Closed Im Sorry

[Avaria Lockwood]

Approved by Em

Ava was not prepared for the party to end at all. But before she knew it Vader was at the door with his sisters, saying goodbye to the last of the guests. Ava shook horribly, but she had to move and move quickly. She stood and pushed the seat back several feet, pulling out her keyboard from where it had been leaning against the wall. Her dad had helped her enchant it to work here, and she had made her dad cast the muffling charm on her room so she could prepare everything with no one hearing. This was for Vader and Vader alone. There were so many things she had to say to him. And she didnt know how to say any of it. But Vader knew her. He knew her better than anyone.

And he would know how hard this would be for her to do, and know how much he meant to her by her doing it. She set up so she was a bit off center, leaving the space next to her open for him. She turned it on, glancing behind her. The girls had just left, and Vader was rubbing the back of his neck. She barely held back the urge to forget the whole thing and just fly across the room to fling herself into his arms. She didnt know if he had forgiven her, or if he ever could. She took a deep breath and sat down, and began to play. It had taken her a while to choose the song, but as her trembling hands set to the keys, she knew she had chosen right. She tried not to tremble as, for the first time in a very long time, she began to sing.

She kept her eyes on her hands, focusing on her work. She pressed various buttons as she played, adding layers and texture to the song, trying not to lean into Vader as she felt him sit with her. There was a small spot in the middle of the song where she stopped to take a shaky breath and readjust a bit. By the time the last notes were fading, Ava was trembling in her seat. Partly for the memories that this brought back, but mostly because now there was nothing left between her and Vader. She bit her lip and peeked up at him, heart thundering madly in her chest.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader had been very surprised by the party organised for him. He hadn’t really had birthday parties, not since he’d started at primary school, and celebrations at hogwarts tended to be clouded by the work he had, but this had been nice. He had been surprised by Ava’s note, surprised that she with his sisters had organised it. But the party was at an end, and Ava was seeing off the last person and it was just the two of them. Despite how happy, genuinely happy he was feeling, his nerves started to creep up on him. Would she start yelling at him again? Would she say something like she’d started planning this before their fight and was only doing it to complete it, that she didn’t actually want to be his friend again. He felt so nervous about what was to follow, his hands were beginning to shake as he let his mind go over each scenario that was going to happen. He rubbed the back of his neck nervous and just watched as she went to the piano and began to play. From where he stood, even without any words he knew that this piece was for him, she was playing it for him. ​

​

Vader could see how worked up she seemed about it, he could see that much like his hands were, she was shaking. He met her gaze when the music stopped and silence enveloped the room, Vader knew she didn’t sing anymore, she played but didn’t sing. He felt his lower lip tremble lightly, he didn’t know what this meant but he knew it was important. He didn’t know how to explain how important she was to him too, how it had hurt to be without her in his life. How it had just been so hard without her. He wasn’t good at looking after himself, she always helped. She kept him grounded. It had been hard when he couldn’t use the music box without thinking of her. He held her gaze, his breathing rapid, his heart raced, ”I’m so sorry Ava,” he said, the words coming quickly, ”I shouldn’t have lied to you, I know I shouldn’t have,” It seemed that he couldn’t stop himself from speaking, the words flowing so quickly out of him, he was quick to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. Vader sniffed loudly as he stopped speaking, his hands were shaking badly now, his heart thundered in his chest, but his gaze dropped to the floor. He found himself walking over to her, and sitting down next to her at the piano as he had done numerous times before. ”I know you hate me, but if you give me a chance, I’ll do better, I’ll be a better friend,”​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava nearly died listening to Vader apologize. She shook her head quickly as he finished, letting out a strangled cry as she spun in her seat. She flung her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck. "No," she cried, "no no no, dont apologize, I, i," she sobbed, clinging to him. "This was all my fault, I never meant it, I was so horrid," she whimpered, clinging to him. "I- I went to your sisters after, before break ended, I had to fix it, I thought a party- I was so mean, I- I deserved to suffer by myself after what I-" she tightened her grip on him, gasping in breaths as she struggled to make sense. "I know you must hate me for what I said," she whispered brokenly, "I just- I've missed you so much, please," she had no idea if any of it had managed to string together into a coherent thought. She was terrified he would push her away, that he couldnt forgive her. He was her entire world and she had been so lost without him. She was so afraid that if she let go of him now he would vanish and be gone forever.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader couldn’t help the small look of surprise which crossed his features as she threw her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck. He sat motionless for a moment, listening as she spoke. He didn’t think she had deserved to drag out this fight between them. He had been the one to, perhaps if he’d just reached out to her first. Certainly, what he knew was that he didn’t hate her. ”I don’t hate you Helene, I could never,” he replied softly, but his arms wrapped around her and he leaned his head against hers. For a moment he still sat motionless, a little stiff and then it felt like all the strings had been cut at once. A deep shuddering breath, a heavy aching in his bones, an exhaustion over how the last few months had played out, how desperately he had wanted this hug. He felt his grip on her tighten lightly, he could feel his body shaking. He knew he was a bad friend, he would drag her down with him, but he needed her so badly. He tried to find any words, but his breath shook as it came out, he was just so comforted by her presence, for the first time he could feel his body actually relaxing. ”I haven’t been able to sleep, knowing how wrong I treated you.” he told her, and though of course he had slept a little, it hadn’t been nearly enough even by his own standards and really knowing how he’d ruined their friendship had kept him up but he’d be more honest with Ava now, he had to be, he couldn’t lose her again because he lied about something. ​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Godmod approved

