Closed Not Strong Enough

[Margo Fox]

Margo felt a little suffocated in the great hall. The energy and festivity felt abrasive to her sensitive heart. The holidays were always tricky for her, balancing on the edge of grief and joy as she spent time with her family and tried not to think about who wasn't there. Usually she could brush it off and smile. But her conversation with Valerius was weighing heavy on her mind, and she would be lying if she didn't admit she had been looking for him. He had all but confessed his feelings for her. Even with the rose last year she still needed to hear him say it. Her fickle brain not wanting to believe it could be true no matter how badly she wanted it. Or at least thought she wanted it. She had always wanted a storybook romance and Valerius sure talked like a hero from her stories. But real life was turning out to be much more complicated. Margo took a deep breath as she stepped out into the slightly cooler night air. Already she was feeling lighter as the sound of the ball faded. But as her eyes adjusted to the dim light she saw a familiar head of dark hair. For a moment she froze and wondered if he had seen her yet. Would it be horribly embarassing to hid behind something. But as the seconds past she couldn't make up her mind. So she stayed frozen in place as the light from the castle illuminated both of them lightly.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius should probably go to the ball. He knew that. He had the suit for it. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Aine and Monday were no doubt there. And so would Margo. The thought of her, of what had happened, it still made his heart ache. Had he really destroyed it all so thoroughly? He knew he wasn't the smartest person in the world when it came to his feelings. But he had hoped that maybe what they'd had was strong enough to try and figure it out. He sighed, forcing himself to get up out of his bed and leave the dorms. Just laying there would do him no good.

And yet, he was still brooding. He'd walked down to the courtyard and just sat himself on the steps. He was leaning back, hands behind him, staring up at the stars. The wind was chilly as it tugged gently on the edges of his coat. He couldn't be bothered to move. He could hear someone behind him, but he didn't look to see who it was. He kept quiet, figuring anyone that would notice him wouldn't bother to stick around. Aside from Aine and Monday, he couldn't imagine anyone would bother, and he knew if it was either of them they'd have let him know by now.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo held her breath but Valerius made no move to look in her direction. For a moment she thought she might be able to escape this night with her dignity in tact. She let go of her breath and turned to leave. She had only made it a single step before she felt something tugging at the hem of her dress. Startled, she turned around but there was no one. It was only then she looked down and saw her skirt had gotten snagged on one of the bushes by the door. "No no no." she whispered fiercely and crouched to untangle herself. She didn't want to tug on it in case she made too much noise but she wasn't sure there was any other way to free herself. Instead she took a deep breath and stood up straight. "Just ignore me." Margo said and held up a hand in Valerius' direction. If he didn't want to be interupted she would leave him be. "Just....stuck." she said irritated and started to pull on her dress. The bush started rustling and she was at least smart to know that wouldn't have been subtle. She just hoped her dress wouldn't rip terribly when it finally got free.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius' heart skipped when a familiar voice broke his concentration. A voice that always made his heart skip a bit while somehow still clenching in his chest. He took a breath, and got up. "It's alright, I've got you," He reassured her gently. He moved over, kneeling down and gently starting to untangle her dress from the bush. "You look lovely tonight," He offered softly, not raising his eyes as he tried to rescue the fabric without tearing it.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo could feel her face heating up as she tried to shoo Valerius away. "You really don't need to." she insisted but pulled her hands away when he knelt beside her. Partially because she was frustrated and partially because their hands been so close to each other made her nervous. Instead she stood with her arms crossed in front of her chest and looked up at the night sky. So at least she could imagine there was some distance between them even if she couldn't actually move. Her posture softened slightly when he said she looked lovely. Margo cleared her throat. "Thank you." she said coolly. She was planing to leave it at that but her follow up question seemed to come out before she could help it. "So, not one for dances this year? Or are you taking a more casual approach." she said, noticing he was dressed far too casually to have been at the dance. Besides she would have seen him if he had made an appearance. "Or were you too embarrassed to show up without a date? What would your father think?" She hadn't meant to say that last bit and winced as the words came out. This wasn't what she wanted their next conversation to be like. But she was angry and frustrated. She wasn't really sure who or what she was angry with. It wasn't Valerius, not really. He was just one of many things in her life that weren't going the way she expected and finally after moping about them for so long they had started to make her angry.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius tensed at her words, swallowing hard. He freed her dress gently, standing and taking a step back, not meeting her eyes. "I... just didn't want to come," He offered softly, trying to hide the hurt in his voice and managing with only a slight shakiness. "Your dress didn't tear. It's a lovely color, compliments your skin," He rubbed his neck. Unsure what to say, and doubting she'd even want to talk to him, he gave her a half hearted smile and went back to sit on the steps, shutting his eyes and waiting for her to walk away again.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo was at least relieved Valerius made quick work of freeing her dress but she clenched her jaw as he didn't respond to anything she had said. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, an argument? Maybe. That would at least be better than what she got. He seemed hurt when he said he didn't want to come to the dance, and she felt a pang in her chest. But it didn't make up for her still simmering anger. She took a deep breath and cursed herself as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. At least this time it wasn't because she was feeling sad or pathetic. This time she was frustrated as he complimented her dress. "Thank you." she said softly. She blinked rapidly and looked at the night sky. "Is that all you have to say to me?" she asked feeling a desperation in her chest.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius held his hands on his elbows, shutting his eyes. "What do you want me to say, Margo?" He asked her gently. "I told you how I feel. My feelings haven't changed." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You walked away. I've tried giving you space. I don't know what you want from me."

