</SIZE>As the end of the term was fast approaching, Stefan was finding himself feeling completely lost. He didn't want to go back home. He didn't want to leave the comfort and the safeness of the castle. He didn't want to have to face his father, see the disappointment and hatred that echoed on the man's face every time he remotely looked at Stefan, and Stefan happened to be looking back. At Hogwarts he was treated like he was a normal thirteen year old boy. At home, Stefan knew he'd be lucky to be treated like a human. The slytherin teen had never been able to really mask his emotions. He'd never learned. he'd never had to mask anything until going to Hogwarts. And now, he knew he had to. He had to continue pretending that everything was okay. That he was okay. That he would be okay. When in reality there were times when Stefan doubted that he would be. His father had an odd talent at being able to completely tear the slytherin apart, even if he had been, in the moments before, feeling good. About himself or about how his life was going, outside the four walls and roof he called his house. Stefan knew he had to at least be partially glad that his father hadn't kicked him out or anything. If he to pick staying with his father, where at least he knew where he was going to sleep at night, or being thrown out to the streets and left to fend for himself he would pick the first option. Obviously he had the option of his friends. Those people who he thought maybe I can rely on them. But had never gathered the courage to tell any of them what was wrong with his life, and why he couldn't understand why he had been dealt such a rotten hand. For Stefan Archer he could not understand what he had done to deserve it. But, he knew everything was his fault. His father was sure to remind him of that fact. Now, with only a few weeks left until he had to go back to his home, Stefan wanted to just cower away from the world and disappear. Fade into the shadows. Where no one would know where he was, and more to the point, where no one would actually care about him. Because the less they cared the better Stefan felt about if he wasn't around. Stefan Archer knew thoughts like that were not going to help him, and acting out these thoughts only hurt the people he cared about, he knew they could only be thoughts. As the term was coming to a close, Stefan to those around him, appeared to be a little more distant. Flinching if anyone touched him, he found that his hands shook slightly when anyone brought up the holiday's or the end of term. He was scared and it was showing. Even though there was still a few weeks, the mere thought of the man he had to call his father made him want to curl up in his bed and hide away from the entire world. But, telling people what was wrong, was not something he was ready to do, if he would ever be able to do was a different matter but at that point Stefan wasn't so all he could do was let all the words of hatred and pain be buried deep inside him. Not a smart move, but the only one he knew how to do.
Despite his anxiety about going home, and what this act would entail, the Slytherin still forced himself out of bed each morning and got ready, to at least attempt to do something with his day rather than just letting his mind play over the what ifs of going home. This morning was no different. He woke up at the same time he always did, and then for the next hour just lay silently on his bed. Enjoying the peaceful silence of the dorm room, and the surprising calm that filled the air. It was nice. Who was he kidding, Hogwarts was his home, the place he lived in with his father could hardly be called a home. It was Stefan's nightmare. His hell. And it seemed he could never break free of it. He could never gather the courage he needed to either tell someone or fight back. After a little while, the Slytherin teen got out of bed and took a shower. Over the past term, Stefan was glad to see he looked better. During the term, he'd really worked hard of getting his weight up, and while it had been a challenge at first, he was looking less thin than he had been upon arriving for the start of 3rd year. But that being said, Stefan was now, eating less. Since he knew going from getting lots of food to none was horrible. Stefan knew from experience. But, it meant despite how he was looking slightly better, that his exhaustion and slight spells of dizziness were returning. And he knew that it would only get worse for him. All his bruising had clear up however, and all he was left with were the scars. And the burn mark on his left arm which was now almost a year old. Overall, despite his still thin frame the slytherin teen looked somewhat healthy. But, it was progress that would be gone in a second, but he would still keep going. He would keep working to get himself healthy, each and every time. For his friends. For Sara and Willow. For Kate. Because he didn't want them to know loss. He didn't want to lose them, and he hoped they'd feel the same about him. How certain he was of that fact wasn't clear, he just hoped. Despite Stefan's situation he had a lot of hope. Hope that everything would get better. It was hope that helped him the most. Getting dressed, the slytherin boy headed out of the dorm and to the great outdoors. It was still fairly warm, despite it just being morning. But then again, summer was upon New Zealand, and Stefan just had to watch, since the light did irrate his eyes due to the fact he couldn't see colour. But, despite this and despite the fact being outside was hard in general, Stefan made a point of going outside. Breathing in the fresh air, and reminding himself that while he could not see the entire picture the world was amazing. It was stunning and eventually it would be fair.