Ava relaxed against him, relief rushing through her as he reassured her that he could never hate her. She sniffled softly, her tears finally seeming to abate a bit. They had felt endless since the fight. She sighed, snuggling in closer as she felt him relax. "Never again," She informed him, hugging him tighter. "We are never fighting like that again, I can't take it," She pulled away, brushing his hair from his eyes. "Timmy, I... I was never mad you lied to me. Well... maybe a little, but it wasn't your fault. Just... no more, okay? If you don't want to tell me you don't have to, but don't just lie about it." She stood, pulling him up with her. "Come on, you look so worn out."

She had planned the party for now on purpose. Being ever optimistic even when she was worried he wouldn't ever forgive her, she pulled him behind the piano to a little blanket fort that had been carefully tucked away and hidden from view. She pulled him with her inside, stretching out on the pillows and pulling him down next to her. She curled up around him, pulling the blanket over them and resting her cheek against his hair. She ran her fingers through his hair, humming softly in contentment. "Oh, I almost forgot," She reached into her pocket and produced her music box. She wound it up with one hand and set it above their heads. She had enlisted her cousins to help her grab it during the party. She settled back down with him, running her fingers through his hair again and shutting her eyes.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader just nodded a little as she brought him in tightly, he looked at her nervously as she pulled away, still a little unsettled worried even at how she might react. But it was for naught, she brushed away the hair from his eyes, he couldn’t help but lean slightly into that touch. He listened as she spoke, ”Sometimes I can’t help it, I’ve been lying for so long,” but he stopped himself from saying anything more instead letting her pull him to his feet and pulled him to where there was clearly, a pre-planned pillow fort. He couldn’t help the light chuckle which escaped his lips. He let himself be guided down, settling next to her and his eyes quickly slipped closed at the comfort. He sighed a little as he heard the music box softly playing. He felt comforted by it, by her and his mind attempted to settle. It was good, he had Ava again, he didn’t have to worry about that. But, it seemed his mind was still abuzz with everything else. Thinking of his owls, of Pho, of Goku, of the lying that he was and wasn’t doing. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and sighed a little. This had been good, things had ended up well. ​

​

”Those boys who picked on you used to pick on me every day before hogwarts, sometimes they’d call me names, and take my stuff, other times they’d shove me around, sometimes they’d just chase me for hours.” he told her softly, thinking that it might help to admit some things about it, that it might let him sleep. His eyes were closed and he could feel some of those old memories lingering on the forefront of his mind. Vader focused on the music playing and trying to settle his mind enough to give in to the deep exhaustion. ”The teachers used to side with them, never believed me, always blamed me. I was a bad kid, useless in classes, disruptive. They were right about me but they should’ve done something, only now can someone say my name without me thinking that someone’s gonna hit me or shove me afterwards. Someone here at school can do a fraction of what they used to do and I won’t sleep,” he spoke softly venting about how things had been, how he knew it affected him. It felt oddly good to same them out loud, his heart feeling a little lighter from it, he just held Ava closer and wiped his eyes quickly.​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava snuggled in closer around Vader. "I know. It's how you defend yourself. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did," She ran her fingers through her hair. "I was just... feeling really vulnerable because of things at home and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, Timmy." She hugged him closer for a moment.

