One Half of a Whole

Avaria Lockwood

~Mommy- Keystone Ink Apprentice~ Bartender~
 
Messages
1,228
OOC First Name
Jess S
Blood Status
Mixed Blood
Relationship Status
It's Complicated
Sexual Orientation
Heterosexual
Wand
Curly 9 Inch Swishy Walnut Wand with Meteorite Dust Core
Age
3/3/2034 (26)
Ava had lost track of the days, caught in a mess of grief and pain and depression. She couldn't stop thinking of Elsie, or Elio, or Phillip, or Vader. All she knew how to do was hurt the people she cared for. She saw it every time she closed her eyes- the looks Philip tried to hide from her, Elios face the last time they'd spoken, Vaders face when she had yelled at him. When was the last time she had seen Elsie? It didn't matter. She was sure Elsie would be just as disappointed by her.

Ava lay in Vaders bed, curled up around one of his pillows and wearing shorts and one of his shirts. He was her person, her other half, but unlike Elio, she wasn't Vaders. She had thought she was, once, that he needed her just as much as she needed him. But Vader had shut her down. His rejection echoed in her mind almost constantly- being in his bed both soothed her and tore her open again. She needed him, more than anything or anyone, and she was nothing to him. She sighed, curling tighter around his pillow as she stared blankly at the wall.
 
Vader knew that Ava was struggling, though he was sure that she was gaining what she wanted from her father, with everything that had happened, he was sure that she might’ve been a little better off at school surrounded by friends. It was mostly bad timing. But he’d been concerned for her, worried about how she was. His mother had been good at keeping him more up to date on when she was at the house but from her notes it wasn’t perhaps helping. Vader had thought she’d be at the station to see him when he got back from the semester at school, they had talked about it, agreed to it. And while he had wanted to immediately go to her house, his mother had persuaded him to first swing by the house. He agreed to it, knowing it would be a small detour from it and he’d see Ava soon. However, when he followed Padme into their shared room, it was clear he wouldn’t need to head anywhere. Vader thanked Padme quietly as she dumped her things and headed out of the room. Vader just looked back at Ava as he took off his shoes and his jacket. ”Ava, I’m going to get on the bed,” he wasn’t sure how aware of her surroundings she was and he didn’t want to accidentally startle her so he very expressly spoke loudly and walked more loudly than necessary over the small gap to the bed. He first sat down and then lay next to her, laying on his side and wrapping an arm around her. ”You okay?” he asked, though he was sure she wasn’t. [/B]
 
Ava had been lost in her own musings, only coming back when someone spoke. Had someone spoke? She heard footsteps, and then a familiar voice as he moved to lay with her. She released the pillow, turning and cuddling up with him instead. "I'm sorry," She whispered as she lay her head on his chest. "I've lost track of my days. I was supposed to- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry," She apologized again, hiding her face and trying not to cry again.
 
Having Ava turn and then cuddle up with him was not unexpected, he moved to be able to accommodate her and to just hold her close to his chest. ”That’s okay,” he told her, ”I was worried, but I just wanted to find you,” he told her, speaking softly, ”Make sure you’re okay,” he said. He just rubbed reassuring circles into her back and kissed the top of her head lightly, ”But, you’re here and that’s all that matters.” he told her, ”How’re you doing?” he knew that it was likely not good that she was struggling, but he thought it better to ask than just assume.
 
Ava was surprised when Vader said he wanted to find her. "You were looking for me? Is everything alright with you?" She asked instead, sitting up. "Do you need food? Something to drink? Did something happen with Goku?" She asked, moving to get off the bed so she could make lunch. "I'll make you something to eat, I can take care of it," she replied, ignoring herself in favor of him.
 
Vader frowned a little shaking his head as that seemed to trigger something in her, ”Ava, no stop, that’s not what I meant,” he knew that she wanted to take care of him, but he didn’t want her to do it as the expense of herself. To do it, just because he didn’t want her to always think she had to take care of something. ”I don’t need anything, I’m not hungry, nothing happened, I was looking for you to make sure things were alright with you,” he told her with as much of a smile as he could manage in a situation like this. ”I love you Ava, but you don’t need to always be taking care of me all of the time. So, how are you? Do you need anything, want anything? How can I help you?”
 
