Just Sitting

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Amy Stone

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Rosewood Wand 14 1/4" Essence of Hair from the mane of a Unicorn
Amy was in pieces returning to school. She didn't know what to do with herself half the time, and had stayed within the confines of the castle, seeking out solitary corners.
Today when she woke up however, she looked out of the window and decided to go out. It was still early, 5am according to Amy's watch. She dressed in a trance like state, pulling on only a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a a t-shirt, nothing more. She walked gingerly out the dormitory, in complete silence, not making a sound.

It was as if Amy didn't even need to tell her legs where to go, they knew what to do of their own accord. Her eyes were dull, her face pale, yet she didn't care, she couldn't care right now. The castle was empty and silent, and somehow oddly reassuring. It seemed to comfort her.

She walked slowly out of the castle doors into the fresh morning air. It was absoloutly freezing but Amy barely noticed. She walked softly, slowly, over to the lake front, the water shimmering in the morning sun and catching her eye. As she approached the waters edge, she sat down suddenly, the grass wet with morning dew.

She sat, completely still watching the water lapping on the shore. As she sat there she thought about everything that had happened. Amy shut her eyes, willing the pain out. But when she sat her eyes she could see a flash of light, the very same one she had experianced six years ago. She opened her eyes quickly, her breathing shallow. She was shivering immensly, finally feeling the cold as she tried to block out the images.
 
Cold Morning, That morning Maddiie had got up with a hair messed up and her eyes shot red from the restless night she had again. Its as if their was no point of going to sleep anymore, because all she do was stare, stare into the darkness as everyone besides her sleep soundly. She put on her robes, creeping out the room as she heard Lemina snore next to her. Once out of the common room, she had wondered out the school really having no place in particular to go.

The Cold, had hit her, it was freezing as hell. But she didn't care, all she wanted was to feel it but she couldn't, her lesson were going as always. The past week she merely did anything but stared at the professor as if she was a zombie. Yeah she listen,, but she did nothing but that. Maddiie looked on towards the lake to see a girl no less younger than her sitting all alone. She had wonder why she was there, and had doubt she was going to some trouble of her own. Thought Maddiie didn't feel like conversations she headed towards the lake and sat a few feet away from her.
 
Amy had been lost in thought, images of her mum and dad whizzing through her mind. She shook her head trying to get rid of the images but they kept coming back. Amy didn't want to see these images, she didn't want to feel this pain. But it was always there, like a ghost, bringing back the painful memories.

She had been so lost in thought she hadn't heard another person approaching, but out of the corner of her eye she suddenly saw a dark figure sitting a few feet away. Turning she saw a girl, maybe a year older than her. Amy had never seen her around school before, and so knew immediately that it wasn't another Gryffindor. She rubbed her eyes, trying to see what badge the girl had on her robes, but couldn't see it.

Amy was unsure as to what to say, or should she say anything at all. She wasn't in the mood to start talking to strangers, but there was something about this girl, Amy couldn't put her finger on it. "Morning" she croaked, her voice harsh and rough from its lack of use.
 
The air was fresh, but that not how Maddiie saw it. She looked on towards the lake how many people had swim in it , so many diseases she had shudder to think of the image. Its as if all she can do was think Negative, oh your born, but than you died of old age. Oh great you do better one year in your classes than fail the next, with every positive their was a negative. And she hated that negative. She sat a little more glancing at the girl, who seemed to be deep in her thought, Maddiie didn't want to disturb her so she closed her eyes.


After a few minutes have gone by she heard a distance voice, good morning it said. Maddiie thought she was dreaming but had open her eyes, and realized the younger girl was talking to her. She had a little rasp in her voice, but it could just be that morning voice you get when you get up."Is it a really good morning" she asked looking back at the lake. It was cold and freezing but yet it didn't effect her as much. Her hands felt like she was rubbing it so hard, and her faced was barely covered, but she did not care.
 
Negative response Amy thought inwardly. She looked at the girl, thinking that maybe she wasn't the only one with significant problems in her life. She frowned slightly, looking out at the lake contemplating the girls question.

It wasn't really a good morning, not that Amy could see. But in her life at the moment there seemed to be a permenant dark stormy cloud, hovering over her, rain threatening to fall. The rain, for Amy, symbolised her tears, and the weather lately had seemed to reflect her mood.

