Closed Put Together Again

[October Alcott]

There had been very few people in the magical world October actually wanted to keep contact with after Hogwarts, and it was beyond a relief that her favourite of those people was also now her sister. Ever since her fight with Sia October had felt as though she was slowly coming apart, all of the parts of her life she had worked so hard to rebuild disintegrating like so much nothing. Try as she might, October had never been able to actually relax, worries and responsibilities plaguing her mind even when she did her best to forget them. She hadn't really realised how much emotional stock she had invested in Sia until one fight turned her head upside down, scattering her thoughts far and wide and unwinding the careful knots of anxiety that kept her going.

So seeing April again was like stepping into a warm bath after a long day. Her sister had always been the most carefree person October knew, a fact she had once resented, and now found herself wistfully envying. Maybe if she was more like April, if she worried less, this wouldn't hurt as much. She could just... drift on like her world wasn't falling apart. She closed the door behind her sister after welcoming her inside, putting on a smile she knew April would see through. "Would you like some tea or coffee? Or I've got... a bottle of wine, I think." Fake-casual. October knew exactly how much wine she had in the kitchen, and it was a fair sight less than before the fight.

 

[April Ward]

April always liked being around October, though it was a rarer and rare occurence these days. April herself was pretty busy as a dancer, but it was nothing compared to October, who seemed to feel the need to occupy all her time with important things. It wasn't surprising to April, her sister had always been that way. But today, October seemed especially on edge. April frowned at her sister, but followed her inside and took a seat. "I'll take a drink after you tel me what's going on." April said, frowning at her in concern. "October, what's wrong?' She asked, reaching out to take her sister's hand.

 

[October Alcott]

The one downside to seeing April that October hadn't really foreseen, was her sister's innate ability to see right through her. She had never been able to hide anything from April, and it was clear that the stress was entirely visible on her face the moment April spoke. October faltered and fretted, wishing she could escape to the kitchen for a moment to collect herself, but as soon as April took her hand October came undone, tears she had been holding back bursting their bonds at once. "I - S-Sia hates me..." She choked out, tumbling into a seat next to April and clinging to her hand for dear life. "She's - she... she found out I'm... a-a witch, and... and it turns out she's a s-squib, and..." October shook her head, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "She was so angry, and-and it's... it's like... like, I quit magic! I left it all behind, and it's still ruining my life!" She covered her face, shaking slightly with suppressed sobs as she tried to collect herself. "I t-told her she could... could come here if she wanted to apologise, but..." October gave a small shrug, squeezing April's hand tightly.

 

[April Ward]

April knew October well enough to see through her attempts to pretend everything was normal, but she also hadn´t expected her to burst into tears. April immediately sat down next to her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, frowning a little as she listened. "Okay, October... deep breaths." She said slowly. "Sia figured out you were a witch and it upset her?" She asked softly, rubbing her shoulder. "I don't think she hates you, October. She was probably shocked and upset and lashed out." She said softly. "She'll come to you. You'll both have calmed down and you can talk about it." She added quietly, hoping she was right in that guess.

 

[October Alcott]

October would have loved to pretend she didn't remember the last time she had cried this hard, but her humiliation at Tristan and Vivian's hands still echoed in her mind every time she thought back to Hogwarts. She clenched her fists and leaned gratefully into April's arms, following her sister's directions to breathe. She nodded quietly to April's question, focused on her breathing as more sobs hiccuped out of her, trying to take in what April was saying. "She was so-o... angry..." October hiccuped, wiping her eyes and struggling slightly to keep her breathing in rhythm. "I co-couldn't... I don't... understand.... she just... she just... hhhhates me now..."

 

[April Ward]

Even though April had sensed there was something going on under the surface, she hadn't expected October to cry this much. She wished her sister would be a bit better at letting out her emotions before they got to this point. This is what happened when you bottled it all up. April held her close, gently rubbing her back and letting her talk. "She was shocked." She said calmly. "You were shocked too, it must have surprised you both." She said soothingly. "She doesn't hate you. She's upset, it makes people do strange things." She said. "Let's take a few more deep breaths, hm?" She murmured, rubbing October's back.

 

[October Alcott]

October knew this was silly, knew she looked ridiculous, but the dam holding her emotions back had well and truly burst now. She hurt so much, and now that she had finally let some of that pain escape, the rest was eager to follow as fast as it could. It took several slow breaths along with April before she was able to rein the tears in, leaning weakly against her sister's shoulder as she tried to collect her thoughts. "I-it's like... this happens every time someone actually... l-likes me... it's like... turns out I'm... wrong, or.... not good enough, or...." She stifled another sob, wiping her eyes quickly. "I quit magic and it's s-still... ruining my life..." October mumbled, whole body trembling slightly with the sobs building up inside her again.

