Needing some air

[Estrella Drage]

Walking barefoot in the school hallways was something that Estrella had never tried before. After dancing for a good while in stilettos, the cool stone was miraculous for her aching feet. She had long since banished her matching red shoes to be clutched tightly in her hands. She had given everyone the impression that she was going to bed, but sleep was far from her thoughts at the moment.

Each step she took up the winding staircase was both exhausting and a relief. It was a hot summer night, and the North Tower was likely to be abandoned. Time was also creeping along quickly. It wouldn't be long before the Yule Ball ended and the happy students and their dates would retire to bed. It may have been her last ball at the school, but right now she needed to get as far away from it as possible.

It would be a lie to say that she hadn't enjoyed James's affections. At the same time, she felt as if she were betraying Jaken, who, in turn, had asked someone other than her to the ball. When the situations were added together, they left her mind in a right mess. Climbing the North Tower was a necessity- she needed to break the surface and just breathe.

Reaching the top of the stairs, she immediately rushed to the window. She dropped her shoes onto the floor without a moment's hesitation. Putting one leg through the large open window she sat on the ledge, and when she was confident that she wouldn't fall she brought the other leg over the edge.

The seventeen year old girl inhaled deeply as the summer breeze caressed her exposed skin. She leaned her head of brown hair against the side of the window, reveling in the feeling of cool stone against her cheek.

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken ascended the stairs to the towers rather than just going to the dungeons. First, he wanted to see if he could catch Estrella before she reaches the Ravenclaw towers. However, he thought that he was so far behind. Jaken released a sigh and decided to head to the North Tower. He needed some place to think this over.

He was getting sick when he saw James's affections for Estrella. Of course, Jaken already hated the boy, and now, he had asked Estrella to the ball. But he could say nothing, because he had asked Andy and got sick on her first ever Yule ball because of jealousy. He never got physically ill, just a little irritated at first. Like he was with Kale. But now, it was even worse than before. The physical illness and wanting to throw James off the cliffs were surely not normal of him.

Jaken glanced around, seeing that he was almost to the North Tower. Why didn't he ask Estrella to the Yule Ball? Even he knew that answer. He was scared to. Jaken was rarely scared over anything, and yet, he was afraid of a simple question. That linked to a bigger issue. He regretted the break up. He didn't want it, and after all this time, after the events, he knew for a fact that he being evil and all wasn't the problem. That was a choice, and he chose not to follow his father's path.

Jaken entered the North Tower, and stopped dead in his tracks. There she was. Jaken was afraid of approaching her, and it could startle her into falling off the ledge. That would prove most devastating. Jaken sighed and said softly, "I thought you retreated in, Estrella." Jaken couldn't bring himself to smile. The confusion was hitting him way too hard to even bother trying to show his emotions through his face.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella's pulse went from steady to deathly as a sigh reached her ears. When her mind registered the voice her body twisted forward, causing her to have to catch herself. Falling to the Great Lawn from the North Tower was not in her plans for tonight. Inhaling deeply, she positioned her body to the way it had been before. She was afraid that if she turned around she would start to cry.

Her body rigid, she responded, "Well, I obviously didn't. I didn't feel like going to bed." There was no masking the hurt that she felt. It was blatant in her voice. Here she didn't have to participate in any charades. Part of her wanted to turn around and give her ex a good slap across the face, but the other held her back. Jaken was probably just as confused as she was. Kissing James did not help the situation at all.

Estrella's knuckles turned white from pressure as she gripped the edge of the ledge. "What are you doing here?"

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken only stared at the ground, and closed his eyes. It was obvious that she no longer cared for him. Then again, why would she sound so hurt? The voice alone sent him into a long reel of despair. He hated hurting her, but he had to wonder, who had asked who to the ball first? He stood his ground as she asked the question of what he was doing there. He didn't really know himself. He bit his lip, and took his time in responded to find the right words.

Jaken could not look at her without feeling that dreaded pang of pain in the heart. He answered, his eyes on the ground, "I came up here first looking for you, because I was concerned. But I thought that you had gone to bed, and that's how I ended up here." He had to explain to her, and couldn't hold it in much longer.