She looked up at the sky, the sun trying to break through the clouds but so far, having no such luck. It seemed to fight back, however with a ferocious wind of a significant coldness, which froze Amy to the bone. She should have worn more clothing on her upper body but she didn't care greatly.

It took her a while before she realised she hadn't responded to the girls question, and wasn't sure what to say. "I'm Amy, by the way" was all she could think to say, in her low and harsh voice.
 
Maddiie had looked back at her, to see how she reacted by the way she had talk. But the girl barely did anything but looked away for a minute. Its as if they had felt the same way, Maddiie knew it. She can tell by her body language, it lack of energy, she felt the same way as well. She knew she couldn't answered her question, no one really can, everyone just want to her a lie instead of the truth.

Maddiie though about her father this time, not her mother. She had wonder what he was up to, or had he recovered already from his wife death. At that moment she She hated him, he was a coward to her. He couldn't even come and tell her what happen, he left it up to someone he barely knew to tell her that her mother had passed away. She had lost respect for him, she had grown cold towards him everyday that has gone by.

Maddiie snapped back, glancing at the lake again. She heard the younger introduce herself as Amy, Maddiie looked back at her, with dark circles in her eyes, you can tell she hadn't been sleeping, just by her image and the way she looked you can tell. "Maddiie" she answered back. "Am I disturbing you" she asked but really didn't care if she was.
 
Amy made a mental note of the girls name, hoping she would remember it. She had been forgetting about a lot of things lately, only recent things though. Things that had happened in the past couldn't be so easily forgotten.

The words they had exchanged, for it had not been a proper conversation, had been short and to the point. No chit chat, just plain answers. Amy sighed, the wind playing with her hair, ruffling it up. She shivered again, noticing the cold more and more as every minute passed. But Amy would not get up to go back to the dormitory. If she did, she would most probably remain up there for the rest of the day, just sitting there, thinking about....things.

She heard Maddiies answer and question only faintly. She looked back at her, for the first time taking in her appearance. Maddiie the name rung a bell. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had heard of this person before. She blinked, trying to remember but for the life of her couldn't.

The girl before her looked as Amy thought she might look. Paled face, weary eyed. As if the weight of the world resided on her shoulders. She cocked her head to one side, like she had seen her dog, Dylan, to many times before in an almost confused way.

"Not at all" she said simply in response to Maddiies question. She gazed out at the lake again, as the wind buffeted the surface slightly, creating greater ripples, which were entrancing to watch.
 
Something about her, something about her, made Maddiie wanted to stay. She was about to just get up and leave and walked towards the forest to see any beast were hungry that morning, but something about her made her stayed. Maddiie had recognized her as she study her face a little more, her eyes were a bright green. They stood out the most her eyes, but they seemed so dark, and a story was hiding away. Now that she traced back her memories she had realized she was in the Language club, with her as well.

Maddiie had remembered as if it was yesterday, she didn't really knew who she was, but she was there. That when Maddiie was happy, full of life and was so warm to everyone. Grande was there, oh yeah he was there along with Ginny and Alice, she block back that memory not wanting to see it again. That what they were, just memories.


"Were you hurt?" she asked her, the words spilling out her mouth. Of course she didn't mean physically, more emotionally. No girl, wakes up bright early just because they were happy. Which was the reason why she was here, but her scares were fresh wounds, and seemed to built up every day. She looked into her green eyes, hers were old wounds.
 
It was a strange scenario that Amy had found herself in. She looked at Maddiie when it clicked how she knew her. Grande. He had mentioned her when they had been talking about the Yule Ball. But now he had left, and Maddiie must be feeling that loss. But as Amy sat there, she found herself thinking that this wasn't the reason Maddiie was up at this early hour, sitting on the wet grass in the cold.

Hurt? Amy thought as Maddiie asked her. Physically Amy was fine, but in other aspects was a different matter. She was emotionally drained, the constant crying and lack of sleep had caught up on her. She knew she must look awful but there was part of her that didn't care. Why should she? She didn't have that person in her life that would tell her things like that. Sure she had her uncle, Callum, but he wasn't and couldn't ever be one of her parents.