Taking a final deep breath the Slytherin just began walking. He wasn't sure where he was heading, but he kept his head down, and his eyes focused on the ground. Every so often he glanced up to be sure he wasn't walking into anyone, but it was so bright, that it was difficult for him to see anything anyway. Stefan wondered at times if it would've been easier for him to just be blind. However this thought was one he discarded quickly, since he loved being able to see things. Like the way Kate smiled. The way she ran a hand through her hair, or the way her eyes seemed to smile. Although unclear to Stefan, his feelings for that Hufflepuff were a lot greater than he was telling himself. That he would let himself think. Becoming good friends was one thing, but becoming more, when he was in the situation he was, was not something Stefan wanted to do. His life was in his eyes, too uncertain. He was too unsure, too afraid. He'd never even had good friends, until Sara, Willow or Kate. He had never known what it felt like to actually care about someone. Now he did, and he was afraid of losing it, losing them. Stefan cared about his friends a lot. If he was really honest, he cared more about his friends than he did about himself or his life. Even though at times this fact wasn't too clear. Stefan had missed Willow. He hadn't seen her around much. And it did worry him. He thought maybe she had gotten sick. Since she had been. But, Stefan worried that he would lose her, without really being the chance of being able to make it up to her. To make up for everything that his actions had cost her. Since he did blame himself. As he began to walk towards where the willow tree was, he heard a voice say his name. It was familiar. Willow? His mind questioned. he wanted to go see, but he seemed frozen to the spot. Then he heard a second voice, Kate! A smile erupted on his face. Kate and Willow, he was so happy to hear their voices he could've danced on the spot. He wasn't sure why he was so happy. Maybe it was because he'd felt so afraid of returning home, that hearing his friends voices reminded him that it was only for two weeks. Two long weeks, but two weeks nonetheless. When he heard Kate ask what Willow had been doing, Stefan wanted to just listen to what the reason was, but figuring that maybe Willow did not want to talk about it, he decided he would approach them. If she did want to say, then Stefan would let her say it. For now, he just walked towards them. "Kate? Willow?" He called, his voice low and nervous. He walked to the front of the tree, and saw the two girls sitting staring out at the lake. He smiled at them both. His eyes meeting Willow's and then moving to Kate, where he felt the air rush out of him. She was so beautiful to him. He wanted nothing more than to just take her up in his arms and kiss her on the lips, but he knew he couldn't. What if she rejected him. So instead he settled for smiling at her. "I thought I'd heard you both." Stefan took a step back.
"Willow, it's good to see you. I've missed you." Stefan's eyes lingered a little on Kate, before moving back to Willow. "It's been a while." he was still smiling at her. He was genuinely pleased to see Willow. So much so he didn't sense anything being wrong. Willow had always been someone Stefan had respected. Looked up to. They both knew what it was like to lose family, they both knew little of magic, Stefan considered her to be his closest friend. While, he liked Kate a lot and he was very close to her, sometimes Stefan just felt like he could connect with Willow better. Willow would however always be a friend, and Stefan did want a lot more with Kate. "You look good. You look amazing" He said to Willow. He was just so glad to see her, that she was okay. That the worse had not happened. "I'm sorry. About everything that happened. I really am sorry." Stefan looked down at his feet. "I'm so sorry."
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