Recon(silly)ation

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Jai Dionysus

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Stabbing his toast moodily with a fork, Jai gave up on breakfast and spun in his seat to stare out across the sea of unfamiliar faces. A small group of these faces should not be unfamiliar, but why should he be bothered getting to know the stupid gaggle known as Slytherin first years? The majority of them had something to the prove to themselves, and the rest had something to prove to formers as some kind of pathetic lackies. They were merely imitating the older grades, who did it better and more slyly, but still just as childishly. Although Jai wouldn't have admitted it to himself, he would have much preferred to be in Hufflepuff house. True, he was above the meandering idiots, but they were nice meandering idiots and some knew when to be quiet and when to speak. That, and a certain girl was in Hufflepuff ... his eyes wandered over to the Badger's table and he caught Sureya, said girl's, eye and scowled, turning around again. He refused to speak to her after she hadn't bid on him in the Brotherhood auction, though it wasn't her fault in the slightest, and as it turned out neither of them had gone anyway (though he knew nothing of that).

Jai refused to talk to her, but that didn't mean he couldn't think about her ... ever hour of every day. He tried to keep the thoughts cold and dismissive yet they still floated towards the heart-jolting whenever he thought of his lips just touching hers so many months ago. In fact, thinking of it again gave him the chills ... Jai's hair fluttered and he looked up to see the door of the Great Hall swing shut in a gust of wind and a bang that made everyone jump. Cold chills, indeed. scoffed Jai inwardly, pulling his cloak more tightly around his robes. She's made you batty. Just as his bones had gone cold, so had his toast. Irritably, he pushed his plate away and got up to scan the Hall with a copper brown eye in search of Porter, a meek but sensible friend he has made with the Badger's. With breakfast coming to a close, the students were free to swap tables and chat. Jai stalked over and nearly tripped over a crack in the stone floor when he met Sureya's eyes again at the end of the table. In sudden impulse, he sat down beside her and stared at the melted pot of butter in front of him. "How was the Ball?" he asked offhand in a cool tone. What was she, a magnet? Every time he saw her, he just seemed to move unconsciously to her side.
 
Sureya sat with her dorm mates comfortable within the close knit group of friends she had come to treasure. They were wonderful especially through her quarantine in the hospital when she among many others had contacted a contagious strain of dragon pox. The girls had kept her spirits up the entire time by sending her silly gifts and notes filled with the goings on around the school. She laughed at a joke and as she did so her face turned in the direction it usually would, towards the Slytherin table. Her heart felt heavy suddenly when her gaze met head on with Jai's. She had missed him terribly but her friends had been much too afraid of him to try to get any word to him. Sullen and morose as he always appeared to be, Sureya often wondered that she had been able to befriend him at all.

As she noticed the scowl peek his handsome features she in turn looked crestfallen and turned her attention back instantly to her friends, they unfortunately began standing up to leave. All with their own plans made as to how to spend the next free period. Sureya gave a small wave of farewell before looking at the satchel by her side on the bench, her intention was to catch up on all the school work she had missed out on. She was doing good enough so far just simply not as good as she would have liked. Her thoughts kept drifting invariably to the things she had missed while sequestered in the hospital wing, the yule ball and her date with Hamza who she had yet to apologize too. The dueling tournament which she had been looking forward too and of course her friends, more importantly Jai. Again she looked up as if a moth drawn to a flame but where he had been sitting was now simply an empty space.

With a resigned sigh she looked down at her empty plate and pushed it from her when her attention was immediately caught by someone sitting down beside her. Jai's voice filled with nonchalance delighted her ears and with a smile of pure delight that he had sought her out, Sureya turned to face him.
"Hi Jai, it's wonderful to see you too" she told him, ignoring the question he had posed to her for now, "How have you been?"
Leaning slightly closer as if conspiratorially about to whisper to him, Sureya smiled.
"That's customery protocol when people haven't seen one another in a bit." hastily she straightened up again turning a little in order to face him properly. He was still as devastatingly handsome as she remembered him to be and felt a ridiculous love-sick sigh building up within her as she looked at him.
 
