Just a lost boy. Ready to be found?

Linden Kinnek

Linden Kinnek

His Snowflake ❄️ Magizoologist 🦡
 
Messages
1,844
OOC First Name
Mia
Relationship Status
Married
Sexual Orientation
🏳️‍🌈Cas, 🏳️‍🌈Gay🏳️‍🌈
Wand
Curly 12.5" Flexible Chestnut with Mermaid Scale Core
Age
23 (05/2039)
It had been a few weeks since valentines day. since the big argument. it had left things feeling uncomfortable. Lucas felt a little more distant to him now. he was second guessing himself when around him like he had done before they had started dating. and heh ad hardly seen casper. he had heard that the third member of the dorm was camping out in the arts room. but he wanted to give his friend time he knew that when cas was hurt he liked to hide away from the world. it had often been curling up in a blanket on his bed when the wold had made him feel uncomfortable but it seemed that the arts room was where he want when even the dorm didn't feel safe.
Linden had been giving casper a bit of time to recover as he knew he had been the one to hurt him. but he missed his best friend and today he was going to fix that. he entered the arts room and looked around. "Cas" he said not much more than a whisper. "Casper, are you here?" he said not slightly louder as he ventured further into the room. A room of my safest sounds.
 
Casper had been avoiding basically everyone as much as he could manage. He wasn't sleeping in the dorms anymore, having set up a nice little nook back behind one of the pianos. He had been curled up under the piano bench, staring blankly at the wall. Everything hurt. He'd felt drained for weeks, tired and exhausted and just... worn out.

He stirred a bit when he heard the voice. Linden. Cas had been a bit more stretched out before. He didn't answer, just rolling to face the piano instead. He brought his feet up, curling in more on himself and wrapping his blanket tighter around him. He didn't notice that his feet had been hanging out past the piano just a bit and that moving them probably gave him away. He just curled in tighter on himself, bringing the blanket up over his face a bit, so only his hair and his toes were sticking out of his blanket fort. He shut his eyes, his heart throbbing dully in his chest.
 
Everything had felt awkward and wrong since valentines day. Linden had tried so hard to make keep everyone happy that now everything was falling apart. why hadn't he given one or two of his red roses to that third year who had looked sad. why hadn't he transfigured them yellow. why hadn't;t he stood up to Kas. now Lucas was acting weird. and he had hardly seen Casper for a couple of weeks. It wasn't the first time that he had been in a sulk. heh ad decided to leave Cas and let him have some time alone to come around himself while he tried to make things up with Lucas. but things weren't working out, and this was the longest Cas has ever been away from the dorm. it seemed that he had heard right as when he had spoken the sound of movement alerted him to the presence of the boy. he made his way over to where the sound was and saw a Cas-sized bundle of blankets on the floor under the piano.
finding space was a little squishy, there wasn't a huge amount of room and neither he nor cas were small but he could a spot on the floor against the wall. he put his hand on wha he was pretty sure was casper's shoulder and rubbed his thumb against it slightly. "Cas. are you okay?" he asked. realising as soon as he words came out that he probably wasn't and it was a kind of stupid thing ask.
 
Casper tensed under the touch of Linden, unintentionally whimpering softly. "Go away," he whispered, his voice breaking. He curled in tighter on himself, shying away from the other boys touch. Cas bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut harder to keep himself from crying. He hadn't broken down yet and he didn't mean to now. Not in front of Linden. Cas was still upset with everything that had happened between them anyway. He didn't want to try and deal with it, either.
 
linden felt casper pull away from him curl up inside himself further wimper and pull away. It wasn't an unusual response from cas. "sorry no can do my friend" he said as he was told to go away. he shifted a little to make himself more comfortable. he had a feeling he would be down there for a while. "You need to come home Cas. I miss you" he said reaching a reassuring hand out to his friend again. he couldn't see his friends face as he was looking away from him but he had seen his friend upset before and knew how upset he would be.
 