Ava hesitated as Vader stopped her. "But... what am I supposed to do if I'm not taking care of you?" She asked softly. She brushed her hair back, biting her lip. "I... I need to take care of you," She shook her head, scooting to the edge of the bed and standing. "It's what I'm good at, it's why you need me, I can't make muffins but I can make you some food, I know what you like best," She murmured, mostly to herself. She had to pull herself together, she had to keep an eye out for Vader. If she wasn't taking care of him, he wouldn't need her, and if he didn't need her she was lost.
 
Vader shook his head at her. He knew that part of Ava would always want to look after someone, that she tied a lot of that with who she was, but he didn’t want her to only ever be doing that. He shook his head, ”You’re good at lots of things Ava, just one of them is helping look after me,” he told her, he couldn’t deny that she had helped him look after himself, when he really wasn’t looking out for himself. ”Listen to me, if you’re not taking care of me, then we can just sit and talk, you know, or we can paint or we can just play a board game,” He told her, ”I don’t need you to be together for me, I don’t need you to be making things for me or doing things for me, unless that’s what you want to do,” He knew she wanted to feel needed and he’d happily go along and eat whatever she wanted to make but he didn’t want her to think she had to.
 
Ava paused, turning around to look to Vader again. Her shoulders slowly drooped, as his words finally registered in her mind. I don't have to take care of him. He doesn't want me just to take care of him, he just wants me. Her face crumpled, and with a small sob Ava stumbled forward and buried her face in his neck, shaking as she cried, her hands gripping the sides of his shirt tightly as she clung to him. "I hate myself," She managed after a bit, still crying and voice cracking as she spoke. "I hate myself so much. Everyone leaves me. I don't understand emotions, I've always taken care of everyone and I don't understand how to express my feelings the way I should; I've lost two of my best friends and I'm never going to get them back," She sobbed, wrapping her arms around him and burrowing more into him.
 
Vader watched her with a little nervousness, he wasn’t sure how she would react to his words, perhaps it was just going to fall flat and he was going to watch her pull away from him, but it was the opposite she seemed to take it in, and just wrapped her arms around him and just cry into his shoulder. Vader nodded slightly, a little in surprise, and remained momentarily still. He wrapped his arms around her and help her close. Just letting her cry as she wanted to, just letting her get out what she needed to. He sighed slightly at her words, but let her just speak. He knew how that felt oddly, to hate himself, to fear how he felt emotionally. ”You know I really know how all that feels too,” he spoke quietly. ”I hated myself for a long time, I didn’t understand why my emotions were a certain way. But, a really good friend, my closest and best friend, was just always there for me, allowing me to learn how to be myself. Who never got tired with me, who never left and now I’ll just take her wisdom and pass it on to you,” he leaned his head down and lightly kissed her forehead. ”I’ll always be here, and you never had to hide for me,”
 
Ava sniffled, holding tighter to Vader as he reassured her. No one knew her the way Vader did, he always seemed to know how to make her feel better. She pulled away after a little bit to find the music box, rewinding it and letting it play as she crawled back into bed, opening her arms up for Vader. She just felt so tired, all she wanted to do was sleep and forget.

A few days passed, and Ava hardly left his bed, content to sleep and stay close to him. Occasionally she would wake up and roll over to turn on the music box again. It was honestly the best few days she had had in a while, being close to Vader again helped her so much more than she had expected it to. Eventually, she felt alright enough to crawl out of bed again, leaving Vader asleep. She snuck home to grab some clothes and a quick shower, sneaking back out again before she was noticed.

She slipped into bed again, dressed in her own clothes this time. "Timmy?" She whispered, poking his nose. "Timmy, wake up," She whispered, plopping down on him and trying to get him to pay attention to her.
 