She listened quietly as he talked, her heart aching for her best friend as he opened up about his life before. "I'm sorry, Timmy," She murmured, still running her fingers through her hair. She wasn't sure if it was for him or her, but it helped keep her relaxed. "I won't press you for details," She continued softly. "But I've known for a while that something goes on in your dorm. I know you don't want to tell me, and that's okay. But Timmy," She bit her lip and pulled back, making him look up at her. "Do you remember how quickly you threw yourself into that fight, how you just got between them and me, even knowing you would be hurt?" She ran a hand down his face, "Vader, I've been struggling with those emotions for a very long time. Seeing you hurt, seeing you so exhausted, I know something is happening. But I've never known what. If you aren't ready to tell me, that's alright. Maybe it's knowing I'll jump in that's stopped you from telling me. I don't know." She sighed and rested her head back on top of his. "We're family, always. I love you." She sighed, "And even if it doesn't mean the same thing at home, just... I will always be right here for you," She tried not to cry. She was so tired of always crying.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader listened as she spoke, he wanted to tell her that was justified to react as she did, that if he hadn’t lied to her, she wouldn’t have felt like that. That it was his fault, he should’ve realised she was vulnerable and thought about someone other than himself, but he pushed those thoughts down. He hadn’t really expected her to respond to what he said but hearing the apology almost made him sob in response. He almost told her it was okay, but it felt empty to do so, not when he knew that his pretending it was okay when it wasn’t was part of their problem, and perhaps his mind said, it was time to recognise that none of it had been okay. Vader almost told her that there was nothing going on in his dorm, but she looked at him and he couldn’t do it. He would be lying to her if he did, and he was handling it. She couldn’t know that he was but he was. He listened as she spoke to him, leaning into her touch. Of course she was understanding, of course she understood a part of why he didn’t mention some things to her. Vader sighed a little and pulled her closer to him. He leaned in and pressed a small kiss on her forehead, ”I love you too,” he knew that he wasn’t telling her in part because he did worry that she’d get in the middle of it, and part because he didn't have to admit that it was happening all over again. Instead he just nodded, ”I’ll tell you soon, I promise,” Vader said, and he wasn’t lying, ”If I go see the nurse about my sleep, would you come with me?” Vader asked with a quiet voice, he could no longer go at it alone, he needed the extra support Ava would provide, if only to prevent him from lying or downplaying it.​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava hummed lightly as Vader kissed her forehead. She smiled, really smiled for what felt like the first time in forever. She pulled back and brushed his hair from his eyes. "Of course I will," she reassured him. "We can go tomorrow." She nodded decisively. She gave him her best smile, but it faltered as it settled in that this was real, they had made up, she didnt have to miss him anymore. She let out a weary sigh and scooted in, laying her head against his chest. "I've really missed you," she admitted quietly. "Its been hard." She bit her lip and sniffled. "Break wasnt easy. Before the fight..." she trailed off, burying her head in his chest. She still struggled to come to terms with what had happened when she'd gone home, and now that she wasnt so focused on Vader, the hurt and insecurity pushed it's way back to the surface.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader nodded and then sighed, ”We should go after halloween, I really don’t have time this week,” he told her honestly, he was in part putting it off already but he knew he needed to go, but he also knew he had a limited amount of time and didn’t want to end up going when he still had a lot to do that would benefit if he was awake most of the night. He listened as Ava said that things were hard, that things had been hard. He knew in all of his problems he was forgetting that he wasn’t the only one with problems. He knew Ava had a lot going on and could’ve spent more time focusing on that than him. Of course she’d lashed out at him. He didn’t want to push her into talking about it, but perhaps it might be good. ”What happened?” he asked softly, he let his hand move vague, rubbing little circles of what he hoped were comfort. He wanted to be there for her, to find out how things had been to be able to talk with her about them. To help her. ​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava nodded. "Alright, after Halloween. Give you time to adjust to actually sleeping again before the next big event." She paused as a thought occurred to her. "If you need me to, Timmy, I can help you with your things. Like, be your assistant or something. It might not be much, but maybe it could help take at least a little off your plate," She smiled.