Casper didn't want to deal with this. "Yeah, right." He countered sarcastically, not bothering to turn around. "My birth parents gave me up, my adopted parents kicked me out, I'm apparently the only boy in Hufflepuff that can't get a date, and now I never want to see another stupid rose," He whined. "I hate valentines'," he muttered, pulling the blanket in tighter around him.

"Just go back to the dorm, you'll never choose me over Lucas and obviously my luck has yet to turn around and being friends isn't an option. Just get it over with and leave me alone," He snapped, the tears spilling over. He sniffled. "Everyone always does," He added, almost to himself. It was his running record and he couldn't see it changing.
 
Linden let casper rant. he felt the same way about the roses. they had not been worth the misery they had caused this year. "non of that reflects on you it just shows how, um, unreliable other people can be" he said. he did agree with casper on one thing. "Yeah valentines day sucked." he said sighing. "sorry for not standing up for you" he said. he had been stuck between two of his favourite people. and not wanting to hurt either. instead he had somehow managed to upset them both.
he frowned as casper continued his rant. "who said that there had to be a choice. and why can't friends be an option. and even if that is what you really wanted. I don't think I could." he said. pausing and taking a breath to calm himself and take any annoyance out of his voice. "I need you cas. you are my best friend" he said he could hear the crack in Caspers voice and leaned over "they don't always leave. I'm still here. the twins are still here. trust us he whispered.
 
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Cas just shook his head. He hadn't been surprised no one had defended him during the fight. Why would they? "Lucas was so mad," He managed softly, not bothering to turn around. "We both know how he can hold a grudge. Do you have any idea how long he was mad at me for last time?" Cas sighed, shutting his eyes. "Lucas makes you happy. You love him. I'm never going to compete with what he is to you. I'm replaceable, I always have been. You'll find someone else. Someone better," He insisted softly, trying to brush away the tears. Cas had always felt like he was on thin ice with Lucas- and he was sure Lucas would never forgive him this time. "I do trust you," he whispered softly. "I just don't trust me," He countered. "I know I'm worthless."
 
linden chuckled slightly as casper commented on how mad Lucas had been. "he was. and Kasim was staring him up." he said. he shook his head unseen as casper asked if he knew how long he was mad t him last time. "nope. but he is still mad at me" he said. the things between them just hadn't been right since. "Yes Lucas makes me happy and I do love him. but it is not a competition, a one or the other. you make me happy, and you were right on valentines day love isn't just romantic. and I love you too. It is different to how I love Lucas but still real. and I am going to have a hard job finding a best friend better than you." he said. he reached towards casper again resting his hand on his still blanketed head. "you are not replaceable or worthless. and I will beat up anyone who tells you that. he said. he had Never been anyone up before and hoped that he would never have to. though he would do his best to sand up for his friend if anyone tried to put him down.
 
Casper's heart nearly stopped when Linden said he loved him. He hadn't expected to hear that. He didn't think anyone could ever... and it just felt so different than that stupid hollow note he'd gotten from Sebastian. His resolve had cracked when Linden had admitted that, and melted away completely when he felt the hand in his hair. He rolled a bit towards Linden. Not a lot, but a little. Cas pulled his blanket down just a bit, enough so that he could peek at Linden through his messy hair. "You're putting in a lot of effort just to get me to sleep in the dorms again, you know," He offered softly, his voice breaking twice. He pulled the blanket back up, leaving just a tuft of his blond hair sticking out.
 
It seemed that something that he said caught caspers attention as he turned to look at him and peered out from the blanket. hello mr caterpillar are you ready to come out and be a pretty butterfly? he said a grin audible in his voice. it seemed like this was no he best of ideas. as casper cemented that he was putting a lot of effort into convincing him to go into the dorms. "That is what friends do. what family does. and you are my friend and my family." he said noticing the break in cas' voice as he had spoken. he raised his wand and pointed it at a box of tissues focusing on what they had been learning in charms. it took him a couple of attempts but he was pleased that he was able to non verbally summon it across the room. he handed it out to cas as he hid again under the blanket. "okay. so still not metamorphosed. that is okay. we have all evening. and by the end you will be a fully formed monarch." he said.
 
