No love, no glory, no happy ending...

[Lily Drage]

Lily couldn't believe it. Her best friend was actually married. So many things were changing all around her. Estrella had graduated and gotten married. Ford graduated from school and signed with the Auckland team. Courtney had purchased Gladrags in Obsidian Harbour and moved from Canada to New Zealand and looking to play pro quidditch as well. Her boss, Chavdar, had sold Scribbulus and her job went with it so now she was working for Courtney. Lily kept feeling like her life was spiraling out of control and that she was just grasping at air, trying to hold on. The only thing that was a constant was Blake, and deep down she knew that was only a matter of time as well. She was truely alone in this world. Watching the wedding today made her realize that point. A dark sadness threatened to wash over her, sweep her under its spell and take her down into its depths. One more thing going wrong in her life and it was bound to win.

As she and Blake returned to Josh's apartment after the wedding, she noticed the letters from school on the table. Their supply letters. Hers would also tell her whether she had made head girl. She tried her best not to get her hopes up, but it was something that she truely wanted to achieve since starting at the school. "Our letters came," she said, moving across the room to the table. Picking hers up, she turned it over and over in her hands before slowly opening it up. She pulled out a letter that merely listed her supplies, confirmed her as captain for another year, and....nothing else. She sighed, then felt the tears start to flow down her face. Keeping her back towards Blake, she tossed her letter on the table, and walked down the hall to the room she called home and closed the door. Throwing herself on the bed, she began to cry.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Estrella was married and, though Blake wasn't that close to his godsister - he felt a flurry of joy and overwhelming happiness for her. And yet, there was something else that lingered Blake's mind... Hope? Longing? Was he getting a glimpse of something he wanted? With Lily possibly?
Blake's thoughts were jumbled in a heap, but they were good thoughts. Happy thoughts. He and Lily had come so far together, and he couldn't imagine wanting to wait at the end of the aisle for anyone other than her. In some small way, Blake felt a little jealous of Estrella because she was legally old enough to tie the knot with the love of her life, whereas Blake would most likely have to wait a couple of years. But again, it didn't really matter; he could wait longer for Lily. And the idea of eloping wasn't something Blake would ever consider doing to Josh when he had already missed the birth of his only son and his first ten birthdays. No, he wanted Josh to be there more than anything. He was all he had left, aside from Lily.
Upon arriving back at the apartment with Lily, Blake was so consumed in thoughts of the future that he barely registered Lily's voice as she announced that their Hogwarts letters had arrived. Taking his time hanging up his cloak and slipping off his shoes, Blake almost didn't notice Lily leave until he heard the sound of her retreating footsteps. Blake snapped out of his reflexion in time to catch Lily's withdraw into her room, tears streaming down her face. Blake was on his feet so suddenly, completely bewildered and worried.
"Lily?" Blake called softly from outside Lily's bedroom door. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" Blake's brows furrowed with concern. Had he done something wrong?

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily heard Blake at her door but didn't move. She felt like a complete failure. Not only a failure as a prefect since she didn't make head girl, but also a failure as a girlfriend. Seeing Ford at the wedding reminded her of that fact. Blake was nothing but faithful to her and she goes and snogs Ford behind his back. The looks that Ford was giving her tonight didn't help at all. Lily only hoped that Blake hadn't caught any of them, and the fact that she was miserable the whole night because of it. She was excited for her friends, but she was just not able to enjoy the day because of his presence.

At one time, Lily had dreamt of marrying Blake but recently wondered if that is what she really wanted from life. She was being scouted by professional quidditch teams and knew that if she really wanted to be with Blake, he would move with her wherever she signed, and would even wait for her until she was done playing. But the more and more she thought about that, the more guilty about wanting a future with him. She didn't deserve to be with him. Lily realized that now. But was she really ready to end this? She loved Blake. She knew she always would. There was no question in her mind that Blake loved her too. He loved her more than she deserved.

Knowing what she was going to have to do, Lily took her wand out of her pocket and gave it a flick. Her things began to fly together and into her bag. She was so happy that she was finally old enough to use magic outside of school. Not that it would have mattered anyways at Josh's house, but she had always tried to follow the rules as closely as possible so she would have the best record so she could be head girl. She had failed. She failed on so many levels and it was time to face the music. Sitting up on the bed, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Blake needed to know just how badly she had failed him, failed herself. With another flick, her door opened, allowing Blake to come in the room.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Blake leaned against the door of Lily's room hopelessly. He felt useless standing outside, with absolutely no clue as to what was wrong with his girlfriend who had seemed happy only moments before. Deciding to remain silent and let Lily pull herself together, Blake waited patiently, trying not to feel as hopelessly futile in the situation as he did. It was not long before the door finally opened to him, and as he peered into the room, Lily's packed bag struck him with surprise and dismay. She was leaving. To go where? Why? So many questions emerged in Blake's horrified mind. What had he done to make Lily want to leave the confinement of his house? To leave him?

