Closed Lies Tell Me Lies

Asphodel King

Insecure // Motherless - Again // Anger Issues
 
Messages
122
OOC First Name
Cole
Age
9/2034
Asphodel King had been unable to sleep the whole night leading up to meeting Vader for some charms practice. Her eyes were blood shot, and her breathing was slow. It was hard sometimes to be alone now, since Olive passed. After all, all she had was some letters and the knowledge that she obviously wasn't worthy of a mother. Or siblings. After all, Leda had Wendall - she didn't need a whining and crying sister. Pho sniffed. She needed to get herself together, especially if she didn't want to bother Vader too much. But she hadn't seen him since the news - almost avoiding him, skipping meals only to eat in the kitchen alone, to avoid Wendall, Leda, and Vader.
 
It was only after someone else had mentioned it off-handedly that Vader had realised. He knew who Olive Layton was and who she was connected to. He’d been so wrapped up in himself, in his problems that he had completely ignored that. It was hard to focus on other things like that when there was so much he had to do, some many things waiting and depending on him to do well. He just hadn’t had the energy for reading the paper or keeping up to date on current events, but he felt bad that he had missed it. Felt bad, that it was only after he’d found out that he realised that Pho had been acting a bit odd whenever they hung out, and that he could realise now she had been activetly avoiding him. With Ava never far, it was easy to forget others. The Gryffindor decided he should probably seek her out, so he’d set off in search of her. Hoping to run into easily. Maybe she wasn’t doing too bad? But he knew that would be wrong, he knew how affected Ava was by the death of her mother, so it would close….
Eventually Vader was pointed in the direction of the abandoned classroom and when he stepped inside he noticed her. He blocked out the fact that this room reminded him of Goku, of the time they spent together her. That was just training, this was his girlfriend….his girlfriend who he..liked..though looking at her now, he knew his heart didn’t do the same as it did whenever he saw Goku, it had never. ”Hey,” he said, breaking from his thoughts, his tone quick and a little louder than he’d meant. He cleared his throat, ”Hey Pho,” he repeated as he walked towards her nervously, noting that she looked tired and winced a little. He hadn’t been sleeping well since the halloween feast, better than before the feast, he was tired, exhausted and stressed as he always seemed to be, but seeing someone else with perhaps a fraction of it, he felt he understood. No wonder Ava was always worried about him. ”You okay?” he cursed himself for such a silly question but he hadn’t known what else to say.
 
Asphodel was sat quietly, and when the door opened and closed she didn't even acknowledge what was happening. After all, how could she turn and face him without being a mess. The ginger haired girl liked Vader a lot, she wanted him to know that, and she wanted to be strong when eh was stressed. He was an editor, and had so much going on now with Holidays near. However when he asked if she was okay, the resolve that Pho had to be strong crumbled slowly. "It's not fair, you know that." She whispered. "I've never had a mom. I never even knew I wanted one. I grew up and it was just me and dad and then she came along and." Tears streamed down Pho's cheeks and she looked at Vader. "I kind of liked the idea of yule dress shopping with a woman and being able to talk about boys and being a part of a family. Now they're all just going to disappear and..." She sobbed cover her own face. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "How are you?" She asked, trying not to get too into herself.
 
Vader stood a little awkwardly, he was always nervous around her, but it was the same nervousness he felt with Goku, here he was always hyper aware of what he was doing, trying to make sure that he was doing it right, that he was doing enough to make people think that he liked her like that, to make her believe it. He knew by this point that he wasn’t ever likely to like her how she wanted to be liked, at least not by him, but he had to still pretend, and it wasn’t different from when he’d still been figuring it out. Just breaking up with her now would be cruel...Vader sat down next to her and looked at her, he listened as she told him about how she felt and he could have no idea about any of that, his problems weren’t anything like that. They were dumb, he let himself get so wound up and stressed, he let himself end up not sleeping, and here she was with real problems. He put his arm around her and moved to bring her into a hug. He might not like her how she’d want, but he still thought of Pho as a friend and it pained him to see someone he did care about so upset, ”it’s okay, don’t apologise,” he told her quietly. ”I’m fine, why don’t you tell me about her?” he had once asked the same of Ava, and figured that maybe it would be good. He kept his around her and knew he could hug her tightly if she wanted to. He didn’t want her to be upset like this.
 