Thinking this, brought fresh tears to Amy's eyes and she blinked, trying to get rid of them. She didn't want to cry in front of Maddiie, show her weakness to a girl she didn't know. She looked at Maddiie, desperate to rid the tears. "Kinda" she said shrugging. Her voice rattled and it hurt her to speak, but she knew no amount of water would make the pain subside. It was as if her voice was going on strike, refusing to talk since the loss.
 
Maddiie was taken back, and hadn't expected her to open up a little. Her eyes, so bright and green were now spilling out tears drop. Even though it was sad that she was crying, but her eyes looked so pretty when they cried. She could not take heres eyes, off of them wishing she had them herself.

Maddiie had felt her guard, let down a little, wishing she had not asked. She wanted to do something, try and make her feel better. But the feeling of numbness was still there. What can you offer a stranger? she asked herself that question. Two people who didn't no much about each other, and their introduction wasn't much of a good one. What can you offer a Stranger? she asked herself once again.

She looked at the lake as its current moved back and fourth with the wind. She had memories here as well, she sighed blocking that one to the back of her head. Without thinking, "I give you my ears" she offered as the words spell out her mouth one again.
 
Amy felt the silence between herself and Maddiie but made no attempt to try and ease or correct it. She sat there, feeling her eyes burning. She shut them, and rubbed them, hoping this would help. Keeping them closed, she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, opening her eyes as she did so.

Amy tore her gaze away from the lake to look at Maddiie, who was watching her. She heard her comment, knowing that if she was not in the state that she was in, she would have found it odd. However, she appreciated it, and attempted a weak smile.

"I don't want to burden you with my problems" she replied hoarsely. She was slightly shocked with herself; that had been the longest thing she had said since being back at school. Her throat felt like sand paper as she spoke, and she realised why she had refrained from talking so much. She blinked her dull green eyes, simply looking at Maddiie, unsure of what to say next. It was strange; Amy and Maddiie had known each other for a maximum of a couple of minutes but Amy felt as if Maddiie would understand her.
 
Maddiie felt then of her finger tips get red, she looked at them as if they were not hers. The feeling of numbness still exist, so she tucked them into her robes, feeling her hair blew into the cold breeze. When she heard Amy say burden, Maddiie scanned through her mind trying to figure what that meant. Burden she said in her head, the feeling of stress weighting you down. But she looked back at Amy, and had shrugged her shoulders. "I don't mind, I have no feelings" she said with a cold breezy voice.

It may have sounded weird to Amy, but it was true. Her body had felt numb, thought she can still feel the wind hitting her face, she still felt nothing. That how she been feeling ever since she heard about her mother news. The thing that hurt her the most was not saying she was sorry, for what she did. But hurt, what is hurt to her. Nothing, she had felt everything that anyone had already felt before.
 
Amy watched Maddiies reaction to her previous comment. A simple shrug and a simple answer. There was something oddly calming about sitting here with Maddiie and this puzzled Amy. Before her presence, Amy had been sitting there, in a complete state, feelings of pain, anger, sadness washing over her like waves lapping on a beach in a storm. But Maddiie had brought with her almost a calming wind, which stopped the millions of thoughts washing over her mind.

Again Amy cocked her head to one side, looking at Maddiie with a puzzled frown on her face. No feelings? Amy mused. She didn't know what to say to that. Someone with no feelings? Amy herself had too many feelings to deal with, and she just wanted to get rid of them. She didn't want to feel anymore.

Amy opened her mouth to respond to Maddiies question but then shut it again. She wanted to tell her everything, how she had been left, almost alone. How she had no parents anymore. How she felt so sad and empty, but at the same time oddly angry. But she couldn't. Something about Amy wouldn't let her do that. Wouldn't let her open up.

"No feelings?" Amy asked, her voice still so harsh and gravely. She wondered if it would ever go back to its normal self. She watched Maddiie closely, looking to see how she would respond to Amy's question. Her dull green eyes, reflecting the harsh, cold blue of the lake.
 
Her, Maddiie had looked at Amy closely but than looked away. At the moment of time being she had no feelings, everything she ever felt before was gone, but for how long? Maddiie did not know. It as if someone had rob her for her emotion, but she did not care. The feeling of anger was simmering down, the feeling of numbness was going away. Now were was happiness at?, she couldn't find it. Even with all the good memories she had, they seemed to have blocked them self away.