Casper let out a breathless laugh at Linden's teasing. He let out a shaky sigh, and after several moments he sat up. He still couldn't quite look at Linden, drawing his knees to his chest and putting his chin on his arms. "I'm sorry," He apologized softly, sniffling. "I just.... things have been really bad, anyway, and I- I've been trying, but... I just... I felt so guilty on top of everything else... when Lucas started freaking out, I couldn't... I didn't... I wasn't okay anyway and I couldn't deal with it," He admitted, rubbing his sleeve over his burning eyes to try and keep himself from crying.
 
slowly lin watched casper sit up still curled up but seated was progress. he put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him in. with one arm while offering him tissues with the other hand. he listened as casper apologised and mumbled about not being okay. "maybe next time send yellow. though I think Lucas was also over reacting a bit." he said smiling weakly.was your not being okay anything to do with these"[/b] he said reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a couple of prices of paper both held together with sellotape and passing them to casper. the note on one of them was familiar, he note he had written. the other one had been a surprise when he had not intentionally but also totally read it. "If you want to talk about it. you don't have to deal with it alone." he said.
 
Casper both tensed and melted under the touch, very nearly leaning into Linden and only barely managing to stop himself. He shook his head at Lindens suggestion. "I'm never sending another rose," he replied. He was sick of roses. They were stupid and he hated them. He was surprised when Linden pulled out the notes he'd torn and offered them back to him.

Cas took them, hesitating. He tucked Lindens note back into his pocket with a quiet thanks, but stared a bit at Sebastian's still in his hand. His lip quivered, and he bit it. He shredded the note this time, crumbling the pieces in his hand and trying to throw it away from them. He drew his knees a little tighter to his chest, staring at nothing in particular.

He struggled to talk for a moment, but slowly managed to explain himself. He told Linden how he'd met Sebastian, about the summer they'd spent together and how hard Cas had fallen for the older boy. He explained how Sebastian had ignored him for the entire year after he'd transferred, how it had broken his heart. And he told Linden about Lysander. How they'd met through the combined club events, how they had gotten along so well.

Cas tangled his hands in his hair, struggling to talk but slowly piecing together the rest of it. How he'd started casually seeing Lysander, all the stolen kisses and the soft moments together, how in his confusion with Lysander's insistence that friends kissed that when Sebastian had tried coming back Cas had let Sebastian take on the same casual role Lysander had chosen.

Casper sighed, tugging at his hair in frustration. "The roses... I sent a red one to Sebastian, with some lame angsty poem, and I sent a pink one with no note to Lysander. But having to think it out, I just... Sebastian is never around, I can't- I can't trust him again. I... Before the deliveries, I went to talk to Lysander. I tried to choose him, I tried to ask him out, and we just- we got into this huge fight. He... he just rejected me. After everything, I wasn't enough, I wasn't... he didn't want to miss out on anything by being with me." Caspers voice broke.

He hugged his knees tightly to his chest, struggling to finish but determined to try. "The roses... you saw the note Sebastian sent me. But... Lysander didn't send me anything. Nothing. I was so tired, so worn out, I was already frustrated and hurt and upset, and when I got your rose, I felt so insanely guilty. I just- I knew I'd messed up, it was just- it was already so much." Cas sighed, laying his head in his arms. "I couldn't handle the fight, there was already so much, I'm just... I'm so tired," The tears tried to force their way forward again. He sniffled.