Ava relaxed into his touch, drawing comfort from him. "Do you remember when I told you my dad was dating Arthur's mom?" She hesitated. "A few days before I saw you, I went to see her. Only, my dad was already there. I... I didn't want to interrupt so I turned to leave, and I... overheard them. They got engaged, and I was really happy at first, Kami is a really nice lady, I like her, but... but then she told him..." She hesitated again, biting her lip. She let out a shaky breath. "Kami is pregnant," She told him softly. "And they weren't going to tell us. I... it gave me time to pretend to be happy when they finally told us just before coming back, but... I just..."

Ava sighed and burrowed closer to Vader. "It was so hard when I found out about Emily. Then Arthur. But we were all the same, he left all of us, with or without knowing, and we only recently got him back. But the baby..." She sniffled. "What am I supposed to do? I was scared when we found Emily that he replaced me, and now I'm sharing him with even more people." She sniffled. "And knowing he was lying, knowing he was keeping things from me, it just... it's why I wanted to see you, I was scared and hurt and I didn't know what to do, and then you lied too and I just... I snapped, and I'm so sorry," She whispered.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader was comforted by her offer, he wasn’t sure that he would ever take her up on it, at the very least he didn’t need to worry too much about the others in Accio thinking less of him, but people would just seem how he couldn’t manage if he needed an assistant or just help from a friend and he didn’t want to lose what he had. Vader would at least give it some though, since he needed it to get easier, especially as he got older and it got more important to focus on his classes, he would just always need to balance more, after school perhaps it would be easier for him, but then that was in a full three years and he couldn’t sustain where he was, unless he figured out how to get back under his control. But with Ava as an option, which he had always thought she probably would be, would be helpful. Vader just listened as she explained what had preceded the fight in her life. He could tell as she spoke exactly why it had affected her so. Why it had been this occasion that she had reacted like she had to his lie. He had selfishly - like he seemed to do most things - believed it far more to do with him, but perhaps it wouldn’t have happened if things in her life had just been a bit calmer. ​

​

Vader shook his head, ”it’s okay Ava, you don’t need to apologise,” he replied to her with a small smile on his tired expression, trying to assure her if he was looking to him that he understood. It wouldn’t be easier to deal with those things. ”You know that your father loves you and won’t love you any less just because he has more people in his life. I don’t love Padme less because I have Leia,” he knew that her family were different, that there had been a difference in the addition of family members that she and they were older, but perhaps that would be helpful. Though she probably already knew it, ”Plus, you know you will always be a part of my family, even if we’re fighting, you’ll always be welcome there,” he told her, he didn’t expect that they would ever fight again, but he knew his parents would accept her into their home regardless of them. ​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava listened to Vader. She knew he was right. She sighed, snuggling closer. "Oh, Timmy, you sound so tired." She murmured, stroking his hair. "It's you and me, no matter what. We'll get our apartment and make a living off your photography and my art." She hesitated. "I... I don't know how many of our classes they'll let me take next year. I can't focus. It's so hard, I know my grades are horrid... when do you study? I know Alice has that group but it's not often enough to really help," She sighed. If he was being honest, she probably should too. "I've... also been thinking maybe I could try dating someone. Someone nice. To make me forget," She sighed again. "Is that bad?"

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader just nodded smiling towards her when she spoke. It was nice to think of how much better his life would be when he finished his education and he would be free to more calmly do what he needed to. Somehow he still thought he’d end up stressing over things, but least then it might only be a couple of things. He listened when she spoke of her classes, ”maybe it’s not so bad to do fewer classes,” he had taken more classes in third year and dropped one when it was clear he neither needed it and when it truly wasn’t helping him overall. ”I study whenever I can,” Vader replied softly, ”Often I study at night, when I can’t sleep,” he told her, ”Either I lay awake until the sun comes up or I revise. Revising at night helps keep me on track when Accio’s busy, and it makes my nights feel less pointless,” he always ended up being more tired the next day when he revised but he tended to not feel as bad. ”It’s not bad, it can be good to move on, or try to.” he replied, ”Who were you thinking of, if you had your sights set?”​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava hesitated. "But we take all our classes together," She said softly. "It was hard enough sitting behind you this semester, I don't like being apart," She admitted softly. She paused as he went on about his sleeping habits. Instinctively, her arms tightened around him. He hadn't been kidding when he spoke of how bad his sleep was. "Vader," She breathed, kneading her fingers in his hair. Her heart ached. There had to be something they could do. "If the sleep potions don't help, will you tell me?" She asked quietly.