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily looked up as the door opened. The sight of Blake's obviously confused face was too much for her to bear. She started to cry again, this time harder than before. How was she going to do this? How was she going to break Blake's heart? Hers was already broken, shattered in pieces. The mistakes she made were beyond stupid, but they were made. She couldn't see how he could ever forgive her for what she had done. The guilt was literally eating away at her from the inside. Her head dropped back to her knees. She didn't say a word, trying to stall off on the inevitable anger she was going to be facing. She simply sat there sobbing, avoiding Blake's eyes.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Once, when Blake was ten, he had woken up in the middle of the night to Cloe, his mother then, sobbing into her pillow. He couldn't see her, but he imagined her laying in a fetal position in the middle of her bed. For all the life of him, he had never understood why, of all the years Cloe had been with Amycus, Blake's stepfather, she had only showed some emotion then when he was dead. When it was too late. Any normal person would think that Cloe really did love Amycus, but Blake knew more than any normal person. She did not love him and Blake saw it in the way she pursed her lips whenever they were in the same room. Whenever Amycus smiled she always looked away, unable to bear seeing the facade of happiness he put on for her son's sake. That one night he heard Cloe cry, was the first and last time he would ever. She never cried when she left Josh and their home in New Zealand behind. She didn't even cry as she watched him fly out of his bedroom window, running away from her.
As he watched Lily break down into sobs, he was reminded of that one incident with Cloe. And that was how he knew that she had betrayed him somehow, and that she did not love him as much as she used to.
It took Blake a minute to gather his wits and contemplate the worst that had happened. It took him another five to make his way to her side, sit, and then finally ask the first question that came to mind. “Who is it?”

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily kept her head down, resting her forehead on her knees. She heard Blake cross the room, but was not prepared for what he had to say. Who is it echoed in her brain. Was she that obvious? Was the fact that she was packed and ready to leave the telltale sign that she was not faithful to him? She knew this was it, she needed to talk -- to say something, anything to make what was about to happen easier on both of them. This was going to be painful enough, did she want to cause Blake more pain by fessing up to the fact that she was unfaithful to him with Ford Harkonnen?

Lifting her head, she looked up at the man next to her. Speaking softly, she responded. "Does it matter? It happened. It was only a kiss, but it happened. Add it to my list of failures." She moved off the bed and crossed the room to where her things were gathered. She moved to pick up her messanger bag and placed it over her shoulder, keeping her back to him. She didn't exactly know what to do, but figured that Blake would want nothing to do with her from there on out.

 

[Blake Zepline]

It happened, she said, so he was right. Blake's body felt limp as he sunk lower where he sat. He felt his chest, then his body go numb with cold. And without a warning, without mercy, he felt his heart shatter in its place, felt the tears begin falling down his face in response.
"Of course it matters." Blake whispered a moment later, his voice hoarse and thick with pain. "I want to know who was able to erase five years worth of my kisses with one. I want to know who could have charmed you enough into forgetting about me... I want to know who's already stolen my place in your heart."
His emerald green eyes looked black as the tears continued to pour endlessly, his expression void. Lily had betrayed him. More questions crowded his mind. When? Where? How? But the most pressing question of all, he could no longer keep to himself. "Why?"

 

[Lily Drage]

As Lily heard Blake's voice, thick with emotion, her tears started to fall without abandon again. Turning around to face him, she was not sure exactly how much she really wanted to say. "He never stole your place in my heart. It was a idiotic mistake. I don't know why I fell for his advances." She fell to her knees there in the middle of the room. Dropping her head into her hands, she spoke again. "Blake, I am so sorry. I never meant to do this to you. The guilt has been eating at me for weeks now. I am a failure. Getting my letter tonight reminded me of that fact. "