"If you want me to leave, then I will. I just want you to know that I would have gladly taken James's place as your date to the ball. I honestly wouldn't have thought twice about it. But, I thought that if I did ask you, then you would just reject it, because of us not being...together..." Jaken leaned against the doorway. Jaken waited for her to simply dismiss him.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella felt as if someone had pressed an invisible nail gently against her chest, and had commenced to drive it in deeper with a mallet. Jaken's momentary silence brought tears to her eyes. When she listened to what he had to say, the drops of moisture escaped from their prison. A steady stream decorated her face by the time she had turned her body around. The moon was incredibly bright tonight. It was poured all over the North Tower, giving an ethereal glow to both herself and Jaken.

She hated to hear Jaken so pained. Guilt washed over her as she tried to meet his gaze. He was still concerned about her, and that definitely meant something. Estrella felt as if she had torn out his heart and squashed it with her stilettos. Her expression was pained as she murmured pleadingly, "Please, I- don't want you to go."

Estrella regarded Jaken for a moment before she spoke again. What was she to say to him? The thought that she had ruined what could have been a much more pleasant evening taunted her.

"I- I wouldn't have rejected you." The more that Jaken's reasons for his actions sank in, the more she wanted to bash her own brains in for her pettiness.

"I'm sorry. I've made a perfect mess of things." The girl kept her eyes on Jaken for a few more moments before she cast them to the ground. In all honesty she wouldn't be surprised if he just turned heel now. She still had strong feelings for Jaken, and she had acted childishly when she had let James kiss her. To think that she had done it out of some sick, twisted idea of revenge disgusted her.

 

[Jaken Styx]

The words shocked him. She didn't want him to leave...? Jaken glanced up at her, and saw the stream of tears that would have matched his own if he wasn't so cooped up inside. Jaken leaned off the doorway and took a few steps closer to the Head Girl, but stopping short. Jaken reassured, "I won't go..." He was rather obedient to her, even now. Though everything would have stopped him from leaving in the first place.

How much pain had he brought to her? Her expression alone made him imagine himself holding her in his arms, and telling her everything will be okay. However, this was a different issue, and he could not just do that. Though the craving was still there, just to hold her again just like in the past. That alone made him regret.

Jaken's face twisted with shock, "You wouldn't have?" This brought a little flicker of warmth in his chest. He damned himself for thinking so cowardly. Like the genius he was. After two years, he still had no idea what went through Estrella's head. She still amazed him to no end, and he still had those strong feelings for her, and never even thought of another girl while they were apart.

The Slytherin coaxed, "I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. You don't need to blame yourself." Jaken thought for a moment, and said, "There is always time to make up for the mistakes, starting off with the Yule Ball." Jaken extended his hand out to her, "Care to give me the honor of one dance?" He glanced at the heels, and added, "Without the heels. But only if you want to." Jaken wanted to make their last Yule Ball a night to remember, not one full of pain.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella was relieved when Jaken didn't turn heel. Not that she would have blamed him. He had every excuse to leave now, but he didn't. She nodded back to him, her eyes wide. The girl had felt so snubbed that she had had no regard for Jaken's reasoning. She hoped that she hadn't left destruction in her wake when it came to Andy too.

Her lips parted as she prepared to argue. She had every reason to play the blame game when it came to herself. Jaken shouldn't be the one apologizing. Estrella decided to clam up on the subject, hoping that her body language would convey her sorrow. She didn't know what could be a good enough apology.

It took a few moments to register what Jaken had just asked of her. There was time to make up for mistakes. She found herself taking his hand without hesitation, reassurance in his strong grip. Standing up and away from the ledge, she murmured softly, "I'd love to."

A genuine smile spread across her face as Jaken commented about the heels. She found his practicality humorous. This was the boy she had so easily fallen for, and was falling for all over again. Waiting for him to make the first move, she added, "You look very handsome tonight." She herself probably looked horrendous. Her hair was coming out of the carefully styled up-do in crazy wisps, she was certain that her face was now stained with makeup, and the dress, well, wasn't completely modest.

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken could not stop the grin that emerged when she accepted. It felt nice to have her hand in his once more. Jaken hoped that tonight would end much better than just a few moments ago. He hated seeing Estrella cry for obvious reasons. Jaken brought himself closer to the Head Girl, and put his arm around her waist. They were going to dance in the moonlight, away from everyone else.