The look on her face when she registered his presence almost made him soften on the inside. How could anyone be angry at someone who was so damn happy to see them? As usual during a time of peaceful contemplation, Jai wrecked the moment by purposely reminding himself that everyone elses' hearts melted when she smiled at them, too. He was constantly aware of the Veela blood running through her veins. He believed that it was the reason he scorned her, but it was one of the biggest out of all the lies he told himself. Jai liked Sureya very much and was jealous when both girls and boys alike followed after her like puppies. If he was a peacock, he would have spread his feathers and pecked them all. For a brief moment, he watched a few of Sureya's friends huddle and glance at them. He scowled at them too, knowing what they must have been saying. 'Who is that boy?' they'd say. 'He looks terribly cross'. 'No wonder, no one talks to him'. 'I think it's because he's cross that they don't talk to him'. 'A girl like Sureya shouldn't be seen hanging around such a grumpy loner.' The words all imagined, Jai gave them a fiercer look yet and they scarpered.

Suddenly he was distracted up the rising goosebumps on his neck when Sureya leaned in close to murmur to him. The scowl disappeared into embarrassed amusement, something only Sureya could induce in him. "Oh, I say," he said with an exaggerated English accent. "It's perfectly smashing to see you, too."Giving her a 'Really now, like I care' face, Jai leant his chin on his hand and looked at her sideways. "Where were you?" he asked instead in a flat tone. "I didn't see you among the dancers." Implying, of course, that he had been enjoying the night dancing with his auction-winner and doing absolutely no such thing in reality. When Jai rubbed it in, he rubbed it in hard.
OOCOut of Character:
That's what she said.
 
Pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands allowing only the tips of her fingers to peep through she pushed her hair behind her ears as he spoke in a funny English accent. She tried not to laugh but it was hard not too and a gentle bubble like the twinkling of crystal omitted from her. It faded softly as he asked her where she had been and Sureya wished he wouldn't keep mentioning the yule ball. It had been bad enough that she had not bet on him, though she had been happy with the choice she had made but it had pained her like nothing she had ever felt before to know he was going to the dance with someone else and all because she hadn't bid on him.

She had spent the entire event as it was curled up in her hospital bed feeling disgustingly sorry for herself, imagining him dancing with the older girl who had bid on him. She had felt awful about not being able to attend with Hamza but he was her friend and though she considered Jai practically her bestfriend, she also knew that somewhere deep inside her she had feelings for him that had nothing to do with friendship.

Her plate became the center of her attention then. She didn't want to look at anything else as a slight rose tinge infused her cheeks.
"Did you have fun?" again she bypassed his question, it didn't really matter where she had been that night because she hadn't been with him!
 
Did the girl ever answer a question straight? He quelled the urge to shake the information out of her, thinking it beneath him to seem so interested in how her night went. Despite his perpetually foul manners, Jai was constantly squashing his more powerful temper beneath glares. No one infuriated him like Sureya did, just as no one made him feel more passionately emotional in any sense. If he was happy around her, he was practically jumping in his seat. If she annoyed him, he felt the simmering pot of his anger boil over at the sides. Sureya laughed at the voice he made and he flushed with pleasure to see her smile. It was times like these that made him wonder why he ever made her upset. She was beautiful in indignation, but radiant when her cheeks lifted in the corners like they did. Jai missed her happiness sorely when her face fell and she stared at her plate. It was her own fault though, for ignoring his question.
"I guess you could say that," said Jai, momentarily mirroring the loneliness of that night without her. "I mostly threw exploding snap cards to my cat."
It was a testament to Jai's trust in Sureya that he'd tell her he spent the Yule night alone. For a boy with such pride, he'd never admit that to anyone else who didn't have his utmost respect.
"You didn't see who I got, did you?" he said as he pulled a crooked face halfway between irritability and amusement at the thought. "She was a third year. I swear she was either half giant, or I'm shrinking. I would've looked stupid dancing with her." 'Shrinking', indeed. Jai towered over Sureya and half the other boys in the grade.
"So ..." Should he bother asking again? If she brushed him off again, he was downright leaving. The jealousy of a boy he didn't know was gnawing at his conscience. "Who'd you go with?". It was his turn to look away.
 
Her plate held no more fascination for her than the man in the moon, she could barely see it as her mind was swimming with images of Jai dancing and having fun with the older student. Sureya saw images of festooned decorations and tons of mistletoe. Oh Merlin! had he kissed her underneath mistletoe as well? She heard him speak and her insides felt like jelly, a big gelatine mess until he mentioned his cat. Slowly she turned her face to look at him completely perplexed. Her cool blue eyes regarded him with something bordering first on delight that he hadn't gone but then with increduality that he had broken a promise made and for nothing more than pride.