Vader had known it wouldn’t be instant that she'd feel better, since he also know what it was like to feel fairly low and have to figure out some manner of bouncing back from it. He spent the days between his bed with her, and going to the internship. Though he couldn’t pick up his normal hours, Evelyn was letting him do bits and pieces. He thought it would be good to keep it going until he graduated school. To ride it as much as he was able to. But, he hadn’t taken on too much, there just wasn’t the time between semesters at this point in the year, ad selfishly he wanted to spend the time at home with Ava. So he was never gone for particularly long, but when he had fallen asleep that day she had been there, so being poked on his noise to wake him up was a little unwelcome. He opened an eye blearily, and looked towards her. It didn’t take him more than a moment to realise she was dressed in her normal clothes, hers, not his. He closed his eyes and gave a large yawn, stretching himself a little as he woke up more. He shifted his position and eventually had opened his eyes and was taking a moment to push himself up, ”You okay?”
 
Ava gave a shaky smile as Vader woke up, brushing his hair from his eyes. "I'm hungry," she answered instead. "Maybe... Maybe we can go eat in town and then do some shopping? If you wanna?" She offered, thinking they needed time out of the house and that it hadn't been fair of her to keep him trapped away in his room.
 
Vader smiled at her, nodding as she said she wanted to get something to eat. He closed his eyes again, but he was pushing himself up in a moment, ”Okay, let me get dressed and then we can go, okay?” he said with a yawn. He would’ve liked to get a coffee before they went, but he’d be happy to just get one at some point. He got up and moved off the bed. Moving towards his wardrobe to quickly change and then be ready to go. ”Can you grab my camera and then we can go?” he said as he pulled on a clean shirt, it wouldn’t take him long to get ready and then they could go.
 
Ava smiled softly and nodded, moving off the bed to get his camera. "We can go to that one restaurant you like, get some food, then maybe while we're there you can tell me what's going on with you and Goku," She spoke softly, holding his camera lightly against her chest. She still felt miserable, and the usual shine was gone from her eyes, her smile strained. But she hoped that maybe- just maybe- if she could just try to be okay, maybe she could be. Her shoulders slumped a little and she looked down to the floor, swiping at her eyes. She was suddenly really scared. She needed Vader, but she was so useless, she was already pathetic, she had been so selfish to keep him here with her. She bit her lip, hard, squeezing her eyes shut and trying desperately not to cry again.
 
Vader got himself dressed and put a few things into a bag before heading back to where he had left Ava. He noted however instantly that her shoulders were a little slumped and she didn’t seem to be crying but he was sure it wasn’t too far away. ”Hey,” he said softly, closing the distance to her, and placing both hands on her shoulders. ”It’s okay, you’re allowed to be sad and crying, do you want to just make some breakfast in the house rather than go out out?” he offered, maybe it would help to go out out but he wasn’t about the force her to do anything that she didn’t want to do. He wouldn’t do that to her.
 
Ava started a little when Vader appeared again, though she shouldn't have been surprised. She looked up, letting out a shaky breath. "No," Her voice wobbled a little and she cleared her throat. "No, we should still go out," She did, however, take his hand in hers and hold onto it tightly. "I have to... I have to pull myself together," She sighed. "I can't sleep in your bed at school." She bit her lip, moving to try and gently lead him out the door. "We should go out and order something yummy," She tried, and though it lacked her usual pep, it was a small bit more upbeat.
 
Vader watched her carefully as she seemed to gather herself together. He gave her a little smile and didn’t say anything, not wanting to rush it. She needed time to be able to figure out how she was feeling. He let her take his hand, and gave it a little squeeze, she was holding on to it tightly, but he didn’t mind it. He wanted her to gain whatever comfort from him that she needed. He didn’t mind doing that for him, after all Ava had always done for him. He nodded, ”Okay, let’s go,” he said to her. He moved to grab his jacket and put on his shoes, doing it with one hand so he wasn’t letting go of her hand. ”Did your dad mention anything when you grabbed some clothes?” he asked as they headed out of the house. He didn’t bother telling his parents they were heading out, they were adults basically now.
 