Like their own private Yule Ball that started out horrid but getting better as the moments passed. Jaken gave her a once over look and said, "Thanks. But you still look perfect as always." Jaken's cheeks flushed a hue of red. His eyes revealed the truth, and he thought that she honestly looked perfect. Despite their ups and downs, he never wanted her to be hurt, and he was convinced that she would be hurt by James.

Jaken honestly wished that Estrella would have worn a dress that covered up her body just a bit more, but he did not say anything because he sucked with words and probably would have ended up insulted her. That was the last thing he wanted, a slap across the face and her storming off because of his stupidity.

Jaken made sure that he wasn't stepping on her toes, even though there was a first time for everything. However, he did not come remotely close to hurting her physically. Jaken smiled at her and confessed, "Estrella, I'm sure it is obvious but I have never said it outloud. I love you, truly and sincerely." Jaken hoped that he didn't sound like an idiot but it just came out, and there was no taking it back.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella's lips remained upturned as Jaken pulled her closer to him. The butterflies had returned full force. It was strange that they had come out to play twice within the course of a few hours, with two different men no less. She pressed her body against his. With his arm around her waist, she had never felt so secure.

It was strange to dance without music. Despite this setback they did not seem to need it. Estrella let Jaken lead her around the makeshift dance floor, bathed in moonlight. She laughed as he commented on her looks. "Me? Perfect? Hardly! But thanks for the compliment anyway." Estrella placed her head on Jaken's chest, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. To say that she didn't want the moment to end would be a very severe understatement.

After some time she opened her eyes again, loving every minute as they swayed back and forth. The dreamy smile never left her face. What Jaken said next hit her like a piano falling from a fifty story building. Throughout the course of their relationship, those three words had never been together. She seriously thought that she was held captive by a dream, and when she woke up everything would be gone.

But this had to be all real. The warmth of Jaken's body was real, the scent of the cologne he was wearing was real. This meant the three words that had just rolled off his tongue had to be real. Obviously Jaken had felt this way about her for a long time, and had never been able to muster up the courage to say it. And she knew it was the same situation on her end.

Estrella was not always sure in what she said. Now she had never been more certain about anything in her life. "I love you, too," she whispered. "I have- for a long time."

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken knew that this was right, though music probably would have helped to the dance, but he did not take a mind to it. As long as they were here, then that was all he needed. Jaken stared down at her with his stormy eyes, and he smirked, "Obviously, you don't see what I see." Jaken wished that he could hand her a mirror, but it would not have done any good.

Estrella was the girl he had fallen for, and he couldn't show her what he saw in her. He only smiled when she put her head upon his chest. He breathed the night air and stared at her still. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. How could he? Estrella meant the world to him, and it was better now because his father didn't mind her as much. Though his face when he came the down the stairs without a shirt with her in the living room was priceless.

The memories, the goods ones at least, flowed through his mind. There were more good than bad, in his opinion, so that was always a good sign. And when she whispered those words back to him, he could not help but stop moving entirely. The words left an impact on him, left him standing there with a grin on his face, and wondered how long she had. He felt like he had known it, but maybe she was in the same position as he was in.

Jaken wanted nothing more but to stand here in this moment forever. This was such a relief compared to the NEWTs coming up and studying for them. It was terrible. And Jaken spent all his times on studies, so much as he didn't even bother to return to the Quidditch team. This was all like a cruise to him compared to the semester.

The Slytherin said, "I never could say that before. I've never been so certain, before. It was a no wonder why I was jealous of Potter." Jaken laughed softly. This made him happier than he was feeling before. Knowing that his love for the Head Girl was returned to him. Tonight, in this moment, had to last forever. But nothing ever does. So, which each passing second, he had to make them last before he went home for the holidays. Jaken leaned in to kiss Estrella, something he hadn't done in the longest time.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella felt as if she were dancing on clouds instead of the floor of the room. Everything was perfect, seeming to have snapped into place with a sure and definitive click. They didn't need music as long as they had one another. To the seventh year girl, this beat any ball she had ever been to. Their movements were fluid, obeying no particular rhythm or tempo.

The girl's smile spread even wider as Jaken grinned back at her. She couldn't break from his stormy gaze, and did not want to. Her dark eyes were warm with mirth. Never before had she been so certain of her affections. Except their situation was quite a few levels up from simple affection.