"Seriously?" she asked the look of momentary relief that he hadn't had any fun that night disappearing to be replaced by annoyance. No one else ever made her feel so many emotions in the space of such a short time. It was always like being on a rollercoaster with him.
"A girl bid on you, paid good money to spend an evening with you. You as part of the Brotherhood agreed and accepted that whoever bid on you, no matter who it was you'd go to the Yule Ball with and now ... now you're telling me that because she was too tall!"
Sureya gasped in righteous disbelief before twisting herself around fully and getting up from the table. Grabbing her bag she hoisted it onto her shoulder as she then glowered at him with disappointment.

"I never thought you were shallow Jai. That girl had most likely her dress, her shoes everything ready for that night and you ruined it for her" as she turned to walk away and out of the great hall she stopped and looked at him once more, "you're right you are shrinking, a real guy would have taken her regardless of how he would have looked beside her."
She had been so caught up in her tirade that once again without meaning too this time, forgot to answer his question.
 
Please tell me that didn't just happen, thought Jai as he watched Sureya walk off: exactly what he had thought he might have to do. He was flooded with intense guilt that was poisoned with indignation. Trust Sureya to point out a blatant fault when nobody else would. He was trapped between storming after her and tucking himself beneath the house table and shrinking just like she said he was, but as usual his pride won out. Jai leapt to his feet and took off at a thundering pace, not noticing the myriad of embarrassed stares that followed him.
"Hey!". She wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention. When he reached the Entrance Hall where Sureya was making her furious getaway, he caught her arm roughly and spun her around to face him.
"What the hell was that!?" he stormed, gripping her too hard before releasing her abruptly. "You have no idea about anything do you, airhead?".
Jai glared at her during the tense silence in which he was struggling to put a lid on that pot of guilt, humiliation and rage. Panting slightly, his dark eyes grew fierce and determined as he said something strange. Almost ... vulnerable. "Did you honestly think that I would turn up to something like that?" said Jai, making sure she wasn't about to leave on him. "I hate being around so many people, and it's not like anyone missed me. No one wants me around. Can't you tell? You're the only one stupid enough to hang out with me. Hell, even the girl was embarrassed when I took my mask off. Everyone knows about the mean, horrible kid in Slytherin."
It was all said in a rush and finally he fell silent, fists trembling and unaware of the weaknesses that he'd revealed. "It...". The voice that came out of him wasn't his. It was too soft and more controlled than anything he'd ever uttered. "It's not like she wanted me there, so I just didn't turn up. I bet the last thing you were thinking about was me when you were twirling on the dancefloor with some older guy." Jai could still feel that guilt, buried away somewhere beneath his anger. He couldn't look at her because of it. "So ... so you don't know anything about it." he said finally.
 
She heard the footsteps but was too busy being angry to take any notice. If he was so shallow as to not want to be around someone because they were tall then he really did have a problem with her veela qualities too. She sighed but got no further in her thoughts as her arm was roughly grasped and she was spun around to face Jai. As he released her, her own slender hand went up to rub the aching arm he had squeezed roughly. Again he refered to her as an airhead as he had before and it took all her nerve not to slap him or to stomp off which she felt was her right to do. Instead she stood there brazing out his tirade with her chin tilted with as much pride as she could muster.

He was wrong on so many accounts and she wanted to tell him as much. Sureya wanted to slip her hand into his and say ' I missed you, I want you around' but instead she continued to rub the arm she knew would host a bruise within the hour. He insulted her again by calling her stupid and she equally marvelled at the fact that he was obviously right this time, she had to be why else would she stand here listening to someone insult her endlessly?

"You're right Jai, I don't know anything about it. Mainly as I wasn't there either. I upset the boy who had bid on me but not because I was too embarrassed to go or too afraid to show up it was because I ..." she stopped what was the point in telling him anything anymore. She was an airhead and stupid, Jai would probably laugh at her if she told him she had contracted dragon pox.

"And... and you're right about another thing too" now she let him see how much he had hurt her with his words, feeling herself justified in doing so, "you are a mean and horrible kid! If I am the only one who wants to be around you then you shouldn't call me names or hurt my feelings all the time. Would you rather be alone? Would you rather ..." she glanced down at the ground for the briefest second before looking at him again, "we weren't friends?"
 