((godmod approved))

Ava followed after Vader, staying close to him as they left the house. "No, I don't think anyone saw me slip in and out." She laced her fingers through his, staying tucked into his side as they walked to a small restaurant nearby. Once they had finished ordering, she scooted over so she was sitting on the bench with him instead. He'd been away from her for too long and she wanted to stay as close to him as she could. She dug around in her bag a moment, taking a soft-tipped, skin safe black marker out. She curled into his side, burrowing in under one arm and reaching across him to take his other arm into her lap, starting to draw a slow pattern of swirls over his skin. She laid her legs over his, humming the lullaby softly for a moment as she worked. "Timmy?" She asked after a moment, admiring the ink on his arm. "What have I missed at school? Did you go to the ball with Goku?" She glanced up at him, giving him a small but content smile.
 
Vader took a seat next to her at the small restaurant, he was quick to order, having been to it before and knowing exactly what he wanted to order. He hummed lightly in a yes fashion as Ava moved round to sit with him. He adjusted his arm so that it sat on her shoulders and let her taking the other one and began to draw. Something that he had always noticed her liking to do, though more and more recently. Though things for ava weren’t particularly good, he couldn’t help the feeling of content that he had. How things were good for him. He let her work for a moment, just enjoying their comfortable silence. He felt his cheeks blush lightly as she asked about Goku and he gave a little jerky nod. ”I asked him to the dance, and at the ball I asked him out,” the boy spoke softly a fond expression on his features. ”I don’t think we’re official yet, but pretty close,” he kept his gaze on what she’d drawn, a smile on his features.
 
For the first time since Vader had been home, Ava giggled softly. "Good!" She kissed his cheek, before turning her attention back to the pattern she was swirling on his arms. She ignored the thought that this meant she wouldn't need to check on him during dances anymore, how the fact he wouldn't need her anymore made her unbearably sadder. She leaned her head on his shoulder while she worked, sighing softly. "I'm proud of you, Vader," She murmured softly, ignoring her own fears to focus on his achievements instead. "You've come so far. It's such a relief that you're actually with someone you care for, instead of trying so hard to force yourself to be with someone you don't." She gave him a coy smile, before turning back to her swirls.
 
Vader laughed lightly at her words. He nodded at her, blushing lightly when she said she was proud of him. He tightened his arm around her and smiled softly, ”I couldn’t have done it without you Ava,” Vader said to her, ”You always made me feel most comfortable and happy. Encouraged me,” he leaned in lightly and kissed her. ”But when you come back to school next year, I’ll be taking you to the yuleball, okay? Unless you get another date, I want one evening where we hang out and I actually give you a good night rather than forcing you to look after me,” he told her softly, he knew that she had given up a bit at the balls so she could look after him and he wanted to make sure they had one good night together.
 
Ava was distracted as he spoke again, blushing herself as he kissed her cheek. She smiled softly, leaning her head against his shoulder and cuddling close for a moment. "That sounds nice." She murmured, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "Not the Yule Ball, though, that's the big dance. You should go with Goku. What about the Valentines dance instead? It's smaller," She offered, shifting a little so she could still swirl his arm while cuddling with him. It was then that an older man sat in the booth across from them, draping his arm over the back of the booth and revealing a sleeve of tattoos. Ava was immediately distracted, silent as her eyes swept over the man's arm, trying to isolate each individual design and admiring the way they fit together.
 
Vader nodded, ”If that’s what you want, then we’ll do valentines instead,” he told her with a small smile. He let his hand run up and down her back and he was watching where her gaze was, before back down at his own air, where her drawings were bare on his arms. He smiled a little, ”Maybe that’s what you should do. I mean you are half way to it,” he said, holding up his arm. He knew that Ava liked art, she liked drawing, she worked on projects and was truly gifted, but she was watching that quite intently and he thought if she wanted something that was what she could actually do, vader thought that would be it. ”You’d be the best at it,” he told her.
 
Ava was surprised when Vader commented on her fascination with the tattoos. She hesitated a moment, looking at his arm and glancing back at the other man's arm. "I... do you really think I could?" She asked softly. It was... an interesting idea, she had to admit. She had always meant to get a few tattoos of her own, though her sadness at possibly not getting the ones meant for Elio had stopped her. She bit her lip, looking away. "But... what if I can't?" She asked softly.
 

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