"Why is it always like this? Why am I like this?" He asked, sounding dejected. "My birth parents gave me up. I bounced around through foster homes and orphanages, they always gave me back. And when I was finally adopted, they kicked me out. I- I thought... I try so hard, but- no one ever wants me. Not you, or Lucas, or Seb or Lysander, no matter what I do, I'm not, I'm never-" Cas groaned, digging his palms against his eyes to try and stop the tears. "Why does no one ever want me?" He asked softly, his voice cracking.
 
Linden watched as casper took the notes. seeming to debate if he should take them or not. part of him was pleased that his note made it back into cas' pocket where as the other ended up as confetti on the floor. he listened as Casper spoke. it seemed like the tears had opened the floodgates and now everything was flowing out. some of it he already knew. some of it but not the whole story. he held cas close as he spoke. he was not particularly surprised at the news about Lysander. he knew him well, he would even call him a friend but he knew that he was a bit of an act first think later kind of guy. and had been a little concerned about their relationship and how it would have affected casper. "Do you know if lysander sent any roses? I think some people missed sending all together" he asked. he wasn't standing up for lysander, not when cas was this upset but maybe it would make cas feel better if it wasn't jus him who was forgotten.
"It won't always be like this. I promise. you will find someone who has jus as much love to give the world as you do." he paused holding out the tissues so cas could wipe away his tears. "you are wanted. I know because I want you back in the dorm. back as my best friend." he said. "I think you are such a kind and gentle person. with so much love to give it scares people. they don't know what to do with it and don't know how to give it back. which leaves you like a deer in headlights, bolting away before the car can react" he said. he had defiantly seen an expression on cas' face that reminded him of a deer in headlights so many times before.
 
Cas wasn't sure when it had happened, but he had laid his head on Lindens shoulder as he talked. It felt nice. "I don't know," he replied softly. "But we haven't spoken since the fight. I doubt it was just a slip up," he sighed, hugging his knees a bit tighter. He almost laughed at Lindens words. "Sure. I'll find someone like that, right with a loving parent that isn't dead." He replied sarcastically.

Cas sighed, unthinkingly snuggling a bit closer. "What is it with you and all the animal metaphors?" He asked, almost fondly. "I keep waiting for things to change, but it's just- it's like it just keeps getting worse." He sighed. "Aunt Kara died. I can't put any more pressure on uncle Abner. Even if he does have Uncle Eddie now, I can't be a burden." Cas sighed. "I didn't even know you could be in love with two people at once. And I can't trust either of them, apparently."
 
Linden felt casper leaning into him relaxed against his body. i felt comfortable, and effortless, something that he hadn't felt with Lucas since Valentine's day. he wished he could sit with lucas like this but things had been so tense lately. thinking of lucas he glanced a the door. he couldn't see any reason for his boyfriend to be here but he really didn't want to be found like this not that he was hiding anything. not that there was anything to hide. "I have two and I amp pretty sure mum already thinks of you as a second son so you are welcome to share" he said this wasn't the first time that he had offered cas say with him over the break. ever since the holiday a few years ago when he had stayed for a while his mum had always asked after him.
he chuckled slightly at the comment about animal metaphors. he hadn't noticed that he did use them a lot. "What is wrong with them. I like animals. I guess I have spent the afternoon studying care of magical creatures" he said though that didn't exactly explain the use of muggle animals. "you are not a burden cas. you are smart, and funny, and kind, and one of the most resilient people I know. Anyone would be lucky to have them in their life. if they don't see that they don't deserve you" he said.
 
Casper felt comfortable with Linden. He had to admit it was something he hadn't felt in a long time. With Linden, he didn't have to fight for every piece of attention, and his head felt quiet for once. Cas had to remind himself this wasn't something he was allowed to do. He cleared his throat and sat up, shifting away from Linden again and scooting so there was space between them. "Well, tell someone else that, would you?" He joked lightly. "You're really the only person that even pretends to give a damn anymore," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.


