Closed Little Bad News

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie was feeling a little nervous about this. He and Sapphire had arranged for all this to happen when he had the time for it. They had moved quickly and Jamie had moved things around to suit. He'd stocked up, getting plenty of alcohol, some new bath soaps and various other things which would aid in making sure that this while going badly wouldn't go too badly. Jamie had distracted himself from things. He was in his office, waiting for the door of the house to open but he was trying to get some work done, he just wasn't working very well.

 

[Onyx Derouin]

When Onyx had gotten up that morning, he hadn't been expecting how it would go. He'd been in a great mood, humming as he puttered around the house before taking off for a brunch with his sister. What he hadn't been expecting was her company. It had been so much... from Chrysanders apology to them telling him that they were pregnant. Onyx had been quiet, a bit overwhelmed, and after a soft congratulations and thirty minutes of his best attempts to be nice and supportive, he'd had to excuse himself, needing to get away from the situation for a bit.

He'd been standing in front of the door to his house for a little while- he wasn't sure how long- but somehow he just couldn't make himself go inside. He didn't know if he could face Jamie just yet. With a sigh, Onyx forced himself to move. He went around the house, climbing up a tree by the house and getting onto the roof. He moved to a nice spot, facing the ocean, and sat himself down. He fell back, spreading out. He laid an arm over his eyes, blocking out the sun, while his free hand drifted over his stomach, clutching at the fabric there. He felt horrible. Without realizing it, he'd started to cry, tears slipping silently down his face.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie really wasn't sure how Sapphire would go about it or what the reaction would be, he was steeling himself for it being a bad reaction but truly he didn't really know. Maybe Onyx would be fine, completely fine. He doubted it but maybe. Jamie kept glancing at his watch expecting that he would be back soon, but he didn't hear the door, he heard something on the roof and after nothing more from the door decided to go outside and check. It took walking a bit from the house before he spotted him, and it took Jamie a bit of time to figure out how exactly Onyx had gotten himself up there. He was sure he followed the same route but knew getting up with his broom would've been easier. He sat down next to Onyx, seeing that he was crying, and then just placed his hand on top of Onyx's. Jamie wasn't sure what to say or how to be. So just joined him in the silence. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx jumped a little bit when he felt Jamie's hand on his- who else would be following him up onto their roof? He took a deep breath, twisting his hand lightly and intertwining their fingers. "I'm sorry," He whispered softly, his voice very small. "I tried not to disturb you." He promised, scrubbing his free hand over his cheeks. "I know I'm being dramatic and stupid." He sighed, sitting up. He drew his knees up, hugging them to his chest. "Just... just give me a second," He murmured, laying his head on his knees, looking away from him.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie shook his head lightly, though Onyx probably didn't see it. He put his arm around him, holding him in close and just held him. "Take as long as you need my love," he replied. He knew that this was hard and he didn't want Onyx to be rushed as he felt what he needed to feel. He needed to give himself the time for it. He didn't say anything else, just kept him close and was trying to provide all of the physical comfort that he could to his love. To remind him, however he felt it would be okay, it would work out just fine. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx shifted, leaning into Jamie and shutting his eyes. He sighed softly. "I don't care that she slept with him," He promised, slipping an arm over Jamie's waist and snuggling more into him. "It's just..." He sighed, hating how silly he sounded. "I hate that no matter how much I want to, I can't... we can't..." He sighed. "And she sleeps with him, once, and they have what I want more than anything." He admitted, curling a little tighter against his husband.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie put his arm around Onyx, bring him as close as the man would allow, which given Onyx was always quite close. He didn't mind to be close to him. He held him tightly as the man talked about it. Really it wasn't exactly what he thought the man's reaction to the news. He was glad at least any anger he might've had that could've been directly at his sister. He had known Onyx's desire for a family, and the difficult feelings over not being able to see it ever happen in the traditional sense. "We can adopt, or get a surrogate?" he said, they could do it each way. "A family together would be nice and we can just do it in other ways," ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx sighed, pulling away a bit when he felt terrible about the way he was feeling. "I know, I know we can," He sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning a bit away. "I just- it's just that..." He ran a hand through his hair. "I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me," He finally admitted gently.