It was a marvel how much meaning three mere words could possess. Her expression was bright as she leaned into Jaken. "To be perfectly honest- I was jealous too." It was obvious that something so small and petty as jealousy was not important. Estrella wrapped her arms around Jaken's muscular neck as their lips. The seventeen year old engaged in the kiss as if she had been starving for it for the greater part of the term. She was reminded of the kiss they had shared when they had 'broken up.' Had they really even done such a thing? It didn't seem possible.

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken adored to stare into her eyes, and he grinned when he heard what she said. She was jealous over his date. Jaken found Andy quite beautiful, but Estrella was his type. Jaken did not feel the need to explain to her that he viewed Andy as nothing more than a friend. She could be a close friend one day, but as far as anything else, he seriously doubted it. Not unless he was suddenly someone else and liked her type of personality. Jaken only thought that whoever fell for Andy was a lucky guy. She seemed like a great person, and was funny at that.

Jaken’s arms were wrapped around Estrella’s slender back, as if they could get no closer. The kiss was once more as intense as the last one, if not more. The one they shared right after they had broken up. Now, it didn’t seem like that had even happened. It simply felt like they had been separated or something of the sort. He craved her affections, and now that he was receiving them, he returned them also. Jaken couldn’t stand to think of Estrella being with someone else other than him.

Jaken pulled away just for a moment, but barely more than a few inches. He murmured, “I miss this, and I’ve missed you so much.” The teenager smiled, and then wondered… How were they going to work this out with NEWTs coming up just around the corner? Jaken retreated a bit more so he could stare into Estrella’s eyes.

The Slytherin sighed, “You know we have NEWTs coming. And we barely have time for each other… What are we going to do about this?” Jaken cracked a smile. “I would suffice with sitting next to you in class from now on, unless you find that rather distracting.” He smirked playfully. He had not been this happy in the longest time. However, Jaken was sure that she didn’t know about his mother passing away. But that would have to be told some other time. Because Namina really loved Estrella. Jaken affectionately stroked Estrella’s back, not wanting to let her go again.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella could not envision being torn away from Jaken. Time was cruel in this aspect. She could stay up here all night if she really wanted to. She was going to be leaving early in the morning with Cyndi for the Holidays, and she didn't see a point in even going to sleep. The girl felt as if she was getting her boyfriend back, only to have him leave again.

The butterflies did not leave her alone as she returned Jaken's affections. She thoroughly enjoyed the intensity of the situation, running a hand through her boyfriend's hair. By now the break up all seemed to be a nightmare. This kiss banished the whole sequence, overshadowing anything she had ever shared with anyone by a long mile.

The seventeen year old was a bit startled as Jaken pulled out of the kiss, but it was not enough to take her from reverie. She didn't complain- being this close was perfectly fine with her too. Estrella felt as if she were in a daze as Jaken asked her what they should do when it came to NEWTs. Were they really so important? But Jaken was right. His foot was farther through the door of reality than hers was.

"I- I don't know," she murmured, smiling weakly. The thought of being separated from Jaken again frightened her. "What do you suggest we do?" A smirk played at her features as she chortled, "You, a distraction? Never." Jaken definitely had a point though. Though she never wanted to leave his protective embrace, their futures were important too. Dating in the last term of their seventh year would probably not be such a good idea.

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken knew that dating in this time would not be a very good idea. How much he wanted it, but he wouldn't be able to handle it. There would be hardly any time to spare with her, and that would just cause problems for the both of them. Jaken thought for a moment, as the options ran through his mind on what to do without messing up their futures.

Jaken murmured, "I think that we should wait... Just until the NEWTs are over. We do need all the time to study, and I suppose we could help each other out with studying. However, going steady again, I honestly don't think that would be a good option right now." Jaken hated saying those words. He just got her back, only to push her away again. However, he was not the one to give up, and he didn't want to lose her.

Jaken added, "However, right after the tests though, I'm free. And I'll make sure of it." Jaken was ready to commit to his studies and right afterward, he was committed to keeping Estrella in his life. The feelings were clear to him. He was in love with her, and there wasn't anything about to change that. Jaken smirked, and retorted, "I can be a distraction if I wanted to." He winked at her, and laughed once more.

Merlin knew just how rough the months ahead would be on them. Studying, class, eat, and sleep. Barely had enough time to do the last two. The joys of being a seventh year, when one cannot really enjoy spending time with the one they loved because of the dreadful studying. Why they had to make these tests so hard was rather silly to Jaken.