She looked at Amy once again, when she asked her, no feeling?. Maddiie couldn't answered that right now, she was confused herself, she couldn't explain it. But she wanted to know what was wrong with this stranger, who name was Amy. "I wish I can tell you..." she started to say, but she couldn't. She sat silent for a moment as the sun slowly starting rising, she looked towards the horizon as the color of the sky started to change.
 
Amy followed Maddiies gaze towards the horizon, as the sun rose higher in the sky, behind the heavy clouds. Amy felt as if the sun represented her happiness; hidden behind the dark, grey clouds filled with pain and sorrow. She twisted her neck upwards, hurting her neck as she did so. Amy therefore laid down on the grass, not really caring that it was soaking wet. She would most probably catch a chill from being out here but again, she didn't care.

She was unsure as to what to respond to Maddies last comment. It was as if Maddiie felt the same way as Amy. Wanting to say what was wrong but feeling unable to do so. There was just so much filling Amy's mind at the moment, so much that she didn't want to be there. She turned her head in Maddiies direction, thinking about what to say.

"Your out early" was all Amy could think to say. Obviously, it would link to what was wrong with Maddiie. No-one would get up at 5 and sit outside in the freezing cold without their being a problem, as Amy herself knew. She breathed in deeply, feeling the rush of cold air hit her lungs, making her mind go numb. She exhaled slowly, letting the cold air drain out, feeling the warmth of her blood pump round her body.
 
Maddiie felt the wet grass finally go through her pants. It felt cold against her skin but she didn't care. She had wonder if she will be going to class of just take a leave of absence. Why was she being so careless, if her mother was alive she would want her to do good. It was, what made her happy, seeing her daughter achieve at her best. But the way her grades were for the past two year she had done bad, now that she was doing good she was gone.

"I like to see the sun rise." she lied covering her face with her hand. Her eyes felt so sunken in for someone her age, she looked really old. She had remembered before Christmas how young she looked, so youthful and filled with colors. Although she knew of her mother disappearance, she figured she just left to go see Abuelo. And now that she knew the truth, Maddiie felt and look different.


She felt her stomach grumble, hungry again? she asked herself inside her head. Maddiie knew it wasn't the best thing to do but, but her appetite have been low. She mostly dranked water all day, and once in a while when she couldn't bare the pain anymore, she went out into the great hall, when everyone was already done eating, and would take a little of this and that to calm down the pain. Maddiie knew she had lost weight but didn't look herself in the mirror anymore, it was pointless.
 
Amy gazed up at the dull colour of the sky as she laid down on the wet grass. She shivered constantly now, the cold finally catching up with her. She tried to block out the cold, and slowed her breathing down, finding herself shivering less.

She watched as Maddiie replied to her to question and then covered her eyes with her hands. 'See the sun rise?'. Amy once again found herself questionning Maddiies answer. Obviously doesn't want to speak about it. But that's fine. I know how she feels, Amy thought to herself. She sighed, as the sun rose higher, but the cloud still covering it. It would be another dull and depressing day. One which would find Amy wandering aimlessly round the castle and grounds, and to lessons if she had any. She was still unsure of her timetable but didn't really care. She could always look them up in the common room.

"Cold morning for it" replying to Maddiies comment. It was indeed very cold, and that combined with the wet wasn't a good thing at all.

As she sat there her thoughts returned to her parents. Since losing her dad, Amy had thought about both her mother and father. Every night, she would look up at the sky, and hoped that the clouds would move so as she could see the stars. That's where her mum and dad were now, in the sky, watching down on her.

Slowly tears trickled from her now dull eyes, down her pale cheeks, which were once so rosy, so full of life.
 
Tearless, Maddiie looked at Amy as more tears fell down her face. She remembered when she cried, all the pain in the world seem to lay on her shoulders. But now she felt tearless, unable to cry at all. She wanted too, so that her feeling can come back to her, but she couldn't She try looking away from Amy, but something inside her couldn't. Damn now I have to play a big sister , she sighed getting up from her spot.