Asphodel slowly sank into her boyfriends arms, her face against him. She wasn't sure what to say. Tell him about Olive. "I feel so guilty. She wasn't even my mom." She spoke softly, voice threatening to crack. "You know, I didn't know her like Leda and Wendall - I don't even... deserve to be sad." She said, and that was how she felt. Her grieving was selfish. Her father lost the love of his life again - and Leda and Wendall were related to her. Tears streaked her heavily freckled face, cheeks flushed red from the heat of them. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of having to spend her Brightstone weekend with a person going over a will. She was supposed to be dress shopping that weekend.

"She was really kind." Pho muttered. "I mean she immediately treated me like family - I wasn't just some outcast duckling." She continued. "When i talked to her she made me feel valid, and she never talked down to me. Not that Dad does, he just doesn't always understand." She scooted closer to him. "Thank you for finding me. I just didn't want to stress you out. You're really the best. I love you." Asphodel said before she could stop herself. Did she mean that? Regardless it was in the air, and nothing could stop and bring it back.
 
Vader listened as she told him a little about this woman who she’d come to refer to as mum. He couldn’t understand it really, his family had their share of problems, but it wasn’t really anything in comparison, he didn’t know what it was like to lose a parent, not as Pho and even Ava had. Vader wasn’t sure what to do, or what to say. It was good to know that the family had treated her well the moment she’d come into it, it was good that at least she’d had that, but perhaps it made this all the more difficult. He was sure that the others within the family would understand that she was upset, death was hard. He didn’t know how it felt, haven’t having lost anyone in the way that Pho had. He was a little pleased that what he was doing was helping her, she had been in his arms and he felt this was easier than looking at her, and trying to use his own words to comfort her. He knew it wouldn’t be particularly helpful. But as she came in closer to him, and thanked him, he’d been about to explain that it was of no stress to him, when she uttered the three words he’d hoped she’d never.
Vader’s whole body froze in place. He didn’t want to say it back because it wasn’t true for him, but wouldn’t it be more rude to not say it. She was his girlfriend and they’d been dating almost a year. He felt worse knowing that he would break up with her soon. Now just wasn’t the best time for it. ”I...eh..love you too,” he lied, he didn’t look towards her, he kept his voice as steady as he could as he just stared off into the distance. It felt wrong to say it, he knew he hadn’t meant it in the slightest, he had understood for a while that he didn’t and wouldn’t ever feel that way about her. But it was said now, and he could only imagine that it would only make things worse for when they actually broke up.
 
When was the last time Asphodel had allowed someone to comfort her. During the entire situation with the death, and going to Monty with everyone else, she hadn't allowed herself any kind of time to just stop and grieve. Partly due to her guilt complex, and partly because she felt that if she didn't grieve she didn't have to admit what was happening.

Hearing Vader return her sentiments made Pho blush, her heart fluttering. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I dumped all of this." She pulled back and wiped roughly at her tear stained cheeks, trying to wipe away the flushed appearance she knew her skin held. "You look a bit tired." She stated, putting a hand on his face briefly. "Everything okay for you?"
 
Vader was trying his best to hold everything together, he could feel his heart hammer in his chest, he knew that he probably had a little of a spaced look to him. He had said the words, but how he hadn’t meant them, how confused and disappointed she was bound to be when he broke up with her. Vader shook his head, not really looking towards her, keeping his gaze moving from her to the ground, to the window behind them, to the walls, everything to somewhat avoid really looking at her. He stilled as she placed a hand on his face. Why was she caring about him? They were just talking about the death of her half mother person, why would it matter that he hadn’t slept much. ”I’m okay, busy you know,” he explained speaking quickly and giving a half forced smile, ”Will you be okay?” he returned the question to her, not willing to linger on him for long, especially not after the admission she’d said. He didn’t want to focus on anything for that long. Really, he wanted to leave, but he couldn’t, not while she was likely still feeling pretty upset. He wanted to be a good boyfriend, even if he knew he’d be ending it soon enough.
 
Asphodel took a breath and then nodded at her boyfriend. "Always, Vader." She said in regards to being okay. Pho was a tough cookie - she'd figure it out, wouldn't she? "i think maybe you should get some rest. I haven't eaten much and I'm hungry. So how about we table hanging out when we both feel better." She responded, hoping that maybe things would be normal next time.
 

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