Jai felt a bizarre sense of satisfaction when Sureya told him that he was mean and horrible. He'd known it all along and everyone else understood it as well, expect for his mother and Sureya, until now. His blindness was total and he was incapable of seeing that it was a web of his own making. His mother was bound to love him forever, because that was what mothers did, but that didn't mean that Sureya had to. It confirmed to him that she'd finally stopped being stupid. He wanted to be alone ... didn't he? Surely that was why he treated Sureya more meanly than any other, to drive her away. Then why was he crying? Alarmed, he scrubbed the juvenile tears from his face and fixed a pathetic and false glare on his face that made him less scary than he'd ever been. Sureya was so angry that he almost missed the fact that she was hurt by his words, but he certainly didn't miss it for long when it all came pouring out of her without hesitation. He'd really blown it now.
"You ... you didn't tell me you didn't go to the Ball." said Jai after a moment, wiping his hands on the back of his jeans like the tears had never escaped. He couldn't think of a reason why she wouldn't have gone to the Yule Ball, and he was almost at breaking point in desperation to know why, but something far more interesting distracted him.
Jai frowned, looking at Sureya like a foreign object. He didn't understand. "But why would you want to hang around me anyway, if I was mean and horrible?". Come to think, he didn't even remember how they had come to be friends. After they had met, they'd hung around each other ever since. "It's no good telling me how terrible I am when you became my friend in the first place. I've always been like this." Worse around her, even. his conscience told him snidely, and another pang of guilt made him whither slightly.
"You're ..." Oh no. He could feel the stupid words coming up, but they refused to be stopped! "You're the best person I've ever known. Why should someone beautiful and brave hang out with me?". Jai wasn't trying to be self-depreciating since he was fully aware of how badly he treated people. He didn't even think he was complimenting her too much. Her courage was an unchangeable fact, to him.
 
As she looked at him she thought at first she was seeing things, tears were rolling down his face as if he were actually being emotional about something. Perplexed even more she watched him wipe them away and then wipe his hands on his jeans. Jai was crying? Jai didn't cry! Jai was as tough as nails and so detached from everyone and everything it was difficult to watch him in tormoil.
"No, I didn't tell you because I couldn't tell you" her words felt as flat as she felt in that moment, "I was missing for the past four months and you didn't once miss me. Some friends we are huh?"she shrugged her shoulders lightly, gazing down as she scuffed her shoe on the ground in a small circular motion. She didn't want to answer his questions now, Sureya felt as if she had been through the wringer already emotionally with him and the nurse had warned her not to get herself upset or stressed about anything as she was still recovering, gaining her strength daily. It was typical however that it was her bestfriend who had been the one to make her want to head directly back to the hospital wing and hide there until school finished completely.

"Because Jai... you're not always mean and horrible and when you're not, you're ... you're brilliant to be around but it's not all about being friends with someone for all the good times, I have to accept you at your worsed too but it doesn't mean that I like it!" she hoisted the strap of her bag further along her shoulder as she looked into those dark pools, the mirrors to his very soul as he told her what he thought of her. Her mouth hung open slightly wider with each word until she was in danger of sinking a ship, hastily she closed it again and shook her head as if attempting to understand him but coming up short.

"But... but you're always telling me I'm stupid and ... and an airhead" and then it dawned on her, he was being influenced by her veela blood and she sighed. This time she shrugged nodding her head knowingly and took two rather large tentative steps backwards from him.
"see if that's any better" having a feeling he would understand what she meant.
 
