing outside she wondered just what she would be doing now if she were still alive, turning her head and looking at the virile man who had captivated her heart, body and soul she knew exactly what she would have liked to be doing if she were in possession of her body.

As he spoke of her youngest she smiled once more, there was no reason for her to fear there that was for sure and certainly no reason to worry overly much for Vixen either. Both of those would far exceed the expectations of their parents, she had no doubt. No, the only child she was really concerned about was her eldest son Christian who was consorting with muggles in the house of his father. She had wanted him of course to get to know Tristan better but not necessarily the baggage that came with him.

"I believe that when you die we will meet again. Death will not be the end of us my love. Life was only our beginning, we have so much more still between us. Our love is limitless" she smiled once more at him as the sounds of their daughters voice echoed down the stairs. Goia's laughter and Nastasia's exasperation that the little two year old was attempting spells with a rubber wand and not just any spells but unforgiveables. Thorine laughed once more at this, knowing that Vixen and Christian had been taught them by her ancestors in the gallery but more importantly they would be taught the Dolohov curse. She would do likewise with Ivaylo, there was no way one of her flesh and blood would go through life not knowing it.

 

[Arnost Zhefarovich]

"I suppose it is how you look at it. I remember when you were devastated that I was dead, but with your anger, you could wake even the dead," Arnost smirked with jest tied in his icy voice. It felt nice to hear Thorine laugh, even if it did sound a bit different than before. Arnost didn't care though. Even though Thorine was a ghost, he was still hers. However, though she had claimed his heart, she couldn't have his body anymore. Arnost believed her words, and he doubted that even death could truly keep them apart. But he wasn't about to test that theory either. Only a madman would.

Then again, who was he to say that he was not a madman? Arnost laughed darkly when he heard his daughter trying to accomplish the worst spells known to mankind. "Oh, isn't she cute?" Arnost spoke, his voice tinged with darkest of laughs. However, Arnost did catch the clock, and he sighed. He would need to be in a meeting in just a few minutes. This was something highly important, and he needed to attend. "I am afraid that I must depart, but I will return as soon as free time allows. I have a feeling that something is coming up, and I need to be there for the announcement." Arnost wanted to touch his love, kiss her goodbye, but alas he could not.

It was highly difficult to love the dead - not just the dead, but a ghost at that.

 

[Thorine Dolohov]

Thorine remembered with perfect clarity the image of Arnost lying on his bed as his sister showed her into the room. She had all but thrashed the place in her anger only to discover he was only sleeping. Looking at him now she wished it were the case for her, that she were only sleeping. Thorine could not regret anything though, her brutal nature had led her to this man. Her appetite for destruction had paved the way into his arms and she had loved every single moment there.

"She's adorable" Thorine whispered shimmering in and out of view as the sun lowered in the sky. His next words caused her to sigh a little but she knew it was inevitable of course that he had to leave.
Reaching a hand out she wanted nothing more than to feel his flesh beneath her fingers but all she felt was the soft tingle as her hand passed through him.

"I will be here when you return" she told him and unsure why she said it Thorine's beautiful voice drifted to him, "Be careful my love."
As if she could not bear to see him leave she disappeared herself, reappearing near her daughter and smiling down at the angelic face that beamed up at her. He had not forgotten her, he still loved her and all the days hovering between the spirit world and this could not take from that fact. With a feeling of contentment she returned her daughters smile.