Closed Not sure how to say this

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

TW - coming out
​

“Hey… can I… just like… talk to you for a bit?” He asked Demi as he turned to her during class. He'd been a little quieter than usual and she'd probably noticed, but he couldn't talk to her here, in class. He needed a moment to gather himself, but once class ended he almost dragged her up into the tower so they could be alone. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to say it, or even what he was saying if he was honest, but, he’d been wondering recently and Demi felt like the person to tell, for now. He’d mentioned something, just in passing, to Nox—half a joke, half a test to see how it would land. Nox hadn’t even blinked, hadn’t treated it like some earth-shattering confession, and that had given him a little courage. Enough to bring it up again. Enough to say it out loud, to Demi, at least. He trusted her and she was his best friend. He fidgeted a little, not really sure how to start this, but taking a deep breath he ran his hand through his hair. “I… maybe, sort of, think that I might be a little bit…” he frowned, feeling like the words were stuck on his tongue. He didn't even know why they would be, he'd never felt like there was anything wrong. “I think I might a little bit like boys.”

There. He said it. And his stomach twisted into knots immediately. “I don’t even know what that means, really,” he quickly added, almost like backtracking because he didn't know what she would say. "I just... feel it." How? He couldn't say, he just knew that that was how he felt. In general, not about anyone in particular or anything. Demi would understand that right?

@Demi Zephyr​

 

[Demi Zephyr]

If it wasn't for Lumos, Demi wasn't sure whether she'd still have been at Hogwarts. No one else in the castle respected like, or even so much as liked being in the same room as her. It was only the Slytherin that would acknowledge her properly and maybe it was damaging to his reputation that he was her friend, but she couldn't deny she wasn't appreciative of him being around for her. "Of course you can?" Demi had whispered back to him during the class, a frown appearing on her face at the concern in his voice. Had something happened? Honestly, she was just glad he still seemed to trust her after the diabolical scene with Tori, even once things had been out in the open with the group.

Demi had followed him closely out the room, waiting for him to make the first move about whatever it was that he needed to get off his chest. Lumos was uncharacteristically nervous, which put Demi on edge too. "What's going on?" she nudged finally, watching as he ran his fingers through his hair. The Ravenclaw blinked for a few seconds after his next sentence, as though she was still waiting for him to tell her what the problem was. It was only when Lumos went on to explain that he could feel it that she realised what this meant to him. "Oh," what was she supposed to say? "I mean, I like boys too, I guess that means we can both boy watch together now, huh," she grinned, knowing it would be more fun to have someone she could point cute boys out to now rather than just admiring them to herself in her head. "Do you.. like one boy in particular?" She asked, wondering if that was what had Lumos' stomach tied up in knots.​

 

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

Lumos didn’t realise he’d been holding his breath for her reply until he had to take another one. He wasn’t sure what kind of a response he’d been waiting for, a positive one, maybe? But Demi’s casual acceptance sent an instant wave of relief through him, even if he still sort of felt a little bit unsettled about the whole thing. He still felt like he was wound up really tight, like a bow string, and one snap could break him, but the smile on her face, the easy way she was speaking to him - it helped, it made his feel a little more at ease. So, he laughed, a short laugh, but one that was really needed after this, and he shook his head. “Boy watching? That makes this all sound so normal,” he said, a small hesitant smile breaking up at the corner of his lips. He supposed it was normal, for some people, but he didn’t know how to feel normal about liking anyone, let alone… he swallowed. Did he like Jonah like that?

Asking if he liked one boy in particular made his stomach twist in knots. He hesitated, dragging his fingers through his hair again and licked his lips. “I… don’t know,” he admitted, turning to look away a little in case she judged him for it. Not for liking a boy, but for liking Jonah. He spent most of his time with the Hufflepuff anyway. “I mean, maybe? I think so? But also… I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like. How do you even tell?” He was frustrated, but he didn’t quite know why. He rubbed the back of his neck, exhaling in annoyance. “I just… I’ve never thought about it before, not really. And now suddenly, it’s like-” He waved a hand vaguely, like that would somehow explain the mess in his head. “I don’t know if it’s a boy, or just… boys. Or if I’m making it all up.” He glanced at her then, a little wary, like he was waiting for her to tell him he was being ridiculous.

“But if I did like someone,” he muttered, shifting awkwardly, “it’s not like it would matter anyway.”​

 

[Demi Zephyr]

Demi wasn't entirely sure she was following why Lumos broke out into laughter. Had she said something funny? "It is normal," she said, sliding her arm through his so that they could walk and talk. By the sounds of it, Lumos didn't really know what or who he liked, and whatever situation he had going on he was keeping it under wraps. As her best friend asked how she was supposed to tell whether he liked someone, she only really had one situation of her own to base it off. "Well, do you want to hang out with them a lot?" She thought about how things had been before William had kissed Eurydice. "When you do see them, it's like they make your day," the more she said it out loud, the more she was realising how sad she sounded. Demi pressed on, for Lumos' sake. "You find yourself caring about them a lot, and thinking about them and what they might be doing when they're not around," even after the game Demi found that out the hard way. Demi glanced to the Slytherin when he considered if he was simply making it all up, "You wouldn't be asking if there wasn't a good chance it was true," she offered, eyes fixed on his face as though searching it for clues to how he was feeling. "Besides, you don't need to know. Maybe it is one boy, maybe it's all boys, either way you've got time to find out, right?" It wasn't like he was going to be able to understand it overnight. "Why wouldn't it matter?" The brunette frowned, trying to work out if Jonah, Felix or William were the boys in the running. ​