 

[Estrella Drage]

Estrella nodded back to Jaken in agreement. His suggestions made sense. She would love to be with him again, but NEWTs just made any sort of relationship difficult. As the Ravenclaw was especially studious, she hardly had time for her friends, let alone a boyfriend. She squeezed Jaken's midsection tightly, knowing she did not have nearly enough muscle strength to hurt him.

She smirked mischievously as Jaken said that they could study together. Estrella was pretty sure that neither of them would be interested in studying if it came to that. She brought her chin to his chest, looking back up at him in adoration. "I hate NEWTs," she muttered. The seventeen year old despised the lack of sleep, the stress and the loss in livelihood that came with the tests. She was very attached to the school, yet she craved the relief that would come when it was over.

Jaken's words were reassuring and lulled her into a sense of security. Estrella had no idea what she was supposed to do after she graduated, and it worried her. Any sense of a plan, no matter how little, succeeded in comforting her. Here in the arms of the one that had swept her off of her feet twice, she knew that there had to be a happy ending to this whole scenario. When the chapter of her school days ended, Jaken would be there.

"I'll- make sure to be free too." She smiled. This definitely made up for her lack of direction. After a moment, she added softly, "I don't have any plans." If he wanted, she would follow Jaken wherever he went. At this point, she wasn't going to worry about finding a job. She was certain of her love and nothing would sway her. Temptation would never conquer her true feelings.

She laughed as Jaken winked at her. "We're going to be in for a rough term, aren't we?"

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken stared down at her, once she placed her chin upon his chest, he caressed her cheek with his hand. His eyes glimmered with adulation for Estrella, and he said, “I do too. But one term left. And then that’s it.” Jaken loved this school, and the professors - the ones that bothered to stick around for a while - yet, regretted leaving it after the exams were over. Jaken only had one thing planned for after the graduation of school, and that was going to Demitris’s house to celebrate. After all, they were still best friends, almost as though they were related.

After that, he was planning on going to the Ministry in Russia to work as an auror. If his grades were well enough. And so far, they were. Plus he had the NEWTs to worry about. But after all this was over, he knew for a fact that things would look up for the better. After all, once the NEWTs were over, what was there to worry about other than finding a house and a job? That would come simple, right? Jaken was optimistic, despite of the harsh year he has gone through.

The Slytherin knew that at the end of the year, he will have stuck to his word and be there waiting for Estrella at the end of the road. Just little promises, but it meant a lot to this teenager. Jaken smiled when she confirmed her freedom. He remarked, “You’ll have some by the time the end of the year comes. I have only two, but one isn’t exactly important to what I do in life.”

The feelings were true, truer than anything else he knew for certain in this moment. There was no way he was going to release them. It would seem just impossible to at this point anyhow. Jaken nodded, “I really think we are. But it is nothing that we can’t handle. We survived the OWLs…this is just a higher jump.”

 

[Estrella Drage]

One term. Estrella both loved and hated the idea of school being over. The close to the year meant that NEWTs would cease, a slew of new experiences and that she could be with Jaken. On the downside, she knew she would miss the place she called home for seven years straight as soon as she had left it. She smiled as Jaken caressed her cheek, her eyes misting over as she held his gaze. Everything was going to turn out all right.

"Don't count on it!" she chortled, inclining her head and brushed his lips with hers in one quick motion. She was alright knowing that there would be something for her at the end of the road. Well, someone. The seventeen year old did not need much else.

As much as she hated the idea of not going steady with Jaken right away, Estrella was positive that he would be there for her. Optimism lit her expression. "I guess we're both going to have an incentive to work hard!"

 

[Jaken Styx]

Jaken knew everything would be okay, now. Seems like those three words really helped in the long run. It honestly made him happy to say them, even though he should have a long time ago. However, late is better than never. And Jaken hoped that he could give her more than what any other boy would. Jaken then thought, I definitely need to work on my jealousy issues. Jaken smiled when she pecked him on lips.

Jaken released Estrella from his arms, and his hand reached for hers. “We do now. But I believe that it is time for me to walk you back to the Ravenclaw tower. We don’t need to let the Head Girl have a bad reputation with a certain Slytherin if someone were to come up. Though I wouldn’t mind having that magazine write about this.” He was kidding at the last part, and he made sure that it was obvious that he was.