 

[April Ward]

April frowned and pulled away a little at October's words, gently pushing some of her hair back so she could look her sister in the eye. "You're not wrong, and you are good enough." She said firmly. "We don't know what upset her, but we can guess it had something to do with magic. You know it can get complicated." April paused. "I mean, look at my mother." She said softly. "She's supportive of me and loves me, but I know it hurts her that there's a part of my life I can never share with her." April said quietly. "Even if you're not using your magic... you are still part of that world, October..." She said sadly. She had never really understood why October had stepped away as much as she had.

 

[October Alcott]

As much as she needed the release of emotions, part of October still felt deeply silly for breaking down like this. She was composed, at all times, she always had her sh*t together, that was who she was. She wasn't the kind of person to break down and weep on her sister's shoulder. So when April pulled back to look at her October turned away quickly, hiding behind the curtain of her hair to wipe her eyes quickly, taking quick, hiccuping breaths to try and calm herself down. She glanced at April when she spoke about her mother, feeling guilty for a moment for bringing this to April. She had much the same problem with her mum, but she never broke down like this. She gave a tiny helpless shrug when April reminded her she was still part of the magical world, shaking her head. "I'm not." October croaked. "I don't talk to anyone from school. I - you were there, everyone was there... how am I supposed to... spend time with our classmates when I'm... I'm just the girl Tristan cheated on? Nobody ever liked me at school, everyone that pretended to just... humiliated me in the end..." She trailed off, thinking of Jerara's atrocious speech at their graduation. "I'm not part of the magical world anymore. I made a new life, I made myself a new person. I don't want to see those people or.... remember those years anymore. I want to... live my muggle life, with Sia..." She trailed off, hands twisting uncomfortably in her lap. Through all of this, all she really wanted was her girlfriend's arms around her again, telling her everything was alright.

 

[April Ward]

April sighed at October's words, watching her sadly. "I know." She said softly. "But you still went to Hogwarts for seven years, October. You know magic, you have a wand- you're good at magic." She said softly. She had never quite agreed with October's decision to leave it all behind. "It's a part of you, and it's a part that Sia has to know about and accept before you can go on..." She said softly. "even if you want to live a muggle life with her."

 

[October Alcott]

October groaned softly in frustration, though as much as she didn't want to fight with her sister, there was something nice about feeling something other than sadness. "I know!" She snapped, whole body tense. "I'm not - I still use magic when I'm home alone, I didn't burn my wand or anything dramatic like that! I'm just... I just don't want to... to be part of any kind of... community. Like... going to Brightstone feels like a horrible school reunion, like I'm gonna just.... stumble into Tristan, or Jerara, or one of the other thousand jerks. I don't want any of that. I made my own home, outside of all of that."

 

[April Ward]

April sighed deeply when October snapped at her, reminding herself that her older sister was under a lot of strain right now. "I know." She said softly. "I understand, but you can't just say you're done with it when you lived in that world for seven years, you basically grew up at Hogwarts. We all did." She told her. "That means it's a big part of your life, even if it's only a part of your past. You'll be able to make your own home outside of it, but... this situation with Sia won't be fixed by you pretending you're no different from her." She said quietly. "You need to talk to her, explain it all. But not yet, you both need time to process this first." She said, smoothing down October's hair slightly.

 

[October Alcott]

October knew April was just trying to help, knew her sister was the last person she should be frustrated with, but it was hard to keep her mood in check when April kept pushing on decisions October had made a long time ago. "I know all of that! I'm not planning to... just pretend Hogwarts never happened, not now she knows, but the magical world isn't part of my life anymore. I walked away on purpose, and that's not going to change."

 

[April Ward]

April sighed, feeling October's frustration. She felt like her sister was not really listening to her, and this wasn't helpful. "I just don't think it would make much of a difference to Sia. Even if you chose to walk away, you're part of something she can't be a part of. Not entirely." She said softly. "I didn't mean to make you more upset, sorry."

 

[October Alcott]

October's face slipped as she had to accept that April was right. "I just... I wanted to be free of all this..." She croaked, staring down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Magic's never made my life better. All I wanted was... to be happy and normal with Sia, and now..." She sniffled, wiping her eyes quietly.

 

[April Ward]

April sighed when she saw her words finally got through to October, somewhat. She pulled her into another hug, holding her close. "Just give her time." She murmured. "I have a feeling she'll come back to you."

 

[October Alcott]

October leaned into her sister's hug, sighing heavily and letting a few more tears fall as she turned the situation over in her mind, grateful for the support and kind words, even if right now they felt as far away as anything. All she could do was hope.