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo wanted scream as Valerius closed his eyes instead of looking at her. She was free now. She could leave and leave him to his sulking. But his words twisted something inside her and she felt anchored in place. "What do I want you to say?!" she blurted out, repeating his words at him. She shook her head and looked away now. "What did you say exactly?" she asked rhetorically to the starts blinking down on her. "You told me you went out with some one just because you thought your father wanted it. You told me you sent me a rose showering me with compliments while you were still dating someone else. And you basically told me that I'm not good enough to be apart of your future." she said, adding a finger with each sentence. "And how was that supposed to make me feel?" Margo's heart was racing in a way she wasn't familiar with. Was this what it felt like when Cameron and Isadora fought. How could they stand it? "I told you about my parents-" she started to say but cut herself off. She took a deep steadying breath. "Did you think I would feel honored?" she asked feeling tired. "I thought I wanted your words. I thought I wanted...you." she admitted quietly, barely above a whisper. It felt so quiet after her anger. "I thought you were different."

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius felt every word like a punch to the gut. He was quiet a moment, even after she finished. He turned to look at her, pain in his eyes. He tried to hide it, but he wasn't sure how well he'd done that. "I'm sorry, Margo," He spoke gently, his words at least deeply sincere. "I wish I could tell you I was different," He was torn, unsure if she'd want him closer. "I did date someone else because it was what I thought was expected. I did send you that rose." He rubbed the back of his neck, lowering his eyes in shame. "I'm sorry to make you feel that way. I wish I could say I know what I'm doing, but I don't."

He looked back up to her. "I think you're a beautiful, amazing, wonderful girl. I don't think I could ever deserve you." He tried to make his feelings come out in something resembling some sort of sense. "I'm scared, Margo. Every day. I..." He bit his lip and took a tiny step closer. "Margo, I adore you. You're like that warm feeling when you drink a cup of cocoa on a snowy winter day," He offered gently. He reached out for her for a moment, but hesitated. "I... can we... start over?" He asked her, trying to catch her eye. "I don't know if I can ask you to give me- give us- a chance... I know I've messed up. I'm so, so sorry," He bit his lip. "Do you think you'd be willing to let me make it up to you?"

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo's heart was racing and for a moment she considered turning and running away after an outburst like that. But now the resolve that had made her stand her ground was gone and she was left feeling too scared to move. She wasn't surprised when Valerius apologized again but now she stood silently and stared at the ground as he spoke, willing to return the favor and listen to what he had to day. But what did surprise her was the way he admitted he was wrong. Against her better judgement she looked up at him and studied his face as he continued. As he started to compliment her again she looked away. She hated that his kindness hardened her heart, but she did soften slightly when he said he didn't deserve her. She didn't know if that was true or if he really believed that. Sure he could say it now, alone in the courtyard. But that about in front of his father? When he found out she was an orphan raised by her grandmother with a runaway brother.

She considered his proposition. Could they start over? As Margo calmed down she was starting to recognize her part in all of this. She had put her own expectations on Valerius and considering everything they were arguing about, she could admit it wasn't fair. She was starting to realize she didn't think she knew him at all. Not the real him. But their stories were so messy already. Could they really just rip out the pages? "I- I don't know." she stammered. She felt the urge to run come over her. She didn't want to be a coward but her terrified heart was winning. If she let them start over, who was to day things turned out any better for them? "M-maybe. No. Or..." she was mumbling as she tried to make up her mind but nothing felt right. "I'm sorry. I have to get back-" Margo cut herself off before turning to rush back to the dance.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius just stood still, his heart sinking into his toes. "Margo...?" He tried gently. He reached out, his fingers brushing against her arm gently. "Please don't go?" He asked, his voice gentle. He didn't try to stop her, not wanting to force her, but he couldn't just let her go without saying anything. His heart felt heavy, and he wasn't sure he could move forward if he tried. If Margo left right now... he didn't think his heart could take it.