 

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

Lumos let Demi loop her arm around his, and he was very greatful to have a best friend like her. He knew there were others in the school that didn’t like Demi for whatever reasons, but he didn’t really understand why. She cared so much about the people she loved, and she was always so willing to come to his aid when he needed her. He knew she would always stand up for him if she needed him to and she listened when he needed someone to vent to. She was different to Jonah, because she was always concerned for him and he didn’t feel nervous around her like he sometimes did around Jonah. He was always worried he’d screw up with Jonah, he had no such worries with Demi, he knew she’d never hate him, even when he was a d*ck sometimes. Never to her though. And never to Jonah either. He listened as she tried to explain what liking someone felt like, breaking it down into pieces that felt simply too big to full grasp. It could be said he felt some of these things for Demi too, she made his day and he liked hanging out with her, and wondering what she was doing, so how did that make it different?

Demi’s voice was steady, certain, and Lumos glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He wanted to believe her. Maybe he did have time to figure it out, but that didn’t make it any less confusing. Any less frustrating. She pressed him on his earlier words, and Lumos hesitated, looking down at the stone floor as they walked. “Because it just wouldn’t,” he muttered. He’d sent Jonah a rose, and Jonah hadn’t sent him one. He’d even signed his and Jonah hadn’t even mentioned it. This would have been the time, he would have thought. But nothing, and when he’d asked Jonah to the Valentine’s dance, it felt like he was going because he was asked, not because Lumos specifically asked him.

He let out a slow breath, shaking his head. “I don’t even know why I brought it up,” he said, voice quieter. “I guess I just… needed to say it to someone.”​

 

[Demi Zephyr]

Demi was getting very little information out of Lumos, which was strange because he usually told her everything. The only explanation was that Lumos simply didn't have the answers himself, and that was only made clearer by the quiet frustration in his voice. Demi knew what it was like to just not be able make a situation work out, but to not even know where she was meant to start would have made it harder. Demi stopped walking, and turned to throw her arms around Lumos' shoulders. He looked like he was close to crying and she'd never seen him seem so defeated. "I'm glad you told me," she said quietly, not letting go of the tight hug for a good few seconds, as though she could stick him back together if she squeezed hard enough.

When Demi pulled back, there was a reassuring smile on her face. "Look, whatever happens, you don't have to do it on your own, okay?" She wasn't about to leave her best friend by himself to figure things out, and even if all Demi could do was listen then she'd do that. "Besides, I need you." Tonight would be the Valentines dance, and with all this drama going on with boys recently it was time they had a night to themselves. "Lumos, please come to the dance tonight with me," the Ravenclaw pleaded, "I promise it will be fun, we don't need anyone else."​

 

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

Lumos stiffened slightly when Demi threw her arms around him, but he didn’t pull away. He hadn’t even really realised how much he needed her to hug him until she was holding onto him. As if she could somehow keep him from cracking to pieces through sheer force of will. Honestly if he would believe it of anyone, he would believe it of Demi - she just was that sort of person for him. He hovered from holding her back for a moment, before sighing and wrapping his arms around her too. He needed this, definitely. He wasn’t going to cry - he wasn’t - but it was taking a lot more effort than he cared to admit. When she finally pulled back he turned his face away to avoid her gaze, embarrassed by showing so much emotion when that wasn’t usually the kind of friendship they had. But then she was smiling at him, and it was that easy, natural Demi-smile that made it hard to feel quite so hopeless.

He swallowed hard, nodding, because what else was he supposed to do? She wasn’t wrong - he didn’t have to do this alone, and honestly, he didn’t want to. Then she hit him with something he absolutely had not been expecting. Go to the dance with her? Lumos blinked, stunned for a second. “Wait - what?” He almost laughed, caught completely off guard by how quickly she had shifted gears. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, if she had asked him earlier, he would have said yes, but… now? He was going with Jonah… he almost felt bad about it, maybe he should go with Demi. They’d gone to the Yule ball last year, this would be a nice thing to attend together.

“I… can’t. I actually already said I would go with… Jonah.” He didn’t want to admit that he felt like Jonah only agreed because he’d asked him, and it felt really nice for someone to ask him instead. But now he felt bad, because he would have liked to go with Demi. “You should come with us, we can have fun the three of us.”​

 

[Demi Zephyr]

Demi hadn't thought the idea of Lumos going with her to the dance was worthy of being laughed at, although she put the reaction down to a heightened state of emotions. She looked into her best friends face, glad at least he no longer seemed to be trying to hide his features from her. "The Hufflepuff?" Of course she knew who Jonah was, and she even knew they were friends, but it was still a surprise that he was going to the dance with that boy. Given their previous discussion it didn't exactly take long either for Demi to join the dots. Surely Lumos would have realised it too? The Ravenclaw paused for a moment before replying to his offer to join them, "I think it would be good for you two to have some time to yourself, you know, just see where the evening takes you," she wasn't about to step in between them if Lumos was in the position of trying to figure out how he felt about Jonah. She was disappointed, but she wouldn't allow that to show on her face when she knew Lumos had only rejected her because he had other plans, not because he thought she'd done something wrong, right? She would just have to go by herself, since everyone else had friends to go with. It would be fine. ​