She looked up at him, the pain she was feeling evident in her eyes. "I don't expect you to forgive me for this. I can't forgive myself for what happened. Maybe things would have been different if..." her voice trailed off, not wanting to put the blame on Cloe, but that was really where this all stemmed back to. If Cloe hadn't taken Blake away from the school, Lily would have been at that Yule Ball with Blake instead of leaving it with Ford. She never would have walked along the lake with him and never would have developed a crush on him. That crush developed into an infatuation, and then finally into feelings ranging from hatred to love all at once. She never would have attempted to match wits with him that night -- and never would have kissed him.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Lily's apology barely registered in Blake's mind, it couldn't change what he was going through now. What was done, was done. And sorry, Blake thought, was just a word. Almost like love. Lily wouldn't give Blake a straight answer, and he guessed that was because she was trying to make it easier for him. So that if he ever saw the person again, he wouldn't have to be reminded of what he was robbed of. But it was crucial for Blake to know. It wasn't a question easily answered, and there wasn't a reason that could justify his curiosity. Except that he at least deserved to know, didn't he?
As Lily trailed off mid sentence, Blake's mind raced to fill in the ending...
Maybe things would have been different if I loved you more. Or if you had loved me more. Or... if your name was Ford.
Ford was the only other boy Blake knew of that Lily had feelings for. The Hogwarts castle was a big place to get lost in, and who's to say Lily hadn't gotten lost somewhere with Ford? Suddenly, Blake felt his face burning, reddening with hatred. How could he have missed this? How had he not noticed anything? And that was when he felt his whole world fall out from under him.
"How could you?" Blake's voice a cold, accusing. He had gone from broken-hearted to feeling used, worthless and a pity case. "How could you?" he repeated, his voice growing louder as he got to his feet and stepped away from the horror that was his ex-lover. "You used me! You only jumped in bed with me because of your guilt. I bet you needed something to drive Ford from your mind!" Blake turned and punched the wall of the room, his hand going right through the wooden pane. Ignoring the throbbing in his knuckles, Blake leaned against the wall of the place he called home, and began to cry like he had never cried before. Lily had taken the one place where he felt safe, and turned it into a place he felt he could no longer stomach to be in. She had given him a wonderful, deceitful, memory of a lie. And he felt his insides twist at the thought of stepping back into his room again, of falling asleep tonight knowing, that what had once made him happy, now made him writhe in anger, disgusted and ashamed.
Blake sunk to his knees, his hair plastering to the sides of his face with tears. He wanted to be alone with his anguish, and speaking the only words he had left for the girl who had broken him in every way, Blake shouted, "Get out!"

 

[Lily Drage]

As Blake reasoned out that she was unfaithful to him with Ford, Lily felt her heart shatter more completely than it already was. "I didn't just jump into bed with you," she said, her voice starting to show her anger at his accusations. "I made that choice with a lot of thought. I wanted you to have that part of me. You may not want to believe me, but I only kissed him. I love you. I wanted to grow up and marry you. I screwed up. I know that. I have been trying to figure out how to tell you for months, if I even should tell you." Her voice caught as a new set of tears began to flow. "Maybe-" she started, then stopped with a sigh, "maybe this would have been different if your mother hadn't taken you away." She waved her wand and tapped her trunk, shrinking it down to a managable size. Picking it up, she shoved it into her messanger bag. She knew she needed to leave soon.

Suddenly Blake punched a hole into the wall and Lily shrieked. "Merlin Blake!" As he screamed at her to leave, her tears began to stream down her face harder than before. She moved to the door, then turned to look back at the man she loved. He was broken and beaten, simply from her words. "I know I am a failure and I know you hate me, but know this....I will always love you Blake Joshua Zepline. Always."

With one last look, Lily turned and walked out the door and then out of the apartment. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she could not stay in California.

 

[Blake Zepline]

As Lily said her final parting words of goodbye, every cell in Blake's body wanted to stop her from leaving him. He wanted to will himself into forgiving her, and into forgetting everything had happened. He wanted to go back to the man he was yesterday, with no knowledge of the weeping boy he had turned into today. But he couldn't.
Blake listened as Lily's footfalls descended down the hall, and out of his life. He was alone again. Just like when his stepfather had abandoned him. Even his own mother had betrayed him. And now Lily was just another name to add onto the list of everyone who had let him down.

---

It was dawn now, and the sun was setting just outside the window. Blake's face was swollen but dry of all tears, his hair a tangled mess on the carpet rug he lay curled in a ball over. He had lost track of the time that had elapsed since Lily had left, but it didn't matter anyway. She was probably back in New Zealand now, with her luggage, lies and Blake's broken heart in tow. It shocked him how much someone could blind you from the truth, from who they really were. But it was more shocking that, just as easily as love could fill your heart, hatred could too. Of one thing Blake was certain; one of these days, he would come across Ford somewhere, and he was certain that he could not be held sensibly accountable for his actions. He was so consumed with anger and hate that revenge was all he wanted anymore. What else was there for him?
Slowly but surely, Blake stood up and made his way to the bathroom across the hall. Facing his reflection, Blake winced at the sight of himself. He needed to change his appearance in order to start changing himself. His hair was long and almost past his shoulders now, having grown it ever since his return to New Zealand. Pulling out a pair of scissors, Blake thoughtlessly hacked off clumps of his hair forcefully and in uneven strokes. He needed to start moving on, and saying goodbye his to hair felt like a start, however pathetic. He wanted to be rid of Lily, and of any trace of his old, foolish and naive self.