That wasn't true. That wasn't true at all. He'd known she was missing and it had sent him out of his mind with worry, but the ever-concrete Jai had said nothing to anyone or changed his routine in the slightest. In the process of trying not to make it seem like he liked her, he'd made it worse and it seemed like he didn't even like her as a friend. All the stupid and thoughtless things he'd done to Sureya came back in a battering wave that seemed filled with pointy-sharp things like guilt and frustration. Of course she was hurt. All the things he'd said and done to stop himself from falling for her made it seem like he was pushing her away indefinitely. He called her stupid when she didn't understand him, but no one did because he told them nothing. He'd felt like she could see right into his soul, but that didn't mean that she actually could. Jai, taken completely aback by the revelation, only managed a "Yeah. Some friends," in reply.
He looked up as Sureya stepped back, and suddenly his heart was beating more calmly than before. It was true, her proximity was as grating as it was pleasant, but he understood what she was thinking immediately and was offended by the notion. She must think I only say those things because she's a Veela! thought Jai angrily, wanting to snap at her, but in a rare gesture of wisdom he refrained and closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them once more, he looked at Sureya sternly but with faint kindness.
"I'm not sure what you think bravery has to do with your being close to me, but being further away hasn't made you less beautiful." said Jai, and a tiny smile graced his lips. He meant the last part in faint complimentary jest but the first was true enough. The smile was gone again when he thought of how he was treating her. Swallowing, he finally responded to her question from before. "I don't mind being alone, but ... when we're together, that is good, too. I don't want you to go." Now apologise, said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his mother. No, he responded to it stubbornly. He shouldn't call her names, but there was no way his pride would let him say sorry for something like that.
 
When he spoke again to her Sureya wanted so badly to believe the compliment came from his heart and realised after the briefest of moments that it had. Jai said nothing to simply please people, he was a Slytherin and pleased only himself. He certainly wouldn't compliment her to cheer her up! His smile disarmed her and when he continued to speak she felt even more out of place. Jai did not want her to go and she had now no intention of going anywhere but where he was. The feeling to throw her arms about him and squeal like any other girl was really strong but she squeezed her hands into small fists and quelled the notion swiftly. If there was one sure way of having Jai flee from her then that would surely be it.

"Thanks" she said somewhat shyly, a tender grateful smile playing about on her perfect mouth as she gazed up at him, "so..." she pondered what to do next, the very air seemed to have been whipped from her. Sureya felt speechless and thrilled and part of her still wanted to kick Jai in the shins for making her feel so ridiculous all the time or simply for making her feel so emotional all the time.
"Did you want to do something... together ... now?"
 
She's not angry at me! thought Jai, thrilled to have wormed his way out of confronting another uncomfortable truth about himself, only to be double-slapped by the notion that he cared way too much what she thought. Considering the events of the day, it occurred to him that instead of taking out his misguided feelings for Sureya on her, he should be harder on himself for ... dare he think, falling for her. He couldn't change what Sureya made him feel, but he could change his reactions to it. A good Slytherin would master themselves and the unwanted feelings beneath a veil of simply friendship. Yes, that was what he would do. Which was all well and good to think, but her smile made him imperceptibly grit his teeth as he fought the urge to draw her close because of it. What was it about her that made her look like a china glass figure, made to be loved and protected? But they'd had that battle before, and it was because of it that he could say she was brave now. Jai looked at his black sneakers that were peaking out at him from beneath his school robes and remembered that the first years had the day off to prepare for exams next week.

"Ahh...?" said Jai, going pink around the cheeks without even noticing it. Yes, he very much wanted to go outside to run around and have fun with her, but what could they possibly do on the windy Autumn afternoon? A few students were swimming in the lake but he didn't like swimming in this sort of weather. Although, it was good weather for a fly ... Jai's boyishly handsome face lit up and he took Sureya's hand softly but began to lead them on a brisk march down to the Quidditch pitch. Smiling back at her, he said "Let's get the brooms out," and that was that. If she couldn't fly, he would take her with him, but this was something he'd always thought of doing with her and there was no better time than the present.
 
Sureya could only watch the varying emotions wavering on his handsome face and felt herself tugged from within to the boy. He was truly wonderful in her eyes and his moments of angst were simply moments she would have to contend with because the times like now, where he blushed ever so slightly, took her hand ever so softly were moments she would always remember and forever cherish. They were the special ones, though she would admit it to no one else but her own heart that every moment with Jai, even when he was angry with her were still special to her.

Allowing her fingers to curl around his own she attempted to keep up with his brisk pace as they made their way out of the school and to the quidditch pitch. She wondered had he not paid attention once in flying class to her awful progress. She could fly of course but her feet were meant to be firmly planted on the ground and not dangling in the air while she sat precariously on top of a stick. But of course she did not say anything, Sureya just smiled at him and allowed his happiness so rare of late to guide them along, basking in it, reveling in it and hoping that it would last until dinner time at least.


OOCOut of Character:
so sorry for delay, please nudge me on Andy's account if I don't get on to our rps fast enough :hug:
 
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