"Just... Go find Lucas or something, yeah? I'll come back to the dorm, you don't have to stick around." Cas turned away from Linden, trying to put more distance between them emotionally as well as physically. Cas already knew with Graduation looming he was going to be on his own. He might as well just get started now and try to soften the inevitable heartache he knew was coming.
 
linden was comfortable sitting with cas against him it was nice. especially since Lucas had been more distant recently. so when Casper pulled away he felt the coolness against his arm where the boy had been before. "Okay. who should I tell?" he said. wondering who Casper wanted. "and that certainly isn't true. i don't have to pretend. I'm not that good of an actor, this is all genuine care baby" he teased and stuck his tongue out at Casper
he rolled his eyes as he was told to find Lucas. "He is at quidditch training. and I don think I would be wanted on the pitch this close to the match. so I can stick around here keep you company while you pack." he said standing up and moving to the piano stool. he wasn't musical like willow. he had learned the drums a little but wasn't passionate about them. but at his muggle school, the music class had spent a little while learning keyboard. he put one hand on he keys and slowly unsurely tapped out twinkle twinkle little star pausing and trying notes when he forgot correcting a couple of times when he hit the wrong key.
 
Casper shrugged at the question. He didn't know who would want to know anything like that. He snorted at Lindens comment as he rolled his blankets back up to put into his bag. He rolled his eyes at Lindens' next comment. "Aw, come on. Jordie looooves you," He teased his friend, remembering the red rose that Jordie had sent Linden.

Cas continued to gather his things as Linden played at the piano, a bit lost in thought. He had almost finished packing when he let out a soft sigh, running his hand through his hair. "Maybe I shouldn't drop out," He murmured, mostly to himself. If Linden wouldn't even let him finish out the semester, he couldn't imagine how furious Linden would be if he dropped out like he'd been thinking.
 
Linden watched casper roll up his bedding It didn't look like it had been a comfortable place to sleep. he chuckled at Casper's comment glad that he felt up to teasing. "I think Jordie loves anyone who smiles at him especially if they let him play with their hair" he teased. he liked Jordie and he knew he boy looked up to him like a brother.
he had been focusing so hard on the notes of the simple nursery rhyme that he only half remembered. that it took him a moment to hear what cas was saying. his hands dropped down to the keys causing the instrument to make a slightly pained sound. "Casper Jason Beckett. you know I won't let you do that" he said standing up and closing the piano lid. "I will apperate to your house and drag you here if I have to" he continued trying to look serious though he wasn't sure if cas had been serious or not.
 
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Cas shrugged, he didn't know Jordie. They knew similar people, Jordie was on a team with his roommates and friends with Kiara. The thought of her still made him wince. But he didn't have time to dwell as Lin apparently assaulted the piano. Cas fell onto his rear, startled, and looked up to Linden with wide eyes. Apparently he'd heard what Cas had said.

Cas smiled shyly, his cheeks flushed. "I mean, by the time you figured it out it'd be too late." He countered, but held up his hands in front of him in a submissive gesture. "It- was just a thought," He offered, unsure. "I hadn't... decided anything for certain." Cas gave Linden a weary look, unsure of how much trouble he was in.
 
Linden raised an eyebrow as cas said that it would be too late once he found out. "I am sure there will be ways to get around it. magic is great after all" he said thinking the train for starters were not he School so maybe operation would be possible. it would mean that he would have to be able to aperate something he had been unsuccessful with so far. but it would possibly work.
he stood up about to move closer to cas but then hu=is thoughts turned to Lucas. Cas was his best fired. but he shouldn't go and give either of them any reasons to fall out again. "Okay. cas what else do you need to grab so we can get you back upstairs?" he said ready to do his part in the tidy up.
 
Cas stood, shifting his bag over his shoulder. "I've got everything," He replied easily and started for the door. "I... know it was probably an extreme reaction," He offered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just... between the fight and the boys and... well, and Kiara," Cas sighed, looking down and watching his feet as he walked. "It's hard trying to see the silver lining in things sometimes."
 
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