She sighed as he inquired about what she had in mind. "I don't know," She bit her lip, "Every time I try to think of it, I... I just see him. But he's always so horrid to me. That can't be what love is, can it?" She sighed, snuggling closer to Vader. "I want someone who's sweet, and soft, who brings me flowers and kisses my nose. I didn't know that was too much to ask," She could feel her eyes starting to drift shut. It was in that moment she realized the music box had gone quiet. She reached up and wound it up again.

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader shook his head, ”We don’t need to take all of the same classes as much as I do enjoy having you there,” he assured her, he liked having her in the classes with him, it was nice to have a friend next to him, but if she was struggling and needed to do less he wouldn’t be annoyed by it, it was what she needed to do for her. Vader leaned into her fingers knowing that she wouldn’t be happy to hear that sometimes he just lost track of time and simply forgot to even go to bed, it just got difficult to him, there were nights when he just knew he wouldn’t sleep and in some of those occasions didn’t even both trying. He just nodded, ”I’ll tell you,” he promised her. The gryfindor wasn’t sure he wanted to jump straight to potions but the idea of a few nights of steady good sleep was enticing. Vader wasn’t sure how to help Ava in trying to find someone else, he didn’t have many male friends. There was Goku, but….he didn’t want to offer that. Vader wasn’t sure what to say in response to her question of love, he didn’t love Pho, and he hadn’t loved Isabelle. No matter how he’d tried. ”I hope you find someone who does that for you too,” Vader told her, and he did wish that for her. He heard the music box start up again and felt his mind settle enough to close his eyes. ”That isn’t too much to ask Ava. It really isn’t,” he told her, he yawned deeply and sighed contently. ”You’ll find someone and maybe I will too,” he added, really feeling that now he could fall asleep.​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Godmod approved by Emzies

Ava sighed. "I'll try to study better." She pouted a little. "No way am I not taking classes with you." She let out a soft sigh as he promised to tell her, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Thank you," She sighed, humming lightly as he spoke again, almost pausing at the last thing he said. She almost dug into it, but she felt so tired. She felt relaxed for the first time since the fight. She didn't feel absolutely miserable, and between his warmth and the music box there was no hope for her. She sighed softly, snuggling in closer to Vader as she felt herself starting to drift off. Her eyes fluttered shut.

She didn't dream, but when her eyes fluttered open again, she felt... disoriented. Had they fallen asleep? She and Vader were still curled up together, but it felt odd. She was starving. And the light in the room was odd... her eyes widened, the light in the room was like it was when she wandered in to practice in the early mornings. Like... before breakfast early. She shook Vader's shoulder gently. "Timmy? Timmy!" She whispered, trying not to giggle. "We fell asleep, it's tomorrow," She poked him again. "Come on, we gotta get up."

 

[Vader Hume]

Vader had managed to settle down into some sleep, his exhaustion finally catching up with him fully and he’d let it all crash at once. So when his shoulder shook gently, he groaned. He didn’t want to wake up yet, but it was enough to actually get him awake. He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He had slept it seemed for the whole night and he still felt exhausted. He groaned when she poked him and he curled a little into himself, but he knew he wouldn’t fall back asleep. It was just had to wake up. Vader eventually raised his head a little and then pushed himself up into a sitting position. He yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes. ”God, ****,” he muttered seemingly angry at himself for sleeping so much, he was hungry and thirsty, but there was so much to do, he’d lost so much time by sleeping so much. ”I gotta get some coffee,” he muttered, ”Then I should get back to accio,” he was in his mind listing how he would get everything done, he was already thinking that it might be a better idea if he didn’t even attempt to sleep that night to make up for all the time lost. Even if he knew that he’d only over slept a little, and he did sorely need it. But he didn’t move to his feet, he remained sat there for a moment. ​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava stretched, moving to wrap her arms around Vader again and cuddled against him. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didnt mean to fall asleep, it's just been so hard since we fought and I missed you so much it was just really nice having you back," she kissed his cheek. "Maybe food and coffee and then I can come help you with your stuff? Since I messed everything up. Or I can just come along and read, if that's okay with you?" She didnt want to leave him alone yet.