"Grandmother of course had four children. My father had us. Uncle Jayce had three kids. Ember had a baby she didn't plan, and Jasper and Amaya can have babies at any point, wither they mean to or not. Tyra hasn't planned a single pregnancy, Kira's son was an accident. And now Sapphire..." He sighed, curling in tighter on himself. "I can't help it, I just- I already don't fit in, I'm not as successful or talented and I've had to work so much harder than the rest of my family," He groaned, tangling both hands in his hair. "I can't do anything right," He whispered.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie signed a little with him as he explained it. He knew that this was something that mattered to Onyx, the issue was there was little getting about it, it was not something either of them could do or could solve. He just didn't see how his husband, who was doing so many good things would think that he didn't fit in. But he knew that those thought patterns were difficult to break. "I think you are being a little hard on yourself, baby," he told him with a soft tone. "So you can't get pregnant, so we can't randomly just have it happen, but you fit in. You're successful and talented, and even if we take the long way around to have kids, that doesn't make them less ours or mean less in the family." he wasn't sure what else he could say about it. It was just how it was. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx sighed softly, hugging his knees a little tighter. "I know," He murmured. "I know. I know I'm being stupid." He sighed, tangling his hands in his hair. "I don't know why I'm so worked up," He let out a sigh. "Just- just forget it, I know I'm being idiotic." He pushed up onto his feet, shoulders hunched, and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking away from Jamie and back across the roof. Onyx knew he was dramatic, and he knew that he would love their children no matter where they came from. He just... had to work past his own feelings of inadequacy. He tried to ignore the little voice telling him that Jamie's ex could have given him a family without the months of paperwork, of the high costs of adoption, of the struggle of working through the system. He bit back a sigh, fighting the urge to go get a bottle of whiskey. Maybe he just needed a nap.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie glanced at Onyx, feeling like he was saying the wrong thing to him. Especially since he called himself idiotic and was leaving where they were. Jamie just stood up and moved across the roof to be next to him. "baby," he said softly, reaching to take his hand and hold him in his arms. "You're not being stupid, please, know you aren't," he assured him. "I want children with you and I do think we could open up our home to children who need it, and I have sisters who I know could help us with surrogacy if we want it. It might take longer but it's within our means. I could even do some brand deals if we need more," he didn't think money would be an issue. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx stilled as Jamie stopped him, letting himself be pulled back into his husbands arm. He shut his eyes, relaxing against Jamie and taking a few deep breaths. He let himself calm down, let his heart settle. Jamie was right... of course he was. Onyx wanted kids, wanted a family with Jamie, did it really matter so much where they came from?

He let out a shaky breath. "I think we have enough money, mon chiot," He murmured. He stayed snuggled into Jamie for a bit, before sighing softly and looking up to his husband. "What do you say we go inside, get some wine, cuddle a bit and maybe look into what our options are?" He suggested, almost shyly.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie wrapped his arms around Onyx, holding him in close. He knew it was difficult and that the feelings that Onyx felt wouldn't just go away. At least they might with time, but there would also be a thread of it which lingered. Jamie just knew he would be the one, to happily, remind him that there were other options. He nodded as Onyx seemed to come back to himself and kissed him lightly. "That sounds really good," he said. It would be nice, to just relax, and let the wine and options of children soothe the day. It would be easier when they just had a goal to focus on.​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx let out a soft breath. He knew he should be getting down, going in, but instead he just buried his face in Jamie's chest. "I'm sorry," He apologized again gently. "I know I can be dramatic... I know logically we should have just started with this, with going through the adoption process," He sighed, shutting his eyes. "If it's okay with you, can we set up the nursery? I think maybe getting ready for a little one would help,"