Maddiie sat back down next to Amy now, she was lot smaller than her, but that was because of their age difference. Now what to do?, she question herself. It was her old nature of hers to just ask whats wrong, but Maddiie didn't know if she was like that anymore. She stood quite for a moment, as a few birds were flying overhead, if she can be any one of them. she would love to be, but birds get killed, so she brushed that out of her head.

"What wrong" she asked not thinking of her own problem at the moment.
 
Amy heard Maddiie sigh, and then leave her spot. She thought that Maddiie was going and was therefore suprised when Maddiie sat next to her. Amy thought it would be rude if she carried on laying down, and so sat herself up, trying to get rid of the tears as she done so. She noticed how much taller Maddiie was than herself, but Amy had always been relatively short for her age.

"It's nothing, really" she replied in her harsh husky voice, turning her head away from Maddiie so that she wouldn't see the glimmer in Amy's eyes which represented a fresh batch of tears. She blinked and lifted her head skyward to try and get rid of them. She didn't want people to feel sorry for her, she didn't want their sympathy. But there was something about Maddiie that made Amy incapable from just walking away.
 
Liar, was all she can read on Amy face. There was something wrong tears don't just appear out of no where. She had felt the winter cold whisper in her ears, they felt numb, and had turned a bright red. She touched them with her red fingers, red, what a beautiful color. Maddiie scanned her mind of all the possible thing that was red, blood was red, roses were red, she had stop. And had realize her mind had wonder off.

"Than why do you cry." she asked, as Amy reply with its nothing really. Maddiie had only knew this girl for not that long, and for her to cry in front of there must be so much pain for her to bear. She didn't like seeing someone so young in pain, but as she said that to herself, maybe she could take her own advice. But yet she choose not too, this wasn't about her at the moment. A young girl was in pain.
 
Amy didn't know what to say to Maddiie. It was such a long story, so much to say. But then she didn't want to say a lot. It hurt so much, she had never experianced pain like it before.

She was alone, no parents. Just Callum and Charlie. They were the only people Amy could rely on now.

"I've lost him" was all Amy could say, as more tears slid down her face. Her voice was still husky and her sentences were short but to the point.
 
Lost who, Maddiie looked confused, and wasn't sure what to say at first. Him can be anyone, her father, brother, uncle, or a boyfriend. She looked away for a moment than back at Amy.


"Who did you lost?" she asked trying to figure out before she answered.
 
Amy didn't want to respond to Maddiies question. She had already said it once to Andy and that was hard enough to say to her best friend. Saying it again out loud, would confirm his permanent loss to her life.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. Again the cold air hit her lung in such a harsh way it hurt, but the pain was bearable. It wasn't like the emotional pain she had in her heart.

Exhaling she opened her eyes slowly, her eyes stopping the constant flow of tears. She looked out across the lake, the small amounts of sunlight that were permitted through the clouds lighting it up, revealing its sea green colour.

Amy didn't know what to reply to Maddiies question. Instead she stood up abruptly. "Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked, thinking it might give her brain something to concetrate on, other than the loss.
 
Maddiie waited for a respond, no answer, of course she had expected to say the least, no one will tell you the truth until it surface, until you can't bare it no longer. Her other conclusion was that Amy did not know Maddiie well, but a stranger can sometime be in ear. Therapist were stranger but yet they will listen to all your problem, but for a reasonable price. Most people go them because they don't judge they just listen.

When Amy asked her for a walk, at first she did'nt feel for a walk. But than she changed her mind nodding her head. Maddiie stood up offereing her hand out to Amy, she waited for her to take it.
 
Amy watched as Maddiie stood and offered her her hand. She took it and stood herself up, taking a deep breath in. Her green eyes suddenly caught the light, gleaming for a second, before Amy turned her head and the sunlight stopped reflecting in her eyes. This therefore made them return to their dull dark green colour, devoid of life.

She began to walk at a relatively slow pace. Thinking about the steps she was taking, rather than the thought about having no parents. Left, right, left, right, left right. The steps she was taking blocking out the pain of the loss.

Amy turned her head, to make sure that Maddiie was walking with her. "Dull day isn't it" Amy said, more of a statement than a question. Left, right, left, right the steps still echoing in her head.
 
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