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie shook his head lightly at his husband. ”As your husband, you never need to apologize to me,” he told him. he would never mind, calming him down and helping him out. He never wanted him to think he had to hide how he was feeling. ”You can be exactly as you are and I'll be the logical one to guide you back,” he said, never wanting him to not be himself. But he nodded. ”Why don't we pick a room to be the nursery now, and set that up and have it be our base of operations,” ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx couldn't help but giggle, shifting up to kiss Jamie softly. "We really do compliment each other, don't we? My big, strong, stable sports star, and your soft, dramatic, emotional music baby," He teased gently. He giggled again as Jamie spoke and nodded. "Should we keep close to our room or head down the hall?" He asked, walking towards the tree he'd climbed. He hopped back into it, swinging through the branches easily until he was on the ground again, looking up at his husband with a smile.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie smiled easily at him. ”Yes we do,” he agreed, since he knew it worked for them, and he never wanted his husband to change. The man waited until Onyx was down the tree before following. He went to put his arm around him and gave a little smile. ”Close to our room,” he said. It would make sense for it to be close, for the first to at least be close by for anything that it needed. He did assume that when they were able to first adopt that they would be relatively nervous first parents, so too far away didn't make sense. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx started back towards the house, moving slowly. "We want to adopt a baby, don't we?" He asked, peeking up at Jamie. "Do you think if we do get a newborn or under a year, we get to name the baby? Or would they already have a name?" He asked, wondering if it made him a bad person that he wanted to name their kids. "I think I've got some names picked out... but I don't know if we'd be allowed, or if you'd like them," He offered, musing.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie nodded lightly, ”A baby would be preferable,” he didn't want to dismiss the idea of opening their home to someone a little older. Especially given that that child would need a home too, and they had a home to spare, but he did think a baby would be good for them. ”It probably depends, if we hate the name, then yeah, I think we just change it, but if we don't mind it or like it, we keep it,” he said. He thought it could honour the biological parent too. ”What names do you have in mind?” he asked, curious.​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx slipped an arm around Jamies waist, the other hand resting on his chest. Onyx snuggled in, walking back inside slowly, in no real rush. "Well, I like Brio for a boy and Aria for a girl. Brio is musical directive to perform the indicated passage with vigor, vivacity or spirit, and Aria is a self-contained piece for solo voice, usually accompanied by orchestra. They're both music terms, so I understand if you aren't for them, I just think they're really pretty." He explained, peeking up at his husband. "Have you ever thought of names?"

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie listened as Onyx told him the names he had thought of and smiled a little at it. He thought it was sweet, could just imagine a little boy called Brio, and a little girl called Aria running around this house. ”I love those names,” he told him, with a little smile. ”Brio and Aria Derouin,” he said. He hadn't really thought about names. ”I don't really have any in mind, calling a child Snitch would be...not good.” Jamie laughed lightly. ”I like Brio and Aria,” he said again, but as if he too was now picking those names. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx giggled softly, laying his head on Jamie's shoulder and smiling. "You're adorable," He sighed happily. "I can picture it, us with a little one of our own." He squeezed his hand on Jamie's arm, chuckling. "Unfortunately there aren't a lot of nice Quidditch names." He mused, thinking. "Unless you think Chase is a good one."

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie put his arm around Onyx and squeezed it lightly. "I can picture it too," he said with a little smile. He could imagine that the kids would be so free. they would live well, and he knew that Onyx would be a good dad. "Chase is a nice name, but let's start with a Brio, and an Aria," he told him. He didn't want to build it up too much in case they only got one, or if they ended up with a child with a name that had already been given. ​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx nodded, stepping inside. "I suppose I can live with that," He teased, keeping his arm around Jamie's waist. "I love you, Mr. Derouin," He murmured happily, leaning his head against Jamie's shoulder and shutting his eyes. "This might be a slight derail of our plans, but could we curl up on the couch and maybe nap for a bit? I'm a little worn out," He joked lightly. It always took it out of him when he got really emotional about something.

 

[Jamie Derouin]

Jamie smiled at Onyx, putting his arms around him and holding him close. "Of course," he replied, knowing that it was better to rest than to rush, after all, as they set the wheels of this in motion it would still take time. Jamie kissed his head and slowly moved to guide the man to their living area, to the soft sofa that he could nap in while Jamie sat watch, close by but not himself sleeping.